Because, when she inevitably did, he merely told her.
And Molly merely wiped it off.
‘You’re driving!’ Molly reminded him as he ordered two Singapore slings this time.
‘Not tonight.’
So they abandoned the car and headed for a stylish bar.
Walking along the river to get there, even though it was midnight it was as busy as if it were the middle of the day, but it was only about the two of them.
They paused to stare into the designer shop windows as Molly oohed and ahhed at the handbags, in absolutely no hurry to head home.
They enjoyed more delicious cocktails as Molly smouldered on her stool and blew kisses at Luke, then they snogged in the taxi all the way to his home.
And she was a bit more than tipsy, Molly realised as she brushed her teeth in his bathroom, which was no way to behave on a first date.
Only it wasn’t their first, Molly consoled herself.
And it wasn’t really a date. Molly hiccoughed.
But it was.
One of those lovely, lovely dates where you don’t have to impress because you know that you do.
Teetering into his bedroom, she braced herself for a zillion photos of her nemesis, frowning just a touch when she realised there wasn’t even one!
Not that she had time to dwell on it.
It was a night so perfect that when her head was spinning too much to bend down, a very well-oiled Luke even took off her shoes.
‘Good night?’ Luke checked as he bundled her into bed.
‘You know that it was.’
A night so perfect that when he climbed in beside her and held her, Molly never wanted it to end. And no matter how much she tried to deny it, as those hands held her, as his mouth moved her, as they lay in his bed and held on for dear life, Molly knew they weren’t having sex.
They were making love.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘CAN I talk to you?’ Despite the early hour, despite the fact she was on her side and facing away from him, Molly knew he was awake, had felt him restless beside her for the last hour or so, and she didn’t want the morning to come, didn’t want to have to face the consequences of last night’s closeness—almost knew what was coming before he’d even spoken, could feel his hand on her shoulder, for once tentative. ‘About Amanda?’
‘Not now.’
‘I have to, Molly…’ He paused for a moment and she knew what was coming—stared at the curtains as he turned the knife… ‘When I left you, there was something I didn’t tell you. I’d found out that she was pregnant.’
‘Molly?’ When she didn’t say anything, when she didn’t move or turn over, Luke pressed for a response, but all she could manage was to push away his hand. ‘Molly, say something.’
‘What am I supposed to say, Luke?’ Her voice was as bitter as she felt. ‘“Oh, well, that’s all right, then? Thanks for explaining!”?’
‘I had to give it a chance to work.’
‘Well, good for you.’
‘Molly, I’m trying to tell you why I left you.’
‘You really think I hadn’t worked it out? For God’s sake, Luke, I’m not stupid. The twins were born five months after we broke up. It’s not just why you left me, it’s how you left me—how you left us!’ She couldn’t deal with this, really couldn’t deal with this, and, ripping back the sheets, she jumped out of bed, scrabbling on the floor for her clothes. ‘You know, you really should get off your moral high horse. How dare you stand waving antibiotics at me and telling me as a nurse I should know better?’ She spat the words at him. ‘You were two doctors, Luke. Two doctors who should have known better before they messed up my life.’ And because her car was at her place and his was in the city, she had to stand shivering in her own misery as she waited for a taxi.
‘Don’t go racing off.’ He stood in the hall beside her, the outburst that had had to happen fading a touch.
‘I’m not racing off, Luke.’ She even managed a pale smile at his questioning look. ‘Well, I was but I’m not now. I actually want to go into work and see Bernadette this morning. She’s being discharged, and I want to pop in and say goodbye.’
‘When did you get so nice?’
‘I’ve always been nice,’ Molly said, lowering her eyes, only not quickly enough that he missed the flash of tears.
‘I know you have—and you didn’t deserve to be treated the way you were.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
‘Molly! If we’re ever going to move on, we need to deal with this. I guess the question is do you want to?’
‘Can’t we keep things as they are?’ And it was a pointless question because since he’d came back into her life nothing had stayed the same for a single moment—everything galloping forward, no matter how hard she tried to pull back.
‘You know we can’t,’ Luke said, and when she didn’t say anything back, Luke did—rammed in the knife and twisted her own guilt this time a bit further. ‘I’m sorry I came on so strong about the antibiotics—guilty as charged to double standards. I was worried for you, that’s all.’
‘For me?’ Molly let out a soft, mocking laugh. ‘Sure you were.’
‘Molly, my life couldn’t get much more chaotic now. What’s another unplanned baby?’ He was joking, she knew that, only it hurt too much to joke about, especially with what came next. ‘But you, you’ve got it all together. You know where you’re going, you’ve applied for this course, you know what you don’t want.’ He smiled at her, touched her stomach, sort of elaborating his point and killing her inside at the same time. ‘Well, you don’t want a little one in there, mucking up your future, and I don’t need to be the one who mucks it up.’
‘Hell…’ He pulled his hand away, frowned at the big yellow taxi hooting outside. ‘Don’t go.’
‘I’d better….’ Her head was whirling. She was tempted to tell him and terrified too, terrified of giving him that—that other bit of herself that needed to be handed with such tender care. ‘I really do want to see Bernadette.’
‘Come back afterwards? The twins won’t be back till five.’
‘We’ll see.’
* * *
And it didn’t end on a row, just a quick but sad kiss, before she climbed into the taxi and headed for home. But not even a shower could clear her head and it wasn’t too many Singapore slings that had her head pounding.
She was scared to trust him.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘WHAT are you doing here?’ Bernadette was sitting on the bed with her mum, dressed in real clothes—and looking pretty and terrified as she limped towards the outside world.
‘I came to say goodbye!’
‘Just for that?’ Bernadette said.
‘Just for that.’ Molly smiled and gave her a cuddle. ‘I’m going to miss you.’
‘I’m really going to miss you!’
And Molly gave her a little friendship ring she’d bought—ten dollars of silver, but worth a fortune.
‘Bernadette asked me to get something for you.’ Her mum smiled. ‘I gave it in at the nurses at the station to pass on. I’ll go and get it.’
‘You were really sweet to me that night I was crying.’ Molly blushed as she recalled it.
‘You were nice to me that night too,’ Bernadette countered, staring at her ring. ‘I really am your friend?’
‘Looks like it,’ Molly sighed.
‘How are things…?’ Bernadette asked, and, as good friends did, she trod very carefully. ‘I mean, after that night when you were so sad…’
‘I’m not sure,’ Molly admitted, as she tried to work out in her own mind where she was. ‘And I know I sound old and past it, but it really does get more complicated as you get older.’
‘Well, if it doesn’t work out, I know someone who likes you.’ Bernadette gave a shy giggle. ‘Dr Luke—he’s always watching you when you don’t know he is, and he always smiles more when you’re working!’
‘Here…’
B
ernadette took the little bag from her mum. ‘You won’t believe what it is!’
It was the same ring—well, almost. A little knot of silver that meant the world, and Molly’s eyes filled up when she put it on.
‘We’re having a little party in a couple of weeks…’ Bernadette’s mum sort of nodded in the direction of Nathan’s bed, saying without words that when Nathan got out it would happen. ‘Just a few sausages on the barbecue. I’m sure you’ll be busy with work…’
‘I’d love to come.’ Molly grinned, because she would—really—love to go, and Bernadette would love to have her there—just that little bit of help as she made her transition out of the hospital world and back into the real one.
Transition…
There was that word again, Molly thought as she checked her pigeonhole for her pay slip. She felt her heart skip when she saw the thick white envelope—she hadn’t expected to hear till after her days off, had tried to push it out of her mind till then, only here it was.
And she read the letter with mixed feelings, proud of herself but saying goodbye to a bit of her past as she looked to a very busy future—seven a.m. starts mixed with ten p.m. finishes for her practicals, days at school and evenings spent studying.
‘Oh, no, not nights.’ She heard the moan from Hannah, a grad nurse, as she read the new roster at the nurses’ station.
Night duty did consume you.
Forced you into an altered existence where you slept during the day and tried to ignore the doorbell and next-door’s dog barking and the lawnmower and the phone. Where you sort of learnt how to function in a permanent state of exhaustion—at least, that was how it was for Molly.
But she loved night duty.
Loved the comradeship, the chance to use her brain—because there were few others to pick at night.
They were also great, as Anne Marie and Debbie and so many others had told her, for mothers.
Home in time to take the kids to school.
Up—just—in time to pick them up, get homework done, give them a bath and dinner and hopefully get them to bed before you turned up yawning for handover.
Or so she’d been told—not that she’d ever expected to find out.
Stuffing the envelope into her bag, Molly knew she wasn’t going back to Luke’s.
Knew that these five days were for her and her alone.
Turning on her mobile as she headed to the car, she saw two missed calls from him, but her resolve didn’t waver.
She indicated left for her house, rather than right for his.
She didn’t need to make excuses—that was the bliss of being a transition girl.
There was no one to please except herself—and if she needed some time to think then she’d take it.
‘Molly!’
Pressing the hands-free key, Molly waited for a gap in the traffic.
‘Hi, Luke.’
‘I wasn’t sure if you were coming back.’
‘Actually, no, Luke—’ she started, but he didn’t wait for her to finish.
‘That’s fine. I didn’t want you to come home to an empty house. OK, I’ll give you a ring tomorrow.’
She could hear the edge in his voice despite the light chatter, could hear the car hooting behind her as she missed her gap in the traffic.
‘Is everything all right, Luke?’
‘Fine.’
‘Luke?’ The driver behind her was resting his hand on his horn and Molly waved to him in a rather unladylike fashion.
‘Mum just collapsed—I’m on my way to pick up the twins.’
‘You didn’t need to come,’ Luke said when he opened the door that evening.
As she’d driven over, Molly had told herself the same thing—she didn’t need to go.
She wanted to.
Wanted to see that he was OK.
Wanted to make his horrible day just a little bit easier.
‘But I’m glad you did,’ Luke added as he gestured her inside. ‘What’s that?’
‘Take-away noodles,’ Molly said, glad that she’d come. ‘I don’t do casseroles.’
She popped her head into the living room and for once the place wasn’t chaotic. There were just two glum, pale faces staring at the television and again ignoring her when she said hello.
‘Don’t take it personally.’ He spoke as she followed him to the kitchen. ‘They’ve had a bad day.’
‘Your mother’s not too bad?’ Molly checked, or at least that was the indication she’d got when he’d briefly called her.
‘She fainted.’ Luke served up the noodles as he spoke. ‘Unfortunately Angus saw it, and panicked, and my aunt’s not made of as stern stuff as her sister. Well, she called an ambulance and it sounded like it was chaos for a bit. But it’s sorted now—sort of,’ he added as he sat down with dinner.
‘Sort of?’
‘She needs a hysterectomy. She should have had one this month. I assumed it was because of the waiting list and was about to either pull a few strings or, if that didn’t work, rip into someone. Only it turns out she’s been putting it off till the twins go to school—which is in three months’ time.’
‘Oh, Luke.’
‘I’ve got her booked in for next Friday.’ He gave a tired smile.
‘And where does that leave you?’ Molly blinked, because from where she was sitting it was hopeless, but Luke had a plan.
Sort of.
‘They’re going to have to go to day care—full time. Look, I’ve got my interview on Thursday, and if I get this job, I’ve already decided that I don’t want to land it all on Mum anyway. I knew they’d have to go to day care, even if for just a couple of days a week to give her a break—the start of the school year’s just too far off.’
‘And if you don’t get this job?’
‘Day care again!’ Luke gave a wry grin. ‘I can’t do nights—it’s just too hard on the twins and too hard on Mum. If I can’t pick up enough locum day shifts at the hospital then there’s a GP clinic down the road—they’re always looking for someone.’
‘You don’t want to work at the GP clinic, though.’
‘It honestly doesn’t matter.’ Luke gave such a tired smile she knew that tonight it actually didn’t. ‘I’m going to look at day-care centres this week. I think some of them even have transport that takes the children to kinder so they can still see the little friends they’ve made. I just hope to God I get this job.’ He stood up and went to the fridge. ‘Do you want a beer?’ He laughed at her screwed up nose. ‘Oh, yeah, you hate beer. Wine, then?’
‘I’m driving.’ She was frowning at his back as he rummaged in the drawer for a bottle opener. ‘Well, it’s not going to look too good if you take the next few nights off sick before your interview.’
‘You sound like my mum. She wants them to sleep there but, Molly, they’re shocking even in their own beds.’ It was the first time she’d heard him describe them as anything other than perfect little angels. ‘Mum’s just not well enough, especially before surgery. I’m just going to have to tell Doug what’s happened—and if he doesn’t get it…’
‘I can stay.’ She sort of blurted out the words, knowing that if she thought about it too much she’d change her mind, but Luke tried to do it for her.
‘No!’ He shook his head. ‘Molly, a few dinners so you could help with school runs was the deal. Look, it’s nearly all sorted.’
‘It will be sorted a lot quicker if you get this job,’ Molly said, ‘and you’ve got a lot more chance of getting this job if you don’t go off sick for the three nights before the interview. It’s three nights, Luke. I’m off anyway till Thursday.’
‘You must have had plans.’
‘Not now. Come on, Luke, I’m not moving in for ever…’ Her eyes urgent suddenly, she leant over the table and spoke in a harsh whisper. ‘But I’m not sleeping with you!’
‘I’m not sleeping with you either!’ Luke whispered harshly back, but he was smiling. ‘I’m not going to be there at night, remember, so
you can have my bed.’
‘No.’ Molly shook her head. ‘It’s too weird for the twins. I’ll have the sofa.’
‘We’ll sort something out.’ He pushed his noodles away untouched. ‘Are you sure about this, Molly?’
‘No!’ She answered honestly, the metal ring in her brown leather bag that still contained the envelope digging into her as she leant back in her chair and realised that maybe it wasn’t space she needed from Luke or the twins to really make up her mind.
It was time.
Time with them.
* * *
‘Well, she’s not sleeping in my bed!’ Amelia stamped her foot.
‘And she’s not sleeping in mine.’ Angus folded his arms.
Feeling like Goldilocks in reverse, Molly looked over at Daddy Bear and wished to hell he could say that, actually, no, she was sleeping in his!’
Of course he couldn’t.
They’d decided that to get the twins used to the idea she’d stay on Sunday, so while he told them Molly went home and packed a bag, fed the cat and promised him she’d be home while the twins were at kinder. She arrived back at Luke’s to find the mother of all tantrums taking place.
‘Fine.’ Luke shrugged and walked out of the living room and to the hall. ‘I’ll ring Nanny and say you can stay at hers then.’
‘But Nanny’s not well!’ Angus’s eyes were as wide as saucers, and Amelia nudged him quiet, only it didn’t work. ‘She might be ill again!’
‘Then you’d better be good for her,’ Luke answered sternly, ‘and go straight to bed when she tells you.’ He picked up the phone and turned to Molly. ‘Look, thanks, Molly, for offering to help out, but it looks like we won’t be needing you after all. I’ll ring Mum and let her know.’
As Luke punched in the numbers, Molly picked up her suitcase.
‘He isn’t really ringing.’ Amelia glowered.
Luke flicked it on to speakerphone and there was no mistaking Mrs Williams’s voice.
‘Harriet Williams speaking!’
‘She can sleep in mine,’ Angus snarled, then without another word he and Amelia huffed into the living room.
‘Glass of wine?’ Luke suggested after he’d asked his mother how she was.
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