Mike

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Mike Page 54

by P. G. Wodehouse


  CHAPTER LIII

  THE KETTLE METHOD

  It was during the interval that day that Stone and Robinson,discussing the subject of cricket over a bun and ginger-beer at theschool shop, came to a momentous decision, to wit, that they were fedup with Adair administration and meant to strike. The immediate causeof revolt was early-morning fielding-practice, that searching test ofcricket keenness. Mike himself, to whom cricket was the great andserious interest of life, had shirked early-morning fielding-practicein his first term at Wrykyn. And Stone and Robinson had but a luke-warmattachment to the game, compared with Mike's.

  As a rule, Adair had contented himself with practice in the afternoonafter school, which nobody objects to; and no strain, consequently,had been put upon Stone's and Robinson's allegiance. In view of theM.C.C. match on the Wednesday, however, he had now added to this anextra dose to be taken before breakfast. Stone and Robinson had lefttheir comfortable beds that day at six o'clock, yawning and heavy-eyed,and had caught catches and fielded drives which, in the cool morningair, had stung like adders and bitten like serpents. Until the sun hasreally got to work, it is no joke taking a high catch. Stone's dislikeof the experiment was only equalled by Robinson's. They were neither ofthem of the type which likes to undergo hardships for the common good.They played well enough when on the field, but neither cared greatlywhether the school had a good season or not. They played the gameentirely for their own sakes.

  The result was that they went back to the house for breakfast with anever-again feeling, and at the earliest possible moment met to debateas to what was to be done about it. At all costs another experiencelike to-day's must be avoided.

  "It's all rot," said Stone. "What on earth's the good of sweatingabout before breakfast? It only makes you tired."

  "I shouldn't wonder," said Robinson, "if it wasn't bad for the heart.Rushing about on an empty stomach, I mean, and all that sort ofthing."

  "Personally," said Stone, gnawing his bun, "I don't intend to stickit."

  "Nor do I."

  "I mean, it's such absolute rot. If we aren't good enough to play forthe team without having to get up overnight to catch catches, he'dbetter find somebody else."

  "Yes."

  At this moment Adair came into the shop.

  "Fielding-practice again to-morrow," he said briskly, "at six."

  "Before breakfast?" said Robinson.

  "Rather. You two must buck up, you know. You were rotten to-day." Andhe passed on, leaving the two malcontents speechless.

  Stone was the first to recover.

  "I'm hanged if I turn out to-morrow," he said, as they left the shop."He can do what he likes about it. Besides, what can he do, after all?Only kick us out of the team. And I don't mind that."

  "Nor do I."

  "I don't think he will kick us out, either. He can't play the M.C.C.with a scratch team. If he does, we'll go and play for that villageJackson plays for. We'll get Jackson to shove us into the team."

  "All right," said Robinson. "Let's."

  Their position was a strong one. A cricket captain may seem to be anautocrat of tremendous power, but in reality he has only one weapon,the keenness of those under him. With the majority, of course, thefear of being excluded or ejected from a team is a spur that drives.The majority, consequently, are easily handled. But when a cricketcaptain runs up against a boy who does not much care whether he playsfor the team or not, then he finds himself in a difficult position,and, unless he is a man of action, practically helpless.

  Stone and Robinson felt secure. Taking it all round, they felt thatthey would just as soon play for Lower Borlock as for the school. Thebowling of the opposition would be weaker in the former case, and thechance of making runs greater. To a certain type of cricketer runs areruns, wherever and however made.

  The result of all this was that Adair, turning out with the team nextmorning for fielding-practice, found himself two short. Barnes wasamong those present, but of the other two representatives of Outwood'shouse there were no signs.

  Barnes, questioned on the subject, had no information to give, beyondthe fact that he had not seen them about anywhere. Which was not agreat help. Adair proceeded with the fielding-practice without furtherdelay.

  At breakfast that morning he was silent and apparently wrapped inthought. Mr. Downing, who sat at the top of the table with Adair onhis right, was accustomed at the morning meal to blend nourishment ofthe body with that of the mind. As a rule he had ten minutes with thedaily paper before the bell rang, and it was his practice to hand onthe results of his reading to Adair and the other house-prefects, who,not having seen the paper, usually formed an interested andappreciative audience. To-day, however, though the house-prefectsexpressed varying degrees of excitement at the news that Tyldesley hadmade a century against Gloucestershire, and that a butter famine wasexpected in the United States, these world-shaking news-items seemedto leave Adair cold. He champed his bread and marmalade with anabstracted air.

  He was wondering what to do in this matter of Stone and Robinson.

  Many captains might have passed the thing over. To take it for grantedthat the missing pair had overslept themselves would have been a safeand convenient way out of the difficulty. But Adair was not the sortof person who seeks for safe and convenient ways out of difficulties.He never shirked anything, physical or moral.

  He resolved to interview the absentees.

  It was not until after school that an opportunity offered itself. Hewent across to Outwood's and found the two non-starters in the seniorday-room, engaged in the intellectual pursuit of kicking the wall andmarking the height of each kick with chalk. Adair's entrance coincidedwith a record effort by Stone, which caused the kicker to overbalanceand stagger backwards against the captain.

  "Sorry," said Stone. "Hullo, Adair!"

  "Don't mention it. Why weren't you two at fielding-practice thismorning?"

  Robinson, who left the lead to Stone in all matters, said nothing.Stone spoke.

  "We didn't turn up," he said.

  "I know you didn't. Why not?"

  Stone had rehearsed this scene in his mind, and he spoke with thecoolness which comes from rehearsal.

  "We decided not to."

  "Oh?"

  "Yes. We came to the conclusion that we hadn't any use for early-morningfielding."

  Adair's manner became ominously calm.

  "You were rather fed-up, I suppose?"

  "That's just the word."

  "Sorry it bored you."

  "It didn't. We didn't give it the chance to."

  Robinson laughed appreciatively.

  "What's the joke, Robinson?" asked Adair.

  "There's no joke," said Robinson, with some haste. "I was onlythinking of something."

  "I'll give you something else to think about soon."

  Stone intervened.

  "It's no good making a row about it, Adair. You must see that youcan't do anything. Of course, you can kick us out of the team, if youlike, but we don't care if you do. Jackson will get us a game anyWednesday or Saturday for the village he plays for. So we're allright. And the school team aren't such a lot of flyers that you canafford to go chucking people out of it whenever you want to. See whatI mean?"

  "You and Jackson seem to have fixed it all up between you."

  "What are you going to do? Kick us out?"

  "No."

  "Good. I thought you'd see it was no good making a beastly row. We'llplay for the school all right. There's no earthly need for us to turnout for fielding-practice before breakfast."

  "You don't think there is? You may be right. All the same, you'regoing to to-morrow morning."

  "What!"

  "Six sharp. Don't be late."

  "Don't be an ass, Adair. We've told you we aren't going to."

  "That's only your opinion. I think you are. I'll give you till fivepast six, as you seem to like lying in bed."

  "You can turn out if you feel like it. You won't find me there."

 
"That'll be a disappointment. Nor Robinson?"

  "No," said the junior partner in the firm; but he said it without anydeep conviction. The atmosphere was growing a great deal too tense forhis comfort.

  "You've quite made up your minds?"

  "Yes," said Stone.

  "Right," said Adair quietly, and knocked him down.

  He was up again in a moment. Adair had pushed the table back, and wasstanding in the middle of the open space.

  "You cad," said Stone. "I wasn't ready."

  "Well, you are now. Shall we go on?"

  Stone dashed in without a word, and for a few moments the two mighthave seemed evenly matched to a not too intelligent spectator. Butscience tells, even in a confined space. Adair was smaller and lighterthan Stone, but he was cooler and quicker, and he knew more about thegame. His blow was always home a fraction of a second sooner than hisopponent's. At the end of a minute Stone was on the floor again.

  He got up slowly and stood leaning with one hand on the table.

  "Suppose we say ten past six?" said Adair. "I'm not particular to aminute or two."

  Stone made no reply.

  "Will ten past six suit you for fielding-practice to-morrow?" saidAdair.

  "All right," said Stone.

  "Thanks. How about you, Robinson?"

  Robinson had been a petrified spectator of the Captain-Kettle-likemanoeuvres of the cricket captain, and it did not take him long tomake up his mind. He was not altogether a coward. In differentcircumstances he might have put up a respectable show. But it takes amore than ordinarily courageous person to embark on a fight which heknows must end in his destruction. Robinson knew that he was nothinglike a match even for Stone, and Adair had disposed of Stone in alittle over one minute. It seemed to Robinson that neither pleasurenor profit was likely to come from an encounter with Adair.

  "All right," he said hastily, "I'll turn up."

  "Good," said Adair. "I wonder if either of you chaps could tell mewhich is Jackson's study."

  Stone was dabbing at his mouth with a handkerchief, a task whichprecluded anything in the shape of conversation; so Robinson repliedthat Mike's study was the first you came to on the right of thecorridor at the top of the stairs.

  "Thanks," said Adair. "You don't happen to know if he's in, Isuppose?"

  "He went up with Smith a quarter of an hour ago. I don't know if he'sstill there."

  "I'll go and see," said Adair. "I should like a word with him if heisn't busy."

 

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