by Natalie Dean
Bernadette was not sure what to say to that. She felt a sudden urge to tell Matt about Frank, the Bible hidden away in her drawer at the ranch. About how she had prayed for the first time in years after his death.
But, these small revelations came too close to her revealing the secret she held in her stomach. She needed to keep that a little longer. So, giving him a small smile that she hoped was sympathetic, she remained silent.
Soon after that, they left the cemetery, bidding farewell to Pastor Rhodes.
From there, he’d taken her to see the abandoned farm house that he planned to purchase. The house was wooden, small and a bit worse for wear. But, Matt was convinced that they could fix it up in no time. And, Bernadette found that his enthusiasm for the project was infectious.
“I’ve been researching the types of crops that grow well here,” he said. “Potatoes are supposed to be hardy. We should be able to grow plenty of them. Then, of course, there’s livestock.”
“I must add, I have always dreamed of owning horses of my own,” Bernadette admitted.
“Oh, we’ll have plenty of those,” he said. “Horses are no great expense out here. It’s the saddles you need to worry about.”
“Saddles?” Bernadette asked looking at him confused. She had never imagined that a device to ride a horse would cost more than the animal itself.
“Yes,” Matt said. “A good saddle will run you over forty dollars. A good horse is ten or less.”
“I suppose one learns something new every day,” Bernadette said with an impressed smile. She was rewarded by the half smile Matt sometimes gave.
As they turned back towards the ranch, the child in Bernadette’s stomach kicked once again. She knew it had to be her imagination but, she thought the kicks had become more forceful over the past three days. As though the baby was telling its mother that she couldn’t keep this hidden forever.
Putting a hand to her stomach as naturally as she could, she almost made the decision to tell Matt right then and there. But, the longer she left it, the more awkward it would seem.
So, they rode back to the ranch mostly in silence. Though, occasionally, Matt would proudly point out some landmark or homestead she should become familiar with. None of these served the purpose of opening a discussion about children or family.
When they arrived back at the Ranch, Bernadette took Matt’s hand to step off the carriage. The warmth of his callused palm was still there, just as it had been the first day they met. But, now, she was starting to see the warmth matched in his eyes as well.
“Should I walk you back to your room before I head out to the cattle?” he asked.
Bernadette shook her head, she had no desire to return to her room just now. There was little to do there but think about her situation and how on earth she was going to make it known.
“I think I may head into the main house,” she said. “See if Billy needs any help with the cleaning.”
“He doesn’t mind doing it himself, you know,” Matt stated. “Besides, I wouldn’t want you in the habit of cleaning a house that isn’t yours.”
Here Bernadette gave him a slight eye roll though, she felt more than a bit touched by his concern.
“If I’m going to be the lady of my own household, I had better start working as soon as possible,” she said. “It will be good to practice at any rate.”
Matt gave her that reluctant, half smile, the one that didn’t reach his eyes. She’d just realized that in the three days she’d known him, he’d yet to give her a smile that seemed genuinely happy. He always either appeared sad or far away.
None the less, Bernadette gave him a half smile in return and made her way into the house.
Banging noises from the kitchen told her where Billy was cleaning in an instant. Even though little Billy took on most of the household tasks around the ranch, it was clear that he had little aptitude for them. This was confirmed when Bernadette walked into the kitchen to find a small pile of frying pans had fallen from a cabinet.
Billy looked up at her wide-eyed, his face flushed with embarrassment. A rag hung limply from his hand, and black soot covered his face.
“I came to see if you might need some help,” Bernadette said looking around at the chaotic kitchen. It was evident from the mess that Billy could use all the help he could get. None the less, he gave her a small smile as though trying to hide the fact that he was in over his head.
“Oh, no ‘mam,” he said. “I think I’m all right in here. As soon as I get this cleaned up, I’ll be just about done.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?” Bernadette insisted. “I’ve finished all the knitting I can in my room, and I’d like to prove useful while I’m here.”
Billy bit his lip as though wondering whether he should accept her offer. Finally, he seemed to decide that his need for assistance trumped his male pride.
“Well, Mr. Miles did ask me to straighten his office for him,” he said finally. “If you wanted, you could take care of that.”
“Of course!” Bernadette said feeling more than enthusiastic. She’d been aching for a chance to take a look at Mr. Miles’ private records since the first dinner she’d shared with him.
Billy gave her the key which she took gratefully and, grabbing an extra dust rag and broom, she made her way across the hall and behind the normally locked wooden door.
Once there, she found a room larger than any of the others in the house. It contained a desk, of course, but also a fireplace and a comfortable looking sofa and set of chairs.
The desk, she decided would be the best place to start.
So, taking her dust rag, she moved over to the handsome wooden structure with several papers strewn about. Considering it her duty to straighten these, she did so. However, she was also careful to flip through each one in case it held something of relevance to either herself or Matt.
It did not take long for the paper she had been looking for to reveal itself.
The top was clearly an application for a bank loan. And, there in pen and ink, Mattathias Jacobs had clearly filled it out in his loopy but very precise handwriting. She recognized it well from his letters.
There was no mistaking it. This was the application Mr. Miles was supposed to have given to his friends at the bank. This was the application that had apparently never made its way there and, if Mr. Miles had his way, likely never would.
Mr. Miles wanted to keep Matt working on his ranch until the day he died.
Quickly setting the other papers down, she rolled the application up and kept it in hand as she dusted and straightened.
She would show this to Matt. He couldn’t be so blind as to ignore his employer’s treachery once he had seen this.
She finished dusting the last shelf on Mr. Miles’ bookcase and made her way towards the door. Before she could reach it, however, it opened.
“I’ve just finished,” she said, expecting Billy on the other side.
However, it was not Billy who greeted her.
Instead, she was met with sharp black eyes, the fake and ostentatious smile she was used to was gone entirely.
It was replaced by a frowning sneer as Mr. Miles looked from her face to the rolled-up application in her hand.
Chapter Six
“When Billy told me you had volunteered to straighten up my study, I can’t pretend I didn’t suspect something like this,” he said closing the door, his hard black eyes never leaving her face.
Bernadette swallowed hard but stood her ground. She did her best to focus her own brown eyes on his black ones as she answered him.
“I don’t suppose you would mind explaining what this is,” she said, holding up the bank application. “But, I suppose it is fairly self-explanatory.”
“Is it?” he asked. Though his eyes still looked harshly into hers, he sounded as though he was only mildly interested in what she had found. Like he was asking about the weather.
“I think so,” Bernadette said, keeping her voice as ste
ady as she could. “It must be difficult to find decent hands on a ranch so far removed. I imagine that, when good help comes along, you would be very reluctant to lose it. So, reluctant, that you might just concoct an elaborate lie about helping Matt get a loan from the bank to secure a farm. All the while hiding his application in your office.”
Mr. Miles’ smirk widened as he made his way towards her.
“Let’s assume for a moment, that is true,” he said. “And I am not conceding that it is. But, even if it were, I must say I am surprised by your sudden concern for Matt.”
“And why is that, Mr. Miles?” Bernadette asked. “I am his fiancé after all.”
“I think we both know there are extenuating circumstances that necessitated that.”
“And what might those be?”
Bernadette knew her voice was shaking now. She moved her fingers to the wedding ring still on her right hand and began to twist it nervously. Mr. Miles’ didn’t miss the gesture.
“You still wear your dead husband’s ring,” he said.
“And what of that?” Bernadette asked, pulling her fingers over the gold band as though to hide it from Miles’ gaze. “Many widows keep their first wedding rings. Even after remarrying.”
“Especially in the first months after their husband’s death,” he conceded. “Your husband passed on, what was it? Five months ago? Less than a year, at any rate.”
“I do not see what that has to do with the matter at hand,” Bernadette said. She tried to keep her voice as strong and neutral as possible. Even so, she was half ashamed of herself for moving her hands absent-mindedly over her stomach as though trying to hide the secret she carried there.
Once again, Miles’ eyes were sharp and followed her movement.
“It has quite a bit to do with the matter at hand,” he said. His eyes remained on Bernadette’s stomach. “If you are accusing me of tricking Matt by keeping something important from him, I’m afraid I must accuse you of the same thing.”
Bernadette’s heart began to beat quickly in her chest. Swallowing hard, she put up a fight to keep warm, embarrassed blood from rushing into her cheeks.
“You see, Bernadette,” Mr. Miles said. She realized vaguely that it was the first time he’d used her first name. “Women who so readily agree to marry a man they’ve never met do so for only two reasons. The first is that they are running from some trouble at home. And the second,” here his eyes traveled down to her stomach again, “is that they’re in trouble of a different sort.”
“Now I must ask what you are implying, Mr. Miles,” Bernadette said. Her voice was small and carried a definite nervous shake even though she’d tried her best to make it sound as strong as she could.
“I’ve been watching you over the past few days, Bernadette,” he said. “You don’t seem to be running from anything. The ring on your finger means that your husband’s death was no lie. That combined with the fact that your…chest…is quite a bit larger than your small figure would indicate,” he glanced down at Bernadette’s chest, a lecherous smile on his lips. She felt the sudden urge to cover herself. “I take it your late husband left you with something you would rather not tell your new fiancé about.”
Bernadette swallowed hard, and now it was impossible to keep the flush from her cheeks. She had been discovered. And, what was worse, she had been discovered by this man. This horrible, swindling, slimy excuse for a man.
Even so, the pride her parents had instilled in her forced her not to give into him so easily.
“Assuming what you say is true, Mr. Miles, and I am not conceding that it is,” she said, echoing his words. “What business would it be of yours?”
“I could ask you the same question with regards to that application,” he said. “If you choose to become involved in this…issue regarding the bank and the farm…I may just feel compelled to make your condition known. I know Matt well. And, I know he does not take well to being lied to.”
Bernadette’s eyes hurried to the floor as she tried, frantically to think of some way out of this predicament.
“But,” Mr. Miles said, “if you put that application back down on my desk and let me handle things with the bank as I see fit, then your secret is safe. That is, until you decide to tell your fiancé.”
Silently, Bernadette cursed herself. She should have known this web of lies would cause her trouble in one way or another. And now, here she was. Forced to choose between keeping her secret and keeping hold of her dream of a farm and family.
Given a choice between the two, she knew which one she had to choose. Still, she could not reveal her hand to Mr. Miles.
“Well then, Mr. Miles, it seems you leave me no choice.”
With great hesitation, she placed the application back down on the desk.
When she looked up, Mr. Miles smiled at her. She couldn’t help but feel proud that she’d detected a hint of relief in that smile.
“Wise decision,” he said. “Now, I suggest you go into the kitchen and help Billy with dinner. I’ll tell him to let you assist.”
He opened the door for her and raised his hand to escort her out.
Bernadette gave him the most insincere smile she could before moving towards the door. As she did, she made sure to indiscreetly drop the dust rag behind her. That would give her a reason to go back into the office the next morning. She was certain Billy would accept that.
As Bernadette made her way out of Miles’ office and back towards the kitchen, one thought danced through her head. She knew what she had to do.
Still, fear gripped her heart.
As she reached her room once more, she sat down on the bed and pulled Frank’s Bible from its drawer.
Opening it, she traced the words of his favorite verse several times before closing her eyes and offering another prayer.
“Dear God,” she said. “Help me to be strong and courageous. Like Frank would want me to be. Help me tell Matt what I need to tell him.”
Chapter Seven
“Why would you keep that a secret?”
Matt’s eyes were wide in surprise more than disgust. He sat in the large, cushioned chair in the corner of Bernadette’s room while Bernadette paced back and forth in front of the bed. Her late husband’s Bible was clutched against her chest. As though the words inside it were propping her up and keeping her from falling.
Be strong and courageous.
“I…I knew a child…particularly another man’s child…was a great responsibility,” she said hesitantly. “Most men would not wish to take it on. And I…I was desperate.”
Matt nodded, his lips pursed tightly together. His eyes moved away from her and down to the floor. A sudden sense of panic rose in her chest.
What if he told her that he wasn’t prepared to take on another man’s child? What if he decided he didn’t want a wife who would lie to him about something as big as this?
The silence grew between them, and Bernadette could feel the tension mounting with each breath she took. Unable to bear it any longer, she looked down at the ground. Hugging the Bible more tightly to her chest, she allowed a silent prayer to echo in her mind.
‘God, please. Let him say something. Anything.’
The silence continued. And, assuming that her prayer had not been answered, Bernadette took a deep breath and spoke.
“I suppose, if you like, I can leave in the morning.”
“What do you mean?” Matt asked. She didn’t look up at him.
“I should have just enough money left to make my way back to Philadelphia,” she said.
The feeling in the room shifted perceptibly. Though Bernadette still focused on the Bible, the hand still bearing her dead husband’s ring resting on top of it, she could feel the energy around her change.
“Is…is that what you want?” Matt asked quietly. “To leave?”
She looked up to see Matt staring at her. Surprise and a little bit of hurt lined his blue eyes, and his brow was furrowed in confusion.
“I�
�I thought that…given my condition,” she began tentatively. “You might wish to relieve yourself of such a responsibility.”
“But, do you really want to leave?”
He looked straight into her eyes insisting that she answer the question. Bernadette bit her lip, unsure how to answer. The truth was, she didn’t want to leave at all. Of course, she had always known that she did not wish to return to Philadelphia. But, now, her reasons had changed.
When she first arrived on this ranch, she was determined to make things work for the sake of the child. Now, when she thought about leaving this wild, beautiful country; when she thought about giving up the little farm Matt had shown her just outside of town; when she thought about never seeing Matt again; never seeing those blue eyes light up when he talked about their future; never again seeing that smile filled with warmth…a deep, empty ache filled her. And, she knew now, that this was not only because of the child.
So, with her eyes fixed on his, she shook her head.
“No,” she said. “No, I don’t want to leave.”
His shoulder’s relaxed and his eyes softened. The corners of his mouth looked as though they were about to lift into a smile but didn’t quite manage it.
“Good,” he said. “Then, I only have one more question for you.”
“What is that?” she asked.
“Why now? Why would you wait so long to tell me about the baby and then choose to tell me tonight?”
Bernadette took a deep steadying breath. Somehow, she knew that telling him about Mr. Miles would be harder than telling him about her pregnancy. After all, he had so much respect for his boss. All the boys on the ranch seemed unfailingly loyal.
Even so, Bernadette knew she had to tell Matt what Mr. Miles was truly up to.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be Afraid.
‘God, please, help me,’ She said the silent prayer once again. Feeling a small sense of peace come over her, she took another breath and told him her story.
