“Cash” Sonja said, her movements graceful, catlike. “I just don’t care anymore we got everything we wanted.”
“Not everything Sonja.”
“It’s enough, you and me babe. The sun, the beach a bikini and a pina colada.”
She drew me into her, but I lived in my head, I knew we all do to a degree, but losing was alien to me. I had to come up with a backup plan.
“All in due time, Sonja.”
A good friend showed up no matter what, a true friend supported and encouraged whenever I needed her, tolerated my shortcomings, accepted me unconditionally and cared for me during any crisis. And that was why I found myself on Gen’s doorstep.
“Well if it isn’t my ole’ friend Bryer.”
“Guilty as charged, can I come in?”
“By all means, how’ve you been, I haven’t seen you in forever?”
“It’s been touch and go for a while.” I said as my smile faded and my eyes filled with tears.
“I’ll get the wine.”
With a true friend the walls would come down and I could be who I was without fear. Gen knew me better than I knew myself-and wasn’t afraid to tell me things I didn’t want to tell myself. She was present for me no matter what time of day or night it was.
She handed me a glass of wine as she sunk into an overstuffed chair.
“Okay, come clean.”
“Nathan’s gone. Maybe it never would have worked, not with him. Maybe not with anyone.” I muttered into my drink.
“So that’s it? It’s over, you’re giving up?” She said bluntly. “You don’t give up, I know you. How long have we walked through life together?”
I began to cry and told her about the conversation with Nathan, Steel and the marriage.
“Why didn’t you tell me for God’s sake?” She said then squeezed my hand. “You know what? I wonder if he was just in shock, Nathan’s a good man. I mean, that would mess anyone up.”
Who was she trying to convince? My meaningful, once in a life time relationship was failing.
“I just don’t know any more Gen, he left me.”
I continued to breathe deep, I felt hurt, empty and exposed all at the same time.
“Listen Bryer, I’m on your side. You’re family.” She said forcefully. “Through rites of passage-marriage, deaths, and other important milestones, I’ve always been there. But you have to ask yourself what you really want?”
I continued to plummet, leaving me in a state of despair, like the whole world was falling apart.
“Nathan, I want Nathan.”
“The only way to have a good friend is to be one.” She said. “So, listen to me, you’ll have to forgive him, even if your angry, or feeling betrayed. Because he’s feeling those same emotions.” I listened as I was feverishly wiping the tears away. “You and Nathan didn’t deserve Cash’s betrayal; this is all his doing. Don’t let him win Bryer.”
Gen had ultimately transformed the whole entire disaster into something less tragic, she was like a sister, like blood. By the mere act by signing on to be in each other’s life, she was more than just my best friend; she was my advocate. And when the blood curdling rage was crippled me, she guided me safely home. Maybe she was right.
“And your father?”
“The body has been released; funeral arrangements were all decided by his lawyer. I wasn’t even notified.”
“I wish things were different for you and him.”
“I know.”
Too little too late, the problem was neither of us summoned the strength to reach out. I never understood why he left, but I knew the anger, that flash of fire to cover my own weakness, and now it was too late.
“You haven’t touched your wine.”
“I know I’ve been feeling light headed, fatigued and even nauseous.”
Gen stood up holding her hand over her mouth, her eyes went wide and round.
“You’re pregnant.”
“What? No, I’m not.”
“I think you are.”
“No, I’m not.
“Prove it.” She said her eyes darted at me. “Take a test, pee on a stick.”
“I don’t have a stick.”
“I do.”
“Why would you have a pregnancy test?”
“Why wouldn’t I? C’mon follow me.”
I faltered, then moved hesitantly as if I was about to give way, or heading to the guillotine. I hadn’t even missed my period, I couldn’t be…pregnant.
“When was your last period?” She inquired with intensity. “I’m a nurse remember?”
“Umm—” Her eyes narrowed. “Almost a month.”
Her brows lifted as she tore the box open and handed me the stick. My nerves rattled, but I understood I had to do this to prove her wrong. My face flushed as I dropped my pants and sat on the toilet, my eyes drifted close and let nature take over.
“There. All done.” I said handing her the stick. “What’s does it say?”
“Nothing, it takes 5 minutes.”
And today as I stood here waiting, doubt slipped in. Waiting does that, I guess. The real pain comes when I realize some love stories are short stories. As the allotted time draws near, I prop myself on the counter, letting my eyes move over the stick. A range of emotions tear through me, fear, anxiety, terror.
We watched that cross slowly fill the test stick window as the color drained from my face, my mouth fell open my eyes glued to the stick.
“You were right.
“Told ya’.”
I was stunned into silence, I was pregnant. I rubbed my belly unconsciously; the thought made me want to hurl. My life was about to change forever, I sagged against the mirror, feeling helpless, joy, dread and surprise.
“Besides you’ll make a great mother.”
“Famous last words.”
“What? It’s true, you say it like it’s a bad thing.”
She was serious. I couldn’t wrap my head around any of it, I was going to be a mother. In truth I’d be pushing out the newest family member, I propped myself up against the counter.
“Adding to the mix that Nathan and I are not really married, or the one where I tell him he’s going to be a father, but I’m married to Cash.”
“He knows all that.”
“Right. And that’s why he left me.”
“You’re not going to lose him, trust me. Say you believe me.”
“Yeah, well.”
Everything slowed down until there was nothing, the room spun and it was swallowing me whole. Everything was a blur; then I felt her hand reach out and grab mine.
“Bryer you need to go lie down.”
“Yeah, I don’t feel so well, I need a nap, I’m ready to drop.”
“Go sleep in the guest room.”
“Thanks.”
Once under the comforter I returned my attention to my mother’s words helping me distance myself from the news.
Dearest Bryer,
My sweet girl, I stopped writing long ago, but since the doctors told me my mind would be affected due to the combination of chemo treatments and the cancer setting in. I wanted you to know how much I have loved you, still love you, even after my mind and body will fail me, I will still go on loving you.
Honestly, I never set out for this journal to be shared, but looking back at my entries, I know the life lessons I’ve always instilled in you, and the reasons why things happened the way they did, needed to be shared with you. And why I protected you the best way I knew how.
You will be independent, both emotionally and financially, but I want you to find the kind of love that I found, share your life, as I shared mine.
Don’t fault your father Bryer, don’t hate him, I’m asking you to forgive him.
David wasn’t strong enough to witness the woman he loved deteriorate before his eyes. I can let him go knowing he loved me, just enough. He wanted to remember me today, not months from now when I’ll be a lessor version of myself.
You sweet gi
rl have grown into a strong woman, you are solid enough to see me through this, you will slay the dragons, and return to fight another battle. That’s how I raised you. My sense of pride as a mother is monumental, always know that even when I’m not able to say the words. Remember how I have loved you.
You too will become a mother someday, then you will truly know a love like no other. An unconditional love that burns a steady flame for eternity. You are my hero; be the woman I know you can be.
I will love you for eternity.
Your mother, Mary
I just didn’t realize the story of my parents love story, and how it ended until now. I’m thankful to know the truth. The lessons are ingrained in me, made me who I was. I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the infinite darkness.
“Bryer, wake up.” I felt the gentle touch of Gen’s hand, as she sat on the side of the bed.
“What time is it?”
“Morning, early.”
She smiled at me with her pearly whites against her sun kissed skin. Her dark blond hair perfectly coiffed.
“I must have fallen asleep.”
“You were sleeping like a baby. I hated to wake you.”
My face turned towards the sun peeking through the bedroom window.
“What’s going on?”
“It’s Nathan, he’s here.” She lifted her chin towards the door. “You two need to talk.”
“Now?
“Yes, now. Get up.”
She sensed my reluctance, as my pulse was jumping, I pulled air into my lungs and held it there, I struggled to breathe, everything was slow and distorted.
“I have to go to work.” She said then pulled me into a hug and whispered. “You love each other, you belong together, make it work.”
I slowly headed towards the living room at Gen’s insistence. I found him in front of the window staring out. Without looking back at me, I took a deep breath. It would keep me sharp and once I knew how I felt, what I wanted it would be easy to proclaim.
“Can we talk?” I said and watched as he spun around surprised.
“There you are, I missed you.” He whispered, then lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.
“I missed you too.” I said returning his gaze. I could sense the insurmountable weight on his shoulders, his hands tucked into his front pockets.
“That’s a good start.” He said and gave me a half smile. He recognized my hesitance; it was only human to feel a full range of emotions. We didn’t know what to do with unwanted feelings of anger or negativity. I sat on the couch and took in the sight before me. Then he swiftly crossed the floor.
“I was wrong, Bryer.” He said then dropped to his knees and lowered his head. “Forgive me.”
I knew right then that all he needed was my love, his boyish charm, was the best part of him.
“I’m not looking for perfection Nathan, from either of us.”
He lifted his head and looked at me for a few seconds. His face grizzled with stubble; I could feel his inner conflict.
“We are bonded so deep, if you cut me, we both will bleed.”
I almost cried as he spoke, the quiet screams of remorse were brought to the surface, but that slowly drifted away.
“If we could put the past behind us and look into the future, we can be anything we want together, Bryer.”
He wrapped me in his arms and let me melt into his form. Watching him fall apart was killing me, and every part of my body screamed I loved him so damn much. Memories rushed through my mind and I remembered every step in the right direction was a good step.
“Listen to me.” I said. We’ll fix this, make it right, but I need to tell you something.”
“That makes two of us.”
“Oh, well, go on.” I said.
I was nervous about sharing my news anyway. He stood, as he towered over me,
he fit the ideal of masculinity yet he wasn't constrained by what a man was supposed to be.
“James Sr. died, heart attack, but I find that hard to believe.” He said with little emotion. “I turned a blind eye, because there are times when I need a valid form of defense and emotional indifference itself seems the best way in dealing with his loss. His intention was to con, mislead or dominate through power, however as with all things it can be over used, and I felt we were in danger because he was capable of such evil.”
I’d thought the same thing, his warped version of love itself was the opposite of love. He acted as if others never mattered, he was as cold as the void between father and son.
“It must have been awful, I don’t even believe it, I didn’t expect that at all.”
“It’s true Bryer, he did bad things and this was the result. He had no one to blame but himself.” He said as his forehead creased. “What ever he said was never true.”
“You’re right, it was only a matter of time.”
He was ruthless and got his own way regardless of what it took. Incarceration couldn’t stop this evil man from doing wrong.
“So, what did you want to tell me?”
My stomach knotted, I just learned that there was a baby growing inside of me. I needed to embrace that as an opportunity to nurture a brand-new life. The baby would be completely reliant upon me to make loving decisions from this point on.
“Turns out the pill only works ninety eight percent of the time.”
“What did you say?
“It’s okay to totally freak out, panic, or feel overwhelmed.”
My thoughts scattered; a chill went through my body as Nathan slowly processed my words. A mix of guilt and instant regret stirred in the pit of my stomach, and even though I was scared, I was also thrilled.
Wait. Are you sure?” He said as his eyes lit up. “How do you feel?”
“Pregnant. But better now.”
“I’m going to be a father.” He whispered as tears glistened in his eyes. “A thousand questions just popped into my head.”
While the news came crashing down, completely uninvited. His initial reaction was positive. So maybe there was hope, a baby could fit in in our dreams, our goals and our future.
“While producing a decent human being from scratch is nothing short of a heroic act, you don’t have to worry about it all the time.”
A chuckle was heard throughout the room. “I love all of you, both of you.”
Tears shimmered in my eyes, the feeling of fear and anxiety evaporated and soon the sense of love came back. In truth is was never gone, he tenderly reached for my hand and pulled me in for a warm hug.
“You know you’re going to have to marry me all over again.” He said grinning like a fool. And my world just fell away, melting into his loving body pressed into mine. He braced one hand on the wall and leaned in close. He angled his mouth over mine and kissed me with everything he had.
“Let’s go home.”
I had no idea a woman could be so beautiful; she was glowing with my child. She had curves where it counted, and she knew how to compliment every bit of her God given beauty.
She ignited my need in a way no other woman ever had, her flawless skin, the soft curve of her back. Her long endless legs, her sweet body wrapped in the sexiest sheer undergarments were my undoing. She arched toward me as my need to touch her grew stronger. But I held back my aching need to control and conquer her. Instead, I lifted her leg and kissed the back of her knee, admiring the long line of her leg.
“Use your mouth on me, Nathan.” She said in a low sultry voice.
“Jesus.”
I peeled her panties down her legs, then swiftly dealt with my clothes and worshiped her on my knees. My thumb found her clit throbbing as I purposely changed angles, wanting to hear the sensual way her body responded. A cry of release with an all-consuming climax devastated her control, a final surrender as she threw her head back, riding out her pleasure. I slowly climbed up her body kissing the slender column of her throat.
“The baby.”
“Don’t worry, the baby will be alright.”
I took her breast in my palm, molding the flesh as I found her mouth again, eager to sample the feather stokes of her tongue. My body hovered over hers, my fingers tangled in her long blonde waves, as my firm lips caressed her sweet luscious ones.
I entered her slowly as a gentle moan escaped. I was throbbing inside her, my pulse felt by the deepest part of her. I absorbed the feel of her tightness surrounding me, it suddenly wasn’t enough. This was a primal need that defied all reason.
I cradled her face in my hands, my forearms supporting my weight, filling her with my hard cock. Her green eyes locked on mine with a need that defied reason. Kissing her swollen lips, I felt a smile appear.
“I love you Bryer, and this baby to come.”
“This baby conceived in love.”
I’m buried in her sweet heat, filling her deeper and harder with each thrust, matching my rhythm with primitive recklessness.
“Wrap your legs around me, I want to feel you come around me.”
“Oh God.”
Her eyes slid shut in ecstasy as ripples of pleasure reached unbearable heights. She whispered my name, low and raspy.
“Nathan.”
As she trembled in the aftermath, I let my hunger have its turn. My thrusts and essential power flooded her, and I knew I would soon fly apart in her arms.
Quiet sensuality brewed for several long moments as we were trapped in this hold of tenderness. I rose over her, searching for her emotionally. It didn’t take long to discover that we were in the same place. Her bright smile was playful and sexy as she purred beneath me.
“Bryer, God I love you.”
“I love you more, but--.”
“Shhh…” I gently pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m overjoyed, proof of our love growing inside you. This baby only makes me love you more.”
Her eyes lit up, she nibbled on her bottom lip.
“Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
“I just thought we’d be married before we brought a child in the world.”
“We will Bryer. I promise.”
We entered Storms office hand and hand. Alex stood and extended his hand and I shook it palm to palm. Kenrick was sitting across the room. My so-called father’s lawyer. I was frozen, rooted in place. And with a wave of rage, I tucked Bryer behind me.
Forgotten Chance: Book Three (Forgotten Trilogy) Page 14
