by Carian Cole
“No. You were very close to my parents and my grandmother. They took care of you. You adored them and considered them your family. You always have. My mother was in the delivery room with us. You asked her to be there with you.”
She bursts into tears and buries her face in her hands. “I don’t believe this,” she sobs into her palms. “Everything gets worst.”
My heart clenches. How can I make her understand that despite having a baby so young, we never regretted it?
“You were happy, Ember. And so loved by me and my family. Your parents aren’t nice. They left you here. They never tried to help or find answers. I did.”
“You get out from here.” She shoves my shoulder with her small hand, and while she’s too weak to move me, I’m pushed over the edge. Destroyed.
“I want my nurse.”
Shaking, I stand. “I’ll get the nurse. I’ll leave if that’s really what you want.”
“Yes. You leave.” She glares at me. “You did bad things to me.”
My heart plunges. “Ember, it wasn’t like that at all. We had something so special. We were inseparable. We loved our baby. All we wanted was to have a life together.”
She pokes at the nurse call button on the remote as she continues to cry. “Please leave,” she begs.
“Okay.” I put my hands up in surrender. “I’ll go home.” I step backward toward the door. “I love you.” For the first time in our lives, I leave without kissing her goodbye, and it feels as if my soul is being torn out of my body and fed into a shredder.
I don’t allow myself to fall apart until I’m in my car.
She pushed me away.
She asked me to leave.
I left, but I don’t leave.
I sit in my car until the moon shines in the sky, reliving all our memories in my mind. Remembering for both of us. I never thought I’d have to convince Ember that Kenzi was a blessing. Or that being teen parents wasn’t horrible. Or that she lost one family but gained a new one that loved her unconditionally.
So many people doubted us and worried about us, but never Ember.
“We’re lucky, Ash. We got a jumpstart on a love that most people don’t have until they’re twice our age. Or ever. We get a lifetime of happily ever after.”
I pull an old notebook out of my glove box and pour my heart out into new lyrics—scribbling madly about the minefield of unrequited love and relentless hope. It’s been a long time since I let my soul seep into music, but it looks like that’s going to change. Our next album might end up being a lyrical walk down the disheveled path of my life.
The fans will eat that up like candy. They’ve been waiting for more of my blood and tears since the album we put out right after Ember’s accident. After that, I made it a rule to keep myself out of the music.
Welcome back, Ash.
Around midnight, I sneak back into Ember’s room and gently kiss her forehead as she sleeps.
“I’ll never leave you, baby,” I whisper. “I know you’re still in there.”
Someday, hopefully, she’ll thank me for being so insanely stubborn.
Chapter Twelve
“Oh my God. Look at you!” A beautiful, tall woman with long, blonde hair rushes into my room, her high heels tapping on the tile floor, silver earrings swinging against her cheeks. Before I have a chance to pull away, she’s got me in a hug. “I can’t believe it,” she whispers. “I’ve missed you so much.”
The sweetness of her voice and the desperation of her hug tells me she must be friend or family. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I say.
She pulls away to stare into my eyes. “Do you remember me?”
“No, I’m just glad to see a new person.”
“Oh.” She covers her disappointment with a smile. “I’m your sister, Katherine.”
My sister. Finally, someone of my own whom I can trust.
“Are you bigger than me?” Ugh. Thoughts and words start out perfect in my mind but somehow get jumbled on their way out of my mouth.
“Yes, I’m your older sister. I’m ten years older than you.”
I smile to mask the tinge of confusion that zings through my head at the mention of numbers and years—things that still confuse me on most days. “The guy told me you’d be coming.”
She pulls the guest chair closer to my bed and gracefully eases into it. “The guy?”
“Yeah, the guy who keeps saying he’s my husband.”
“Asher? He is your husband.”
I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t think I’d marry him.”
She smiles. “You definitely did.”
“He’s always here. Watching me.” I peer at the doorway, expecting him to walk in with more flowers.
“I’m not surprised. He’s given new meaning to the in sickness and in health vow.”
“He acts like I’m an egg he laid.”
Katherine laughs. “That’s definitely Asher. He’s just worried, and he’s excited you’re awake. We all are.”
“I’m not sure I like him. So much hair and beard and tattoos. I don’t think he even has a job.”
She lets out a breath and studies me for a moment. “I can’t imagine how confusing this is for you. Not recognizing anyone...having someone you don’t even know claiming to be your husband. Especially someone who looks like the long-lost rogue Bee Gees brother.”
I nod. My first girl talk. “It’s horrible. I feel like I’m in someone else’s life. I don’t feel anything. Except confused and trapped. I don’t know anyone. I don’t know who to trust. I feel like a bad dream.”
She touches my arm. “I’m going to do whatever I can to help you. You can trust me. And you can trust Asher. He’s a good man.”
“He says he has a daughter. With me.”
“Kenzi. She’s a sweetheart. She spent the summers with me in Maine. I did my best to be there for her after your accident. Everyone did. She’s missed you terribly.”
A little muffled voice in my head tells me I should be feeling some kind of emotions as we talk. Gratitude to my sister. Regret for missing so much of my daughter’s life. Love for my husband. Sadness for not remembering any of them.
But all I feel is mild curiosity similar to when I watch a movie on the television.
Nothing else.
“Thank you for taking care of her,” I say, because it’s the polite reply.
“Don’t thank me. She was a great kid, and she’s a wonderful young woman now.” Katherine shakes her head. “This feels so strange. I almost feel like I’m dreaming sitting here talking to you. It’s been such a long time, and so much has happened.”
“Asher said the same thing.”
“I never thought...” She takes a deep breath. “I never thought you’d wake up. One year turned to two, then three, and it all felt so hopeless after that. This is a shock.”
“Almost eight years,” I repeat what the guy and the nurses have said.
“Too long. It was a nightmare—for you and for us. But you’re like an honest to goodness miracle, and the doctors say you’re doing great.” She perks up in her chair and flashes me a dazzling smile. “You should be on your feet and able to go home in no time.”
Home is another large black void. I don’t know where or what home is.
“I can’t remember anything about me.”
“I did some research of my own, and your memory can come back. Just try not to worry or pressure yourself.”
I smooth the blanket over my lap and avoid her eyes. “What if I never remember?”
Her eyes are sympathetic. “I’m sure you will in time. It’s only been a few weeks. The doctor is very optimistic.”
“But what if I don’t?”
Her expression reminds me a lot of Asher’s. Happy, but with brief moments of lowered eyes and faltering smiles that they quickly attempt to cover up with new smiles and gentle touches.
“Be honest for me. Please.”
She nods slowly and tucks her wavy hair behind her ear. “I’m not q
uite sure. I suppose then you’d be starting all over. Getting to know all of us, getting to know yourself. Like a new beginning.”
“Then what? What would I do? After here?”
I can’t envision anything beyond the door to my hospital room and the television. But I’ve been thinking. And wondering. Where will I go? What will I do? What kind of life will I have with this big black hole in my brain?
“Well...you could do anything you’d like. There’s no rush to figure it out. You and Asher are financially set for life, so you don’t have to worry about working or money. You’re safe, and you’ll be taken care of in every way. I’ll be here for you, and so will Asher and Kenzi. You won’t be alone.”
Strangers taking care of a stranger. That’s what my life could be.
Shivery tremors ripple through my body.
“Honey, don’t worry about all that now. Just take it one day at a time. But I promise, you’re going to be fine no matter what. Focus on resting and getting your strength back. The rest will come.”
“Is it true about my parents? They don’t see me since the baby?”
She uncrosses then re-crosses her legs. “That’s a long, complicated story, but that’s correct. I called them last night, and we had a very long talk. They decided they want to come see you.”
On the TV, a family is sitting at a table having breakfast together. Teen sisters with their parents—all smiles and happiness over pancakes and syrup.
For the first time, I wish I could eat, and I wonder if I liked pancakes before.
“No.” I reach for the remote to change the channel. “I don’t want to see them.”
My memory may be gone, but I know enough to know that if my parents truly cared about me, they would have been here by now. They would have been sleeping on the floor like the guy.
They don’t seem to be worth trying to remember.
“Remember, just act natural and happy.”
“We know. You told us ten times on the way here. Stop worrying.”
Whispering voices rouse me, pulling me from a dreamless sleep.
Did I fall asleep after Katherine left?
Or is it a new day?
Bouts of sudden fatigue and spontaneous naps have been making it even harder for me to figure out what time it is, or even what day.
This, too, is on the long list of things that are supposed to get better.
Blinking, I realize Asher is here with a young woman. A few steps behind them is a man with hair past his shoulders and tattoos on his arms.
I assume he must be one of the brothers Asher mentioned.
“Did everyone not get haircuts while I was in a coma?”
They laugh as I slowly sit up in bed, and the guy from the back pushes to the front. He leans down and hugs me, engulfing me in muscles and denim. He plants a kiss on the top of my head before he pulls away with a big smile. “Glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
I didn’t know I had one.
“Ember, this is Kenzi, our daughter, and Toren, our best friend since high school.”
My chest twitches as I lock eyes with the girl. She’s beautiful with purple-tipped blonde hair and teary green eyes. Perfect white teeth peek out behind her pink smile.
She could be a model. Or an actress. Or anything else that I don’t know.
A million words tumble around in my brain and catch in my throat, releasing in a short squeak.
Kenzi. Our daughter. My daughter.
How can that possibly be?
Where is the little girl with the bouncy curls I saw in the photos?
Asher told me she was all grown up, but I can’t let go of the idea of the little girl with the adorable smile.
I want that one to be here.
“Mom...” she whispers, taking a hesitant step closer to my bed. “I missed you so, so much.”
My heart races so fast, I’m afraid I may pass out.
My foggy brain recognizes the hope and desperation in her eyes. The little girl is still in there, needing and wanting the mother she lost a long time ago.
She thinks that’s me, but she’s wrong.
The mom is gone. The little girl is gone.
Everything is just gone, gone, gone.
I want to go back to sleep. I want my butterflies.
Her soft hand touches mine. “Daddy was right. You look amazing.” She smiles nervously and brushes the tears from her eyes. A large diamond ring glints from her finger. “I have so much I want to tell you…and show you. And ask you.”
The little girl is married.
“You’re married?” I say, eyeing her ring finger.
She pulls her hand up to her chest and looks from Asher to the other guy with her eyes wide. “Um…yes, actually, I…”
Asher smiles reassuringly, but their nervous glances at each other tell a different story.
“We were going to wait for a better time to tell you, Em. Kenzi and Tor are married.”
More waves of confusion muddle through my mind. I feel like there’s an itch in my head that I can’t reach.
“B—but he’s our friend.”
“That’s right. Tor is our age, and Kenzi is much younger. But they fell in love, and they’re together.”
The little girl who’s now big smiles brightly and grabs Toren’s hand. He smiles, but his dark eyes are apologetic.
“We’re very happy, Mom,” the girl whispers.
This must be wrong. The friend is in the pictures on the wall with the little girl and us. They’re not supposed to be together like this.
I stare at Asher, too confused to get the words out of my head. But I want to ask how he let this happen. How could he let the little girl marry his friend?
“Ember, everything’s good,” Asher says in his calming voice, which isn’t very calming right now. “At first, we had some rough times, but everyone is happy now. You’ve always trusted Tor.”
The friend’s eyes are deep and brown like a family dog—filled with loyalty and love.
Maybe he’s not bad.
“And we’re having a baby,” Kenzi blurts out.
My skull suddenly pounds with flashes of blinding white light.
“No,” I cry. “I can’t…”
I clutch at my throbbing head as the room twirls to a blur and then goes black.
Chapter Thirteen
Three Weeks Later
I’ve been looking forward to today all week. According to my calendar, it’s Friday, and Asher promised to take me outside to the courtyard. It’ll be my first time outside since I woke up. The past few weeks have been good to me. I feel clearer. Stronger mentally and physically. I haven’t remembered anything, but my general confusion is fading more each day.
Asher keeps referring to our outing today as our first “date.” That bothered me at first, but I can’t deny the fluttering feeling I’m starting to get in my stomach when I think about him. He’s sweet and funny. Not to mention, incredibly protective. As scary as it is to have a stranger for a husband, he goes out of his way to make the situation as easy for me as he can. I may not remember him, but I can tell that absolutely none of this is easy on him at all.
“Whoa.” He clutches his chest and lets out a low whistle, stopping a few feet into the room to stare at me. “There goes my heart again.”
I reach up to touch my freshly washed hair. “Sherry helped me do my hair and put some makeup on.”
“You tryin’ to kill me lookin’ so beautiful?” He steps closer, his mouth curving to a silly grin. “I almost had a heart attack in the doorway.”
Warmth floods up to my cheeks. “You’re crazy.” And I’m starting to like it.
“Only about you.” He winks at me as he moves behind me and grabs the handgrips of my wheelchair. “You ready to roll?”
I nod excitedly. “Yes.”
“Then hang on, baby.”
He wheels me out into the hallway to the elevator, past the nurses who smile and wave at us. I wave back as he spins my chair
around to pull me into the elevator backward, so I’m facing the doors. I watch the floor numbers light up as we descend to the ground floor, wringing my hands impatiently in my lap.
He pushes me through the lobby area, saying “beep beep” as he swerves around people and steers us past leather chairs and plants.
Just a little more, through the automatic glass doors, and we’re outside.
Finally, I’m out in the world with the warmth of the sun on my face and fresh air filling my lungs.
Freedom.
It seems crazy to think I was in a bed in the same room for almost eight years, suspended between life and death, imprisoned in my own body.
The thought makes me shiver.
“Oh my God.” I squint up toward the blue sky. Has the sun always been so bright? “The sun feels amazing, and the world seems so big and endless.”
Asher wheels me to the courtyard and parks my wheelchair near a bench not far from a water fountain.
I can feel him watching me as I take in the billowy clouds floating across the sky.
“You’re glowing,” he says.
“I feel like I am.”
“You’ve been trapped inside for way too long.”
Inhaling a deep breath, I turn to face him. The breeze is blowing his long hair away from his face, and he looks so unexpectedly handsome that I forget what I was going to say for a moment.
“The air feels so good. Freeing, almost. Does that make sense?” It’s so nice to finally escape the walls and hallways. I’m not sure I’ll ever get the disinfectant scent out of my nose.
He nods. “It does.”
“Did I like being outside…before?”
“You’ve always loved it. We used to go for a lot of walks, hikes, and rides on my motorcycle. Our favorite place to go were the waterfalls.”
I wish my legs were strong enough for me to walk right now. I’d love to get up and walk through the grass. “That sounds pretty.”
“Yeah, it was.” He clears his throat and pushes his sweatshirt sleeves up. “Are you warm enough?”
“Yes. Did we have flowers in our yard?”
“We do have flowers in the yard. You planted them all yourself when we first moved into the house. We have a big four-season porch where we spent most of our time. We’d drink wine or lattes, write music, talk. It was your favorite part of the house.”
