by Leslie Gould
Now she needed to sell what she’d made. A few customers trickled by, but no one stopped to buy anything the first half hour. However, several people stopped and bought the thin boxes Holly was selling.
Finally, Noelle’s curiosity overpowered her shyness. “What are those?”
“Advent calendars,” Holly answered.
Noelle’s expression must have given away her confusion because Holly continued, “Advent . . . the pre-Christmas tradition?”
Puzzled, Noelle shook her head.
“I know—the Amish don’t celebrate Advent. Neither do the Mennonites, which we are.”
Noelle was surprised.
“My mom grew up celebrating Advent, but then as a teenager in Mexico, she joined a Mennonite Church. Now we go to one a few miles from here.”
Obviously it was a liberal one. The girl was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt.
Holly continued. “Advent celebrates the coming of baby Jesus, during the four weeks before Christmas . . .” She pointed toward the five candles on the counter, all unlit. “The purple candles are for hope, joy, peace, and faith. And the white one symbolizes Jesus. That’s what my mama taught me. We light one each Sunday before Christmas.” Holly grinned. “Or flip the switch, for the battery-operated ones because we’re not allowed to light candles in here. I’ll”—she made air quotes—“‘light’ the one for hope tomorrow, the first Sunday of Advent.”
Holly held up one of the calendars and pointed to the numeral one. It wasn’t a normal calendar with grids. Instead it had little cardboard doors arranged around the painting. “Each of the twenty-five flaps has a verse printed on it, and inside is a piece of chocolate.” She put the calendar back down on the counter. “It’s a fun countdown to Christmas, but it also helps kids stay focused on the reason for the season.” She grinned again.
Noelle appreciated the lesson. She liked Holly. And not just because they shared a birthday.
Business picked up gradually with each passing hour, but it wasn’t as packed as Noelle remembered from when she helped before. Holly was keeping busy, but sales were slow for Noelle. An older Englisch woman stopped at her booth and asked what Noelle was selling. In her typical low voice, she explained. The woman proudly announced she was visiting Lancaster County and reached out and patted Noelle’s hand. “Try to smile and sound a little more enthusiastic, dear.”
Noelle grimaced.
The woman bought an apple pie, sticky buns, and a loaf of bread. “I’m going to compare your baking to mine.” Her eyes twinkled.
Noelle knew she should come up with a snappy comeback, but she couldn’t think of a thing to say except for “Have a nice day.”
The tourist gave her a smile and then joined another Englisch woman at Holly’s booth.
When Noelle and Jesse courted, she’d been more confident. She always felt more outgoing with him, and she had plenty to smile about back then. When he left, she grew even more shy than she’d been before. Mamm had told Noelle, or tried to in her post-stroke speech, not to let embarrassment isolate her. But Noelle couldn’t seem to help it. Her shame sucked all of her energy, except what she needed to care for Mamm and continue with the baking for the business.
Noelle stayed in her booth without a break, not wanting to miss any customers. She took bites of her sandwich as she stood, hoping for more customers, while Holly grew busier and busier as the day continued.
Finally, in the midafternoon, the girls watched each other’s booth so they could each take a quick trip to the restroom and grab a cup of coffee. Holly gave Noelle a truffle, and Noelle returned the favor with a sticky bun.
Noelle enjoyed interacting with the girl. Her best friend had been her niece Moriah, who was a couple of months older than Noelle. Her husband, Eugene, had been good friends with Jesse, and the four of them had gone on buggy rides and hikes together. But Noelle’s relationship with Moriah had grown strained in the last few years, especially after Eugene had died nearly a year ago. Noelle had tried to console her niece but to no avail.
Most of Noelle’s friends from school were either married or would be soon. Spending time with them just reminded her of what she didn’t have. After Jesse stayed in Montana, Noelle was too embarrassed to go back to the Youngie singings and volleyball games. She saw enough pity in the expressions of others at church. Soon, Moriah told Noelle that she’d heard, through the grapevine, that Jesse was dating an Englisch girl in Montana.
Noelle felt as if a half-grown calf had kicked her. Before that, she still hoped Jesse would come home, that they would make up and join the church together. And then marry.
But obviously those were no longer his plans.
She’d joined the church the next spring. Mamm and Dat thought that meant she’d forgotten Jesse, that she was willing to marry someone else. It meant nothing of the sort.
It just meant she was resigned to a life alone.
By midafternoon, Noelle had sold a quarter of the pies. She hoped the rest would sell and moved the boxes to the front of her booth, sure Salome would be nearly out of product by now. It appeared that Holly was out of calendars.
As Noelle bagged a pie, someone off to her right caught her attention.
Her worst fear had come true.
Jesse.
He wore Amish clothes and a beard that matched his sandy hair. Unintentionally her eyes met his. They were as bright blue as ever. She stepped backward, struggling to catch her breath.
Not only was he at the market, as she’d feared, but as indicated by his beard, he was both Amish and married.
She finished the transaction as her heart thumped in her chest. She hoped she could continue to function without crying.
As the customer stepped away, Jesse took the woman’s place. He held something in his arms. Noelle stepped backward again. A sleeping Boppli, wrapped in a pink woven blanket. The baby’s head was partly uncovered, but her face was turned toward him.
Noelle clenched her trembling hands. Jesse was a father.
Feeling as if her heart might stop, she turned away from him and toward a customer. Thank goodness her booth was the busiest it had been all day. “May I help you?”
As she handed the customer a boxed blueberry pie, Noelle looked behind Jesse, trying to spot his wife. Obviously he’d married an Amish woman—not the Englisch girl he’d been dating. But there didn’t appear to be anyone with him.
A man wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers hat stepped in front of Jesse. “Are you Noelle Schrock?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I’m Steve Browne—the manager of the market.” She guessed he was in his forties. “Your driver called. She can’t give you a ride tonight. Some sort of emergency came up.”
Noelle rubbed the back of her hand over her forehead, wishing Jesse would go away. She didn’t have any idea what to do now, and she couldn’t think with him so close.
Jesse stepped to the man’s side. “We can give you a ride.”
We. She shook her head but didn’t speak.
Steve, who seemed to sense her discomfort, nodded toward Holly. “I’ll ask if Carlos can give you a lift.”
Before Noelle had a chance to say anything more, Steve disappeared into the crowd and Jesse stepped forward again. “Let me give you a ride.”
The last thing she wanted in all the world was to talk with Jesse King.
“Noelle.”
She couldn’t fathom how he could seem so familiar and so foreign all at the same time. The line of his jaw. His baby blue eyes. The way his hair curled along his forehead, ruining his bowl cut. It was as if he’d never been away. But he’d left her and married someone else. And now had a baby daughter in his arms. She turned toward the customer to her right, willing herself to remain calm.
Jesse stayed put, even after Steve returned and announced that Holly said Carlos could give her a ride. Noelle thanked the man and helped the next customer. A baby cried and Noelle realized it was Jesse’s. Where in the world was his wife?
A f
ew minutes later, he finally left, without saying another word. God willing, Salome would recover quickly, and Noelle would never have to see Jesse again.
CHAPTER TWO
At six o’clock, when the bells rang to signal the market was closing, Noelle tucked the money box into her purse and then quickly packed up the leftover loaves of bread, sticky buns, and pies—far more than what she’d hoped for. It was obvious she wasn’t as good at sales as Salome. She’d only sold a couple of loaves of bread and a few boxes of sticky buns.
The manager wandered down the aisle, asking vendors if they needed help. His baseball cap was backward now, and it appeared he was as eager to go home as everyone else. Noelle grabbed an apple pie, surprising herself, and held the box out to him. “I have an extra,” she said. “Would you like it?”
“Wow.” He took it from her. “Salome has never given me a pie.”
Noelle winced. That was because Salome was a better businesswoman.
Steve smiled. “Thank you. My wife and kids will be thrilled.”
She nodded and then said, “I appreciate you asking Holly if they could give me a ride.”
“No problem. Tell Salome hello.”
Noelle said she would and then, as he continued on, turned her attention to across the way, where Holly was packing the last of her chocolates into her plastic crates as Carlos arrived. She didn’t have nearly as much left as Noelle.
Holly slapped her brother on the back. “We’re giving Noelle a ride.”
“Noelle?”
“Over there,” Holly said. “Salome’s sister. Is that all right?”
Carlos turned toward Noelle, a smile on his face. “Sure,” he said. “I’ll take out our crates and then come and help you too.”
Noelle slipped into her coat and finished tidying up the booth. When Carlos returned with the dolly, the three of them managed her boxes in one load. Carlos led the way, followed by Noelle and then Holly. As they neared the back door, Noelle spotted Jesse sitting on a bench, talking with the owner of the furniture booth as he gave the baby a bottle.
She quickened her pace.
But when Jesse saw her, he stood. “I’ll be at church tomorrow.” He effortlessly balanced the baby and bottle. “Could we talk then? About what happened?”
Noelle stopped abruptly, causing Holly to run into her, hitting her with a box. “Oops. You okay?”
Noelle ignored Holly and spun around toward Jesse. In a raw voice, she stammered, “I have nothing to say to you.”
In a calm and steady tone he said, “It’s apparent you haven’t changed your mind about me.”
Her voice shook as she asked, “What are you talking about?”
“You know.”
Noelle’s jaw dropped. “Actually, I have no idea.” He hadn’t come back. He’d dated an Englisch girl. Then he’d married someone else.
And now he was blaming her. Noelle stomped away, the heels of her boots clicking across the linoleum, without waiting for a response.
Holly followed, squeaking “Oops” again, this time to Jesse as she passed by.
When they stepped out into the cold, Holly asked, “Whoa, who was that?”
Noelle’s voice still shook as she said, “A guy I used to know.”
“Do you despise him? Or love him?” Holly raised her eyebrows. “The two can be so hard to distinguish between at times.”
Carlos shot his sister an exasperated look and said, “Ignore her. I’m still trying to teach her some manners.”
Holly shook her head and then stepped ahead to an old white pickup.
It had a canopy over the bed, and once they’d loaded the boxes, Noelle climbed into the back seat of the cab while Carlos and Holly sat up front. Noelle gave Carlos the address of Ted and Salome’s Dawdi Haus, where the boxes and products were stored, for now. They’d most likely move them once Noelle had the kitchen unpacked in the new house.
After Carlos entered the address into his phone, they were on their way. Soon the siblings’ conversation fell to their mother.
Noelle leaned her head against the cold glass of the window and looked out into the darkness, half listening to the brother and sister, envying how close they were.
Fifteen minutes later, they reached the Dawdi Haus. Both Holly and Carlos jumped down to help her unload. Noelle took out the money she’d intended to pay Pamela and handed it to Carlos. He wouldn’t take it. She tried to give it to Holly.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Holly said. “This is practically on our way. Besides, we’d do whatever we could to help you. Salome, too.”
As Carlos started pulling Noelle’s boxes out of the truck, Holly handed her an Advent calendar. “I held one back for you.”
“Oh, that’s so nice.” Noelle felt a surge of gratitude, thinking of the candles. Hope, joy, peace, faith. She needed all of those in her life this Christmas season. She just wasn’t sure where she’d find them.
“Start tomorrow,” Holly said. “And no cheating.” The girl’s grin was so infectious that Noelle smiled back. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled as much as she had today, regardless of seeing Jesse King.
Holly and Carlos followed her up to the door of the Dawdi Haus. Noelle knocked and then opened it.
Moriah, tall and slender like her mother, stood amidst boxes in the middle of the living room. “There you are.” She explained that Salome was resting and that her father was at the big house, eating supper.
Noelle quickly introduced Holly and Carlos to Moriah, as they stacked the boxes next to the living room window. After she thanked the two, Holly said she hoped she’d see Noelle again.
“It will depend on Salome’s back. . . .”
Holly grimaced. “Well, I hope she recovers quickly. Perhaps you could come with her sometime.”
Noelle doubted she would, especially not with Jesse around, but she didn’t say so.
Once the front door closed behind them, Moriah stepped to the window. “Mamm’s mentioned Holly before.”
“Oh?”
“I don’t think it was exactly positive.” Moriah’s brown eyes widened.
Noelle couldn’t imagine what could be negative about Holly, but leave it to Salome to come up with something.
“I need to talk with you about something else,” Moriah said. “Actually two things.”
“Oh?”
“I know how much you like Family Christmas, so I want to warn you that Mamm’s afraid she’s not going to feel up to putting it together this year.”
“What?” Noelle shuddered. Family Christmas, when her parents and all of her sisters and their families gathered, was her favorite few hours of the year.
“Jah,” Moriah said. “She’s in a lot of pain and overwhelmed with the move.”
“She won’t have to do anything. The rest of us can do it all.” Everyone usually pitched in with food, the setup, and the cleanup. No one expected Salome to be in charge.
Moriah’s shoulders slumped. “It’s not that I agree with her, but she seems pretty determined. . . .”
“There’s no reason to cancel it.” Noelle couldn’t imagine not celebrating Christmas with the whole family. They hadn’t all been together since Mamm’s service.
Moriah sighed. “I just wanted to give you fair warning is all.”
“Denki. I appreciate it.” Noelle crossed her arms. “What else did you want to talk about?”
“Jesse stopped by today. Did he find you?”
She concentrated on keeping her voice level. “He stopped by the booth.”
Moriah wrinkled her nose. “Did you see his baby?”
Noelle’s chest began to ache. It felt as if it were only yesterday that Jesse had left her. “Jah,” she said. “I saw the baby. But not his wife.”
“His wife?”
Noelle nodded.
“There is no wife,” Moriah said. “She died seven months ago.”
The next day, Noelle went to Sunday services with her father at the farm of Ben King, who happened to be
Jesse’s uncle. When Jesse was fourteen, his father died and then his mother left the Amish. Ben and his wife, Barbara, took Jesse in and finished raising him.
Thankfully, when she and Dat arrived, Noelle didn’t see Jesse. Everyone congregated in the Kings’ cleaned-out shed that had several kerosene heaters running to ward off the cold. Noelle hoped her father was warm enough.
Despite the chill, she yawned through the singing and the scripture reading. But when the sermon started, her heart raced at the sight of Jesse slipping down the outside of the men’s side, his baby asleep in his arms. Noelle shifted her eyes forward, hoping no one had seen where her gaze had momentarily landed. Her racing thoughts matched the accelerated beat of her heart. How had Jesse’s wife died? How long had they been married? How devastating it must have been for him to lose her.
It put Jesse wanting to talk with her in a new light, but she felt the same as she did when she saw him at the market. She wanted to avoid him at all costs.
Noelle couldn’t concentrate on the preaching, although now she wasn’t having a hard time staying awake. However, the last scripture reading caught her attention: “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” Hope. That was what the first candle in Holly’s Advent wreath represented.
She hadn’t felt any hope for a long time. Not since Mamm had her stroke. Not since Jesse left. Certainly not since Mamm had died.
Could God fill her with hope again?
After the service, they all filed out of the shed and into the big, sprawling farmhouse, where it was much warmer. Jesse’s Aenti Barbara held the baby while Jesse helped set up the tables. The little one was awake now, bright-eyed and smiling. Her dark hair stuck up all over her head, and, by her size, Noelle guessed she was seven months or so, which meant she was a newborn when her mother died.
When Moriah approached Noelle, she quickly looked away from the baby. Moriah crossed her arms. “Mamm’s back isn’t doing any better. You’ll need to do both the baking and the selling this week.”
Noelle didn’t answer. It wasn’t a request. It was a command, sent from Salome. Moriah added, “I can come over and help on Wednesday.”
