by T L Dasha
“So you just went and got all white girl wasted on the whole weekend.”
“Kind of. But it wasn’t just that…”
#
I stood on the altar dressed in a blue tuxedo with a white corsage and my hair slicked back with the finesse of a movie star, amidst a symphony of fountains that surrounded the stage. There wasn’t a dry eye in the bunch as Anna walked down that aisle. She looked stunning in her layers of tulle and lace. Dad walked beside her, sobbing uncontrollably as he handed her off. I couldn’t tell if it was more for the symbolism of the moment, or in the sadness that this might be his only opportunity.
Greg Johnson stood with waiting arms as she approached the steps to the pedestal. The first step seemed easy, but the second caught her dress on her heel, sending her stumbling to catch herself. She went from perfect bride to falling face first into the fountain in a matter of seconds. Luckily, she had toppled the pastor on the way down, breaking her fall. Without skipping a beat, Greg jumped in after her, helped her to her feet, then landed a kiss ripped out of a fairytale on her wet lips, stealing away her need to cry.
They laughed in a loving embrace, and the pastor started the ceremony, all of them still standing in the fountain.
I caught the bouquet. That may have been the biggest mistake of my life. Dad and Anna both ribbed me throughout the reception. Who’s it gonna be? He’s cute, how about him! I bet that guy over there could even afford a white picket fence in San Francisco. I hear a lot of people have success these days with online dating. Wouldn’t it be great if you met your future love at my wedding!
I would have thrown drinks in both of their faces, but I was going to need every drop I could to tolerate the badgering. Dad took to the dance floor with his new girlfriend. I didn’t know her name, but I could tell she was expensive. Anna stepped out with Greg, and a bridesmaid dragged me to my feet. Family dance time. Oh joy.
Her name was Chastity. She must have been at least eight feet tall based on how small I felt even. She had short, curly hair, blue eyes, and such a stocky build that it was a challenge to put my arms around her.
“I hear you’re single.” She yelled down at me from the mountaintop of her shoulders. Shocking. I wonder where he heard that. I glanced over at dad, as he winked at me in between twirls. One of her hands inched its way down my lower back.
“I’m sorry, but I have herpes!” I yelled back. The hand stopped inching. If it was possible for her dancing to get more rigid, it did. I broke away from her and took a seat at my table. Next, a groomsman sat down across from me. He was of average height, attractive, dark haired, and looked foolishly confident. Aiden, I think his name was.
“How are you doing tonight?”
I couldn’t hold in a dejected sigh. This must have been Anna’s choice. I motioned for the waiter to bring me a glass of champagne, then downed it like it was a shot. His eyes widened, surely at my graceful handling of liquor.
“Wonderful. I’m doing fucking wonderful.”
“I thought I’d see if you’re interested in a dance.” He didn’t seem deterred. That’s disappointing.
“At a strip club, maybe.”
“I know a great one a little down the block.”
Of course he does. Whatever. At least people at strip clubs aren’t trying to spend the rest of their lives together with everyone they meet.
“Alright, I’m in. Lead the way.” I was almost annoyed by his excitement, but I was ready to take any excuse to get out of there. I knew either Anna had put him up to it, but if he would be my means to an end, I could hang. I tapped the shoulder of a waiter on the way out, downing one last glass of champagne. I followed him through the casino up until we reached the lobby.
“Hang on, let me go change.” I motioned, ducking into the elevator. I wasn’t about to go into a Las Vegas strip club in a frilly tuxedo. I clambered into my room, and traded out my suit for a pair of jeans and a smooth white blouse, buttoning only one, two, three buttons. That’s enough. I ruffled my own hair, forcing it out of shape allowing it to fall around my face naturally. I stared at myself in the mirror, my reflection already hazy through my eyes. Was I really going to do this?
… Fuck it. All in.
I made it back down to the lobby, and Aiden was still standing there obediently. Maybe she picked a good one after all.
“Ready to have some fun?” He asked with a sly grin.
“I’ll bet you’re ready to have some fun!” A voice screamed bloody murder behind me, and I watched every hair on Aiden’s body stand on end.
“You cheating son of a bitch!” Brenda, one of Anna’s bridesmaids, came stomping through the casino and practically bowled me over getting to him. “We have one, single fight and you’re ready to switch teams for the first ugly man-whore who crosses your path?”
“Hey now…” I pursed my lips.
“Oh, Jake. Jake Fucking Conner. Even better! Why wouldn’t you gravitate toward my best friend’s hopeless, needy little brother. You need someone at least that fucking desperate. I’m sure he’ll put out for you tonight. Hopefully forever, because we’re done!” She stood on one leg as she removed her shoe, and threw it square at Aiden’s face. Then she pulled off the other and threw it at me. “I hope you’re happy together!”
She stormed off, leaving Aiden dumfounded, and myself trying to find another waiter who could give me a drink.
“I’m really sorry about that. If it makes it any better, it looks like I’m legitimately single now.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Aiden.”
I shook my head and left him in the lobby. I’m sure I could find a Vegas strip club just fine on my own. Hustlers slapped cards covered with images of naked women, pleading for me to give their establishment my business. Then I happened to find one with a picture of a woman with dollops of whipped cream covering her nipples: Secret Dessert? They had me at dessert. Which, incidentally, was the very last word, so that’s not really a testament to their sales pitch, but at least they got me.
I demanded shots as soon as I sat down. Vodka, rum, an adios motherfucker or two. I wasn’t that picky. A woman straddled me by the time I reached… some number of shots. I don’t know how many. That’s not what was important. I was a paying fucking customer is what was important. She was gorgeous. She had the strong, thick thighs of an athlete, bouncy blond hair, and most importantly, a sexy can of vodka whipped cream in her hand. I tilted my head back and let her fill my mouth, throwing up a middle finger on each hand as that sweet cream slid over my tongue and found its way down my throat.
#
“And then?” Trevor was on the edge of his seat, listening intently to every word. I could practically see the entire scene playing out in his light brown eyes like a television. It somehow looked a little more erotic in his reflection though.
“That’s all. Everything after that is basically a black void.”
“Holy shit, I should have partied with you.” His disappointment was palpable. “Never again, Aaron. Never again.”
I couldn’t seem to keep my lips from curving upward. I’m not sure if I was now more or less of a train wreck in his view, but I didn’t get the impression he was judging me for it.
“So then you ran into my little brother-- No wait, let me rephrase that-- So then you ran into your boss, and in your effort to fully and completely self-destruct, you just… got married?”
“It must have seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“You’re really something else, Jacob Conner. I actually feel bad about how I treated you before. Well, not the part where I kissed you. I actually feel even better about that now.”
My face flushed. I looked at my lap, too embarrassed to continue making eye contact. I might actually really like Trevor. But he was… Dangerous.
“Hey.” Trevor reached over, cupping my cheek to force me to face him again. He slid a few strands of hair behind my ear, giving him an even better view of my face. I hoped he couldn’t read what I was thinking. “
Start taking care of yourself.” He kissed me on the forehead, then made himself level with my lips. He leaned in slowly…
Then I heard his stomach grumble.
“I guess I should start taking my own advice.” He pulled back with a chuckle. I tore a sandwich in half and handed it to him.
“Eat! I’ll get fired if you faint while I’m in charge of your wellbeing!”
“Maybe I should then. That way, you can come work for me.”
#
I got down to the lobby around two o’clock. Too late to get back to work, too early to get a ride home. I pulled my phone from my purse and turned it on. I didn’t recall turning it off, actually. It came to life with a handful of texts from Liz, and one, two, seven missed calls from Aaron. Dammit Trevor.
I walked over to Aaron’s office to prove I was alive and/or not trapped in his brother’s sex dungeon, but he wasn’t in. Which made sense. I’m sure he had important meetings to attend to. Trevor did, too, but that was a lost cause right now. Probably for the best. I walked back to my desk to grab a sticky note from Sidney, and left a message to ‘call me when you’re free!’ on Aaron’s door.
Sidney looked up the early bus schedules for me, while I replied to Liz.
Sorry I missed lunch! Just fainted out of nowhere-- Probably from… well… missing too many lunches, haha.
Within seconds she was back to me.
Dont scrre me lke tat!
Then a few seconds later, he sent a quick follow up.
*Don’t scare me like that* Sorry, should have cleaned all the butter off my hands first. Making a boat load of croissants, and my oven broke down. Shit’s a mess. Do you need a ride home? I’m sure my boss will understand.
No no! That sounds important! I’ll take the bus! And I’m all good now. Trevor helped me out.
Trevor did, huh.
Don’t type it like that!
*eyeroll* Well, I’ll call you as soon as I’m off, and let’s get dinner. Never letting a terrible internet date take priority over friendship again.
You’ll have to tell me all about it!
I shoved my phone back in my purse, and Sidney handed me a printout with the bus routes and departure times. I had barely sat down when a picture of Aaron Craig filled my screen. It was a profile shot. His expression looked especially innocent and soft. I had captured it a few months ago while he was speaking to someone in the lobby. It made me smile, forgetting my problems for a moment.
Until I realized the reason I was seeing this picture was because he was currently calling me. How many truths did I have to confess to him now? I wonder what truths he could confess to me. I hesitated, almost letting the phone go to voicemail, but I knew I had to at least let him know I was okay.
“Jake speaking. How may I help you today, sir.” It was almost instinctive that I found myself back to speaking in customer service mode. I cringed as I finished my greeting.
“Are you okay, Conner? What happened?” Aaron sounded borderline panicked.
“Yes. I’m fine. Just a little stress and poor nutrition.” I tried to sound as dismissive as I could as I forced the words from my throat. “It was nothing.”
“That’s not nothing.” He sighed. “Conner, you’re very important to our customers. And all of us here.”
To the customer, huh? My heart sank in my chest. Always so professional. Always so diplomatic.
“Sorry. I’m sure Sidney took care of them. And Trevor did a good job of taking care of me.” I don’t know why I said that. I shouldn’t have. Maybe I just wanted some kind of emotional reaction. Or maybe I was still picturing that woman in his office.
“I see. I’m glad you two are getting along so well.”
“Yeah…”
“I uh…” He seemed at a loss. I could imagine him biting his lower lip on the other side of the phone. But I wasn’t going to help him out with what to say next. I wanted to hear what he had to tell me on his own. “Conner, I…” He started again, but didn’t make it any further.
“Please, take as much time as you need to rest up.”
“Thank you, sir. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hung up. Somehow I found myself even closer to the verge of tears now than I was before. Why was it so hard to just say what I needed to say? And why couldn’t he be the one to do it first?
Liz called me not long after. I told her the gist of what had happened over the phone. The shit show at the wedding, the marriage, Trevor’s advances, Aaron’s maybe girlfriend-- All of it. I must have sounded psychotic, rambling out one ridiculous revelation after the next. She didn’t speak much. She just told me to sit tight and insisted I stay in tonight. Dinner was her treat, and she wouldn’t even charge me if I got tears all over her shoulder. She arrived at my apartment with a bag full of Chinese takeout, grease stains still on her t-shirt and jeans, her hair loosely falling every which way, and her patented easy smile.
I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have friends like this in my life. We ate at the pseudo bar counter that separated the kitchen from my bedroom on a pair of stools. I cracked open my fortune cookie after finishing a pile of orange chicken, eager to get some good news that might turn my night around. I finished the cookie, then read it aloud.
“You bring a great gift to those who would not suspect it.” All the blood ran out of my face.
“That’s not even a fortune. That’s just a statement.” Liz laughed, opening her own. “Your patience will soon be rewarded. Well, that’s a little more like a fortune. I hope that means that screw on the oven I stripped earlier will come out easy.”
“I wish the screw I had earlier had come out easy.” Making light of the situation may have been the only defense mechanism I had left.
“I can’t believe you managed to hide all of that from me all week. You must have been raging a war in that head of yours.” She ruffled my hair, then got up to pour us each a glass of water. “So, let me see if I translated Jake-nese correctly here. You pulled a ‘Your Dad’s Wedding Number Six’ at Anna’s wedding, somehow you ran into your boss, somehow you guys discovered you were so in love by the end of the night that you got married, and you had crazy, filthy, ‘My name’s Jake, and I haven’t had an orgasm in a year’ sex, which probably would have been extreme enough to even get me pregnant just hearing about it.” she shook her head. “All I’m getting out of this is that I’m over here using dating apps, when my best friend has the potential to be the world’s most entertaining wingman. I’ve been going about this romance thing all wrong.”
“You’re not helping!”
She handed me a glass and took a sip of her own to stifle her overt amusement.
“I’m not even judging. It’s basically a case of ‘Just Jake Things.’ We wouldn’t still be friends if you didn’t have a heap ton of issues.” Liz’s smile finally relented, leaving a much more serious expression on her face. “But all jokes aside, Jake, if you really are married, I’ve got you whether you need a ride to the divorce court or if you end up wanting to live happily ever after with the boss, and need someone to teach your children how to make a cheesecake.”
“Hey now-- Who says we’re going to have children?” I couldn’t help smiling through my tears despite myself.
“It would be a crime against humanity if you didn’t pass on that perfect nose.” She chuckled. “I guess my only point is that you have people in your corner. But seriously, you pick your men worse than I pick my women. It’s no wonder we never dated. I would have been waaaaay too functional for a Conner tornado.”
“The whole being my ex-step sister thing didn’t help either.” I smirked. “The being gay thing was secondary to that debacle.”
“Yeah, something about calling a guy your brother for even five minutes kills any sex appeal he could ever have.” Liz gave me a side hug, kissing me on the top of my head. “You’re gonna be alright, Jake.”
Chapter 9
Trevor Craig
“Don’t hide that mark. I want my brother to see it.” I smirke
d, trying to keep face. “Why don’t you go ask him where he was that night? I’d love to know what he comes up with.”
I stepped off the elevator and let the doors slide closed. I waited just long enough for the marque to tick away from the twenty-ninth floor before I pounded my fist into the wall.
“FUCK. Why did I do that?” I ran both of my hands through my hair, pulling it out of my face as I looked up at the ceiling. When I found that each of them had been hiding a ring-- from Jasmine’s, our newest partner, no less-- everything started to make sense. The way Aaron squirmed, their little shared glances, all of it. But I thought it was going to be way more satisfying to lord this secret gay marriage over my brother’s head. Yet, seeing the way Jake reacted was… not at all what I expected. It ruined it somehow.
I just wanted to see him flustered, like I had just exposed four years of sneaking around. But instead he looked… devastated. Like he had no idea. Or like he was even more confused than I was. What the fuck happened after Aaron disappeared that night?
Also… while I’m asking myself questions… Why do I feel so pissed off about this whole thing? Even if Aaron had been fucking this sweet little desk clerk on the down low for years, why would that upset me? This is supposed to be a good thing. It means he’s gotten over that whole debacle with Katie, and we can finally move on. Chill, Trevor. It’s fine.
My mind drifted back to lunch. I could hear his protests in my head, as he looked at the price tag on his new suit. The way his face flushed as he let me spoil him a little. I had never seen someone fight getting a gift with such vehemence. It was adorable.
My fingers absentmindedly slid over my lips, and I could feel the way he held on to me, the way he reacted to me, the way his lips tasted…
It’s not fine. Nothing here is fine. I’m not doing this again.
My cold shower wasn’t cold enough. But the phone call that followed was.
