I had only nodded as words had utterly failed me as my emotions ran wild. I didn’t know whether to laugh, scream or cry or all at the same time….
“I’ll stay with you--,” Tim came to my side, and looking to the others, quietly said, “In the end, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything….”
“We should adjourn this meeting--,” Carrie had walked to the other side of the table and affectionately hugged the other women, saying, “We have all had a long night—and need some rest. Everything will be alright again once we get this all figured out.”
Maya had moved from her chair and looked to Rich. I could see the heart-break between them and it was all killing me. In my worst nightmare I had never imagined, dreamed of causing the people that I held dearest in the world so much pain and suffering.
“Be strong and hold steady your heart--,” Marlowe had whispered, his voice having a strange calming effect upon me, “Not all that is said or written is cast upon stone. In time all shall be revealed….”
Rich had gone to Maya and held her close as I bowed my head, hurting for them both. She had looked over his shoulder as he held her, and seeing this, pulled free and came to stand before me. “I can see now that you suffer for all of us--,” She wiped the tears from her eyes and tossed the braids from her face, “I know that you are a good man—and love my husband and uncle too much to abandon any of you. I will also stay.”
She had turned and fallen into Rich arms as he hugged and held her close.
“You best go upstairs--,” Carrie pointed and pulled me along, “I’ll see to things down here until you come back.”
She had hugged me, kissing my cheek, and whispered, “No matter what happens, you will always have Scott and me. You remember that.”
I had looked into her eyes and remembered the night that she had come back through a blizzard to save our lives. There had always been a magic, a strength to her that made her special to all of us. “Thank you—I’ll be back soon…..”
And with that I had turned and slowly made my way up the stairs.
I had intended to go into our bedroom, but hearing Eva and Caitlin quietly talking as they busied themselves, turned and went down the hall and into my office. I had slumped down into the chair as the raven sitting perched atop the desk, had slowly peered down. Its red eyes glistening as it silently observed my every move.
“It’s happening—isn’t it--,” I had whispered so that only we might hear, “My life is falling apart and I’m losing everything….”
“You can never lose that which is meant to be—not all that you see is what it seems….”
“I just don’t know how much more of this I can take—I feel as though I’m falling apart.”
“Beware the darkness that even now touches you deeply—do not forsake all….”
There was a soft knock at my office door and I turned to look. As placing down a suitcase, Caitlin had walked up from behind me, “I just wanted to say goodbye.” There were tears in her eyes and a deep sorrow in her voice that tore into my very soul. I could no more fathom bidding her farewell than casting myself into the flames….
“I’m not going to claim to understand or attempt to explain any of this—because I really don’t know how….”
“Michael--,” She wept, her hands trembling and held out before her as though in prayer, “You have surrounded us in cursed and haunted things, and followed into every manner of evil that you could possibly find. And now, you dare to stand before me, after bringing all of this horror into our home and lives, claiming to have no understanding. Even after you have personally invited Hell and the devil himself into our home…”
“I’m certain that given a little time and opportunity, I can--.”
“Michael, are you even hearing yourself anymore?” Her eyes burned with tears and became a seething emerald ocean as she stared in disbelief, “People are dying now—this isn’t just some game that you can keep playing with destiny and the powers that be. We lost poor old Norman to this nightmare—,” She whispered, throwing a hand before her mouth in sheer terror, “And look what happened to your friend Harry….”
“Please, don’t just give up on everything, on us like this…” I had turned, and moving from the chair, attempted to hold her, but she had moved away. As simply shaking her head, she had looked into the long shadows of the hallway, “I’m not doing anything that you didn’t start a long time ago and have since done to the both of us, Eva and everyone else involved….”
It was hard to watch the utter turmoil that was swiftly becoming a bitter parting of ways. As turning back toward me, she had opened her mouth to speak, but for a moment no words would come. She had just stared upon me with disappointment and nothing short of an utterly broken heart. “I just wanted to thank you for the all good things that we had and shared—and just tell you--,” She choked on the tears as she attempted to speak the words, “That no matter where we two shall go in this life or the next—that I will forever love you….. Michael….. But, I just can’t take any more of this….”
I wanted to drop to my knees right there and plead, beg her to stay! But I knew in my heart that in the end, the decision and the right to make it was entirely hers. I had looked toward the window and into the dull grey of the morning, my emotions drifting away into the frozen gloom as though I had already died. I had tried to think of something, words uttered in love which might make her change her mind. But as I had turned to look upon her, I found nothing but an empty doorway and dark corridor where my heart had once stood…..
As I trembled and felt the world collapsing all about me, I heard the door close downstairs as all that I had ever loved walked out of my life. I fell to my knees as the tears ran like hot rain, stinging my flesh and searing my soul as I blamed myself for everything!
The world became dark as everything that I had ever suffered was flooding back! An insufferable and unrelenting emotional tidal-wave of loss, emptiness and blind fear! I shook with a sudden fever as the blood pounded furiously, rushing like fire through my arteries and veins! Balling my fists, I fought the unrelenting sorrow as my head felt as though it might suddenly explode! A rage such as I had never before known filled my heart with bitterness as from out of nowhere shone the tiniest light. It was a white rose which, like a diamond in the blackness, shined within my soul, the memory of my beloved Caitlin.
“Marlowe—I beg of you, please tell me. Please tell me that she will be safe…..”
“She walks beyond the darkness---her heart has fallen into shadow. And for this very reason her life is spared, and her soul remains intact….”
“Is it true—was I the one who initially brought this evil down upon us all? Will I ever see her again—will there ever be another chance?”
“You are the reason and means to an end—but not the cause. All things are intended—and though they have purpose beyond our comprehension—in time all shall be revealed. You must have patience—patience or all shall fail and most certainly fall before the darkness….”
There was a strange knocking, a light tapping, as I looked back and toward my desk. The raven now standing next to the golden sphere gently pecked at the uncovered and shimmering globe.
Moving to my feet and stumbling back to the desk, I leaned upon the counter and gazed blindly into the sparking stone. Watching as I saw Caitlin and Eva departing in a cab and entering an airport, a flight bound for Ireland….
“You may see, but never interfere--,” Marlowe’s voice carried certain sympathy, “Always the eyes in the distance, forever aware, but worlds apart….”
The tears ran like a heated river, blinding and burning as the images of her flight departing now faded as I fell back into my chair.
“In dreams we remain together always and forever.” Marlowe had whispered as I had closed my eyes, “True hearts can never be parted by evil or through space and time….”
I had placed my head down upon my arms and the desk, no longer able to hold
back the emotions. The tears blinding, stinging, as I was silently weeping and my world fell into the darkness of an utterly broken heart.
A cold hand softly caressed my heated cheek, as the demon raven having become a boy once more, sorrowfully knelt down at my side….
Tuesday, December 31, 1974.
Tim had remained in the house with me. Taking poor old Norman’s room, he had attended to the chores under no obligation. When I had inquired, he had simply insisted that it had helped him to stay occupied. For the most part I was grateful for the company and in all honesty, truly needed the help.
Whether it had been by a miracle or curse, the funeral parlor had indeed burned to the ground. There had been an investigation, but as was expected, nothing unusual was discovered. The insurance would cover the costs and Tim would remain in Vancouver.
I had placed an even half of my fortune into Caitlin’s joint bank account, and then removed my name. I had also left instructions with Tim: In case she should request anything from the estate, she was welcome to remove anything she wanted to take.
I had fallen into a personal darkness, speaking to none and having refused to have even answered the telephone. I had eaten very little and cared even less about sleep, barely ever leaving the office or bedroom.
There hadn’t been any strange sounds or a disturbance to speak of in several days. It was as though the evil had subsided while having dealt a devastating blow just within its mere presence. Regardless, I felt no more fear or consequence, only a cold-blooded desire for revenge against the insidious thing. For the love of my mother, beloved Caitlin, Leigh, Uncle Walter, Harry, Norman and all the others that had suffered and died. I swore before everything that I had ever believed, that I would hunt the demon to the ends of the earth, and forever through time if need be. I would never forgive, surrender or ever forget until one of us had been defeated, or utterly destroyed….
Rich and Raymond had stopped by on numerous occasions, and leaving notes and messages with Tim, had sometimes even fallen asleep on my couch while awaiting a visit that never came. Realizing that I still had obligations to Ted, I had soon entirely occupied myself with finishing the book. I spent long and late hours working, the nights blending into hazy days as the time had passed. The manuscript was all coming together, as including each and every detail, the nightmare was almost complete.
On some nights I had stood by the window and just stared out into the frozen night, while silently listening to the sorrowful song of the bitter wind as it seemingly called, whispering, weeping and moaning from among the bare limbs of the tall and ancient trees.
But nothing stirred from within that darkness, not a single shadow crept or figure crawled from beyond the gates. The demon had seemingly withdrawn. As though after having already dealt a deadly blow upon this abysmal Chessboard that had once been my life, it now awaited the next move….
I had typed well through the afternoon and evening of December the thirtieth, and still sat staring blankly into the early gloom of the following day. Merlin seemed to have sensed that something had been terribly wrong. As rubbing against my legs, he meowed in a tone which I had assumed to resemble something like sadness, and looked inquisitively up at me.
“It’s just us again, my dear old friend--,” The words hurt as I struggled while even uttering them, “But don’t worry—everything will be just---.” I couldn’t even finish the statement as I hadn’t believed it myself. “Well—they’ll be whatever they will….”
There was a knock at my door as Rich nervously peered in, “I’m sorry—I sneaked past Tim—the door wasn’t locked, so I let myself in.”
An enormous sigh had escaped me as I fought back the emotions, “I’m glad to see you—please come in. I wasn’t busy anyway—I was just talking to the cat….” I had still been in my blue plaid flannel pajamas and black robe, as pulling it closed about me, rubbed at my uncombed hair, “I’m not dressed—I worked through the night again, as usual. And haven’t even had a chance to shower as of yet.”
“Michael, please stop explaining yourself--,” Rich’s eyes welled with emotion as he looked upon what had become of me, “I’m just glad to be here—and to see you.”
“Well—I’ve been very busy with my book--,” I had waved at the disaster of heaped books and pages that littered my desk, “As you know, I tend to lose track of things and people at times….”
Tim had politely knocked at the door, bringing in a tray of tea and sandwiches, and said, “I thought that you might like a little lunch and something to drink.”
I had thanked him as within the realization and the absence of Eva and Caitlin, placed a hand before my face in silent remorse.
There was a firm but gentle hand upon my forearm as Rich now gazed deeply into my eyes, his expression being sympathetic but strong as he quietly said, “I spoke to Caitlin this morning—she was asking about you.”
Just hearing him mention her name had caused my heart to leap into my throat, but I couldn’t even find the words to ask. He seemed to know and understand, as sliding a plate with a sandwich toward me, served tea as he said, “I told her that you were a wreck since she left—and no one has really seen or heard anything of you.”
Having little appetite, I had only listened and watched, hopeful that there might have been some hint of her possible return. As stirring cream and sugar into his coffee, he scratched at his mustache, and looking over at me, said, “She sounds terrible—and I know that she misses you, but can’t come back to this….”
I had only looked away. Unable to form a feasible argument in the matter, I completely understood, regardless of my own feelings.
“She is staying in an old family manor house with Eva in Ireland.” He explained, “I hope that you don’t mind—I’ve sent Maya there as well. I thought that it would do them all some good to be away from everything, and together.”
A mischievous grin had crossed his face as I looked back at him. It was obvious that he had sent an emissary of hope, a lifeline when all else failed. “Have I ever told you just how much I appreciate everything that you have done for me over the years? And even now, when I thought that you couldn’t possibly astonish me. You sacrifice your own happiness, trying to restore the life that I have ruined….”
“It’s what friends--,” He sighed deeply, “Family—does for each other when things get tough. We will get through this together—and things will be better again, soon. We all just need to hold on—and see what the future holds.”
“Do you mind if I join you?” Raymond appeared at the door, “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
“Of course not--,” I welcomed him with a wave, “But you might need to bring another chair.”
Tim had followed close from behind with a kitchen chair as with a shrug, he said, “It’s hard to keep them out. Rich is sneaky—and Raymond has a badge and guns.”
“Thank you for the lunch—and everything.” I looked to Tim, “You can pull a chair into the office if you want to.”
“Well--,” He looked about apprehensively, fidgeting with his tie, and said, “Scott and Carrie are at the kitchen table with Red Cloud. I thought that maybe we might all join them—if you were feeling up to the company?”
After having quickly showered and dressed, I had made my way downstairs and to where the others waited in the dining room, stopping in sudden surprise to discover Deb with her husband Ray, Pam and Jen and all the others gathered around the table.
Deb had looked about the table, and standing up, turned her attention upon me, “Michael—we came back to apologize—and to tell you that we had a meeting this morning. We have all come to a conclusion.” She bit down upon her lower lip, obviously holding back the emotions as she said, “It was an emotional time and all of us were over-tired and irrational when we made decisions that morning when you returned.”
“I never blamed a single one of you for what you felt or decided.” I had looked among them, their expressions saddened but entirely sincere, �
�This is a very serious, dangerous and quite possibly deadly situation.”
“And having taken everything into consideration--,” Deb returned to her previous thought, “We have all decided that regardless, we are family—and will stay together no matter what may come of it.”
“Because in the end--,” Carrie looked to me from where she sat beside Scott, “I’d rather go down fighting for the ones I love—rather than live wishing that I had.”
“Same goes for me, bro--,” Scott grimaced “No surrender and no regrets.”
Pam had come around the table, hugging me tightly, and said, “We can’t make things right between you and Caitlin--,” She frowned, her big blue eyes revealing a deep sorrow, “But we can sure as hell try to make things better for the rest of us.”
“Bless all of your hearts--,” I was almost speechless, as looking into their faces, I felt renewed faith and hope, “I’ll do everything in my power to try to protect all of you—and somehow, defeat this nightmare ….”
“No--,” Red Cloud stood, crossing his arms over his breast, looked to me and said, “We will do everything in our power to protect our people, and defeat this evil.”
“And now that it’s all settled--,” Carrie waved at the others, “Everyone bring the food and things that we brought into the kitchen. It’s New Year’s, let’s act like it!”
I had just watched as they hurried into the hallway near the front door and began carrying all manner of boxes and cooking vessel into the kitchen. The girls had begun hanging streamers and decorating the house as Tim and Carrie worked together while organizing everything.
As wonderful as their intentions had been, the house no longer felt like a home. It was just a shadow where lingered only the magic of love within memory. I saw Caitlin and Eva in every room, phantoms that ached within my heart as I fought to hold back the pain.
Sanctum Arcanum Page 64
