‘You did, though,’ Molly croaked. ‘You stayed.’
‘She wasn’t all bad. There were good times, and when she was good…’
‘What about when she wasn’t good?’ Molly asked, because she didn’t want to hear excuses, had seen Angus’s reaction today, knew that, however good the good times had been, the bad had been far worse. ‘What was it like for the twins?’
‘Hell.’ His voice was just a raw ball of pain. ‘This afternoon must have been like a rerun. Not the blood, just the screaming, the chaos. You try to keep it from them, but—’
‘How?’ Molly blinked. ‘How could you possibly keep it from them when they lived with it?’
‘I worked at the clinic, walk-in, walk-out, that was the only job I could do. I’d work while they were in day care. And I’d take them away sometimes, come down to Melbourne to see Mum. It wasn’t all bad…’ He shook his head in hopeless regret. ‘Sometimes she was great—just the best mum. That’s what I try to let them remember.’
‘I understand that…I can see that now.’ Molly nodded, but her mind was whirring. ‘Did you ever think of leaving?’ Molly asked. ‘You taking the twins and raising—?’
‘She was their mum, Molly,’ Luke rasped. ‘I couldn’t take them from her; it would have killed her. She adored them…and there were good times.’
And it was the only bit she didn’t get—the only bit she couldn’t forgive—sitting sobbing at a restaurant and lugging around a broken heart for a while was nothing, nothing compared to what the twins had endured.
‘You know why I left you like that.’ Luke’s voice seemed to be coming from a long way off, as if he were speaking from behind a wall—his features, his emotions just so not in her picture that she actually had to force herself to listen, to drag her mind from the twins and focus on him. ‘I’ll talk to Amelia—’
‘Amelia and I are fine,’ Molly interrupted.
‘Can we try again?’ Luke asked. ‘Now that you know?’
She was saved from answering by the theatre nurse popping her head round the door and telling Luke he could come and see Amelia in the recovery ward.
‘Has she got her wings on?’ Molly checked.
‘They’re taped to the back of her gown!’ the theatre nurse said. ‘She’s a bit scared and teary, but that’s quite usual when they come out of anaesthetic.’
‘Come?’ Luke offered, but Molly shook her head.
‘I have to go.’ And she did, because that was what mums or stepmums or one-day-might-be stepmums did, and that, Molly realised now, was something she never would be.
‘Surely—?’
‘For five minutes, then,’ Molly relented—only not for Luke. She’d taken Amelia to Theatre, it was right that she should stay to see she was OK. ‘Then I’d better go and get some sleep before work.’
‘Daddy…’ Loaded with drugs, Amelia had let her barriers down. Her face was wet with tears, sobs shuddering through her little body. ‘Don’t leave me.’ Her free arm wrapped around his neck, the alarms on her drips all going off as she clung to her father.
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Stay with me!’
‘You know I will.’
‘I want Mummy.’
‘I know you do, baby.’
Molly had never seen him cry, could never have pictured it, really—he was so strong, so tough, and so, so Luke. Molly didn’t know what was more heartbreaking—hearing Amelia’s wretched sobs or watching the tears slide down his cheeks as he held his daughter, as he missed his wife.
‘I’ll go,’ Molly said softly. ‘I’ll see you tonight, Amelia—you’ve been so brave.’
And she tried not to think about it, operated on complete autopilot, even stopped at the gift shop and bought a teddy for Amelia, just as one would have for a friend’s sick child.
A friend.
Friends were all they could ever be. Molly knew that now, and it had nothing to do with her feelings for the twins—
And everything to do with her feelings for Luke.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘THANK you.’ A very polite Amelia took from Molly the teddy she had bought at the gift shop. ‘She’s lovely!’
‘He!’ Molly winked. ‘The tag on his ear says Bert.’
‘Bert the bear!’ Luke smiled. ‘Thanks.’
‘I hear you’ve done really well.’
‘She has!’ Luke said proudly—and she had. Molly had been given all the details at handover. Two and a half hours on the table for a radial artery and tendon repair and now she was sitting up in bed, talking. It showed what a tough little thing she was. Her arm had been placed in a back slab so that though her arm was immobilised the wound could still be checked. She was having hourly vascular obs overnight, but though she’d need some antibiotics and physio, the surgeons were pleased so far and hopeful she’d make a full recovery.
‘I have to stay in for two nights, maybe three,’ Amelia said importantly, ‘so I can have antibiotics.’ Her face was pale, but it pinked up just a touch as for the second time in as many minutes she practised her manners.
‘Thank you for helping me today.’
‘I’m glad I could help.’
‘And I’m sorry…’ Her little voice trailed off, but Molly helped her out.
‘It was an accident!’ Molly said gently. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry for.’
‘I meant I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you.’
Molly’s eyes snapped to Luke—she was annoyed that he’d said anything, especially today—but his wide eyes told her that he was as surprised by Amelia’s apology as Molly was.
‘It’s OK.’ Molly smiled.
‘I told Angus to be mean to you too—so that you’d go away and leave us alone!’
‘Amelia!’ Luke was clearly shocked, but Molly still smiled.
‘That was a pretty good plan!’
‘And I’m sorry we stole from the milk bar!’
‘They stole!’ From the look on Luke’s face it was lucky that Amelia had just had surgery. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘Because I sorted it out at the time.’ Molly blushed. ‘And you were asleep. It really wasn’t as bad as it seems.’
‘Anything else?’
‘The car windows…’ Amelia mumbled, even as Molly shook her head to tell her to stop.
‘Amelia, just what’s been going on?’
‘I didn’t want you to get a girlfriend and neither did Angus—and we thought if we were really horrible and you didn’t like us then you wouldn’t like Dad any more.’
‘Your dad and I are just friends,’ Molly said softly.
‘You’re not his girlfriend?’ Amelia checked, and Molly shook her head. ‘Is it because of us?’
‘Of course not,’ Molly said firmly. ‘Your dad and I were friends years ago, before you were even born.’
‘Er, Molly…’ Embarrassed, uncomfortable, Luke stood up. ‘Could I have a quick word?’ And it was the most exquisitely difficult conversation, made worse because they were standing in the corridor. ‘I don’t want to lie to her. I mean, we don’t have to say too much but…’
‘You don’t have to lie to her—we’re just friends, Luke.’
‘Look, Molly, I know what I said back at the house was harsh. I honestly didn’t realise how bad the twins were being—you were right to say something. And, yes, I’ve been too soft on them.’
‘I know why now,’ Molly answered, ‘and I was being pretty childish too.’
‘And you know now about Amanda.’
‘I understand all that, Luke.’ She ran a worried hand over her forehead, didn’t want to tell him how she felt, didn’t want to criticise that part of him. ‘Look, I’ll be around for her a bit. I can help while she’s in hospital, and I’ll pop around now and then, as friends do.’
‘Just friends.’ Luke had heard the emphasis in her voice and winced.
‘Just friends.’ Molly’s voice wobbled a touch, but her nod was adamant.
; ‘Because of the twins?’
‘Because of the twins.’ Molly nodded, and it was the truth, only not in the way Luke thought. ‘I’d better get on.’
‘You’re crazy about him,’ Anne Marie muttered, ‘and he’s crazy about you, and the reason he thinks you’re backing off is because you don’t want his kids…but you do.’
‘Leave it.’ Molly glared. They were sitting at the nurses’station, hastily writing up notes as the birds started chirping, trying to summon energy to start the morning round. One day post-op Amelia was with her father, who was dozing in a chair beside her just a few beds away. ‘You yourself warned me about him.’
‘OK,’ Anne Marie said. ‘I admit I was worried. You were running his kids around, sleeping with him, helping him out—and I thought maybe he was using you a fraction. Given how he’d dumped you in the past, I thought it was a bit rich that suddenly you were good enough!’ Molly closed her eyes as Anne Marie voiced every doubt that had plagued her. ‘But you know why now, Molly. You know why he had to leave you like that.’
‘He could have left her.’
‘It’s not that straightforward.’
‘He could have left if it was so bad.’
‘You don’t know what that guy had to go through!’
‘I know a bit of what the kids went through, though,’ Molly snapped, and even though she felt disloyal to Luke, to her best friend it had to be said. ‘And I’ve seen first-hand the effect it had on them. And he stayed—stayed waiting for the good Amanda to come back.’
‘It’s never that easy. She was ill—he had loyalty to her too. She was the mother of his children.’
‘Not when over and over she refused to face her problem, refused to get help, refused to take her meds…’
‘Because she was ill!’ Anne Marie snarled. ‘You’re making out it was a black-and-white choice. Living with mental illness must be hell. He was doing his best.’
Molly shook her head and stood up, picking up the kidney dish which contained Amelia’s IV meds. ‘His best for Amanda,’ Molly said, ‘when his first loyalty should have been to his kids. He should never have exposed them to that. So, just leave it, Anne Marie.’
‘How are you feeling?’ Molly whispered, and smiled as Amelia’s eyes peeked open.
‘Itchy! And I need to go to the loo,’ she grumbled.
Molly frowned, immediately stopping the medication she was giving, worried she was having a reaction. ‘Itchy—where—?’
‘My wings,’ Amelia moaned. ‘They’re digging in my back.’ They were, and Molly fiddled with them for a moment as Luke stirred on the chair. ‘Maybe I could take them off,’ Amelia said. ‘Have them on the bed beside me.’
‘That’s a great idea, but they might get lost with the linen. I know…’ Molly smiled at Luke as he caught up with the conversation. ‘Why don’t we tape them to the top of your bed? Then you can see them. And why don’t you grab a coffee?’ she added as Luke, as stiff as a board, stood up and stretched. ‘I’ll be awhile.’
Amelia’s arm was suspended in a sling attached to an IV pole, her fingers checked regularly for colour, warmth and sensation, and her other hand was attached to an IV. Frankly, it would have been far easier to give her a bedpan, but it was time for her to be up and walking and, anyway, Amelia hated the things, so locating slippers and letting down her arm and putting it in a sling, then shuffling off to the loo was the order of the day. And while they were there it made sense to take her wash bag and freshen her up a bit.
‘I can’t brush my teeth.’ Amelia scowled. ‘My arm’s in a sling.’
‘You’ve got one good hand,’ Molly pointed out.
‘I’ve got a drip in that arm. And I’ve got a wobbly tooth!’
‘Then you’d better clean it properly because the tooth fairy doesn’t leave much for dirty teeth!’ Molly said sweetly, squeezing some toothpaste onto the brush. ‘And I’ll do your hair while you brush your teeth.’ Amelia’s beautiful blue eyes narrowed into slits as she eyed Molly’s reflection in the mirror, but Molly ignored them, smiling brightly and chatting away as she ran a brush through Amelia’s knotted hair. ‘The drip should come down once you’ve had your breakfast, though they’ll keep the little plug so that you can have some more medicine.’
‘When can I go home?’
‘Tomorrow, probably,’ Molly answered, ‘though you’re going to be bandaged up and wearing a sling for a while.’
‘I want to go home today.’
‘I know,’ Molly said, still brushing her hair. Dealing with children who wanted to go home was a normal, everyday part of her job. ‘And you will be going very soon, but you really need to be here for another night or so, just so we can make sure your arm’s healing nicely. It was a big operation.’
‘Angus will be worried—he doesn’t like it when things change.’ Dealing with children who wanted to go home to look after their siblings wasn’t quite so run of the mill. ‘And I gave him a big fright yesterday.’
‘I bet you got one, too.’ Molly tied Amelia’s hair into a loose ponytail and stopped talking to Amelia’s reflection in the mirror, talking to the top of her blonde head instead as she stared down at the sink.
‘It was good that you were there,’ came her little voice. ‘When Mum wasn’t well, I used to tell Angus a story.’ Molly continued to fiddle with her hair, brushed the little knotty ends and then retied the bows on the back of her gown. ‘She was ill quite a lot.’
‘That must have been hard for you.’
‘I guess.’ Amelia shrugged. ‘She was funny too, though, and sometimes she was just like Mum. She was really pretty.’
‘I know she was,’ Molly agreed. ‘I met her when she worked here.’
‘Did you like her?’
‘I didn’t know her that well.’ Molly gave a smile. ‘To tell you the truth, I was a bit jealous of her. She was really clever and, yes, you’re right—she was very pretty.’ She was telling the truth and it felt easy—oh, not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but from the way Amelia’s eyes lit up it was everything she needed to hear. ‘Tell you what, I’ll speak to your dad, and once you’ve had breakfast I’ll see if we can sort it so that Angus can come in and visit you. He’ll feel better when he can see for himself that you’re OK.’
Climbing back into her bed, washed, brushed and freshened up, Amelia surveyed the ward as if she were the queen on her throne, wrinkling up her nose at the apple juice Debbie brought her. ‘I prefer orange juice!’
Then she spat it out when she got her request.
‘Ugh, it tastes disgusting.’
‘Because you’ve just brushed your teeth.’ Molly grinned as Anne Marie rolled her eyes.
‘Little madam,’ Anne Marie muttered once they were safely out of earshot. Normally Molly would have laughed, or agreed, or rolled her eyes, only she didn’t. The strangest feeling was bubbling inside her, an angry retort on the tip of her tongue, which she quickly bit back. ‘You can tell her daddy’s a doctor!’
‘She’s four and she’s scared!’ This time Molly didn’t hold back, but Anne Marie just grinned.
‘Listen to you.’ Anne Marie laughed. ‘Making excuses—just like an over-protective mother!’ She stopped her teasing as Luke came over.
‘I was just speaking to Amelia.’ Molly gestured him out of the ward. ‘She’s really worried about Angus. I said that I’d talk to you, that maybe we could arrange to bring him in this morning.’
‘Mum’s having surgery.’ Luke shook his head. ‘Her sister’s staying with Angus for now and she doesn’t drive.’
‘Oh…well, I could bring him.’ Molly blushed as she offered and blushed a bit more as Luke shook his head.
‘We’ll be fine.’
‘She really is worried about him.’
‘Then I’ll get her to ring him.’
‘Fine…’ Molly cleared her throat. ‘If you need a hand next week…’
‘We’ll be fine.’
‘Luke—’
‘I’m just trying to help.’
‘Well, I don’t need your help. I told you, I got the job.’
‘Congratulations!’ she said again. Only she wasn’t smiling. Tears were filling her eyes as the inevitable happened, as Luke took away the one thing they’d promised to keep.
‘I start in a couple of weeks, and they’ve agreed I can take time off till then. So we’ll manage fine.’
‘I thought—’
‘We’d be friends?’ Luke finished for her. ‘Well, so did I. It just didn’t work out that way, I guess.’
‘Luke, please.’
‘Please, what?’ Luke snapped. ‘I can’t play your game, Molly. I can’t just take the bits you’re prepared to give and to hell with the rest. You don’t want my kids—you’ve made it clear from the start—and I’m sorry if it’s a bit late for me to realise that, but you know what? I actually find that quite offensive! So, no, I don’t want you driving the kids around and helping us out when clearly it’s the last thing you want to do. And, no, I don’t particularly want to be friends right now—let’s just see if we can manage civil.’
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
‘HERE.’ Looking more than a touch awkward, and attempting to be civil, Luke deposited a box of luxury gourmet chocolate biscuits at the nurses’ station. ‘Seeing how you’ve fed me the last couple of nights…’
As an IV blared out its alarm, both Anne Marie and Molly jumped to their feet, practically racing to get it—Anne Marie hoping to leave Luke and Molly alone, and Molly hoping to avoid just that.
‘Talk to her,’ Anne Marie said, pushing a mug of coffee over to him.
‘It’s a bit hard when she can’t stand to be in the same room as me.’ Luke gave an exasperated shrug. ‘Anyway, there’s no point.’
‘No point at all,’ Anne Marie agreed, with more than a dash of irony.
‘We want different things,’ Luke snapped. ‘Look, I don’t want to discuss it.’
‘Then don’t.’ Anne Marie shrugged.
‘She doesn’t want to get involved…’ Luke tore the wrapping off the biscuits ‘…which is fine. Once we get past this bit, we’ll go back to being friends.’
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