by Jon Scieszka
“EEEK eeee,” said Major Fluffy very slowly and carefully so Michael K. could type it in. “Eeek weee eee weee.”
Umber read the translation over Michael K.’s shoulder. “ ‘That is it. You are exactly right.’ ”
“Exactly right about what?” said Michael K.
“Weeeek eeek eek eek. Eeeek eee eee eeeek.”
“ ‘There are networks bigger than Spaceheadz already on Earth.’ ”
“Eeeek weee eee eee ekekeke.”
“ ‘They are networks of your Earth animals: elephants, whales, and ants.’ ”
“Eeeek weeee weeee eee ee eee ee.”
“ ‘Just as you have in your science book.’ ”
Michael K. fell back in his chair. “No.”
“Yeek!”
“Bigger?”
“Yeek!”
“And we could use their power to cancel out the chief’s Red-Hot Ray power?”
“Yeeek yeek!”
“Wow,” said Umber. “The answer was right in front of us the whole time!”
“But how do we contact the ant, elephant, and whale networks?” asked Michael K. “How do we get them to help us in time to stop the chief at Graduation tomorrow?”
Major Fluffy smiled.
“Breeeee bee beee! Beoooooowuuuuuoooooooooo! Tap tap taptaptap!” said Major Fluffy, speaking Elephant, Whale, and Ant all together.
With Michael K. and Agent Umber translating, Major Fluffy quickly explained
• The Anternet
• The E-lephant
• The World Wide Whale
“Eeeek weeek eee eeee weeee eeek eee eke ek ekk ek eee weee.”
“ ‘Ants and elephants and whales have had their networks for millions of Earth years. Everyone knows that. But they do not like to be bothered.’ ”
Michael K. smacked his fist in his palm. “But if they don’t help us, it’s their world that will disappear too.”
“Weee eeek eeek eeek eee. Eeeek eeek eeeeek eeek.”
“ ‘So we must contact ants, elephants, and whales.’ ”
“But how do we do that?” said Umber.
Michael K. pointed to the spaceheadz.com web page.
“Our Spaceheadz. We get everyone who ever signed up to send out the call.”
“Eeeeek eeee.”
“ ‘Genius.’ ”
Michael K. quickly built a “spaceheadz.com Red-Hot Action” page and posted it on spaceheadz.com.
Calling All Spaceheadz
We Need Your Help NOW!
We must contact
1. Click a box.
2. Stare at image for 12 seconds.
3. And say out loud:
“Anternet, Anternet, Anternet,” or
“E-lephant, E-lephant, E-lephant,” or
“World Wide Whale, World Wide Whale, World Wide Whale.”
Agent Umber rubbed his head nervously. “Can our Spaceheadz do it? Will they get the message out in time? Will this work?”
“It better work,” said Michael K. “It’s our very last chance to save the world.”
The bull elephant wrapped his trunk around the red and white stake hammered into the ground.
With one mighty pull he yanked it out of the ground.
The chains on Mom K. and Dad K. were now attached to nothing.
“Glooo glah,” Baby K. thanked the elephant.
“Bree breep bree,” he trumpeted, and nodded.
“I’m not sure what’s going on with these elephants,” said Dad K., throwing his chain over his shoulder. “But they look like they know exactly what they are doing.”
The bull elephant offered Dad K. his trunk as a step, then lifted Dad K. onto his back.
Another elephant lifted Mom K. and Baby K. gently onto its back.
“It’s like they all got a signal or something,” said Mom K.
The small herd of elephants and the Family K. rumbled off down the road into the night.
Four enormous black whales with white throats, flippers, and underbelly markings rocketed completely out of the water by the light of the dock.
They landed with a giant smack on the water and a wave of their V-shaped tails.
“Yep,” said the old man. “Humpbacks. And they want you to follow them.”
A chorus of high-pitched whistles and echoing shrieks vibrated in the cold night air.
“How do you know?” asked Delta.
“They just sang it to me,” said the grizzled old man. “That’s why I untied you. Now you better get going, pronto. Something big is up.”
One of the whales poked its head out of the water not five feet away from the DarkWave X stealth boat and looked them over with its giant eyeball.
“This whale team is on a mission,” said Foxtrot. “And we are with them. Full speed ahead, Delta!”
“Aye, aye, skipper,” said Delta. And he cranked the engines to catch up with the pod of whales streaking away in the gray Alaskan night.
The whales shrieked and clicked and moaned.
The old man sang to no one but himself:
“Give me some time to blow the man down!”
Hot Magenta crouched down on one knee on the trail.
She could not believe what she was seeing.
As an AAA agent, she had seen some pretty strange sights around the world. But this was the strangest sight ever. And she knew it was meant for no one else but her.
There was a sign on the ground.
The sign was in the shape of an arrow pointing north.
And the sign said:
But that wasn’t the strange part.
The strange part was that this sign was made entirely of ants. Living ants. Hundreds of thousands of millions of ants. All of them pointing and moving north.
“Okaaaay,” said Hot Magenta.
Because what else do you say to an army of ants that has just delivered a message to you?
And she followed the army ants into the night.
Eeeeeeeeee,” squealed the microphone on the wooden platform set up in the yard of P.S. 858.
The crowd of moms and dads and little brothers and sisters sitting on folding chairs sat up and looked to the front.
A banner stretching the length of the platform spelled out in bright, hand-colored letters
A smaller banner stapled to the bottom of the first spelled out in ragged black Magic Marker
“Welcome, welcome, welcome,” said the little, bald man at the microphone. “I am the new principal. And I am so excited for our ceremony today!” he said in a high, squeaky voice.
The crowd clapped politely.
A first grader cheered, “Hooray!”
“Yes, ‘hooray’ indeed,” said the chief/principal. “This has been a long time coming. And it is going to be the start of something very big.”
The chief stopped and waited until he got more applause.
He was starting to like people applauding him the way they were supposed to.
The chief smiled in the warm spring noontime sun. Then he turned and motioned to the four kids and machinery onstage.
“Today I have with me four special fifth graders from Mrs. Halley’s class. They are Venus, TJ, Bob, and Jennifer.”
“Hooray!” cheered the first grader again.
“Okay, knock it off, kid,” said the chief/principal. “They aren’t even doing anything. They are just standing there.”
And that was true.
The four kids next to the big black egg-shaped thing onstage were just standing there, perfectly still.
“These SP—uh . . . I mean, fifth graders are going to help me with our new beginning.”
The chief/principal looked up over the crowd, searching for one particular person.
He looked back at the stage and so did not see that particular person, Michael K., skateboard up and hide behind a tree right next to a giant doughnut.
“Because every new beginning starts with an ending,” said the chief/principal. “And even though th
is ending might be tough on some persons, it’s going to be very exciting for someone else who has lived on this planet for a very long time and who will now RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!!”
The chief/principal paused.
The crowd clapped even though they had no idea what the chief/principal was talking about.
The chief checked his watch. Then he looked over to the stage again. “You see,” he explained, pointing to the giant red ray-gun-shaped thing. “That is a Red-Hot Ray. It is powered by a three point one four million plus one Brainwave.”
The crowd murmured. Now they were getting confused. What did this have to do with fifth-grade graduation?
The chief continued, “And I have three point one four million of that Brainwave.” The chief pulled out his sparking blue snow globe. “I have it right here. But I need one more something from one fifth grader.”
The chief looked out over the crowd.
He still did not see the one fifth grader he was looking for.
Michael K., still hiding behind the tree, looked up and down the street. Nothing. He looked up into the sky. Nothing.
“And if I don’t get that one something,” said the chief/principal, “I am going to have to change the channel on these four.” The chief pulled out what looked like an ordinary TV remote and pointed it at Bob and Jennifer and TJ and Venus. “Their Energy Waves will be rearranged. They will become nothing more than a bad smell.”
Now the crowd was completely confused.
“Is this part of the fifth-grade play?” said a mom in a yellow sundress.
“If it is, the principal is a very convincing bad guy,” said a dad.
Michael K. looked at the giant doughnut. “We can’t let him do this.”
The doughnut shook his head. “You can’t stop him. We have to wait for the Anternet, the E-lephant, and the World Wide Whale.”
“Eeeek eeek,” said Major Fluffy.
“It didn’t work,” said Michael K. to the giant doughnut with the hamster in his pocket standing next to him. “We didn’t get to them in time. It’s all over.”
The chief walked across the stage.
The crowd watched in silence, still thinking this was the strangest graduation ceremony ever.
The first and second graders in the audience started wiggling.
The chief stood in front of Venus, TJ, Bob, and Jennifer. “Any last words, Spacedoofs?”
“CHOPS AND SLICES!” said Bob.
“TONES AND SHAPES!” said Jennifer.
“DO THE DEW,” said TJ.
“ADVANCED MEDICINE FOR PAIN,” said Venus.
“Perfect,” said the chief. “Brains like mush.”
He raised the Wave-Changer remote and—
“Wait!” yelled a voice in the back of the crowd.
The chief paused.
Michael K. ran up the aisle and hopped onstage.
“I can’t let you do this to my friends. Let them go. I’ll give you my brain wave.”
“How nice,” said the chief.
“Don’t do it, Michael K.!” yelled the giant doughnut in the audience.
“Eeeee eeeeek!” said the hamster in the doughnut’s pocket.
“Why is there a doughnut in the play?” asked the mom in the yellow dress.
“I don’t know,” said the dad. “But he was in the kindergarten play, too. I think he is the school mascot.”
“Let my friends go. Take my brain wave. And let’s get this over with,” said Michael K.
“Finally,” said the chief.
“Do it!” said Michael K.
The chief lowered the Wave-Changer remote. He took out the Spaceheadz Brainwave globe.
“All you have to do is click here,” said the chief.
AGREE.
“And then it’s all over.”
Michael K. paused.
He looked all around one last time, hoping to see someone, something, anything, riding to his rescue.
Michael K. saw only confused-looking moms and dads and kids.
He was going to have to do this on his own.
Michael K. clicked on AGREE.
Michael K.’s plus-one brain wave sparked into the globe.
The snow globe instantly supercharged to a blinding, powerful electric blue.
The fire button on the Red-Hot Ray lit green and displayed
“Yes!” yelled the chief. “Yes, yes, yes!” He spun around in a little circle. “I have the full Brainwave! I fire the ray, and I am ruler of the universe!”
The graduation crowd applauded politely, hoping this was the end of the strangest graduation performance they had ever seen.
Michael K. hung his head.
He walked over to the IWANT Pulsar and gave it a solid kick, knocking it off the stage. The humming black egg cracked open on the concrete and exploded in a mess of wires and circuit boards.
The WantWaves stopped.
Venus, TJ, Bob, and Jennifer looked around like they had just woken up.
“Michael K.,” said Venus. “What is going on?”
“I’ll tell you what’s going on, Spacesuckers,” said the chief. “You are done! Michael K. just handed over the final plus-one brain wave. The Red-Hot Ray is ready to fire. And this is the End.”
The chief grabbed the firing handles of the Red-Hot Ray.
“Not one hundred percent natural!’ said Bob.
“Not one hundred percent organic!” said Jennifer.
But they were too late.
The chief pulled the triggers.
The Red-Hot Ray unleashed a wave powered by the full 3.14 million plus one Brainwave.
And you would not believe what happened next.
by Willy and Hugo
Willy and Hugo raced into the kitchen, bug-eyed wild and stuck-out-hair crazy.
“Bam!” yelled Willy.
“Kaboom!” yelled Hugo.
They ran into each other and wrestled into a heap on the floor.
“Boys, boys, boys,” said Willy's mom. “What are you doing? Did you have fun with your grammy and grampy at the graduation ceremony? What in the world happened?”
Grammy and Grampy walked into the kitchen following Willy and Hugo. They looked a bit bug-eyed and crazy haired too.
Willy and Hugo explained everything.
“The principal made a giant ray gun.”
“And he was going to change the kids’ channel to make them poof like a bad smell!”
“And then Michael K. said ‘I will save you!’ ”
“And he knocked over the thing!”
“But then the bad guy tricked him.”
“And Michael K.’s friends were sad.”
“And the giant doughnut.”
“And the hamster.”
“And then the bad guy shotted the giant gun.”
“BRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZ!!!!!”
“And he thought he won!”
“But then—”
“BWEEEEEEE!” said Willy, crawling around on his hands and knees. “Boom, boom, boom, boom.”
Hugo scrambled after Willy like a bug. “Ack, ack, ack, ack!”
They both jumped up and started pretending they were floating and flying around the kitchen table, singing, “WEEEEEEOOOOOOOO, WEEEEEEOOOOO, WEEEEOOOOOO!”
“And then RRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr!”
“And ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzz!”
Hugo and Willy wrapped their arms around each other and spun in circles.
“Spaceheadz for life!”
“Spaceheadz for life!
“SPACEHEADZ FOR LIFE!”
“SPACEHEADZ FOR LIFE!”
“BAM!”
“KABOOOM!”
The little guys fell on their backs.
“Then he tried to get away!”
“And Michael K. wrestled the principal.”
“And sucked him right into the glass ball with a TV changer!”
“So Hooray! SPACEHEADZ FOR LIFE!”
“Wow,” said Willy and Hugo’s mom. “You boys have the most strange and
wonderful imaginations.”
Hugo and Willy did have strange and wonderful imaginations.
But for the first time ever, what Willy and Hugo imagined was not as strange or wonderful as what really happened.
What really happened was this:
The chief pulled the triggers. The Red-Hot Ray unleashed the full and almost unbelievable power of 3.14 million plus one brain waves networked together.
Every leaf of every tree in the school yard stood on end. The trees themselves bent backward. The metal folding chairs vibrated and half lifted off the ground, as if they were about to follow the blast up into the sky and off into deep space. The graduation parents and kids hung on for their lives.
“Oh, no!” said Venus. “Planet Gonf is doomed!”
“Oh, yes,” said the chief. “And your planet gets turned off next. This is your End. My Beginning!”
“I am having a very hard time following the plot of this graduation play,” said a mom.
“The evil principal said this is the End,” said a dad. “I think it is a metaphor for destruction and rebirth in change.”
The giant doughnut with the hamster in his pocket climbed onstage.
“But why does the doughnut have a hamster?” asked the mom.
“To represent the squeakiness of life?” guessed the dad.
“That makes no sense.”
The monster power wave pulsed away from the playground of P.S. 858 into space, bending light, colors, and time.
Michael K. fell on his hands and knees.
“Too late . . .”
Bob and Jennifer stared up into the sky.
“Nothing can stop me now!” yelled the chief.
But he was so wrong.
Because just then the ground shook. The air itself throbbed with a beat so low it was not heard, but felt.
“BWEEEEE BWEEEE!” came a sound.
Michael K. looked up
“Eeek wee eeek eeek,” said Major Fluffy.
