Who you still really fancied.
Especially when you were a bit woozy from a day of crying and a long, long night shift.
‘Where are you parked?’
‘At the mechanic’s!’ Molly answered. ‘It took me so long to get to sleep that by the time I woke up…’
‘Do you want a lift?’
‘I’ll get the tram,’ Molly said firmly.
‘It’s really no problem.’
‘Don’t you have to get home for the twins?’
‘They’ve got kindergarten today—Mum stayed over last night and she’s taking them.’ He’d pulled out his car keys, was sort of jangling them between his fingers, and if they were just friends, she should just say yes, Molly thought, jump in the car and yawn her head off all the way home. Only they couldn’t be just friends, Molly realised, because her heart was hammering in a way it didn’t when Anne Marie offered her a lift, and eye contact was suddenly a terrible problem.
‘I’ll get the tram!’ Molly said again, only this time to her shoes, telling herself she was being stupid, that there was no tension between them. Gosh, his wife had just died. As if he was even thinking…
‘Molly…’ His fingers lifted her chin, his delicious mouth a breath away as he said her name, and then it was on hers, and it felt so right, because it always had, so blissful, so familiar it actually hurt—hurt to taste again what she’d once devoured. She felt a sting of tears in her eyes as she kissed him back—a long slow kiss that neither wanted to end because then there would be questions that neither were really ready to answer. But end it did, and she still couldn’t look at him, so she didn’t, just buried her face in his chest as he held her for a moment.
‘The staff car park’s probably not the best place.’ She tried a little joke, only it didn’t work. ‘I have to go.’
‘I know.’
And she did have to go—had to walk away that very second without looking at him, had to put as much space as possible between them, before they both went and did something really stupid.
Really stupid, Luke said to himself as he started the car up and swiped his ID at the barrier. He could see her marching ahead, was tempted, so tempted, to wind down his window just to talk to her again. Feeling like a kerbcrawler as he did just that.
‘You couldn’t afford me.’ Molly grinned, a little bit pink, her eyes a bit glassy, but she was smiling again, able to look him in the eye again, able to make him laugh as somehow she set the tone.
‘Probably not.’ Luke smiled back, and then his face became serious. He knew that a little kiss was big sometimes—that it was probably her first kiss since Richard—and he didn’t want to hurt her a fraction more than he already had. ‘I actually wasn’t about to whistle you in—I was just…’ He didn’t know how to voice it but, because it was Molly, he didn’t really have to. ‘You’re OK?’
‘I will be,’ she answered, and because it was Molly she checked on him too. ‘You?’
‘Same!’
She probably thought he was feeling guilty, Luke realised as he drove off, glancing in the rearview mirror at the woman who consumed him. No doubt Molly thought six months was too soon to be over Amanda. He dragged his eyes back to the road, his face hardening as he indicated right and headed for home.
And for the hundredth, no, the thousandth, or perhaps even the millionth time, in the five years since he’d left her, Luke thought it again.
If only Molly knew.
CHAPTER FOUR
‘TO OVERSLEEP once and leave your car at the mechanic’s may be regarded as misfortune,’ Anne Marie said loudly as they walked into work, and Molly could have hugged her as she fabulously misquoted, because it gave her a very good reason to be blushing as Luke looked up, ‘but to oversleep twice can only be regarded as sheer laziness!’
‘You overslept again?’ Luke grinned.
‘OK, OK,’ Molly grumbled. ‘I was exhausted. I just fell straight asleep and forgot to set my alarm.’
‘Don’t push it!’ Anne Marie nudged her as they headed to the locker room. Because of course she hadn’t fallen straight asleep—had spent the morning frantically reading her so-called ‘help’ books then angrily over-plucking her eyebrows while telling herself in the mirror that Luke was an utter bastard and she’d be completely mad to even think about getting involved with him again. And what a nerve he had to even think he could kiss her. How could she have let him?
‘Don’t leave me on my own with him.’ Molly pulled on her stethoscope.
‘Why—are you scared of him?’ Anne Marie winked.
‘Don’t be stupid.’
‘Scared you won’t be able to keep your hands off him, more like! Don’t worry, hen, I’ll look after you! Anyway, we might be quiet—you might not even see him.’
‘I wish.’
You really should be very careful what you wish for, Molly reflected as she gave handover the next morning, after an entire night without so much of a glimpse of Luke. Out of twenty-two sick kids not even one of them had managed a raised temperature, not one lousy IV chart or prescription to write up and the two empty beds that, despite a full to bursting emergency department, had remained empty. Even on the two occasions he’d rung to check if he was needed, Debbie or Anne Marie had answered the phone.
How was she supposed to play it cool, Molly huffed, when he wasn’t around?
‘Rita wants to do my appraisal while the ward’s quiet.’ Anne Marie rolled her eyes as Molly came out of handover. ‘Do you want to go to the canteen and grab a coffee?’
‘I’ll just get the tram.’ Molly yawned, pulling out her hair-tie. ‘And I’ll remember to set my alarm this time.’
Actually, she’d key a reminder into her mobile, Molly decided, blinking as she stepped out into the bright morning sun, tapping away.
‘Oy, have you been avoiding me?’ Luke made her jump as he caught up with her and made her smile too. ‘What a night! It was steaming in Emergency.’
‘I wish we’d been busy.’ Molly yawned again, because now she’d started she couldn’t stop. ‘You know, I’m more tired when I’m doing nothing.’
‘Stop it!’ Luke scolded, also yawning. ‘Now look what you’ve done.’ He gave her a very nice smile, but Molly couldn’t help but notice he didn’t offer her a lift. ‘See you, then.’
‘See you.’ Molly smiled.
‘Sleep well!’
‘I will.’ Molly nodded, wishing her legs would move and wishing his would too, but still they stood there. ‘You sleep well too.’
‘I will.’
‘Right—see you then.’ She was really going this time—well, she would have, Molly decided if he hadn’t then, very casually offered her a lift.
‘Sure.’ Molly shrugged. ‘But only if it’s not out of your way.’
‘Not at all.’ Luke also shrugged. Only it was—miles and miles out of his way, as it turned out, because of course even if she hadn’t completely moved on in other ways, she’d moved house several times since they’d last been together.
‘Left here…’ Molly sneaked a surreptitious look as she gave directions. She didn’t usually like blond men, only he was so tall and so big and so…just so Luke. Actually, he could have come in orange with green stripes and he’d still have made her toes curl. ‘And then a quick right at the roundabout.’
His mind clearly wasn’t on the road, because he missed the quick right and they had to go round the roundabout again—Molly rigid and leaning back, trying not to lean into him, moving her hands quickly when he moved his to change gear, even frowning at the dashboard, because according to that he had climate control on…only she was roasting.
Maybe his climate control wasn’t working, Molly thought helplessly as her house loomed into view. Well, obviously it wasn’t working, because Luke was turning up the fan at that very moment, blasting them both with a shock of cold air that surely hissed into steam the second it hit their cheeks.
‘Here!’ Molly croaked. ‘I’m the house before the wh
ite car.’
‘Right!’ Luke nodded, missing it by a mile and having to execute a hasty U-turn. ‘Is this the one?’
‘That’s the one.’ Molly beamed, scrabbling in her bags for her keys. ‘Thanks ever so much for the lift.’
‘My pleasure.’ Which made him sound like he was giving a political speech! ‘So you live here?’
‘I do!’ Molly’s smile was rigid. ‘Er, do you fancy a quick one?’ Her face went from red to purple as Luke gave her a rather startled look. ‘A quick coffee or something—before you drive home, I mean.’
And he lost a zillion brownie points at that point.
The million-dollar lottery dropped to a few cents as he faltered with indecision.
They’d driven fifteen kilometres, for goodness’ sake. Surely he should have worked out his answer to the inevitable question before they got there. Surely he should be the one dealing with this—should have smiled and said no, or should have already turned off the engine before they headed inside.
‘Whatever.’ Molly beamed to his rigid profile. ‘I guess I’ll see you at work tonight…’
She never got to finish, never even got her keys out of her bag. A wedge of muscle was suddenly pinning her against the car seat, a mouth was knocking the breath out of her. Had there been any breath, Molly thought faintly as his tongue reacquainted itself with hers—because she’d stopped breathing at the roundabout. But, God, it felt good, he felt good, they felt good. The lottery payout ding-a-ding-dinged as it rose—a sort of battle with arms and legs and confined space, and neighbours putting their bins out and a dog barking.
‘Coffee?’ Molly croaked again, pulling back as she completely gave in.
‘Sounds marvellous!’
Keys really were the most ridiculous, unevolved things. It was the twenty-first century, for goodness’ sake, Molly thought as she smiled and waved at her neighbour and tried to get the sliver of metal into the smallest of slots—tried to stop the cat as he shot for freedom, tried to just make it through the front door.
‘Coffee?’ She turned as they entered, said it yet again, with conviction. There was for a while a sliver of hope that they might make it to the kettle—but Luke didn’t even deign to answer. Just grabbed her and kissed her all the way to the bedroom.
And what a mess it was!
Littered with self-help books, a magnifying mirror and tweezers on her bedside table and—of all the awful things to have on display—her bed was awash with tissues, tiny sodden balls that screamed of pain. But he dusted them away with one hand, cleared the mattress in almost one stroke, before an angry cat almost took his hand off.
‘Hell!’ Luke cursed, sucking on the scratch as for the second time in a couple of days the cat was deposited out of the bedroom, but for such a nice reason this time.
‘I’m supposed to be playing it cool,’ Molly whimpered as he grabbed her again.
‘You’re not cool, though,’ Luke breathed. ‘You never were,’ he added between kisses. ‘Don’t ever change.’
And whoever said you shouldn’t go back to your past was wrong, Molly decided as she frantically stripped off his clothes and he did the same to her. Whoever said that sex for sex’s sake ultimately didn’t satisfy had never had a six-foot-three Luke Williams raring to go in their line of vision. Whoever said that ultimately she’d regret it might just well be right, Molly accepted as he kissed away her pain, as his tongue slid over her body and washed away the years—but she’d deal with that later. And, yes, her bottom and boobs were just a little bit bigger than when last they’d met, but Luke didn’t seem to mind a jot.
‘Oh, Molly, I missed you!’
He wasn’t supposed to say that, Molly thought helplessly. This wasn’t supposed to be about looking back or looking forward. This was supposed to be all about now.
‘I missed you too,’ Molly admitted, even if she shouldn’t.
Oh, but she had.
Missed his sexy body, missed how he made her laugh, missed, missed, missed that he could be so into her, ravishing her, tasting her, grabbing handfuls of flesh as if he needed it to survive.
‘I want you so much…’ He just groaned it out. They were kneeling on the bed, grabbing at each other, kissing each other, revelling in each other. And then he just gathered her towards him, and the theory was it was way too quick and way too soon, but it was exactly how she was feeling.
‘I want you too,’ she whimpered, just holding him in her hand, guiding him into her, leaning on him, wrapping herself around him, lost in her own feelings but utterly safe and sound, awash with her own orgasm but drowning in his, feeling him within her and somehow knowing that what was happening was big.
Very big.
And very scary, because according to Luke she was still hung up on Richard, and according to Molly he was still grieving for Amanda.
Her head was on his chest, his blond chest hair on her cheeks, his arm holding her, and she could only guess at the expression on his face. She could feel the pensiveness in the moment, and wondered not just what he was thinking but who he was thinking about. But she was too scared to look and not ready to ask.
‘Don’t ignore me at work tonight.’ Wriggling out of his embrace, she turned on her side, stared up at her bedside table, tried and failed to fathom that Luke was here in bed beside her.
‘Why would I ignore you?’ He was making tiny circles with his fingers in the small of her back.
She ignored his question and carried on speaking. ‘Because you might regret it.’
‘Not for a second.’
‘I might,’ Molly said.
‘Ignore me or regret it?’
‘Both…’ She was playing with one of her curls, pulling it out to its full length then letting it ping back, thinking out loud and trying hard to be honest. ‘I just don’t want to get involved.’
‘Er, at the risk of stating the obvious—’ Luke started.
‘I mean,’ Molly broke in, absolutely aware they were lying in bed, absolutely aware they had just had sex and no doubt they would again, but possibly more scared than she’d ever been in her life. Because losing Luke, losing Richard, that she could deal with, that she had dealt with, only staring over at him, staring into those jade eyes, feeling him all big and strong and male beside her, feeling the peace his body brought hers, it was her mind she was scared for, because giving herself back to him, only to lose him again, would be too much to bear. ‘What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to get involved like we were…’ She swallowed hard, could hardly bring herself to go there in her mind, let alone say it. ‘Before.’
‘Molly, I know I hurt you. I know—’
‘Don’t.’ She brushed his hand away. She could take affection, could take intimacy, even—she just wasn’t ready for tender, lust-filled explanations. Just couldn’t, wouldn’t go there with him.
Because she already had.
She had given him her heart once and he hadn’t treated it kindly, hadn’t handled it with care, and she wasn’t going to take that chance again.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘HEY! Fancy seeing you here?’ Luke had a point—midday in the admin corridor was the last place Molly would usually be. ‘And looking very smart too!’ He ran an approving eye over her chocolate-brown suit, and Molly shifted in her nipping high heels as he took in her bare, fake-tanned legs then dragged them back up to her for once carefully made-up eyes—slightly awkward eyes that couldn’t meet his.
He’d rung her a couple of times since that morning, had tried to talk to her at work, but Molly either hadn’t picked up or had been too busy.
And it wasn’t about playing it cool this time—it was about playing it safe.
‘I had an interview,’ Molly mumbled. ‘What about you?’
‘Same.’ Luke indicated his own very nice suit, ‘Well, a first one anyway.’
‘How did it go?’
‘You never really know, do you? I can expect to hear from them shortly! How about you?’
‘Same.’ She could actually look at him now.
‘So what was the interview for?’
‘It’s for a paediatric intensive care course—there are quite a few applicants, and most of them already work in Intensive Care, so I’m not that hopeful.’
‘How long’s the course?’
‘A year—a pretty full-on year too. Still, it’s something I really want to do—need to do,’ Molly corrected herself, ‘if I want to get on.’
‘You are getting on.’ Luke smiled. ‘Fancy lunch?’
‘No kids?’
‘Mum’s taking them to her sister’s after kinder so I’ve got a couple of hours. Come on, we’ll take my car and I’ll drop you back here afterwards.’
Which was nice and easy.
So nice and easy that when they were sitting in a pub in their smart suits, tucking into steak sandwiches, Molly even managed to relax.
‘We look like business people!’
‘We do!’ Luke grinned. And it was just something they did—or used to, Molly realised, people-watching or playing stupid little role-play games that didn’t need the rules set out—because somehow they already knew them. ‘Having a lunchtime meeting! What are we discussing?’
‘My fantastic performance!’ Molly winced at the opening she’d unwittingly given him.
‘It was!’ Luke winked. ‘And the figure’s certainly pleasing, and you’re definitely easy to get along with…’ He took a long drink. ‘But…’
‘There’s always a but.’ Molly sighed.
‘I’m a bit concerned about your inability to commit—and communication hasn’t been effective lately.’
‘Ah-h, that!’ He’d always been able to do that, Molly remembered, always been able to get straight to the point and soften it somehow. Maybe there was a reason they liked their silly games, because it made those difficult things just a touch easier to say. ‘Well, I’m not looking for anything permanent at the moment.’
‘Molly.’ He wasn’t playing any more. He put down his drink and took her hands as she spoke to their fingers.
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