by Cindi Madsen
Without waiting for a response that would only make me loathe him more, I charged out of the castle. Usually I was more of the lollygagging type, but with my anger and agony fueling me, the dark spires of Hell High came into view in record time.
My goal for the day was to avoid Tristan at all costs. He’d be there, of course, on the fringes of my vision, his presence another torture I’d have to learn to endure. Those eyes, that face, his bare chest…
Longing wrapped a string around my heart. Okay, so I’m already slipping. No thoughts of his face or pecs or arms or lips.
“Just no body parts,” I said, and the people nearest me looked up.
Then I got hate-filled glares I now deserved.
That’s right. I’m evil just like my dad. Watch out or I’ll suck out your soul.
My steps stuttered as another joy-killing thought popped into my head. Had I been pulling power from Tristan this whole time?
It didn’t seem to hurt him, and I never got a buzz from it—well, a power buzz. Everything else was pretty buzzy whenever we were making out.
Dad said newer souls provided more raw power. But the old souls… I bet I still gleaned power from them, too.
That’s it. Even if Tristan doesn’t hate me after reading my note—which is a big if—I can’t allow myself to be near him ever again.
Determination bloomed through me, taking the edge off the misery. Dark soul or not, I wasn’t completely gone. My saving grace would be Tristan.
Even if it meant never being able to kiss him again.
As much as I told myself it was for the best, every inch of the stupid school reminded me of him. I was in the middle of the hall when the encounter I’d been dreading happened.
“A note?” Tristan’s voice boomed after me.
I glanced over my shoulder, and my heart jackrabbited into the danger zone. I’d expected the ignoring from a month or so ago, but evidently he’d decided to go another way.
Tristan looked more angry than disgusted as he strode toward me. I quickened my pace and rushed around the corner.
The gym door was in view. All I had to do was make it inside.
Fingers cuffed my wrist, and then I was being spun around to face my… dead ex-boyfriend?
“What are you doing? Do you want me to have to manipulate all these people to forget this?” I tried to twist out of his grip, but he held fast and firm. “Tristan, let me go.”
Disbelief flickered through his eyes as he backed me up against the wall. “You’re really going to just give up?”
“We both knew this wasn’t going to last,” I whispered, worried about all the ears nearby, afraid that Abigor was in hearing range, too.
“I’m not talking about us. I’m talking about fighting harder against not turning into the person your dad wants you to be.”
“I already lost.” My voice cracked, and I felt the tears rising—apparently part of being in Hell included crying all the damn time. “The fight’s over. I am like him. End of story.”
“That’s such bullshit! You’ve got a soul, and you’re just letting it go. All the people here would give anything to go back and try harder—they’d do anything to not end up here. And you’re just handing your soul over to him. That’s worse than making a deal.”
With his body pinning mine against the wall, I tried to ignore the way his touch hummed through me, made me long to press against him. Like with everything else in my life, I failed. “I told you about taking power from those souls—about how I’m consumed with the desire to gain more. There’s no going back. My dad told me that, and I feel it.”
“You were right in your note. You’re not the person I first met anymore. The girl I’m in love with would pick herself up and try harder.” He released me, and all the air whooshed out of my lungs.
Then he stormed into the gym, leaving my body screaming out for him.
Finally I managed to force myself into motion.
You know those zombie movies where the infected move slow and heavy and deteriorate before your eyes? That’s what I felt like as I walked through the gym.
At least I didn’t have a sudden craving to eat brains. Part of me wanted to reach out and see how much power I could suck from the other people in the gym, though, so that squashed my glimmer of happiness over the eating-brains-still-disgusts-me silver lining.
As usual I wanted to glance at Tristan. But my already broken heart couldn’t take it. Honestly I wished he’d been disgusted or shown me hatred. Anything would’ve been better than disappointment.
Tethering my gaze to Abigor, I walked toward him. He’d actually been sweet yesterday when he’d taken me home, which only made me feel worse. Why wouldn’t someone be awful to me? I deserved awfulness.
Abigor snaked his arm around my waist. “Are you feeling better today?”
On autopilot, I nodded. Abigor’s touch didn’t give me the same soul-sucking feeling it used to, another bad sign of how far I’d fallen.
“I got permission to take you to a restaurant on Earth tonight,” Abigor said. “You’ll have to make a few promises to your father, but I thought you might want to get away for a while.”
A second ago, going out with Abigor was the last thing I’d want to do, especially with Tristan’s stinging words still in my head. But to get out of Hell for a night? That sounded like heaven. “He said I could go? To Earth?”
“Told me this very morning. I think he knows he pushed too hard yesterday. Plus he wants me to show you the benefits of becoming a higher-level demon. From time to time we get to sneak away and enjoy a few of the finer things.” He curled me closer. “You don’t have to give up everything to be here with me, Lily.”
It was a bribe from Dad, which meant I shouldn’t take it. Saying yes was still a mini-deal with the devil. As much as I’d love to go, I was going to have to say no.
But then my gaze accidentally drifted to Tristan. He was staring at me, but as soon as our eyes met, he quickly looked away.
If I don’t get a break, I’m going to go insane. And I mean, it’s Earth. Maybe there my powers won’t weigh me down. Maybe I don’t have to give up.
I forced my lips into what I hoped passed for a smile. “I’d love to go to Earth with you.”
Abigor kissed my cheek, leaving his lips against my skin as he said, “I’ll pick you up at seven.”
Abigor pulled out the high-backed chair at the table the hostess led us to, and I settled into it. Glowing white tablecloths, gold-rimmed china, enough forks to…well, not exactly feed a village, but if you added roasted meat of some kind, they’d all have utensils to chow down. Obviously money was no object for Abigor. Or Dad. I wasn’t sure who was funding this night out, and I didn’t really want to think about it.
The waitress who took our order flashed Abigor a flirtatious smile. In fact, all the women in the place had turned to stare at my handsome date. With his crisp white shirt, the top few buttons undone, and black slacks, he was undoubtedly one of the most attractive men I’d ever laid eyes on. Just goes to show you that any guy that handsome was too good to be true. Or too bad to be true in Abigor’s case.
Except Tristan. Only he’s more rugged looking than modelesque. Those green eyes, the bump on his nose, his strong jawline…
His disappointed expression popped into my mind, quickly sobering me. Shouldn’t have been thinking about him anyway.
Twinkling lights shone outside the large window to my left, which nicely showcased the glittering ocean that stretched out against the twilight sky. All the water would’ve made me nervous a couple months ago, but after experiencing so many scarier things, I’d mostly conquered that fear.
Tonight when I had to go back home via water, I’d probably feel differently. But for now I could enjoy the view of the San Francisco Bay.
Of course Dad wouldn’t let me go to Florida. I’d had to once again swear on Mom’s life I wouldn’t run away. As the air-conditioning hit my bare shoulders and the mouthwatering food was placed in front
of me, I thought it was worth it.
My body felt oddly charged, and as I studied the other people filling the restaurant, I got that same feeling I’d experienced during the judgment proceedings. The souls of the people surrounding us called to me, telling me that if I got them to sin, I could have them all.
I could go skim my hands across them, look them in the eye, and influence them to sin, and they could be mine.
I forced my attention to the table, trying not to think about how badly I wanted to round everyone up and take them to Hell where I could feed off them.
This is why Dad let me come. To show me I’m different now—that I want souls as much as he does. And it was working like a downright depressing charm.
Abigor reached across the table and covered my hand with his. “It’s okay. We’ll get them. Together, we can combine our resources and drag down more souls than ever.”
I lifted my gaze to his. “You knew I’d feel like this? And you brought me anyway?”
“I know because I feel it, too. You and I are so much alike. That’s why we make such a great match. Together we’ll be a powerful force to reckon with.”
The image of him and me greeting the new souls and draining them of their energy like I’d done to Army Dude popped into my mind. I pictured us standing together, looking over Abigor’s sixty legions—our sixty legions.
How would I be able to live with myself?
A sick feeling settled in my gut as I realized the answer: after a while I wouldn’t feel guilty anymore. I would lose myself—lose my soul.
Tristan’s words resounded through my head again: You’ve got a soul, and you’re just letting it go.
My foot took on a life of its own, tapping against the table leg. Was I seriously going to give up? To hand over my soul to Dad like it wasn’t a big deal?
The resolve I thought I’d let go of flooded my body and hardened. I shot out of my chair, the movement shaking the table and making the glasses, plates, and silverware rattle.
A silent question flickered through Abigor’s brown eyes.
“Um. Bathroom,” I said. “I’m still human, so I’ve… I’ll be right back.”
Abigor set down his fork, a conflicted expression on his face. “I’m not supposed to let you out of my sight.”
“While I doubt most of the women in the ladies’ room would mind your presence, I’m more of a pee-alone kind of girl.”
The woman sitting to my right gasped, bringing her cloth napkin to her lips.
“It’s okay,” I said to her, feeling like myself again for the first time in days. “He knows that I do more than powder my nose in there.”
The woman’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened and closed like a fish sucking air.
I reached over the table—another gesture I’m sure the woman was appalled by, especially since it hiked up the hem of the short red dress Dad’s tailor had placed in my room—and squeezed Abigor’s hand. “Give me five minutes. Any longer and you can kick in the door.”
Without waiting for his answer, I rushed toward the back of the restaurant.
I nearly pushed through the door that led to the kitchen before finding the posh bathrooms. I paced back and forth in front of the mirrored wall, my silver heels clicking against the tile. “Okay, this self-loathing crap has got to stop. I screwed up. Now I’ve got to deal.”
I gripped the edges of the sink and stared at my reflection. “All right, Lily, it’s time to see what you’re made of. It’s going to be hard, but you can do it. You can fight it.”
Yes, I felt silly talking to my reflection, but I needed to etch this moment into my mind. The moment when I vowed to be stronger. To be the girl Mom raised me to be. The girl Tristan fell in love with. To prove once and for all, that just because my daddy was the devil didn’t mean I couldn’t be good.
Heaven still might not want me when all was said and done, but I needed to be able to live with the decisions I’d made. And I could not, would not become the soul-sucking demon Dad wanted me to be.
Hey, wouldn’t that make a cheery title for a Dr. Seuss book?
I took a deep breath, lifted my chin, and pushed out the bathroom door—I really didn’t want to see if Abigor would burst in at the five-minute mark.
A hand gripped my arm, sending searing-hot pain through me, and I jerked free. “Ouch. Dude, what the fu—”
“Sorry. I forgot you’re as susceptible as a full demon to my touch.” The pale blue eyes of Michael, the angel who’d been at the judgment proceedings, glowed in the dim hallway. “Did I hurt you?”
“I’ll live,” I said, rubbing the spot. Then it hit me. There was a freaking angel standing right in front of me. He wasn’t looking at me like I was repulsive, either. He seemed genuinely concerned. And if an angel cared about hurting me, surely that meant that I wasn’t a total lost cause. It was a little spark in a lot of dark, but I wanted to cling to it anyway. “Did you come all the way here to see me?”
“Yes, and to give you a message. I don’t have long, but when I saw he’d let you out, I got here as fast as I could.” Michael glanced around and then leaned in, mere inches short of making contact. “You can’t give up hope, Lily. We know Lucifer’s influence is strong, but we’re still fighting for you to come through this. Don’t let the darkness win.”
“You saw what happened to me at the judgment proceedings, right? I’m sorry, by the way, but there were some crazy strong vibes going through me when I was there.” My gaze drifted toward the pulsing allure of the people in the dining area, and I squeezed my eyes closed. “There are strong vibes here, too.”
“Judgment proceedings are always high-powered—I assume that’s why your father took you. Since you’ve siphoned off souls before, I realize how hard it must be to be here on Earth without giving in to temptation, but you can overcome it.”
“I’d love to believe that, and trust me, I’m going to try to do better. But let’s face it, your touch burns me and I’ve already done some serious slippage soulwise. I’m not on my dad’s team, but I don’t think you and I can even be on the same team. With all that holiness pushing in on every side in Heaven, I’d probably get burned more there than in Hell.”
Michael shook his head. “It’s not impossible like you think it is. That curse can be lifted. Holy items would no longer burn you, and your soul can be cleansed. And you won’t be alone.” He tapped my necklace. “You’ve got angels fighting for you, watching and hoping you’ll succeed.”
I clenched the charm in my hand, its solid reassurance soothing me like it used to when I was younger. “Hey, you were Tristan Slate’s guardian angel, weren’t you?”
“Not his guardian angel, but I was there the day he…” His features grew grim. “I did keep him from dying in the wreck—that was my mission.” The muscles around his mouth tightened. “I tried to keep him from making that deal, too.” He sighed, the sound full of regret and sorrow. “That one hurt us.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement. Abigor scooting out from the table.
“Do me a favor,” I said.
“I’m not here to grant favors.”
“Well, do one for me anyway.”
Michael rubbed a couple of fingers across his forehead. “Bossy and stubborn. No wonder everyone wants you on their team.”
Abigor started in our direction, and panic frayed my senses. “I don’t have time to argue,” I said. “I want you to send a guardian angel to help Savannah Slate. I don’t want Tristan’s sacrifice to have been for nothing. I did everything I could on my end. Think of this as our first job together.”
Michael’s gaze softened. “You love him. Tristan.”
My heart contracted into a tight knot. “I do.”
A small, semipained smile touched his mouth. “It’s a bad idea. Loving someone damned to Hell.”
There wasn’t time to debate about the pros and cons of loving Tristan, because Abigor was coming around the corner and I was going to need to create a distraction to help
Michael get away. Maybe he could beam himself to Heaven, but I didn’t want to find out, and I definitely didn’t want Abigor or Dad to know I’d talked to an angel.
So I simply said, “And yet it might be the only thing that saves me.”
Forty-One
I skipped over to Abigor, super high energy so he’d focus on me and not, you know, spot Michael. “Hey, big guy!”
Big guy? Who even am I right now?
“Something feels funny,” Abigor said, so apparently I was a weirdo who couldn’t manage to distract her demonic date—hashtag relatable, am I right?
Abigor leaned to look around me, and I mimicked his movement, trying to block his view. I placed my hand on his biceps. “Will you take me for a walk along the bay? I’ve always wanted to—”
“Who was that? The guy who hurried off when I approached?”
“I think he needed to pee. I pointed the way to the restrooms.”
Abigor grabbed my hand and yanked me toward the balcony.
I dragged my feet. “First let’s finish dinner, and then the bay. I didn’t mean we should go walking now.”
Trying to stop the Grand Duke of Hell was like stepping in front of a freight train. “I’ve felt this before,” he said. “And you’re acting funny.”
“You’re acting funny,” I said, because he was—and also, I was good at comebacks.
We stepped onto the open balcony just in time to see Michael go over it.
Even though we were two stories up.
I half expected wings to unfurl and the angel to soar into the air, but he landed on the ground. Whoa, that was a close one. Good thing Heaven Boy’s got hops. I’m probably going to get the third degree on what he said to—
Abigor scooped me into his arms, and then we were going over the balcony as well. I screamed as we plummeted toward the ground.
