It was destroyed. I started to cry. “The proof I needed to prove Chris had a father is gone. That was cruel and unkind. That was my paper. You had no right.”
“I just gave up my rights. You can go on with your life. Marry again. I won’t stop you. Write back to your ambivalent barrister.”
“That was all I had to prove Chris had a father. How could you?”
“Chris doesn’t need a claim to the past. He needs someone to love him and shape his future. His cousin Wycliff will do that. I’ve established my position and your widowhood to all that matter.”
“That was my proof.”
“I’m the proof. That piece of paper ties you to C. A. Wilkinson, Chatsworth Adoniram Wilkinson. There’s nothing to hold us together, just as you wanted.”
“I didn’t say that.”
He started for the door.
I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t know how to make him stay. I was desperate for him not to walk away.
“Wait. I just need time.”
“Four years apart isn’t enough?”
I ran to him and put a hand to his shoulder. “You aren’t this good. You can’t love me this much. It’s not possible.”
“Everything is possible if you believe. I believed in us.” He kissed my hand. “You’re free, Ruth. My half is gone. Only you and I know that a young couple committed to loving each other in sickness and in health. In death, I did not part.”
I wrapped my arms about his shoulders so he couldn’t leave. I was gentle because I knew his neck was so hurt. “You were always so dramatic.”
“I’ve gone to hell and back. It should be allowed. You’re free.”
“How am I free? You’ve had weeks to know that I was alive. And you’ve been deliberate in making me fall for Wycliff. This is your own fault.”
He turned his face, holding a gambler’s grin, like he’d bet everything and won his nick. “I’m listening.”
“You know who your enemies are. I need to prove mine.”
“Madame Talease is your villain. She bought you when you sought help. She made you one of her girls.”
“No, she didn’t. She’s dying. That’s what Mrs. Johnson came to say. She wants to make amends, clear her ledger entries of all the things unsaid. She sent me a note, telling me good-bye, but she didn’t answer my questions.”
“She wants to repent from selling flesh, for selling yours?”
I shook my head at him. Wycliff didn’t understand. I had to make him. “I need to see her, and you need to take me to her, tonight.”
“She’s an hour from London.”
“Yes.”
“No, Ruth. Not now. That road is isolated. We’ll be vulnerable. The same people who attacked us before could do so again if they know we leave London. I can’t cover that much ground with grooms.”
“Then no one will know we are going.”
“It’s not possible. I’m watched. No, Ruth.”
“You have faced your enemies. You’ve made peace with what was done to you. I need to do the same. Madame Talease knows what was done to me.”
“I don’t care what you did at Madame Talease’s. I don’t need to hate any more people.”
“But this is my story, Wycliff. I want you to hear all the pieces. Then you can tell me what to do. I want my enemies to be in terror like yours.”
“If I refuse?”
“You were already out that door. Since you destroyed the registry, you can’t stop me from going myself.”
He shook his head. “That long stretch of road by yourself is ridiculous. You’ll be anxious. You’ll not make it.”
“If I had my protector with me, I would be fine.”
“They’re watching here. You could be put in jeopardy again, Ruth. You can’t do that.”
“The wild child is going to do the wildest thing. I’m going to Madame Talease. I need her statement. I need you to hear it.”
He looked down at me, and I felt the anguish rippling through him.
“As much as I want to say no, I know you, Ruth. When your mind is set, you don’t stop. It’s best I go with you. That way if things go poorly, we might actually die together this time.”
He pulled away. “Let me check with Lawden, to see what protections we can put in place. Be ready to go in an hour.”
Wycliff left me.
I was terrified, but I was determined. I needed truth. I needed it above everything.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Secrets and Shadows
I should’ve left my spectacles at home, then I wouldn’t have had to witness Wycliff’s discomfort. The unflappable man seemed so tense. He kept peering out the window, cupping his hands to his eyes, hunting.
The farther his carriage moved from London, the more he shifted.
I put a hand to his knee, and he jerked.
“You are so uneasy.”
“Yes. This is foolhardy. We should’ve waited until next week or the week after.”
“Madame Talease is dying. She may not have next week.”
He put his head back on the seat. “Yes. Mrs. Johnson, who hates me because her husband has died, convinces you to go out of town tonight. I’m still stupid.”
“Madame’s letter to me said the same. What is wrong, Adam, Wycliff, Adoniram?”
“No one calls me Adoniram.”
“No Adoniram?”
“Go ahead. Tease me. You sound so confident teasing me. Someone needs to be confident.”
I was. The panic that I lived with wasn’t there, at least not now, but that wasn’t my doing or anything special.
It was Wycliff. He’d taken me out of the house so many times that this felt natural, sitting with him, being in his shadow. He’d helped me spread my wings. It was all him, his support and the strength of his love.
I wondered if his support would remain when he’d heard the truth. I knew pieces, but Madame knew it all. Wycliff and I needed it all.
His head bowed. His hands clasped together with a slap, his fingers forming a steeple. That should have been calming or reassuring, but everything about his form seemed stiff. “I don’t like things unplanned, Ruth. I never did.”
His raspy voice was rougher, like a washboard, or silk catching on nailhead trim.
“You act like something will happen.”
“Isn’t something always happening? I just wish to be more prepared.”
“You’re always confident, always in control. You don’t seem so now.”
He wrenched at his cravat. “And that is horrible and weak.”
“No, human. Makes me think you might actually need someone and not just an ornament to decorate your Blaren House.” I eased to his side. “I like you human.”
“And that is appealing to you? I’ve seen my mortality. I’ve witnessed you die. We have this second chance, and we’re taking this risk. You haven’t learned anything. I definitely have learned nothing.”
“None of this makes you weak.”
“Ruth, it makes me an expert in loss. I never planned to lose again.”
“Then why did you burn up my half of the registry? That was an unnecessary loss.”
“It gives you what you want. To be free of a marriage that has caused you nothing but pain.”
He sat up and did his checks again out each window. “If we make to it Talease’s and back, alive, you’ll have what you want.”
“Must everything be so cut-and-dried?”
“Ruth, this is my world. Then you come in and twist up everything.”
“It is a wonder why you loved me all these years.”
“Oh, it’s no wonder. You’re the one for me, Ruth. It’s always been that way. Then I let things get ruined.”
“Going to Madame Talease ruins things?”
“Ruth, every outing that I’ve taken you or Christopher on has been thoroughly surveyed by my grooms. I make sure that even the Croomes are protected, because they are associated with me.”
“Are you given to conspiracies
?”
He looked at me and bit down on his lip. “How much suffering would we have been spared if I’d taken you to Scotland or if I had waited to marry until my affairs were in order?”
Oh, my goodness. He blamed himself as much as he blamed me. “If we had waited, things would be different?”
“Yes, except I’d still be miserable, Ruth. I wouldn’t have had you. The best fortnight of my life was eloping with you. The second best was six months of walking with you on the docks by the warehouses. Now you’ve given me more walks and garden parties. I’m happy.”
That was why Wycliff could always get to me. He knew the precise thing to say to make me fall into his arms. He was so sure of us. That had always been the way.
I wished I was as sure. I had been once. Then all the bad had happened. “I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t be careful.”
“Good, because that I will not change, no matter what you ask of me. As soon as this is done, I won’t bend again.”
His tone held a sense of bitterness.
“You have lied and sweettalked me this whole time to get me to do what you wanted, but you are upset.”
“You didn’t seem to mind.” He mopped at his brow that glistened. “When have you ever listened, Ruth? You get something in your mind, and it’s so hard for you to do anything differently.”
“No, that’s not right. For four years, I did everything everyone else said because I thought my judgement wasn’t worthy. I was compliant and muted and chained to act as my family thought I should. Only since you returned have I been coaxed back to me.”
“Lucky me.”
I clasped his hand. “No, Wycliff, lucky me. I need this. If you can’t see this, stop the carriage. Let me out. I’ll walk to Talease.”
“You’re being ridiculous. Do you honestly think I would risk your safety? What if your nerves become problematic being out in the open?”
“I might struggle and freeze, but if I have to crawl to reach the truth, I will.”
“Then I will help you get your trouble. If we return unscathed, let me help you get into safer trouble, like dinner with paint fumes.”
I didn’t like the sarcasm in his voice. This was the wall between us, something dense with only cracks letting light through.
Once we had the truth, all the final pieces, then we’d see if this wall shattered. I’d know if Wycliff and I could be together.
…
Wycliff’s carriage stopped about a mile from Madame’s. I didn’t take his arm. We walked in silence, making it to her bawdy house as the sun started to descend.
The setting sun highlighted the gray and pink stones of the wide house.
Then the memories started.
I’d been so sick, so hurt when I’d arrived at Madame’s. My ribs had been so bruised I could barely breathe.
One broken arm that had needed to be broken again to be set right.
And so many cuts and bruises.
Hurting in places that should never be seen. Men should die for their terror.
“Ruth.” The raspy voice crept up my neck, worse than the burn of a man’s coarse shirtsleeve lodged against my throat.
“Let me help you up the stairs.”
“Don’t touch me.” I jerked away, then remembered it was Wycliff behind me. “I mean, I can do it.”
He fell back a step or two, and I went forward—climbing, fighting.
The doors to the bawdy house opened. Music and cigar smoke welcomed me. “We’re here to see Madame.” My voice was low. I had to repeat myself.
A young girl played hostess. “She can’t be disturbed. She needs her rest.”
“She’ll see me. Tell her Ruth Wilky is here.”
Another courtesan disappeared, then returned. She pointed us up a set of scarlet carpeted stairs.
I knew those stairs. I remembered being carted up them and discarded like a sack of rotten potatoes.
“Ruth, I’m right behind you.”
I heard Wycliff. His voice was a little louder than the noise in my head.
I nodded and hoped the wild gesture masked my shakes. This place had healed my body, but not my eyes, not the empty space in my chest our attackers had killed.
Somehow, I went that final set of treads and knocked on the door to the main bedchamber.
A weak welcome told us to come in, and we pushed inside.
Lavender walls. Jasmine-scented air.
A big framed walnut bed with mermaids carved in the posts.
Swamped in lace and pillows was my dying friend, Madame Talease.
This lanky woman with titian red–colored hair had proudly proclaimed she wasn’t marrying no duke, so she’d use her charms to take their money. Her bawdy houses specialized in the exotic—foreign women, Blackamoors. “Ruth,” she said, “Ruthy Wilky, what are you doing here?”
“Milly said you’re not long for the world. I had to come.”
“Ah, my Spanish señorita, Miss Milly. That’s a smart girl with numbers.”
I sat on her wide bed and took up her hand. “Do you hurt, ma’am?”
“Of course, silly. Everything does. How’s that boy of yours? I heard you had one.”
“Big. He’s a good boy.
“What did he end up looking like? I’m fascinated by the by-blows. White as a ghost? Dark as your pa?”
“His skin is light, like my mother’s, but his eyes are mine.”
“Good,” Madame said and closed her eyes. “I told you that the baby would have your eyes when you birthed him. No hideous mole, either. I told you.”
“No. No mole. My son is perfect.”
“Mole?” Wycliff balled his fists. He shifted to the window.
I hoped he didn’t punch through the glass.
“Ruth, who’s the brooding man?”
“Lord Wycliff,” I said, and I looked at him. There was tension and strain in his jaw.
“Wycliff, the whip-swinging man. Thank you for closing down that bawdy house in Mayfield. Peers need to travel for their enjoyment.” The woman cackled and coughed. “Ruth, why did you come?”
“I need proof. I need you to say who brought me here. I never asked but I need the answer now.”
“You and your possessions were sold to me, but your father paid me back.”
I heard Wycliff growl, but I waved at him to quiet. “Who sold me?”
“It’s been so long, Ruth. I don’t remember so much.”
Wycliff came near. “A group of men attacked Ruth and her husband not so far from here. Was it Soulden Wilkinson?”
“It’s so hard to remember, young man. Maybe if I had something in my hand.
The woman was dying, yet she was determined to get a coin out of Wycliff.
“What is it you want, Talease?” He was behind me. I could feel the anger radiating.
“Something to help me focus, Lord Wycliff.”
“Give her coin. A guinea will make her focus. I remember that.”
He pulled a shiny coin from his purse and placed it in her fingers.
Her palm wrapped about it. Her smile became bright. “I remember now. Ruth, it was early in the morning. The sun hadn’t risen. A group of men had you. They sold you.”
“Was one Soulden Wilkinson?” Wycliff asked. His raspy voice sounded more strained.
“No. But his boy Nicholas was one. Ruth was all bloody and beaten. We had to clean her. Disinfect her from their abuse. Men can be so horrible to a woman. They’d had at her and beat her bad.
Wycliff started to pace. “Had at her?”
“Yes, I bought Ruth from them. They would’ve killed her or left her to the elements to die, if I hadn’t. My girls must choose to work for me. Ruth had been hurt so bad, she’d never work for me.”
I held my friend’s hand tight. “I wasn’t strong when I left, but I’m stronger now. And my Chris is just mine. He’s nothing of the nightmare.”
“They came looking for you more than a month ago. I told them you had died from their abuse. Then
I sent that trunk.”
“You sent it.” I looked at Wycliff, then back at Madame. “Milly said she did.”
“Milly is an opportunist. I sent it so you’d be warned.”
“Nicholas Wilkinson sold you, he used you, and came back to get you, my Ruth?” Wycliff’s hands shook.
“Never forget that mole on his lip.” Madame coughed.
I couldn’t breathe. My head felt light. Images of that day, each of the thieves, took over my reason.
Wycliff put an arm about my waist. We trembled together.
“I’ll fix this, Ruth. You could’ve told me. We didn’t need to come.”
“Now you have proof. Proof that your cousin was horrible, that all those men were horrible. This is why my love for Adam died. He left me no proof that my Chris was his. Adam’s secrets made it seem as if Chris belonged to them. He’s too good to be theirs.”
The sound of a carriage arriving drew his attention to the window. “We have to go. There’s some company I’m not prepared to see downstairs.”
I held Wycliff in place, my hand on his. “Madame have you seen Cicely Wilkinson? She’s my sister-in-law. Young girl, mulatto.”
“No one by that name. I’d know.”
“Ruth, we have to go.” Wycliff picked me up and brought me to the window.
I saw a black carriage and three men looking around.
“No wonder you had Lawden park away from here. And pointed the carriage in the right direction for escape.”
Wycliff winced. His fists balled, but that arm stayed about me. “They watched me, until I made a mistake.”
“Listening to me was a mistake?”
He didn’t answer. “Madame, I didn’t mean to bring trouble here. Is there another way out?”
“My closet. There’s a hidden staircase for my important guests to leave.”
I ran and kissed Madame’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“Sometimes trouble comes for you. There’s a peace I’m holding to. You’re younger, you have more time to find it. When you do, don’t let go.”
Wycliff’s arm wrapped about me again.
Knocking sounded.
“Let me put something on,” Madame called out. “Let me get decent.”
“Out through the closet with you two.”
Wycliff opened the door and shoved me inside.
“Baron, you want your coin back?”
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