by Dixon, Ruby
“I will go.”
For some reason, she looks nervous, shifting her weight on her feet and absently tucking her hair behind her ear. “If you’re busy, I can ask someone else—”
I reach out and touch her arm. “I said I would go. I am not busy.”
Her eyes widen and she jerks away from my touch, giving me a nervous smile. “Sure. Okay. Give me five minutes and we can head out.”
“I appreciate it so much,” Hannah says, beaming approval at Nadine. “J’shel says that the hunter cave with the double chamber has a lot of stored roots? You might check there if you don’t have luck out in the wild.”
“Double chamber?” Nadine asks.
“I know where that is,” I tell her. It is farther out than many of our treks, and will require almost a full day’s walking…not that I mind this. “It does have a lot of baskets in the back chamber, but we might not make it there in time to come back before dark.”
“Oh.” Nadine thinks for a moment, studying Hannah, and then nods. “Okay, I’ll throw in a bit of stuff for an overnight trip just in case. Give me a few to pack my bag and tell Penny I’m heading out. Can you tell Raahosh or R’jaal so they don’t worry about us?” She gives me a careless smile and then, studying the list, heads toward the sleep cave of the females.
I remain in place, stunned.
She wants to go out overnight with me? Alone? Incredulous, I stare after her…and hear snickering from the fire. Taushen and Brooke are both giving me amused looks, and Brooke starts a little singsong. “Nadine and Thrand, sittin’ in a tree…f u c k i n g.”
A few other humans titter, and Taushen looks back at his mate. “What does that spell?” She leans in and whispers in his ear, and then he laughs, giving me a nod of approval. “I see.”
“We are not mating,” I tell them. “We are not even kissing.”
“Of course not,” Brooke says, her eyes wide and innocent. “Nothing ever happens when people get stuck out overnight. Alone. Forced to share heat.”
I imagine tucking under the furs with Nadine’s slim body pressed against mine, burrowing for warmth. The idea is far, far more appealing than I could have ever thought. “Do you…do you truly think that could happen?”
“The weather might turn later today. Only Rokan can say for sure and he is not here.” His grin is sly.
I glance back where Nadine disappeared, then look at Brooke and her mate again, shaking my head. “I would not touch Nadine unless she asked me to. She is my friend and companion first and foremost. If she wants kisses, I will gladly give them, but she must tell me so first.”
“Aw, you big sweet romantic dork,” Brooke says dreamily. “That’s so nice of you. You’re a good egg.”
Egg? I frown at her. Humans have weird names for everything.
Before they can tease me more, I see R’jaal walking in the distance, and I rush over to his side to tell him about our day’s excursion. Root hunting. Double cave. Might be overnight. He listens intently and studies my face. “She is safe with you, I trust?”
His words offend me. “Her safety is my life.”
R’jaal nods. “Good. I will not look for you until the morning, then. Be well and do nothing the female does not want.”
Why…does everyone act as if we are heading off to go mate instead of hunt roots? It is curious. Did I misunderstand something?
* * *
Nadine is oddly quiet all day. It is not an uncomfortable quiet, but she does not volunteer to speak, and when I ask her something, she responds, but it is clear she is distracted. I wonder what is bothering her, but she seems to be in a good mood.
Just…quiet.
I do not like it.
I do my best to break her out of her silence. When we get to the edge of a stream and dig for roots in the underbrush, I tell her that I will get more roots than her. I point out that mine are larger than hers, or that I can dig faster. She laughs, but then goes right back to being quiet. We gather plants for a time, but we find only one kind, and Hannah has sent instructions for three different types. Furthermore, our traps are empty as we move from spot to spot, the bait stolen in each one and the snares sprung yet empty. It does nothing to add to the mood of the day.
"Would you rather go back to camp?" I ask Nadine as we pause to eat a quick snack. "You do not seem as if your heart is in hunting this day."
"I'm fine," she says, and touches my arm. "It's nothing you did. I'm just…thinking about a lot of stuff."
"Such as?"
"Nothing I want to talk about."
I hide my frustration. "Very well. Shall we race to the next ridge, then, and check for more plants?"
Nadine rolls her eyes at me but there is a smile on her face. "Nice try."
"I always try."
I watch her closely as we walk, trying to understand what it is that is on her mind. Her form is steady and strong, her feet sure as she takes steps through the snow. It is deep, so we both wear snowshoes as our feet sink into the snows more than the sa-khui or islander feet do. She seems well in body, but her mind is not here with me. But she did not choose to go back…so that is something, is it not?
The thick clouds break and the sky comes out for a short time, revealing pink and purple shades. It will be getting dark soon, and I am relieved when I point up the ridge at the cave I have been to a few times with Aehako and the other sa-khui hunters. "Up there is the double chamber cave. We have arrived."
The cave itself is halfway up a sloping hill, tucked in between the rocks. It is an easy, if steep, climb, and the snow drifts around our legs as we walk up. The mouth of the cave is covered in one of the wind-breaking stretched skins, colorful handprints marking the otherwise bland leather.
I pull back the hide and toss it aside, and it skids down the side of the hill, sliding several lengths away from us. "Kef me," I bite out, irritated. "Really?"
But Nadine's eyes light up as she looks over at me. "You just gave me the best idea."
I did? I try not to seem too pleased—I don't know what I've done, exactly, but all I care is that Nadine's smile finally reaches her eyes and she's more like her normal, spirited self. I watch as she trots halfway down the hill and picks up the hide. She dusts it off with her fingers and examines it thoughtfully. "Not this one," she decides after a moment. "Think there's a few rolled up ones inside we can use?"
"Use for what?"
"Sledding, of course," she tells me with a mischievous smile.
"I do not know what sledding is."
"You will soon enough." She props the stretched hide frame against the rock wall and ducks inside the cave. I follow after her, digging for my fire-sparking tools. It is growing dark outside, which means it is shadowy inside the cave, and I want to be able to see where we are going. I find the fire pit easily and crouch near it to start a fire as Nadine fearlessly heads deeper into the cave.
"Be wary for predators," I warn her.
"Nothing's been in here," Nadine tells me. "It'd be messier if they had."
"So you say," I grumble. "But I am the one that has been here before. And I am the one that will be angry if a snow-cat eats your face off."
Her laughter bubbles up from the recesses of the cave. "Does it have to eat my face? Can't it just eat my hand or something?"
"The face is the tastiest part," I call back to her, striking the fire implements together and watching the sparks land, waiting for them to hit the tinder pile just right. "Especially your lips. They are very soft and full. If I was a snow-cat, I would eat those first."
"You are a straight-up weirdo," she tells me, and a moment later, she's back in the main part of the cave just as I get the fire started. Two large, thick hide rolls are under her arm and Nadine gives me a brilliant look. "Tadaaa!"
"What am I looking at?" I ask her skeptically. As hides go, they are not my first choice. They have barely been worked, thick and tough and hard. "Are you cold? Do you need a blanket?"
"No, we're sledding," Nadine says again. "Bank
the fire and come on. We're going to have some fun."
My mind immediately goes to kissing. I want to kiss her again, so badly. To me, that would be fun. But I suspect she has something else in mind. I blow on the tinder until the fire catches, grab a chunk of hardened dvisti dung with the tongs and toss it over the fire to burn slowly, and then join her outside.
Nadine is busy unrolling the hides, and I watch her, curious. She grabs the edge of one and lays it down at the edge of the path, near the entrance to the cave, and then sits on it. I frown to myself as she scoots forward on her bottom, and to my horror, the hide begins to slip down the hill, carrying my female with it.
"Nadine! No!" I race after her, trying to catch her.
She hoots with delight, the hide skidding down the hill at speeds impossible to catch, and slowly coasts to the bottom of the hill, drifting ever so slightly. Her laughter fills the air, and I stare at her in shock, jogging down after her. "Did you mean to do that?" I call angrily after her. "Is this a joke?"
"It's fun!" she calls again. "That's sledding. Why are you so mad?"
"Because I have aged thirty years in a matter of seconds," I bellow after her. "I thought you were going to get hurt!" My heart hammers in my chest, pounding so loud I fear I will never catch my breath again. Nothing has been so terrifying as watching Nadine careen down the hill at high speed. I have faced Praxiians in the arena and entire regiments of soldiers. I have been on a ship heading through an asteroid field at high speed and nothing, nothing has made me so completely choked with fear as the sight of her racing away and me unable to grab her.
"It's just…sledding," Nadine says again. She gets to her feet and tromps up the hill with the hide tucked under her arm, heading back up to my side. "Why were you scared?"
"Because I did not know what was going to happen," I bite out at her. I don't know if I'm furious at her or relieved. Both, most likely. "You should have told me."
"I did tell you."
"You should have told me what sledding was!" I touch my head. "Is my hair gray like Gail? Because you have made me gray."
Her laughter peals out, her dark curls whipping about her face. This is the happiest I have ever seen her and I ache so badly with wanting her. My fingers itch to curl around her arms and pull her close. I want to press my mouth to her laughing one, to breathe in her joy. I want to lick the sweat from her skin. I want to lick her all over, hygiene laws be damned.
She doesn't want me to kiss her, though. She wants it to be her choice…and I know if I take kisses from her, I will lose her entirely.
Because if I take even just one kiss…I will never be able to stop.
So I clench my fists at my side and remain silent, trying to calm my racing heart and throbbing cock.
“It’s just sledding,” she says again, shaking her head at me. “Children do it for fun. You’ve never done it?”
My voice is full of frustration. “When I was a child, I worked doing menial tasks on a clone farm. Some of us did labor, and some of us cooked for others or cleaned up after the rest of the farm. Our joys were few and far between, so no, I never sledded.”
Her expression sobers, her eyes filled with sympathy for me. “Oh, Thrand. I’m sorry. I forgot. Forgive me for being insensitive?”
When she looks up at me like that, I can deny her nothing. “Of course."
She holds the hide out to me. “Will you sled with me, then?”
I study the hide and then give her a look out of the corner of my eye. “I bet I can reach the bottom before you can.”
Her laughter somehow makes everything better. “You’re on.”
9
NADINE
I don’t get to the bottom before him. Not once.
It’s not surprising. Thrand’s got a hundred pounds of sheer muscle on me, and he coasts down the hill at high speed.
We race up and down the hill for what feels like forever, and I'm exhausted and cold and having so much fun that I never want to stop. I haven’t sledded since childhood. When I was little and we stayed with my grandparents at their home in New Hampshire during one Christmas, it snowed. I remember riding in an old plastic laundry basket on the hills while my sister Alexis coasted in a cardboard box. I remember Jordan rode on a garbage can lid, and anything that could become a sled of some kind was purloined for the task. It's one of my fondest memories of growing up, and right now, it feels like I'm reliving that same joy.
It's multiplied, though, because Thrand's joy is my joy. I love the way his eyes light up when he gets to the bottom of the hill each time. I love his cocky whoops of victory, and I love the way his face blazes with a grin when he wins. He's never played games, not really, so I feel like I'm sharing some of my wonderful childhood with him. His joy is now my joy and that somehow makes everything a dozen times better.
Sledding also gives me something to do to sort through all the wild thoughts going through my head.
I know I've been distant all day. He's noticed it, though he's let me have my thoughts and hasn't pressured me to tell him what's bothering me. I've tried to act like nothing's wrong, but I know I'm not good at hiding this sort of thing. And it's not that something's wrong, exactly…it's just that I can't stop thinking about my dreams from last night.
I woke up this morning with my hands between my thighs, cupping my slick pussy. I was breathless and aroused, and my dreams had been full of a big, red body that covered mine, and Thrand's cocky, arrogant smile as he pushed my thighs apart and guided his dark red cock towards my core. The dream was intense and so real that if I close my eyes, I can smell his scent on my skin, feel his lips on my nipples—and that's why I've been completely and utterly distracted.
I don't know what to do with this information.
All I know is that I want it, and it's there for the taking. I know if I reach out and touch Thrand, that he'll welcome it. That he'll fuck me with all the intensity and power of his strong body, and it'd probably be amazing.
I just don't know if I SHOULD take him up on it.
I know that I want him. I know that I want to see what could happen between us, and I want to show him what it's like to make love to another person. He's never kissed, so I'm guessing he's a virgin, too—if the constant hard-on when I'm around is any indication. He said clones were kept sterile, so I'm guessing he was given some sort of anti-Viagra pill to keep his cock from rising. Now it's gone and he's experiencing all kinds of lusts and they're centered on me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't flattered. I am. Just the thought of touching him makes me crave all kinds of things.
But…these guys we're stranded on this planet with? They don't know how to kick the tires. They don't know how to do casual.
That's the part that terrifies me a little.
Okay, a lot.
I'm afraid to be the one it won't work out for. It's worked out great for everyone who's resonated…but I haven't resonated to anyone. That's a problem, too. What if I fall in love with Thrand and then I resonate to someone else? Someone I barely know? U'dron, for example? Most of the Shadow Cat clan keeps to themselves, and I don't know if they trust the tribe as much as they put up with us. What if I resonated to someone like that? It would break me…and I don't know how Thrand would react.
Even worse…what if I love him and he resonates to someone else? Ugh. It's just a messy situation all around. Add in the fact that Bridget's been looked at like she's the problem because she and A'tam didn't work out? It's no wonder I'm full of hesitation. If Bridget's back together with A'tam—which Thrand has hinted that she is—she's keeping it under wraps. Smart, considering how it blew up in her face last time.
I don't know what to do. I haven't kissed him again, even though I've thought about it a hundred times, easily. I know he thinks about it, too. He watches my mouth when he thinks I'm not looking. He gives me hungry stares across the fire. And he always, always insists on hunting with me and being close to me.
It should irritate me. It doesn't. It's…nice.
; Which only adds to the pressure. I have to figure out what to do…and yet, I just don’t know. Part of me wants the decision to be taken from me. I want a sign from my khui—or the universe itself—that grabbing Thrand and kissing the hell out of him is what I should do. That sleeping with him will lead to something wonderful instead of just heartache.
But the universe is silent, and I just…keep waiting, like a coward.
I should have never gone hunting with him. It’s only led to filthy dreams and wanting things. This world was so much easier when my only focus was on hunting. Instead, I’m just looking for excuses—any excuse—to go out with him at my side. That’s why I took Hannah’s grocery list of roots. That’s why I acted like it’s no big deal to go out overnight with him.
I’m daring the universe and hoping it gives me a sign.
“Again?” Thrand challenges, moving to the edge of the ledge that we sled down from. His short hair is sweaty and sticks up in spikes, and he’s abandoned his cloak on the ledge, his chest gleaming with perspiration. I can see black, sharp patterns of tattoos all over his muscles and I want to trace every inch of them with my naughty, naughty tongue.
"One more time?" he asks.
I glance up at the sky. It's getting dark, and our fire is probably out by now because we haven't paid a lick of attention to it. It's going to be colder than cold soon and even the nighttime doesn't mean we relax, it just means there are different tasks for survival. Food has to be made, tea, water melted, bedrolls created, game tended to…and I get tired just thinking about all of it. I miss being able to just flop down on my couch after a long day of work and then relaxing. I miss drive-thrus that handed you piping hot food with no effort on your part. "We should probably go in," I tell him, ever practical.
"So you acknowledge that you have lost every single round to me?" Thrand arches a smug eyebrow. "I had no idea you would give in so quickly."
For some reason, his challenge gets to me. "Fine. One last race to determine the king of the hill. Winner is the champion."
