Chapter Sixteen
In the morning, I wake up feeling worse about myself than ever before. Just thinking about sleeping with Kaven makes me feel disgusting about myself. I’m not sure if I want to cry or throw things at the wall because I’m so angry. I went from my first real kiss to practically having sex with a guy all in the same night.
In the same hour.
Chloe realizes that something’s wrong with me, and refuses to leave me alone until I tell her what happened. When I’m done telling her everything, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that I hide my head again because I can’t even look at her.
She doesn’t laugh, or even smirk. She just sighs, and takes a seat next to me on my bed. “I’m sorry, Kylie. I know how confused you must be right now. You’ve never been in love before, have you?” I shake my head, and she smiles. “First love hits you like a ton of bricks, and it can completely knock you on your ass if you’re not careful.”
“What?” I ask, tempted to smile despite my shameful mood. A ton of bricks? Knocking me on my ass? What is she smoking?
“Every girl’s been where you are right now. If they say they haven’t, they’re lying. Just remember that. Any girl that’s ever been in love has wondered if she’s moving too fast, or she’s got the right guy or even if she’s ready to have sex.”
She sounds so grown up, so helpful, and so genuine that I start to actually feel better. She’s not judging me; she’s just trying to help me understand and, in this moment, I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful to a friend before.
“So, you’ve been in my place before?”
She nods. “Of course. I’m no saint, Kylie. I’ve dated before. Quite a few boys, actually. And each time I wonder if he’s the right one, and if he feels the same way about me, and if I’m ready to make the decision you considered making last night.”
I feel strange asking this, but I have to know. “Have you? Made that decision?”
She turns red, but shakes her head. “No, not yet. I know a lot of people here think I’m a slut that’s been with a ton of guys, but it’s not true. I do a lot of dating, but nothing really more serious than that. It’s actually why I get dumped a lot, because I won’t go as far as they want.”
“What if he tells someone?”
“If he does, just ignore it. Ignore whatever people say about you. They don’t know you, and they don’t know what you’re going through. Now, you should get off your ass and get ready for breakfast. You can’t train on an empty stomach. Believe me; people have fainted in the past for trying that.”
I give her a hesitant smile, but do as she says. It’s best not to argue with Chloe, because she has the annoying habit of always getting what she wants. It saves time to just go along with her demands. So, while Chloe’s dressing, I take a quick shower and try to think positively about today.
She’s gone when I get out, and I head right down to the dining hall. People stare at me as I walk by, and some even giggle, but I ignore them, because it’s nothing I’m not used to by now. When I sit down beside Tara and the others, I instantly realize that something’s wrong.
They’re all staring at me, like they pity me, and that makes me nervous. “Guys, what’s going on? Why are you all staring at me like that?”
Even Andrea looks like she might pity me, but nobody says anything. They just all share a look, and I worry that something bad happened.
“Guys?”
Morgan sighs, and is the first to speak. “We know about last night.”
I look at her. Did Chloe tell her? I can’t imagine the two of them standing close enough to each other to talk, so that’s out…
“Kaven told all of his friends that the two of you practically had sex last night,” Andrea says bluntly, earning a glare from Tara and Morgan.
“I thought we were gonna gently break it to her,” Tara hisses angrily. “Why do you have to be so damn inconsiderate?”
They start to bicker back and forth, but I’m not paying any attention. I’m too busy thinking horrible thoughts to hear what they’re saying. Kaven told all of his friends? Why would he do that? I thought…
“Kylie?”
“What do you know?” I ask, afraid because my voice has a strange, hollow-sounding quality to it that almost makes me sound dead. Dead inside, maybe.
Tara sighs and puts her hand on my shoulder. “One of Kaven’s friends bet him that he couldn’t get you in bed with him. To, you know, convert you.”
Convert me? This was all about trying to make me straight?
A wave of guilt crashes over me, and I feel like dying of humiliation. Kaven used me, and I actually fell for it hook, line, and sinker. It was probably the same exact line he used on a dozen other girls, and I was as stupid and gullible as all of them.
Even more so, because for one night, I actually felt beautiful and thought that he might have liked me for who I am. He was there for me, pushing me to keep going, even after my attack in the locker room. He never criticized me during training, and he never once doubted me when I told him I could do it.
It was all a game to him, and now everyone at Daray knows how stupid I am.
I ignore the rest of my breakfast, and head down to the gym. I’m not sure what I’m going to say to Kaven when I see him, but I can’t hold these feelings and pain in any longer than I have to. It needs to come out.
I pass a few people in the halls, and they all smirk at me as I walk by. I try not to listen to their nasty remarks, but each one feels like a stab in the back.
“What a slut.”
“What was she thinking?”
“She didn’t actually think that Kaven would really be interested in her, did she?”
“Whore.”
By the time I finally reach the gym, I’m nearly crying, but I bite my lip and refuse to let them see how much this hurts. Like they’ve never made any stupid mistakes before!
Kaven is waiting for me by the mats for my crunches, and his lips tilt up in a slight smile when he sees me. My stomach betrays me by filling with butterflies at the sight of him, and I try to stomp them down to get rid of them.
My feet carry me all the way to the mats and, when I finally reach him, I raise my hand. Without thinking, I slap him across the face as hard as I possibly can; I want him to feel everything I do with that one smack. The force of my hit causes him to stumble back a step and, as he raises a hand to his cheek, he looks at me with shock.
“Kylie–”
“You used me!”
I’m aware that all of the other Protectors in the gym have stopped training, and are busy watching us with gleeful expressions. Travis is in one corner, and he looks like he might burst he’s so happy. I ignore them all for now though, and focus on Kaven.
He’s searching for some kind of magical excuse that he probably already has prepared, hoping that it’ll make everything ok. Finally, he gives up, and just speaks. “Kylie, what are you talking about?”
“I know about the bet!” I scream at him. “You were trying to convert me, weren’t you? You told your stupid friends about last night, and now all of Daray knows that we almost…” I can’t finish that sentence, it’s far too painful. If I do, I might burst into tears.
“Kylie, wait, I only told Markus. I didn’t–”
“Didn’t what? Think I’d find out about your stupid bet? Well, I did, and so did everyone else. I thought last night meant the same thing to you that it did to me! How you could do this to me? You know what people say to me in the halls, and now you’ve given them even more ammunition to use against me.”
“Look, Kylie, I’m sorry! But Markus was making fun of you, and everyone was saying that someone needed to, to convert you, and I knew that if I didn’t do it, someone else would,” he’s pleading with me to understand, but I’m so angry I can barely see straight. “I didn’t want some other guy to do it, someone who didn’t even like you. He would have gotten you into bed with him just so he could humiliate you.”
I’m tempted t
o slap him again, but I clench my hands, and keep them firmly at my sides.
“You don’t actually think I would have slept with anybody else, do you? The only guy here that actually cares about me is Austin, and I know that he’s not interested in me like that. If anyone else came up to me at the dance, I would have laughed them out the door, knowing that it was all a game. I thought you…”
I look away so he won’t see me cry, and he puts his hand under my chin. “Kylie, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just didn’t want some other guy to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing, you have to believe me.”
“Well, I don’t believe you, Kaven. I know about your relationship with Tricia. You used her for sex, just like you were willing to use me.”
I turn around and leave the gym; training will be impossible today, considering everyone in the gym laughs at me as I pass. I feel like crawling into a hole and dying, but I know that won’t happen. For some reason, Selene has secret plans for me, and I can’t disappoint her.
That thought surprises me, and I know where I’m going. I duck out the door of the gym and make my way to the chapel, trying to ignore the beautiful wisteria trees that made me so fluttery and gullible last night. Thankfully, the chapel is deserted when I arrive, and I have the Goddess all to myself for the time being.
Jillian didn’t hold a nightly worship service because of the dance preparations, so it’s been a few nights since I’ve been in here. But as I kneel in front of the table, I feel like I’ve spent my entire life in here, and that doesn’t bother me. This room is so magical and beautiful it draws me in, and I feel perfectly at peace with myself and everything hard in my life.
I close my eyes and begin to pray.
Goddess, please, tell me what it is you expect me to do. I’m so lost and confused about everything. Tara will need a Protector someday, and nobody but her wants it to be me. I don’t understand how these people can all be so intolerant. What can I do to fix all of this?
I listen as hard as I possibly can, but no answer presents itself. Instead of feeling serene and guided, I almost feel pissed off. This is the second time I’ve prayed alone, and I still haven’t gotten an answer. I know she’s there, because Jillian’s prayers were answered.
Maybe she doesn’t care about me…
“Kylie? Are you alright?”
If anyone came after me, I was expecting it to be Tara. Instead, I find Chloe sitting in the front pew behind me and to my left. She’s watching me with a curious expression on her face, but she’s one of the only people that haven’t judged me today, and for that I’m eternally grateful.
“I’m fine.”
She sighs. “I heard from Tricia about your fight in the gym with Kaven. She’s particularly happy about it. She thinks it’ll get Kaven to come back to her, not that he was ever hers in the first place. Don’t tell her that, though.”
“Does everyone know?”
Chloe nods. “Yeah, they do. For what it’s worth, not everyone thinks you’re a slut.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I’m serious, you know. There are a lot of girls here that hate Kaven for what he did. You just think everyone’s against you right now because Tricia and her friends are the loudest. You can’t hear the people that are sympathetic towards you.”
That makes me feel slightly better, but not by much. So what if everyone here doesn’t hate me? I hate myself…
Chloe gets up and kneels beside me, much like Jillian did the other time I prayed. “Kylie, I’m here for you, I promise. And not just in private, anymore. Come on, let’s head back to the dining room, and you can introduce me to all of your nerdy friends.”
I gape at her, completely taken aback. “You want to meet my friends?”
“Any friend of yours is a friend of mine,” she says softly. “Kylie, I’ve been thinking a lot about our talks, and you’ve been right all along. It’s time for me to stop being someone I’m not. Now, are you gonna help me come out of the closet or not?”
That makes the two of us giggle, and we’re still smiling when we walk back up to the school, ignoring the stares from everyone as we pass. Chloe’s decision is going to make my problems look like nothing. She’s one of the most sought after girls at Daray, second only to Tricia, and she’s about to give it all up to publicly be friends with me.
Tara and the others are still eating when we reach the dining hall, and Morgan’s the first to spot Chloe with me. She nudges Tara, and everyone looks up. Tricia and her group have completely stopped talking, and I think they’re waiting for Chloe to publicly humiliate me or something.
Chloe stands there next to me, looking shy and uncomfortable. She gives everyone a timid wave, and says, “Hi.”
“Kylie, what the hell are you doing with Chloe? She’s a total–”
“Austin, the Chloe that you know is a fake. I know the real Chloe.” I look at her, and she nods. “I know the girl that reads Stephen King books, and volunteers at her local church and hospital, and who has really been there for me when I’ve needed her.”
“Kylie, you can’t be serious,” Austin says, looking at me.
“She’s telling the truth,” Morgan says. “I noticed something when we went dress shopping. She and Kylie were trying not to giggle during the fight with Tricia, and then she explained everything to me later.”
Chloe glances at me, and I shrug. “Morgan caught us at the dress shop, remember?”
She giggles, and Austin drops his mouth in surprise. “Oh, yeah. You and I were trying so hard not to bust out laughing, and she noticed us smiling at each other.”
“I had to explain everything to her.” Austin’s mouth is still hanging open, and I turn to him. “What’s the matter with you?”
“She giggled, she actually giggled, and she didn’t sound like an evil harpy doing it.”
Instead of glaring like he probably thought she would, Chloe just giggles again. She sounds like a happy little girl. “I’m not a harpy; I’m just good at pretending to be one.”
Tara and Austin look like they don’t believe us, and Andrea looks incredibly pissed. I wonder if Chloe and her group of “friends” have picked on her in the past. I guess I can’t blame them for not liking this, but I hope they can trust me.
Tara’s the first to smile and, even though it’s hesitant and uncertain, I feel a knot come undone in my stomach. “Well, if Kylie says you’re her friend, that’s good enough for me. Do you wanna sit down and have breakfast with us?”
Chloe looks relieved, and I realize that she was actually worried my friends wouldn’t like her. She sits close to me, and mostly listens as Austin, Tara, and Morgan talk about whatever they were discussing before we arrived. Everyone is still watching our table, but I get the feeling that Tricia and her friends are starting to suspect this isn’t some kind of prank.
Tricia gets up and struts over to our table, hands on her hips and a nasty sneer on her face. She looks pissed off, but also unsure about what to do and say.
She stops near my elbow, and glares down at us. “Chloe, what the hell are you doing over here with them,” she sneers at us like we’re garbage and unworthy of her time.
“I’m sitting with my friend Kylie, and she’s just introduced me to her friends.” Chloe stands and forces Tricia to take a few steps back. “You know something, Tricia? I have an announcement to make. Hey! Everybody listen up!”
The dining room goes quiet, and Chloe takes a deep breath before beginning. “I want you all to know something, something personal, and something about me. I’m not the heartless, manipulative bitch you all think I am. I’m a smart, caring, honest person; I just haven’t showed you that yet.”
Everyone is staring at her in open-mouthed disbelief. She wavers under everyone’s stares, but I put my hand on her shoulder, and she gives me a grateful smile. Then she faces the dining room and keeps talking.
“I volunteer at my local church, I play with the adorable kids at the hospital, and I feed the homeless on my wee
kends. I enjoy reading Steven King, Tom Clancy, and John Grisham. I’m not the selfish, rude, angry Barbie that you all think I am. Kylie and I don’t hate each other; in fact, she might be the best friend I’ve ever had. She’s the only person who knows the real me.”
The entire dining room erupts into loud whispers, and I can’t tell if they believe what Chloe’s saying, or if they’re as disbelieving as Tricia and her friends. Tricia is the first to recover, and she steps angrily forward until she’s standing face-to-face with Chloe.
“You worthless, thankless bitch. I gave you everything! I made you who you are, and this is how you repay me?”
“Back off, Tricia,” I say, stepping closer. “Chloe’s done pretending to be one of your brainless, heartless cronies. She’s decided to be who she really is, not who everyone thinks she is.”
“I’m not talking to you, you stupid whore!”
She reaches out to rake her nails down my face, and I easily catch her wrist. I twist it sharply until she cries out in pain, and tries to pull her wrist free of my hand. I tighten my grip and pull her closer. “I’m sick and tired of being called names, and I’m sick and tired of being treated like I’m worthless. It’s gonna end, now!”
She rips her wrist from my grasp just as I let go, and she stumbles backward, knocking over a chair and landing on her butt. Some of the people she’s tortured in the past start to laugh, and pretty soon everyone is joining in. Tricia is feared, admired, and desired, but she is definitely not liked.
She gets to her feet slowly and shakily. I can’t tell if she’s trembling from shame or repressed rage. She lifts a perfectly manicured finger and points at me. “You’re gonna pay for this, bitch!”
I take a threatening step forward. “Did you just threaten me?”
She backs away hurriedly, sneering as she does. “What are you gonna do about it?”
“I’m gonna make you regret ever being born if you so much as look at me or Chloe ever again! Do you understand me you psycho whore?”
She narrows her eyes, and I’m surprised she doesn’t start to hiss at me like some vile, serpent. She looks around though, and notices that nobody is left on her side except for her small group of friends, and she runs from the dining hall, trying to escape the humorous looks from some of the other residents.
When she’s gone, people start to cheer, and Chloe gives me a hug. “That was so awesome! I can’t believe she actually tried to hit you.”
I shrug it off like it was nothing and smile, but inside, I’m worrying. I just publicly humiliated Tricia, and she sounded really serious when she threatened to make me pay. Would she really be stupid enough to do something here at Daray?
The Awakening (Daray Hall #1) Page 17
