by Cheree Alsop
“A limo!” he heard Kavin exclaim.
“Cool!” Matty and Isabelle echoed.
Someone was talking at the front door. “Chester Brockson? I think you have the wrong house.”
Chase’s heart froze at the name.
“I think he means Chase,” he heard Daniel mutter in an undertone.
“Chase?” The man must have nodded, because he heard Martin say, “Yes, of course he’s here. Let me go get him.” He turned around to yell, then paused at the sight of Chase in the doorway. “Chase, this man is looking for you,” he said with a worried frown as though concerned that the man was sent by the mafia or something.
Chase inclined his head. “Morning.”
“Mr. Brockson, Sir?” the man asked.
Chase nodded, feeling stares from Daniel, Martin, and the kids.
The driver nodded, satisfied. “Your presence is required, Sir,” he said, indicating the limousine parked by the sidewalk and very out of place amid the vans and economy cars of the neighborhood.
“Let Clara know I’ll meet you guys at the hospital later,” Chase said to Daniel and Martin. He ruffled Matty’s towhead hair, then followed the driver to the car.
He didn’t ask and the driver didn’t provide any information. The pit in Chase’s stomach grew the closer they got to the mansion. It was with growing conviction that he realized the truth. It was too late. The cars in the driveway confirmed his suspicions.
Henderson the steward met him at the bottom of the stairs. “He was hoping you’d come,” he said. He bowed his head. “He was a good man.”
The pit in Chase’s stomach turned into a gaping hole. He was truly too late. He followed wordlessly, nodding at the black clad people in the hallway. He wondered briefly if they’d actually taken the time to dress for the occasion, or if they just happened to be droll and black-suited by chance.
“He asked me to give you these,” Henderson said. He handed Chase two envelopes. Chase accepted them automatically, his eyes on the towering doors in front of him. “Would you like a few minutes alone?”
Chase nodded and Henderson pushed open the double doors to his father’s room. Even well-lit, it already felt like a tomb to Chase, a soulless memorial to the vacant body on the king-sized bed.
The doors shut resoundingly behind him, a tone of finality in their echoes. Chase forced himself to walk to his father’s side, then made his eyes drop to his father’s face. His father looked different, softer somehow. The lines of worry were gone from his brow and a slight smile touched the corner of one lip as if in death Mr. Brockson had still found a way to prosper from a business venture. He looked smaller, fragile, no longer the powerhouse that commanded Chase’s respect and sometimes fear. Chase touched one of his father’s hands. They used to be so strong, but they were worn now, and cold.
“You built better jobs with these hands, designed new networking systems, business management protocols, and even sky scrapers.” A tear escaped. “But they’re all just things, things you touch but don’t touch you back.” He rubbed his eyes with one hand.
When he opened them again, he realized he was still holding the two envelops Henderson had given him. He knew the handwriting on them by heart. The first had his name on it, while the second was addressed to Mr. Matthew Clark. Chase stared at it, puzzled, then put it in his jacket pocket. He studied the one addressed to him, hesitated, then crossed to one of the big, curtained windows. Drawing back the thick maroon curtains, he let the sunlight wash over him like a mother’s gentle embrace.
He opened the letter. The handwriting was precise and clear, each letter well-defined in his father’s way to leave nothing to conjecture.
‘Son,
I leave you as a father should never leave a child, not knowing how much you have been valued despite the years of bitterness between us. Your words this evening kept repeating themselves in my head until sleep was out of the question. I guess that’s the only way a stubborn old man like me can realize the truth.’
Another tear slid slowly down Chase’s cheek. He brushed it away and stared unseeing at the tiny motes of dust dancing in the beams of sunlight from the window. He took a deep breath and focused again on the letter.
‘I call myself a father, but it is a title only. You never really had a father since we lost the rest of our family. I don’t know what else to say except that even though I was still here, I died when your mother did. She was always the best part of me anyway. I thought I owned the world, but all the power and money meant nothing to me after she was gone. I guess I just didn’t know what to do when that part was taken from me, us. There I go again, thinking only of myself. You were right when you said I chose to let losing your mother destroy me. Here I sit, a broken man, realizing I’ve been broken for thirteen years. The sad thing is that I don’t know how to fix myself, how to fix us, and I fear there is no time in which to do it.
‘I can feel that something is wrong inside me, and for my own selfish reasons (there I go again), I choose to let it happen. Son, all I want more than anything is to be with my dear, sweet Rosemary again. Please forgive me for leaving things unspoken. Just know that I love you, even if I never said it. You have turned into a better young man than I ever set you up to be. I never asked you to do anything for me, but my dying wish is for you to do one thing. Love. Find something, someone, to love with all of your heart and never let them go. Love can be your greatest strength or your greatest weakness. Learn from my mistakes and let it make you strong.
‘I’m going home, Son. I’ll give your love to your Mother. Farewell.’
Chase suddenly understood the small smile on his father’s face. It wasn’t a smile of victory, but one of peace. He had finally found what he had lost so long ago. Chase felt a brief, sharp stab of jealousy that was almost painful when he pictured his father somewhere with Mom, Jason, Andrew, Elizabeth, and baby Sara. They would be happy again, and he was alone. He let that feeling settle in his chest for a moment, consuming him in the emptiness of having no one who cared that he existed. But the feeling was wrong.
“I was alone,” Chase spoke out loud past the dark thoughts in his head, “But not anymore.” The surety he felt filled him with a fire of direction, of purpose. He had found more to do with his life than just living. Somehow he had stumbled into a new family, one that seemed to value his presence even though he didn’t understand why. He saw Clara in his mind’s eye as she had been the night they kissed, her cheeks red with cold, her green eyes bright like glittering snow.
“I found love, Dad,” he said quietly to the still figure. Air moved the curtains, playing shadows across his face. Chase swore he saw his father’s smile deepen. “I love you,” Chase whispered with the letter clutched tightly in his hand. He bent down and kissed his dad on the forehead, then left the room.
Chapter 10
The entire Clark family was in the waiting room when he walked in. The change from the day before was palpable. In place of solemn faces and downcast eyes, he was greeted with smiles and waves from the adults playing Rook at the table. Clara’s smile lit up the room when she saw him. Matty and Kavin shouted hello from the corner where they played with trucks Ilene had the foresight to bring, and to Chase’s surprise, Paige tottered up on wobbly legs. “Hi!” she said with an extremely proud grin.
Chase looked up at Ilene. “She just started saying ‘hi’ today,” Paige’s mother explained. She and Sam smiled fondly at their youngest child. “And since she’s started walking, we can’t get her to slow down.”
Chase scooped her up in his arms. “Well hi back, sweetheart,” he said. He hoisted her onto his shoulders, making her laugh.
Paige waived at the group. “Hi, hi!” she said, waving both of her chubby little arms.
He set her down by Ilene. “She’s learning so fast,” he said, taking an empty seat next to Grandpa.
Ilene beamed. “All our kids were ahead of their age groups.”
“They take after their dad,” Samuel put in. Ilene
elbowed him.
Chase glanced at Grandpa Clark’s cards and grinned when he saw the Rook among them. “I can’t believe they let you play,” he whispered loudly.
“What they don’t remember won’t hurt them,” Grandpa replied in a loud, conspiratorial tone before he set the Rook card on the table; the accompanying groans and protests made him chuckle. “I can’t help it if I’m good,” he said with a nonchalant shrug.
Chase laughed, exchanging knowing smiles with Clara who was across the table. “Welcome back,” she mouthed, her green eyes sparkling.
“Thanks,” he mouthed back. He rose and left the group to their card game.
Mixed emotions from the past few days kept running through his mind. The white hospital walls felt too close and sterile to contain his thoughts, and the memories of his last experience in the hospital threatened to close around him. Chase left the waiting room for the stairs to the roof.
The brisk evening air washed over him when he stepped through the door. He took a deep breath and let it clear the turmoil from his mind. He walked to the edge and leaned on the short wall, taking in the sky scrapers and busy life that rushed past him.
A few minutes later, the door scraped open. Chase was surprised to see Daniel step through. The teenager came over and leaned beside him, his breath fogging in the crisp air. They surveyed the busting crowd below in companionable silence, business men hurrying home to their families or microwave dinners, on-call nurses coming back to the hospital to cover for the overflow of accidents and illnesses from to the prolonged cold, homeless men and women heading to the shelter for soup and a warm bed, and various other citizens bundled from head to toe against the biting wind.
The open space brought clarity to Chase’s thoughts, but it forced other things to light with painful sharpness. He rolled them around in his mind until he felt like they were piercing him from the inside. He kept seeing his father’s handwriting on the letter, the words, ‘All I ever wanted is to be with my dear, sweet Rosemary. . . I’m going home, son.’
He saw the hospital room again, felt the absence of his family amid their still bodies, then saw them only hours before they bid he and Dad farewell. He saw baby Sara next to his mother on the bed. He felt a special bond with his little sister since the day Mom brought her home and asked him what they should name her; he still remembered the swelling of brotherly pride he felt when she used his suggestion.
It all built up inside him, threatening to shatter the calm he had felt since leaving his father’s room. “Do you believe there’s a heaven?” he asked suddenly, surprised to hear his own voice.
Daniel glanced sideways at him, then turned to look back at the street below. The silence thickened between them. Chase was about to apologize for his bluntness when Daniel’s answer surprised him. “I didn’t use to,” he said without turning.
“What changed your mind?” Chase asked. It was so important, all of the sudden, that at lease someone believed.
Daniel’s next answer caught him completely off guard. “You.”
Chase stared at him.
Daniel finally turned. He let out a slow breath. “I couldn’t pull out of it,” he began, rubbing his forehead with one hand. “Each day that went by, I felt myself losing more of Ryan, forgetting about him. I felt like if I kept going, I would lose him completely. He was my best friend. Best friends don’t forget each other.”
His voice cracked, but he pushed on. “I was going to hang myself in the garage one night about a month ago after everyone had gone to bed. I couldn’t take it anymore; no one understood when I did try to talk to them, and I was losing control. I had the rope ready and everything, one of Bailey’s old leads for when we went to the lake. But then I started crying so hard I couldn’t see the rope. I fell to my knees.” Tears filled his eyes. “For the first time since Ryan died, I prayed. I begged God to take me away from all this, from a world that didn’t change even though mine felt like it was over.”
His forehead creased. “Then I had this feeling.” He turned, his eyes on the empty windows across the street. “I felt it as clear as if someone said to me, ‘Be patient, you’re not alone.’” He rubbed his eyes with his sleeve and glanced at Chase. “That’s all I needed, you know, to know that I wasn’t alone. Then you showed up and helped me understand I could live and honor his memory with my life.” Tears burned in Chase’s eyes.
Daniel’s voice cracked when he continued, “When Dad went to the hospital-“ He swallowed, then started again, “When Dad went to the hospital, I realized that while I’ve been mourning Ryan’s death, I’ve been missing my father’s life. All the precious moments are passing me by because I’ve been in such a dark hole that I can’t see them.” He gave Chase a small smile. “Thanks to you, I’m going to try to live again. I won’t miss making more memories with my family.”
Chase tried to smile back, but Daniel’s words struck him so close to home he could barely breathe past the knot in his throat. He blinked back tears.
Daniel frowned slightly. “Something happened today, didn’t it?”
Chase’s throat tightened, but he nodded.
Daniel’s voice lowered. “Mom forbade us to ask you about the limo.”
“She’s a wise woman,” Chase said quietly. “You’re lucky to have her.”
“You are, too,” Daniel replied with a smile.
Chase couldn’t help but smile back. “Yes, I am.”
“So, you like my sister?”
Chase laughed, grateful for the distraction to settle his emotions. “Forward today, huh?”
Daniel shrugged. “I think you’re the only one who knows all my secrets. You never judge the way I look or dress, and you practically saved my life when you rescued Clara and Matty. I just hope you feel you can be as honest and open with me as I’ve been with you.”
Chase laughed again softly. “Oh, no pressure, huh?”
Daniel grinned and shook his head. “None, whatsoever.”
Chase ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I like your sister.”
“More than like?” Daniel pressed. At Chase’s nod, he whooped, “I knew it! You’ll be the awesomest brother!”
Chase raised his hands. “Whoa, now! I’m new to having a relationship, but I know the most important thing is to not rush it. Let’s not jump to conclusions.”
Daniel scooped up some snow and packed it. “Come on,” he said. “You two are perfect for each other. Things’ll work out.”
“I hope so,” Chase replied as Daniel threw the snowball at the building across the street. It hit a window, then slid down onto a pedestrian below. Chase and Daniel ducked behind the wall as an onslaught of verbal obscenities was aimed at them. They ran to the door and closed it behind the, laughing like school boys.
“Think he’ll come looking for us?” Daniel asked, breathless from laughter.
“Let’s not be here if he tries,” Chase replied. They ran down the stairs, their footsteps echoing behind them.
When they neared the waiting room, Martin’s voice rang out, “He’s awake! Everyone, come quick!”
Chase and Daniel met the rest of the family as they rushed into the hall. The group piled into Mr. Clark’s room. Mrs. Clark held her husband’s hand. He was pale, but gave them a winning smile. “They did a good job,” he told them. “And said I have the recovery rate of a thirty-five year old. I told them I was going to take that down a few more years.”
“Now don’t push yourself too hard,” Mrs. Clark chided, patting his hand.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Clara replied with a laugh. “You know he will.”
“You take it easy, Dad,” Martin said.
Mr. Clark laughed softly, then winced in pain. “Well, maybe now’s the time,” he agreed. “But I’d like to be home for Christmas.”
“We’ll hold Christmas for you,” Grandpa Clark said firmly. Everyone nodded.
“Don’t worry, Daddy,” Matty said. “Santa will come back when you’re better.”
Mrs. Cla
rk ruffled her son’s hair, her eyes shining brightly.
“Well, folks,” Grandpa said after a moment, “We should let Matt rest.”
Mrs. Clark nodded. “Your father needs his sleep. You can come back and visit him tomorrow.”
Mr. Clark bid them farewell, his eyelids already drooping drowsily from the medication. Mrs. Clark kissed him goodnight, then followed them out. They piled into the cars, Clara driving with Chase in the passenger seat despite his protests to give her mother the front.
Mrs. Clark planned to head back to the hospital after she saw everyone settled for the night, and said she enjoyed the chance to ride in back with Grandpa and Grandma Clark. Ilene, Samuel, the kids, and Matty followed them with the intent of finishing the game of cards they had started back at the house. Martin and Daniel took the lead, driving slowly along the icy roads.
Clara tuned to a Christmas station. She and Mrs. Clark sang loudly to ‘Let It Snow’. Chase glanced back and saw Grandma and Grandpa holding hands, content expressions on their faces. Grandma’s head rested on Grandpa’s shoulder, her eyes closed. Mrs. Clark sang the Christmas songs from the radio with relish. Her face shone at the recovery her husband had made. It was obvious she looked forward to joining him back at the hospital to make sure he was resting comfortably.
Chase turned back to the front and a smile stole across his face. Mr. Clark was going to be alright. The family was together, and he felt as if he belonged with them. Maybe Christmas had turned around after all.
He had just started to enjoy Clara’s singing when Martin slammed on his brakes in front of them. Clara stopped two feet from the Neon’s bumper, jerking them all forward. She was checking her rearview mirror to make sure Samuel stopped in time when a minivan slid across the bridge and slammed into Martin’s car with a horrible screeching thud.
The world slowed. Mrs. Clark screamed from the back seat. The black Neon spun, sliding on the ice that covered the bridge they were crossing. A truck hit the minivan, crashing it into Martin’s car again.