by Carian Cole
The more I think about it, the more I’d love to have Kenzi and Tor living right across the street. Tor’s been working his ass off for years at his motorcycle shop, and I’ve hated watching him struggle financially even though he never complains about it. While Kenzi’s never acted spoiled or asked for anything, I know she’d love a big, pretty house to decorate. It’s not like I can’t afford to buy my daughter a house. Other than paying for Ember’s care, I hardly spend any money at all.
“I could hold the mortgage for you, and you could pay me back, like we did with this house. I wouldn’t mind at all.”
“We’ll think about it,” Tor says quickly.
“We’ll definitely talk it over, Dad. It’s just a lot to think about. But we really do appreciate it.”
I smile at my daughter, and she leans over to wrap her arms around my neck. “We love you, Daddy.”
I hold her tight against me. “I know.” Then I let her go and stand to leave.
“I’m going to head over to the hospital and see how she’s doing. I probably should’ve gone there first rather than bothering you two so early.”
Tor also stands and pulls me into a quick hug, slapping my back. “Dude, you can come here anytime. I think it’s better you came here first. Do you want us to go with you? I can blow work off today.”
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll text you later, though.”
They walk me to the front door together, where Kenzi hugs me again and kisses my cheek. “Don’t worry, Daddy, please. Everything will be okay. No matter what happens, we’ll all get through it together, just like we always have. Tell Mom we love her, and don’t forget to text or call me.”
I wink at her before I turn to leave. “I will.”
“Asher, wait...” Tor practically pushes me outside and closes the door behind him. “What the hell was that all about?”
I narrow my eyes. “What?”
“Don’t what me. Bringing up that house? You know I can’t afford that place.”
“I know that, but I can. She’s my daughter. You’re my best friend. I’d like you guys living right across the street. What’s the big deal? It’s only money.”
He pushes his long hair out of his face. “She’s my wife now. It’s a big deal to me.”
“Lemme ask you something, Tor. If Kenzi was married to someone else, and I told you I wanted to buy her a house so she could live across the street from me, in a house that none of her husband’s exes stepped foot in, or slept in, or showered in, or had sex in, and she could have a big beautiful house that she could decorate all on her own, what would you say?”
His jaw muscles clench. “I’d say get her the house, because she deserves it.”
I lean forward slightly. “You both deserve it. A nice, fresh start. Tons of room for your little zoo. Lots of bedrooms. Shouting distance from me.” I grin.
“You’re not allowed to butt in if we fight. Stay on your side of the street.”
Letting out a laugh, I smack his shoulder affectionately. “I can do that.”
He blows out a deep breath. “Only if you let me pay you back. I’m not taking any freebies from you. And if you ever threaten me with it like you did with this house when you found out about me and Kenzi? I’ll beat the shit out of you. Dad.”
Touché.
“Deal.”
“It might take me the rest of my life to pay you off, but I will.”
“I’m not worried about it. Whatever you want. It’ll be nice to have you both close. Especially if...”
If Ember wakes. If Ember doesn’t wake.
His dark eyes meet mine, and he nods. “It’ll be nice for everyone.”
Today I bring a vase of daisies. I don’t know jack-shit about plants, but they seem like a happy flower. The florist I’ve been coming to for almost eight years always chats with me as she carefully snips and arranges the flowers just right. After my fourth visit to her shop, she started tying a ribbon around each vase with a tiny crystal heart charm dangling from it. She said it offered healing and protection.
We’re good friends now, me and the middle-aged couple who own the flower and gift shop. When I can’t make it to see Ember myself, they hand deliver the flowers for me and stay a few minutes to talk to her, then text me a picture of the flowers next to her bed. Two years ago, I bought them a new car to show my appreciation, and they were so excited they cried.
Sometimes the littlest things are really the biggest things to others.
“Happy Monday.” I set the vase on the nightstand. “I got you daisies. Remember the daisies you planted in the backyard?”
I pull the guest chair closer to the bed and sit in it, facing her. Taking her hand, I raise it to my lips for a kiss, then rest it back on the bed, covering it with mine.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t come yesterday. I missed you, though. Did you miss me?”
She’s staring toward the television, her eyes squinting slightly. I glance up at the TV, and reach for the remote that’s attached to the bed.
“Who the hell left the news on? You hate to watch the news.” I switch the channel to Lifetime. “Your favorite channel—all drama, all day, all night.”
The corner of her mouth twitches.
Whoa. Did she just smile?
“Can you hear me, babe?”
I stare at her eyes and mouth, squeezing her hand, hoping to feel her fingers move.
Nothing.
“I had a dream about you last night. Were you trying to tell me something? Does your head hurt?” I take a deep breath. “If you can, let me know, Em. Blink, or move your finger—anything. I’ll help you. I won’t let you down again, I promise.”
Ignoring the tears that spill down my cheeks, I massage her hand, silently begging for a glimmer of change.
“Rough day, Mr. Valentine?” Sherry has slipped into the room in that quiet way she does. “The flowers are pretty. Good choice.”
“Thank you.” I swipe my face with the back of my hand.
“You’re doing just fine.” She squeezes my shoulder. “You both are.”
“Have there been any changes?” I ask, not taking my eyes off Ember.
“Not today. But it’s Monday. Nobody ever really wants to do anything on a Monday, right?”
Nodding, I force a smile. “That’s true.”
“One day at a time. That’s all any of us have.”
I stay with Ember all afternoon, watching television and talking to her. I help Sherry move Ember’s frail arms and legs and turn her on her side. I drag my old acoustic guitar out of the closet and play for her, softly singing her favorite ballads.
A young woman named Violet comes in with a big sheep dog—a therapy dog who climbs on the bed and snuggles the patients. They’ve been coming once a month for the past two years. The first time Violet realized who Ember and I were, she jumped up and down then started to sob. Her poor dog was utterly confused, apparently not used to comforting his owner. She promised she’d never tell anyone that she sees Ember and me here. Not that it’s a secret, but very few people are allowed in Ember’s room, able to witness the state she’s truly in.
Our fans know that Ember’s been in a vegetative state since the accident. It’s not like we could hide it or lie about it. Her band had to give a statement as to why she was suddenly gone. Her story was all over the news, and it was a media circus for months. I endured countless interviews, stalkers, crazy-ass rumors, accusations, psychics, and distraught fans. I hated every second of it and welcomed it when people moved on to the next gossip and drama plaguing someone else’s life.
Horrible, but true.
A few miles from our house, a storage unit filled with cards and gifts from Ember’s fans waits for her. Everything untouched and unopened. The cards continued to arrive for years, the number of them diminishing with each year, until the very last card arrived five years ago.
Ironically, that card came with no return address, just a name scribbled in the upper left of the envelope.
Redw
ood.
Chapter Four
The dreams stopped.
I watch the clouds drift by from the kitchen window. Sipping coffee and missing my wife, barely hearing Kenzi and Tor’s voices. I’ve hardly touched the lunch they brought over.
There’ve been stretches of time where the dreams have stopped before, but I always had faith that eventually Ember would show up to hold my hand or to share another message.
And she always did. Until now.
“We’re pregnant!” Kenzi announces, suddenly jumping up and down.
I blink at her, wondering what conversation I just missed. “What?”
“I’m pregnant!”
I’m shocked, a little petrified, and immediately in love with my tiny unborn grandchild.
This is good news. Reality. This is what matters—not dreams.
I try desperately not to let the quick thought that Ember will probably never meet the baby taint the moment.
My drink slips from my hand, sending shards of glass and fizzy, sugary soda all over the kitchen floor.
"Shit.” I grab a roll of paper towels off the counter. “A baby. That’s great.”
Kenzi kneels down to help me clean, but Tor pulls her up.
“You two sit,” he says, taking the towels from me. “You look like you’re gonna pass out, man.”
“Daddy? Are you okay?” Kenzi’s eyebrows furrow together with concern.
“Me? I’m fine. I’m surprised, that’s all. Are you okay?” I scan her from head to toe. “Have you been to the doctor? Is the baby alright?”
She smiles and touches my hand. “Yes, and I’m fine. The baby is perfect.”
“I’m fine too,” Tor jokes as he sprays cleaner on the tile and wipes it up.
My baby’s having a baby.
Fuck.
I’m going to be a grandfather. Time is going by so fast.
I wish Ember was here. She’d be so excited. Not stunned and unsure what to say like I currently am.
Snapping myself out of it, I pull my daughter into a gentle hug. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart. You’re going to be a fantastic mother.” I let her go and turn to Tor.
He’s been a best friend to me, to Ember, and to Kenzi. I have no doubt he’ll also be the first best friend their child will have.
I slap his back. “You’re gonna be a great father.”
He beams. “Hope so.”
“I have no doubts. I’m happy for you two. New house, a baby on the way. Life is good.”
Kenzi hops up and kisses my cheek before wrapping her arms around Tor’s waist. “Thank you, Daddy. I’ve never been happier.”
Tor kisses the top of her head. “Me either,” he says.
Ember and I may not ever get our happily ever after, but I’m positive Kenzi and Tor are going to get theirs.
After Kenzi and Tor leave, I turn off all the lights and make my way upstairs to the bedroom, still caught in the whammy of excitement and surprise. Echoes of the past follow me with each step—Kenzi’s giggle as a little girl, Ember’s lighthearted laugh and loving whispers, my own laughter and goofy singing. The familiar heartache creeps in, the one that starts as a sting in my eyes, then moves to an unbearable heaviness in my chest, and finally, stirs up a fervent ache deep in my gut.
“Good morning.” I stroll into her room. “Carnations today. Remember in high school on Valentine’s Day we would buy carnations for each other, and Mikah used to eat them?” I shake my head as I put the vase on the nightstand. “Maybe that’s what’s been wrong with him all these years. He’s still my strangest brother.”
I drag the guest chair closer to her bed. “I can’t stay too long today because I’m meeting the guys at the studio to talk about the new songs.”
I lean over the bed to kiss her cheek, and when I pull back, her green eyes follow me.
My breath catches, and my heart leaps up into my throat.
Without taking my eyes off her, I sway slightly to the left, and her eyes move with me.
“Em?” A hoarse whisper is all I’m able to summon up over my sudden ragged breaths.
Her eyes slowly close, and when she opens them again, she’s still looking right at me.
There’s no recognition glimmering behind her dark lashes, no dash of fear or awe, but there’s focus.
Gulping for breath, I turn quickly to the door, then shift my attention to the emergency button on the bedside remote, then lock eyes with her again. She’s still watching me, unmoving, like a much-too-realistic painting.
My heart rate spikes, the pounding in my chest so hard and rapid I can barely breathe. I’m petrified to move, or call the nurse, or do anything at all to break her focus and lose this moment. If I do, will it come back? Will it lead to more? Or will she slip away completely?
Trembling from head to toe, I grab her hand and squeeze it in mine. Her eyes widen just the slightest amount.
Holy. Shit.
I let out a shaky breath and dredge up my voice. “Baby, it’s okay. I’m here. Can you hear me?”
Does she know how much time has passed, or does she think we were just at the cliffs moments ago? Is she wondering how we got here in this sterile, pale-gray room?
“Everything’s okay,” I say softly.
Unaffected, her focus sweeps toward the window, and my entire body continues to shake as I hold my breath, waiting to see if she looks back at me again.
Please look at me. Please look at me. Please don’t let me be crazy. Please look at me.
I rub my thumb gently along the top of her hand. What am I supposed to do? Even though I’ve been praying for this moment forever, now that it’s here, my brain has completely short-circuited. My body has turned into a jellyfish. The world has gone into slow motion.
“I love you twice. Now and forever,” I whisper.
It’s all I can say. It’s all that’s ever mattered.
Her gaze flicks back to my face, and her finger twitches in my hand.
Oh, God.
I push the call button with my free hand, and within seconds, Sherry is in the doorway.
“I think you leaned on the button again, handsome.” She laughs, turning to leave.
“Sherry, wait! She’s looking at me, and her finger moved. I swear to God she’s looking at me.”
Forehead creasing, Sherry joins me next to the bed. “Now, Mr. Valentine, I’m sure it’s just—” She stops talking when Ember’s eyes move to focus on her.
“See!” I say. “Her eyes moved. She’s looking right at us.”
Sherry’s mouth falls open. “Oh my word, I think you’re right. Step back.” She pushes me with her body and presses another button on the console before checking the monitors.
Less than a minute later, a familiar doctor enters the room, and my heart continues to pound like the hooves of a hundred horses as they check Ember’s vitals, flash a light in her eyes, and move it across her line of vision. The doctor presses a pen into her nailbed, and I nearly jump across the room when Ember’s finger pulls back.
“What’s going on?” I demand, pacing by the window. “Is she waking up? Can she see us? Can she hear us?”
“Mr. Valentine, please calm down. It would be best if you left—”
I halt in my tracks to stare at him. “Are you insane? I’ve been waiting almost eight years. I’m not going anywhere.”
“We need to run tests to determine if there’ve been any significant changes. We see activity like this all the time in patients, but it rarely leads to anything. They occasionally drift in and out of levels of consciousness. You know that, Mr. Valentine. Looking at us is not the same as waking up.”
The weight of his words threatens to crush me like an elephant. “This time is different. She looked at me. Her hand moved in mine.”
“I understand, Mr. Valentine, but please, before you get your hopes up, we really do need to run some tests. We’re going to take her upstairs. You’re welcome to stay here and wait, but we most likely won’t have any solid answers for
a few days.”
Is he kidding? My hopes have already soared to the moon.
“I’m not leaving. I’ll sleep on the floor right here until we know what’s going on.”
Dr. Simms removes his glasses and rubs his forehead. “Mr. Valentine—”
“Asher.” For years I’ve been asking all the doctors and nurses in this place to call me by my first name.
“Asher. I understand your excitement. I can assure you I’m also pleased and hopeful to see these changes in Ember. But I can’t stress the importance of patience enough. Especially if there’s further progression. You cannot sleep on the floor or hover over her twenty-four hours a day.”
Wanna bet?
I’m sure if I were anyone else, my sleeping-on-the-floor comment would’ve been taken as a figure of speech. But I’ve got a bit of a reputation, for lack of a better word, from past behavior. I have slept on the floor and in the chair in the corner.
We all know I’m going to do it again.
Chapter Five
My phone vibrates on the couch beside me, and I almost drop my guitar in my rush to answer it.
“Mr. Valentine?” An unfamiliar female British accent fills my ear.
I set my guitar on the floor, a dull pain radiating through my lower back as I turn. After sleeping in Ember’s room for two nights, I finally gave in and came home earlier this afternoon to shower and sleep in a bed.
“That’s me.”
“I’m sorry to call so late. This is Karan. I’m one of the night nurses at—”
A jolt of panic steals my breath. “Is my wife okay?”
“Yes...um, I’m new to this wing. The doctors are with her now, but I was told to call you immediately if there are any changes in Mrs. Valentine’s condition.”
Doctors.
More than one.
I jump off the couch and grab my car keys from the coffee table. “Did something happen?”
“Yes. It appears she’s trying to talk.”
