Chelsea nestled her head on my shoulder, and I resigned myself to making dinner one-handed while I held her. Chelsea was stubborn, just like me. I liked that about her. Although she did have one distinctive trait from her father: his hazel eyes.
Chelsea’s eyes were lovely. I wouldn’t trade them. But right now, when I looked at her, I couldn’t help but think of Raff.
Damn it.
I made dinner, teasing Chelsea with bites turning into little airplanes, until she’d eaten everything, and we could do a video chat with Trevor.
“Eat all your veggies,” I told her, “or we can’t talk to Uncle Trevor.”
“Uncle Trevor!” Chelsea adored her uncle. He was the closest thing to a dad she had, no thanks to Raff. I was forever grateful to Trevor for stepping up and being a positive influence in her life. Just because I was a single mom didn’t mean I couldn’t find my way to have a positive male role model for my daughter.
Thus encouraged, Chelsea ate eagerly, and then squirmed with impatience while I cleaned up dinner.
At last, we settled onto the couch, Chelsea snuggling right into my side. She’d been held constantly as a baby, passed from one relative to another, and I loved how tactile she was as a result. She associated touch with love.
Trevor picked up almost immediately after we called him, the video chat only ringing once before the screen was filled with his face.
“Uncle Trevor!” Chelsea crowed, throwing her hands into the air in her enthusiasm.
Trevor gasped as if in surprise. “Oh my goodness, if it isn’t my favorite niece! What are you doing in a computer?”
Chelsea giggled. “I’m not in a computer, Uncle Trevor! It’s a video!”
“Wow, that’s so clever! Now let’s see… where are you guys… Mars?”
Chelsea grinned and shook her head.
“Hmmm.” Trevor pretended to think. “You’re in Australia.”
Chelsea laughed. “No, we’re in San Fin-sis-co!”
She was still struggling with a few bigger words. I found it too adorable to correct her.
“Oh my gosh that’s right!” Trevor grinned at her. “That’s amazing! I’ll have to come and visit you soon, won’t I? You can show me around!”
Chelsea nodded, smiling. I smiled just watching her, listening to Trevor get her all excited about San Francisco, about the Golden Gate Bridge and Fisherman’s Wharf and the huge parks. I was so grateful to my brother.
Once, he’d been this annoying asshole that was always bugging me, and I was always bugging him. But now, after Raff had left, we’d bonded together and I couldn’t ask for a better sibling.
Luckily, Chelsea was distracting enough that Trevor didn’t seem about to ask me how my day had gone. Thank God. I didn’t know how to tell him about who my boss was. Trevor had vowed to punch Raff in the face if he ever saw him again, and that was before we learned I was pregnant with his kid. I had no idea how angry Trevor would be now and I wasn’t going to put that stress on him.
This was my problem, and I would handle it. I would stay at the company for about six months, then transfer or get a new job. Easy. I’d handled nine months of pregnancy and I’d pushed an entire human being out of my body. I could handle Rafferty West for a few months.
Or so I told myself.
3
Raff
I was distracted all evening with thoughts of Cass.
She’d said that she disliked me. She’d been professional and polite and had covered it up, being nothing but nice and attentive all day as I’d gone over the ropes with her, but still. She’d said that she disliked me.
That wasn’t what I’d hoped to hear when I saw her again. It was only upon seeing her that I realized it had always been a ‘when’ in my mind rather than an ‘if’. There was a part of me that’d always wanted to see her.
Of course, the fact that I’d been dreaming about her all these years sure was a clue. God, I’d been so swept up in our one night together. Cass had always been Trevor’s annoying sister while we were growing up. She and Trevor were always at odds. But then I’d come back from my MBA and bam. She’d been this confident, accomplished, gorgeous young woman. I’d wanted her so badly I hadn’t been able to think straight.
And then I’d gotten her. I’d never thought in a million years that Cass would make a move on me. I was the best friend of her annoying older brother, how could she see me as anything but an accomplice to that, another annoyance?
But Cass had made a move. She’d kissed me, she’d danced with me, she’d wanted me.
And I’d been powerless to resist her.
I had a beautiful apartment overlooking the city, and I took advantage of the view as I changed into my bathrobe and had a drink of whisky. Fuck. Cass didn’t like me. I supposed I couldn’t blame her, after what I’d done.
I’d lied to her. Pretended I didn’t remember the night before, that I’d been blackout drunk, that what had happened couldn’t have and if it did, then it was a mistake. I’d faked amnesia about the whole thing.
Cass was smart. She always had been. I knew that she had to know I was lying but I hadn’t been able to tell her the truth: I was leaving in a week.
We grew up in a rather… affluent town in Connecticut. Everyone around us had money, and so did we. But my dad had made some bad investments. We’d been about to lose the house, lose everything. My parents were humiliated. They didn’t want anyone to find out, so they’d sworn me to secrecy and, well. I took my word very seriously.
Mom and Dad were paranoid about the neighbors finding out, including Cass and Trevor’s parents. They didn’t want to lose their social standing. I had to scramble to find a job instead of starting up my own company with Trevor the way I’d originally wanted. I got a lucrative job, starting a week after Cass’s birthday, and that was why I’d had to leave.
In fact, that was why I was so patient with Parker’s hiring choices. I was one of the unconventional hires. I was someone in a hole and he’d taken sympathy and he’d helped me out. He’d been happy to even give me a bonus to pay off the house bills for my parents. He’d said to consider it an investment in a long-time employee. I had been thrilled. And I’d paid him back for that tenfold in my good work for the company.
But I couldn’t explain that to Cass at the time, not without breaking the trust of my parents and exposing our secret. I couldn’t tell her I was leaving, because that would mean telling her that I couldn’t work with Trevor, which meant telling her why, and… well.
I’d decided that it was better to pretend I didn’t remember. Rather than tell her I did remember and that I couldn’t be with her. It had hurt, knowing that the woman I wanted was right in front of me and I couldn’t take her. But at the time I’d figured it was the best way. Ripping off the band-aid.
Now I suspected, given Cass’s dislike of me, that it hadn’t worked. That she felt disrespected. I couldn’t blame her. It just really hurt, knowing that I’d been such a bad friend and such a bad lover. I wanted to find a way to make it up to her. Especially since out of all the things and all the people I had worried about fucking up, Cass had been at the top of the list. I wanted her now and I’d wanted her then, and instead I’d shot myself in the foot.
I finished off my whisky and put the glass away, heading for the shower. God. I’d tried emailing Trevor a few months later, into my new job. Once the family home had been saved and my parents could relax again, I’d figured there was no reason not to let Trevor in on the secret and apologize. Maybe we could start a company up together, the way we’d originally planned.
Trevor had never answered my emails apologizing and asking if we could talk.
I couldn’t blame him. I’d fucked him over. I hadn’t just abandoned him in a friendship sense, I’d abandoned him as a business partner. I didn’t know what Trevor had done without me, but it had to have been hard to have his busines partner just vanish off the face of the earth and have to start a business on his own instead.
So,
no. I didn’t blame him.
Trevor hated me—and now it seemed that Cass hated me too. Although that definitely wasn’t what I felt for her. Quite the opposite.
Of course, that wasn’t what I’d thought of it at the time of the birthday party. As I stripped and got into the shower, I couldn’t help but remember that night. I’d realized pretty quickly after meeting Cass again after getting my MBA that I had a crush on her. That was all it was, I’d kept telling myself. A crush.
After all, my whole life I’d known Cass as the younger sister Trevor was always fighting with. To come back and find her so changed, her own woman on her way out of college and into what was sure to be a fantastic career, had been like a sack of bricks to the face. I couldn’t believe that she was so attractive.
And she’d been funny, witty even, and educated, and driven. I had left behind a girl and come back to find that she’d turned into an adult when I wasn’t looking. And I’d wanted her so badly.
Cass had never outright said it, but I suspected that was the first time anyone had ever given her oral. Stupid college boys, not knowing how to treat a woman right. I was going to show her pleasure. And she’d welcomed it. The breathy moans and whimpers she’d made still rang in my ears even today, even now.
My cock started to swell as I remembered how she’d tasted and felt during her climax. I’d felt so fucking triumphant. Cass was not an easy woman to impress in literally anything. She was tough and she had high standards. To see her reduced to begging and gasping, to feel her shaking under my tongue and my fingers… it had been intoxicating.
I wrapped a hand around my cock, the warm water of the shower beating down on me as I slowly stroked myself. I kept my grip a bit loose so that I wouldn’t come too fast. If I was going to indulge myself in these memories then by God, I was going to fucking savor this.
Cass had been fucking gorgeous that night. It had been her childhood bedroom, so the bed was a bit small, but I hadn’t cared. All I’d cared about was the woman stretched out before me like a feast, her skin almost glowing in the moonlight.
I’d practically ripped her clothes off in anticipation and put my mouth everywhere I could possibly reach on her skin. She’d been so warm and eager, trembling all over with desire. I’d had no idea that collected, ambitious Cassidy could be this torn to pieces, but I’d adored it.
And fuck, when I’d slid inside of her and she’d admitted she’d had a crush on me for years—how could I do anything except kiss her? I’d loved kissing her. She put her whole body into each kiss, and it had been intoxicating. I hadn’t had that much to drink, just enough to give me a slight buzz in the back of my head, but Cass’s kisses had made me feel drunk.
She’d been so tight and hot, slick, warm—my own hand now wasn’t nearly enough to simulate that feeling, but it was better than nothing as I tightened my grip on myself and stroked myself harder, faster. God, I’d tried so hard to hold myself back so that I didn’t get too rough or harsh with her. Cass had encouraged me onward, begging me, please, please, please, and God it had sounded like music to my ears.
I’d been so wrapped up in her, and she in me. I’d had her under me, so that I could control how much I slid in and out of her and could take my time, not rush things or hurt her by accident. I hadn’t wanted her to worry about having to be in charge of anything right then. She’d been the birthday girl, after all. I’d even made a quip about it at some point, telling her that all she had to do tonight was lay back and relax, and she could return the favor on my birthday. She’d laughed.
Cass had a wonderful laugh.
That night, I’d realized how much I liked her. The spark we had between us, the connection as we’d had, the sex—I’d never felt anything that intense with anyone else before. Fuck she’d felt so good on my cock. She’d felt so good in my ears, begging, whispering about how good I felt, how amazing my cock was inside of her. Pleading with me not to stop, never to stop.
My hand flew over my cock in the shower as I indulged myself in those memories. I’d had good sex before. Sex was sex. It was easy for it to be good. Or at least good enough to get off to. But fuck, this was something else. This was on a whole other level. I had been losing my mind completely, so lost in the moment the way I never was with anyone else.
I’d wanted to feel her coming around me, so I’d reached down between us and fingered her, rubbing at her clit, until Cass had come a second time, clenching tight around me. It had felt so fucking good. She’d been so tight, perfect and slick for me, I’d just about come on the spot. It had only taken one or two more thrusts for me to get there and I’d spilled inside of her.
Thank fuck I didn’t have any diseases. That had been stupid of me not to use a condom, but I was clean, thank God. I wouldn’t have sex with a woman, especially with Cass, if I’d thought I might have something.
Coming inside of her had been like a revelation.
I came hard now, spilling over my hand, gasping as the warm water continued to hit me like a parody of a lover’s touch. God, I wanted to fuck her again. I hadn’t stopped thinking about her all of this time. If I’d been able to choose my path in life, if I had gotten to do what I wanted instead of what I had to do for my family, I would’ve been with her.
God, if only when she’d come over the next day, I could’ve just been with her. She’d had this big sunny smile on her face and coffee in her hands. She’d offered up a chance for us to have a second round and I’d wanted nothing more. I’d wanted to take her back to my room, this time, and fuck her until she forgot her own name. Really take my time in a way that I hadn’t the night before when we’d been a bit tipsy and too desperate to slow things down.
More than that, I had wanted to date her. I’d wanted to take her out to lunch and explore this Cass that was so irresistible to me. I’d wanted to be with her not just as a sexual partner.
But life hadn’t worked out that way.
I braced my hand against the wall and let the water wash over me, then quickly soaped myself up and actually got myself clean. Cass hated me now. Or, well, maybe didn’t hate me, but she sure didn’t like me. And here I was pining after her all these years. The one I’d let get away.
Of course, at the time I hadn’t thought of it exactly like that. I had just thought I had a crush on her. It wasn’t until later I’d realized that there was a real possibility—that she was the first person I could’ve seen myself falling in love with.
Now I had to face the reality that she probably didn’t feel the same way about me.
Yeah. I turned off the water. I needed another shot of whisky.
4
Cassidy
The next day, Dawn and I got lunch with Chelsea downtown during my lunch break.
“Are you sure she’s not too much trouble?” I asked.
“Honestly, babe, take your time,” Dawn assured me. “It’s no problem to watch her. Chelsea’s a delight.”
My daughter beamed at me as if to prove the point.
“It’s just until I can figure out which daycare is best,” I explained.
Chelsea had been in the care of her grandparents and uncle her whole life whenever she wasn’t with me. I was terrified that putting her in a daycare would make her miserable. I needed to find just the right place for her.
“I think you might be a little overprotective,” Dawn pointed out. “Chelsea’s been kind of spoiled her whole life—no offense, Buns.”
Chelsea laughed. ‘Chelsea Buns’ were a popular type of pastry in England, which was where the nickname had come from.
Dawn looked at me. “But she is used to being the center of attention all the time. I think it’ll be good for her to get into a daycare and learn to be part of a team, for lack of a better term.”
“Isn’t part of the reason you work from home the fact that you’re bad a working with other people?” I pointed out.
“Well, you want your daughter to be better than I am, right?” Dawn replied cheekily.
I rolled m
y eyes, but she had a point. Chelsea was used to being the apple of everyone’s eye. It was fine now, as a three-year-old, but it could be a problem as she got older. Introducing her to other kids her own age and having her see that she wasn’t the only one who was important, learning how to compromise, to get along and make friends, to think about others… yeah, it would be important.
I just didn’t want to settle for anything less than the best for my daughter.
“Eat your chicken nuggets!” I told Chelsea, distracting her with them.
Chelsea giggled and began to eat and play with them, like they were little animals. Well, that was fine. So long as she was distracted, I could talk to Dawn about more… adult things.
“So, there’s something I didn’t tell you about my job,” I admitted.
“Oh?” Dawn raised an eyebrow.
I took a deep breath. “My boss is Raff.”
Dawn stared at me. She looked so surprised that for a second, I thought she didn’t know who I was talking about. But then she blurted out, “Rafferty West!?”
“Yup.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe it. That’s nuts! I thought you were going to be working for that one guy…”
“I know, I know. So, did I. Apparently he—the CEO, I mean, not Raff—likes to do the hiring himself when he can. And then sends you to your place. So, he hired me as Raff’s executive assistant, not to be his.”
“And how… well. I can imagine how it is.”
I winced. “The thing is… it’s hard, yeah. I hate him. It’s hard to work for someone you hate. God, I just want to scream at him all the time. I want to grab him and shake him and demand to know why he left and what was going through his head. But if it wasn’t for that, he’d actually be a good boss? I mean he is a good boss, honestly.”
“In what way?” Dawn sounded wildly curious.
“Well, he listens to my input on things and asks for my opinion, and he respects it. He showed me the ropes and he’s patient with the fact that I’m new. He’s got this style that’s informative, but he’s also open to questions and comments. I feel like I can come to him if I’m having a problem with something. And he has this casual air without seeming inappropriately friendly. You know how it is, bosses have to still be your boss, they’re not your friend, but I don’t feel intimidated.”
Dating My Brother's Best Friend Page 3
