“Oh no.”
“Surely this is a strange conversation,” he said, frowning toward the fireplace. “Let us finish it. Consummation, Alexandra?”
“I know a little bit. I asked Melissande, but she—” She stopped when Douglas suddenly sucked in his breath. She felt a shaft of pain, deep and raw. He had thought of Melissande making love with Tony and it distressed him. But what could she expect?
“What did she tell you?”
He was trying to downplay his reaction, she would give him that. “She didn’t tell me much of anything. She said it wasn’t proper but then she got all flushed and stammered and I was left not knowing what to think.”
Douglas pulled a loose gold thread from his sleeve. “It is common knowledge that Tony is an excellent lover.”
“Common amongst whom?”
“At first amongst ladies, but then they talk to other lovers and husbands, and the gentlemen learn who amongst them enjoys success.”
“So the more excellent the lover the more women the lover enjoys? It doesn’t matter if he is married or not? Or if she is married or not?”
Douglas frowned. It was the accepted way of things, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to tell her so. He said only, “I suppose so.”
“What is an excellent lover? A man who is kind? A man who is very gentle? A man who kisses very well?”
“All those things and much more.”
“It would seem to me that those things and much more would require practice and a good deal of experience.”
“They do. Tony has years of both.”
“And you?”
“I, too.”
“And Ryder?”
Douglas laughed. “Ah, my younger brother was probably born an excellent lover. He has but to show himself and the ladies, as well as the females who aren’t ladies, swoon and flirt and simper. However, he tends to forget himself in his own pleasure.”
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind. Later. Perhaps when you know a bit more about things than you do now.”
“Is it common knowledge you are an excellent lover?”
“I trust so. I have never been a selfish pig and I am careful to see to a woman’s pleasure.”
“You don’t make it sound very enjoyable for yourself if you are being so careful about everything.”
“Nature has dictated that sex is very enjoyable for a man, no matter the circumstance. It is to keep the race going, you understand. Pleasure is not necessary for a woman since she is only the recipient of a man’s seed, and thus doesn’t have to play an active role. She was deprived by Nature. It is a pity, but a man, if he’s an excellent lover, will overcome Nature’s oversight. I do enjoy overcoming.”
“Even if you don’t particularly care for the woman?”
“I don’t generally have sex with women I don’t care for. Except on rare occasion.”
Well, she had asked and he’d told her the truth, a bit baldly perhaps, but it was the truth nonetheless.
“Yes,” he continued, “for a woman, more care is required if she is to—” He broke off, then added, “I enjoy watching a woman find her release.” He stopped at the look of pain in her eyes, intense pain and hurt. What the devil had he said? Perhaps it was just a maiden’s fear. She didn’t understand, but she would before this night was over.
Then she closed her eyes. “Then I shall forever be compared to all the beautiful women you’ve known and watched and enjoyed. And because I am ignorant and not a diamond, I probably will never find out what this release is all about, and you will be displeased with me. And then I will always lose and you will always feel sorry that you are wedded to me.”
“But you just quoted to me that you are graceful with a narrow waist and white teeth. Ah, and handsome.” He paused a moment, then said very quietly, “As to release, I will give you such pleasure that you will shriek with the joy of it. As for the rest of what you said, it’s drivel.”
“I don’t know, Douglas. Perhaps when you begin this business, you will be sorry that I am the recipient of your excellent technique. You will feel as though you are wasting your excellence on such as me.”
“I doubt that, for I have seen you and touched you and cared for you and your body pleases me, Alexandra. Very much. I am a man and not a boy. You may trust that I will take good care of you, that I will do what is just right at just the right moment to give you pleasure.”
“It sounds very cold-blooded to me.”
He only shrugged. It was, upon occasion, but he didn’t intend to tell her that. “Do you know that this is all in all a very strange conversation to be having on one’s wedding night? And that’s what this is, Alexandra. Now, shall we?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t think so. Douglas, wait. Did you really want to come to me tonight?”
“Damn you, Alexandra, it’s enough that I am here! It goes with me accepting you as my wife. No, don’t look at me as if I will kill you.” He grasped her arms and pulled her off the bed. “Sit down now,” he said, then proceeded to push her down upon the counterpane. Her feet didn’t touch the floor. They were bare, narrow, nice toes. Her nightgown was virginal; she looked about sixteen. But she hadn’t braided her hair and it was really quite lovely, that deep red color, the waves thick and full, falling down her back. She’d brushed it and that must mean that she’d expected him to come to her. It was something, at least. Douglas took a step back from her and began to unfasten the belt around his waist.
“Oh dear, what are you doing?”
“I’m going to show you what a man looks like,” he said and tossed the belt to the floor. Very slowly, he shrugged one shoulder and then the other out of the dressing gown. It fell to the floor and he kicked it away from him. Then, still looking at her directly in her eyes, he straightened, his arms at his sides, and stood there naked.
“Oh goodness,” she said, her eyes immediately on his groin.
“I am not at all like you,” Douglas said. He was watching her closely and he saw her eyes widen and glaze a bit. “With you looking at me with such interest, I tend to become quite enthusiastic. My brain has nothing to do with it.”
“Oh goodness,” she said again.
Still he stood there, letting her look her fill at him. Finally, to his relief, she nodded, as if coming to a decision. He hadn’t the foggiest notion of what his next step would have been had she continued to look at him as if he were going to kill her.
“Your nightgown is in the way. Let’s get rid of it.”
He didn’t wait, but pulled her to her feet to stand in front of him. He leaned down, grasped the hem of her nightgown and pulled it over her head. “Now,” he said, “we are in the same boat, so to speak.”
“You’re very dark and hairy and big.”
“Yes, and you’re very white-skinned with no hair at all except between your thighs. Lovely, that.”
“Oh goodness.”
“Touch me, Alexandra. I would appreciate it very much.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere that pleases you so long as it’s between my chest and my thighs.”
She pressed the open palms of both hands against his chest. Black hair crinkled against her flesh. She felt the thud of his heart, slow and steady. Slowly, very slowly, her hands came down.
He sucked in his breath. His sex grew thicker. His hands fisted at his sides, but he forced himself to stand still, to let her keep the control. He would be frightening her soon enough. When her hands were against his belly, his sex was throbbing and he prayed now that she wouldn’t touch him.
“You’re very big, Douglas.”
He smiled painfully. “That’s true, but you will learn that a man is made to give a woman pleasure. It is his role, that, and spilling his seed inside the woman.”
“I can’t believe this will work.”
Then before he could think of anything to say, her fingertips lightly touched him. He jerked and moaned.
“Did I hurt you?”
“Yes and it was wonderful. Don’t touch my sex again, Alexandra, else I might embarrass myself.” Douglas couldn’t believe it. He was the man Ryder accused of being a cold fish, the man who would control himself with an angel, and it was true. He’d never had to fight for control in his life. Yet she was touching him and it was making him crazy. He’d been without a woman for too long, that was it. But he hadn’t, not really.
“But you are so—”
“So what?” he said between gritted teeth. Her hands were hovering over him, her face lowered, and she was looking closely at him, and he suddenly saw her on her knees in front of him, and she was going to take him into her mouth. He could practically feel the warmth of her breath on his sex. To have her take him into her mouth—the thought made him tremble and shake, and in that moment, he simply couldn’t bear it any more. He couldn’t call up a bit of cold-bloodedness. It was insanity and it had him. He jerked her close and pressed her hard against him.
“I want you,” he said against her mouth. “Part your lips, now, now, yes, that’s it,” and his warm breath was inside her mouth and his large hands were stroking wildly down her back and cupping under her buttocks. Then he was groaning into her mouth, his tongue touching hers, and he was pressing her upward against him and he was hard and hot and his hands were on her bare legs now, feverishly stroking upward, and his fingertips pushed against her buttocks and touched her. She flinched, and in that instant, he realized she was scared. She was stiff as a board.
Douglas got hold of himself. Too quickly, he was going much too quickly. It wasn’t at all like him. He was careful, slow, very deliberate, yet here he was, acting like a wild man. He, the excellent lover, was scaring the devil out of her. Ah, but he wanted to part her woman’s flesh and he wanted to thrust into her this very second, this instant, deep into her, and hard, but he’d told her he wasn’t a pig. Damn, he’d even bragged about how good he was to a woman. He had to gain control. She was a virgin and he wasn’t. He was an experienced man, he knew how things were to be done. This grabbing and pawing and panting wasn’t a sign of excellence. He drew a deep breath. He set her away from him and took a step back. He grabbed up his dressing gown and shrugged into it. He wouldn’t spill his seed too quickly and leave her to wonder how he could ever believe himself a matchless bedmate.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice raw and low. “I frightened you. I’m sorry.” Then he laughed at himself. “You won’t believe this, Alexandra,” he said, grasping her arms and stroking them, up and down and up and down because he had to touch her, just have contact with her. “Never, please believe me, never have I felt so frantic before, so damned urgent. It’s true and it shocks me that I could lose my control. I don’t like it a bit. It isn’t at all like me. You’re just a woman, truth be told, like any other woman, despite the fact that you’re my wife. I’m not lying to you, Alexandra. No, don’t look at me as if I’m a monster. I am not rejecting you, never that. That other time I was a fool and I want to make it up to you tonight. I don’t want to hurt you, to frighten you. God, your breasts are lovely.”
He was breathing hard, as if he’d just run to Northcliffe’s north field and back. His sex was thrusting outward still. Alexandra pressed her palm against his heart. Fast pounding. He wanted her.
And she’d acted like a stupid ninny, freezing up on him. “Please, Douglas, I’m sorry I’m afraid. I won’t act like a virgin again.”
He laughed and it hurt. “You are a virgin.” Yet he marveled at her unquestioned acceptance. She still looked wary, but also she was eager and he was more than eager to teach her.
“Come here.”
She took the three steps until she was standing directly in front of him.
“As you can see, I still want you very much. As I told you, I can’t control my reaction. Do you want to stay here or come with me into my bedchamber?”
“I want to go with you.”
Without another word, Douglas picked her up and held her tightly against him. Her breath was warm on his cheek and then she kissed him, a light kiss, one with her lips closed, a virgin’s kiss, an innocent kiss a girl would give her uncle, and it pleased him and drove him mad with lust. He dropped her to her feet and took her hand, dragging her into his bedchamber. Once there, he turned to face her and pulled her up against him. She kissed him again, this time on his ear and then she lightly bit his earlobe.
He ran the last few feet to his bed. He was breathing hard, and it was going to be touch and go. “Now, listen to me,” he said, forcing himself not to touch her, just to look down at her, sprawled in the middle of his bed. “I don’t want you to touch me or kiss me again. I don’t know what the matter with me is, but I can’t take it, Alexandra. Do you understand?”
Even as he spoke the words, he remembered again Ryder telling him he was a cold fish. Cold, ha!
Her eyes were large with astonishment as she stared up at him.
“I know you don’t understand, dammit, just tell me that you do, all right?”
“I understand, Douglas,” she said, and reached up to clasp her arms around his neck, drawing him down. He fell atop her, his mouth was on hers, and he was kissing her again and again, whispering for her to part her lips, and when she did, he groaned into her mouth, and didn’t stop. “Alexandra.” He said her name over and over, and he didn’t want to stop kissing her, not until he had no more breath, not until he was dead, and then he’d stop, maybe. He managed to jerk off his dressing gown, but the touch of her flesh against his sent him over the edge. He was on top of her, hard against her belly and he wanted to fit himself between her legs. He reared back and pushed her legs wide apart. He fell on her again and his sex was pushing against her and he thought he would die if he couldn’t come into her this instant, this very moment in time. He held on, but his tongue was wild in her mouth, deepening, his tongue touching hers, and the heat of her made his heart pound and speed up faster and faster. He raised his head and stared down at her. “I don’t believe this,” he said, and kissed her again. Her arms were around his back, her fingers digging into his shoulders, and she was moving beneath him and he jerked back to look down at her body, open for him, his for the taking, and he saw that she was pale, her face as white as her smooth belly, and he looked at her sprawled legs and felt himself tense and tremble, and he couldn’t believe it. He sat back on his heels between her legs and stared down at her. “You are incredible,” he said and his hands cupped her breasts, kneading them, and then he was leaning down, suckling her nipple and Alexandra, shocked, terrified until this moment, yelled.
Her back arched up, and at her response, Douglas went mad. His hands were all over her, everywhere he could reach, and he was pleased she was small and that his hands spanned her belly and at the same time his fingers were delving through the dark red hair that covered her woman’s mound and she was wet and he was so relieved, so maddened with lust, that he simply couldn’t wait to soothe her, to prepare her. He lifted her off the bed and brought her to his mouth.
Alexandra had no time for shock at this act. His tongue was hot and wet and all she could think of was, “Oh my God, something is going to happen to me!” And then it did, quickly, and she was screaming with the pounding and the scalding heat between her thighs and his mouth deepened and a finger gently came into her and she lurched up, her hands fisting in his hair and she shuddered and cried out and his words burned into her as she spun outside herself, yet deep into herself, and he was there, and he was saying, “Yes, come to me, Alexandra, come, come . . . yes. You’re mine now and that is a woman’s release . . . come.”
The powerful burning and clenching eased and in the next instant, his fingers were stroking her there, parting her, and then he was easing inside her and she wanted to tell him to stop because it hurt and she knew it couldn’t work for he was large and he would tear her, but his fingers were on her slick flesh again, probing and caressing, and she was sobbing with the power of it as he came more deeply inside her.
“A
lexandra, look at me!”
She stared up at him. His face was taut, there was sweat on his brow, he looked to be in pain, and he groaned, his powerful back arching, and he lunged forward, and she screamed for the pain was deep inside her, tearing, rending, and there was raw pain and more pain. He came down over her, balancing himself on his elbows, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was panting now, and he looked both incredulous and beyond reason, and he was pumping deep within her, hard and fast, and faster still, and the pleasure was forgotten and she was crying.
Then he froze over her. She was surprised that he was utterly still. She looked up at his face and saw the look of astonishment and intense satisfaction written there. Then he moaned long and deep, and his dark eyes were vague and wild and she felt the wetness of him at her womb. And it went on and on, and she was slick now and the pain had lessened.
Just as suddenly, he was lying on her, breathing painfully hard, crushing her into the mattress, and it was over and she was wondering what had happened and what more would happen. After some minutes, Douglas raised himself on his elbows. He looked down at her face. He stared at her for a very long time. He frowned.
He said finally, his voice harsh and angry, “My God, I don’t believe this. It shouldn’t have happened. It never has happened before. It wasn’t what I wanted, expected. Damnation!”
He pulled away from her, aware of her flesh quivering as he pulled out of her. He rolled off the bed and stood there for a moment, staring at her. “Go to sleep,” he said, and to her astonishment, he turned and left her, going into the countess’s bedchamber, jerking the door closed behind him.
CHAPTER
15
THE SCREAM BROUGHT Alexandra bolting up in bed. It was loud, piercing, and it was coming from the countess’s bedchamber, the bedchamber she wasn’t in. She jumped out of Douglas’s bed, realized she was quite naked, and grabbed the counterpane, wrapped it around her as she dashed to the adjoining door and flung it open.
The Sherbrooke Bride Page 19
