by Cindi Madsen
Tristan shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I know but think about it. It’s not like my life is so bad here. Sure, my dad tries to turn me evil every day, and we learn freaky Tempter stuff, but as long as I can be with you, it doesn’t matter. And if you think about it, after everything I’ve witnessed here, I’d probably just land in a psychiatric hospital when I returned to the real world anyway. That would be way worse than being here with you.”
Two creases formed between Tristan’s eyebrows. “You forgot to add that you’ve been attacked twice. Three times if you count Ms. Bing.”
“But the last time was almost two weeks ago. I think I’m good now. Plus”—I flexed my arms—“you think anyone’s going to mess with me while I’m carting these guns around?”
Not even a smile. Great. I was seriously losing my touch.
Tristan grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. “I won’t let you do it.”
“You gave up your life—your soul—to save your sister. Why won’t you let someone help you?”
“Because that someone is you.” He exhaled, then gave me the poorest excuse for a smile ever. “Lily, I want to spend as much time as possible with you while you’re here. Then I want you to go to Earth and live your life.”
A giant lump lodged in my throat. “It’s not that simple. Last night when I was on Earth, I ran into an angel.” I told Tristan about what had happened and what Michael said about proving myself and how many before me had failed.
“That’s exactly why you need to go out there and prove that it can be done.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m not cheering for the home team.”
“But if I refuse to go get souls—”
“I couldn’t live with myself if you stayed for me.” His eyes implored me, a hint of desperation in them. “Please don’t think like that.”
He could ask all he wanted, but it didn’t matter. If I failed—because from the sounds of it, it took a lot to get the holy-burny curse lifted—it’d suck. But if I could stay down here, do as much good as I could and be with Tristan…?
That didn’t seem like failing. It sounded a lot more like heaven than, well, Heaven.
Once the suns dipped low, Tristan and I walked toward the castle, hand in hand. In my euphoric daze, I could almost see and hear cartoon birds floating over our heads, tweeting love songs.
Then the caw of a crow broke through.
The trash bird circled low, right above our heads, and started squawking like crazy.
I swatted at it. “Okay, I know I decided to stop thinking evil thoughts, but if I get ahold of that annoying bird, I’m so choking the life out of it.”
“Just as soon as we find out who it’s working for.” Tristan jumped. One of his hands skimmed the bird’s body, but it flew higher and squawked louder.
I stifled a laugh. “You know your life’s not normal when you have to interrogate a bird about why he won’t leave you alone. The real question is how we’re going to understand his answers.”
“I don’t think he’s a bird all the time,” Tristan said, making another attempt to catch the stupid thing.
I was so focused on Tristan and his attempt to catch the bird, that I didn’t see Grim until he was almost on us.
“Hide!” I shoved Tristan toward a tree.
“Don’t bother,” Grim said. “Having one eye for several thousand years has enhanced my hearing.”
Paralyzed with panic, all I could do was stand in place, waiting for Grim to close the short distance between us.
Tristan reached out and took my hand, and I immediately felt calmer. Then I realized he was probably making that happen. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered.
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Grim tucked his hands into the folds of his cloak and glanced from me to Tristan and back to me. “Lily, do you even realize the kind of fire you’re playing with? I saw the way Abigor looked at you last night, and trust me, he’s not a forgiving guy. Especially when he thinks something belongs to him.”
Tristan’s grip on my hand tightened. “Lily doesn’t belong to him.”
“But he thinks she does, and if he finds out about you two…” Grim’s one eye focused on Tristan. “You’ll be in the center doing hard-core labor for the rest of eternity. And that’s after he tortures you for a month or two.”
“I’ll risk it.”
I shot Tristan a sidelong glance, amazed that he sounded so calm about it. I felt oddly calm about it, too. “Tristan, stop keeping me all mellowed out. It’s not fair that you can influence me but I can’t influence you.”
“I just know that you’re going to freak out if I let go, and it doesn’t matter. I meant what I said. This is the happiest I’ve ever been, including back when I was still alive, and I’m not letting you go before I have to. After we discuss it calmly, I’ll stop pushing it on you.”
I turned my attention to Grim. “You’re not going to tell, are you?”
If he says yes, I’m going to have to pull free of Tristan and use my influence on Grim.
“It won’t work,” Grim said. “I’m stronger than Baal or any of the others you’ve used your powers on. You can’t influence me or any of the higher-level demons. Which means you can’t just make Abigor forget it if he finds out.” He jerked his chin at Tristan. “It won’t work on him, either. Your influence works by sending shock waves to the brain, causing intimidation and fear. Tristan’s natural calming effect counterbalances it. Which is why, as much as I’d like to influence him to stay away from you, I can’t do it, either.”
Tristan took a step back, pulling me with him.
“I need him, Grim,” I said. “I know you don’t understand, but even the little bit of Hell that’s slipped in, it hurts me. Tristan keeps me grounded. He keeps me me.”
“After a time, it won’t hurt.”
“When I’m just a shell?” My voice broke. “I thought you cared about me. I thought you were different from the rest of them.”
Sadness flickered through Grim’s eye, and he clutched the center of his chest. “I do care. That’s why when I was on my way home and heard that bird squawking, and then spotted you two here—and saw Abigor headed this way—I cut him off. Maybe I should’ve let him come.”
Grim hung his head and turned to walk away.
Even Tristan’s calming influence wasn’t enough to keep guilt from creeping through me. I tugged my hand free. “Grim, wait! I’m sorry.”
Grim slowed and I caught up with him and grabbed his arm.
“Thank you,” I said. “For not letting Abigor catch us. But you’re wrong about my influence not working on him. I used it the first day he and I sparred.”
“For a moment. Before he knew to protect himself from it. But it won’t help you if you’re caught with Tristan. His anger won’t let him focus on anything but that, and once he gets angry… Lily, you need to listen to me.” Grim placed his bony hands on my shoulders and glanced at Tristan. “Both of you need to listen to me. This battle is going to get ugly. His Royal Darkness thinks he might be losing you.”
His hand moved up to cup my cheek, and I refrained from wincing at the disturbing mix of flesh and bone. “And Heaven is determined to make you the first half-breed to cross over. That’s why your father put the clause about you spending your seventeenth year here. Both Heaven and Hell work on half-breeds the hardest that last year before you’re considered an adult. And darlin’, if you think he’s going to let you leave without a fight, you’re underestimating him.”
His face grew even paler than usual. “Do you know how many people have gone up against him and won?”
I swallowed, trying to fight the doubt wreaking havoc on me. “Every day on Earth people fight to be good. They make it, and I can too, even if I’m at a bit of a disadvantage.”
Grim raised one eyebrow. “A bit?” He sighed. “I can see I’m not going to change your mind. About this or that…” He cocked his head toward Tristan. “You two be
more careful, you hear me?”
I nodded. “We will, I promise. Thanks again. Oh, and I don’t suppose you know a demon who’s got an obnoxious crow spying for them? One keeps showing up right before things go to hell—or more hell-like. You know what I mean.”
“There are crows everywhere. The right demon could train any one of them for his or her purpose.”
Well, that’s not great news.
Grim pulled me into a hug. “Good luck,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re going to need it.”
Forty-Four
Tristan’s hut had the added danger of people seeing us together, but being out in the open was also getting too dicey. So Saturday, about twenty minutes before he was supposed to get off work, I sneaked inside.
This morning Dad had made me go through files until I was cross-eyed. I’d stamped Damned, Temptation in Progress, or Unsuccessful over and over. I always got a thrill when I got to use the Unsuccessful stamp. Unfortunately I also felt one whenever I stamped Damned across a person’s name.
I lay back on Tristan’s bed, thinking I’d just close my eyes for a moment.
The next thing I knew, a dark figure was looming over me. I tensed, the fuzzy tug of sleep reluctant to let me go.
“It’s me,” Tristan said. A droplet of water slid from his damp hair onto my forehead as he kissed my cheek. His face and arms were also freshly scrubbed, and I inhaled his scent, basking in it and in his profile and in everything Tristan.
I covered a yawn with my hand. “I must’ve drifted off.”
“I have something to show you,” Tristan said.
“You show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” I joked as I propped myself up on my elbows, but to tell the truth, I wasn’t completely joking.
He grabbed something from the piece of wood masquerading as his nightstand, and then placed a thick tome on the bed between us.
I groaned. “Not another book. We’ve studied so many demons, and I already spent the day sorting people’s files. I can’t take it anymore.”
“That freaky boat guy you call Grim gave it to me on my way home today,” Tristan said. “It’s about all the half-breeds—his words, not mine—who’ve tried to switch sides. We can study it and figure out how you’re going to succeed where they failed.”
“But what about the kissing and fun?”
“We’ll squeeze in some of that, too.” Tristan gave me a way-too-quick kiss on the lips before I could fully latch on. “But first, we study.”
For over an hour, we read case after case of half-demon offspring. I don’t know what it was about the seventeenth year, but that’s when Heaven and Hell hit them hard. In every case, Hell won.
I ran my fingers through my hair. “That’s the problem with being righteous. The good guys don’t resort to violence like the demons do, and violence works.” I closed the book, tossed it aside, and leaned my head on Tristan’s shoulder. “I can’t read anymore. It’s too depressing.”
Tristan wrapped his hand around my thigh. “You’ll figure it out. You’ve got a lot more fight than those guys.”
“You picked that up from reading?”
He kissed the top of my head. “I just know you.”
“While I was on Earth, I never told anyone who I truly was—about my dad or any of that, not even my best friend. You know me better than anyone else besides maybe my mom, although I had to hold back with her as well because it scared her or made her feel guilty.” I looked up into his green eyes. “And by some miracle, you still like me.”
A devastatingly handsome smile crooked his mouth. “I’m so crazy about you I can’t even think straight.”
My heart fluttered wildly in my chest, beating hard enough for the both of us. “But that’s part of the problem. Don’t use your influence on me, because we actually do need to discuss the risks we’re taking. If you get hurt because of me—”
“I won’t. If I get into trouble, I’ve got that whole calming thing you mentioned going for me. I’ll be fine.”
“You don’t know that. I worry I’m being too selfish. That I should be strong enough to leave you alone.”
“I’d just scale the castle every night to see you.” Tristan trailed his fingers across my collarbone, and goose bumps pricked my skin. “We’re in this together. And we’re going to figure out a way for you to make it out of this place with your soul intact.”
Another protest was on the tip of my tongue, but then Tristan pressed his lips to the base of my throat and every thought I’d ever had flew right out of my head.
I fisted a handful of his T-shirt and lay back, pulling him with me.
Our kisses intensified, a blur of lips and tongues and bodies pressed together as our hands explored one other. I ran my fingers up his strong back and peeled his shirt up and over his head.
A blissful minute or so later, mine joined his on the floor.
I reached for the button of his jeans, and his fingers wrapped around my wrist.
“Wait.” He pushed back and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I can’t tell you to fight for your soul, and then do something to make you lose it.”
“Sex? I don’t think it actually says anywhere that having sex before marriage is a for sure way to lose your soul.”
“Yeah, I think I heard the ‘Do Whatever You Want’ sermon all of never when my grandma dragged me to church.” Tristan glanced at me, swallowed hard, and then dropped his gaze to the ground, obviously waging an internal battle.
As hard as I tried not to be insulted, hurt flooded my heart. “It’s not like I’m sleeping around or just doing it to do it. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said, his gaze still glued to the ground. “But I’m damned. That makes it even worse.”
Frustrated, I sat up. Suddenly I felt naked and crossed my arms over my bra. “Fine. I’ll research it.”
Tristan gave a snort-laugh. “You? Research?”
I scowled at him, tugged on my shirt, and started for the door.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back to him. He dragged his nose across my cheek and kissed the spot just under my ear. “Don’t storm off. I’m trying to do the right thing, and believe me, it’s not easy.”
Oh, I believed him. About trying to do the right thing and about it not being easy. Because not only was I having the same struggle, the last thing I’d ever call anything in my life was easy.
Dad glanced up from the wingback chair I’d begun to think of as his cushy throne when I walked into the living room to wish him good night. “There you are, my dear. Are you having fun with your boyfriend?”
His words stopped me cold. You’d think being overly hot all day, it would be nice.
It wasn’t.
Keeping my voice steady was a challenge, but I did my best. “I wasn’t with Abigor.”
“I wasn’t talking about Abigor.”
Fear slammed into me, robbing me of oxygen.
Calm as the sea before the storm, Dad arched an eyebrow. “You honestly think I don’t know?” He tsked. “I’ve got spies everywhere. Spies that have noticed you and Tristan Slate seem quite cozy.”
My pulse rioted, surging and slicing, until it’d opened me an inch at a time and left everything I didn’t want to show Dad on display. Still, I tried to keep an unaffected facade. “We’re friends.”
“It’s no use lying, Lily. I just thought I’d save you some sneaking around and tell you that I’m well aware of how you’re spending your free time.”
He’s not going to yell or forbid me from seeing Tristan again? I’d learned that when it came to Dad, if something seemed too good to be true—well, nothing with him ever was, so alarms rang through my brain like crazy. “All this time you knew and you never said anything? Why?”
“Because you becoming attached to him serves my purpose.”
Icy cold fingers wrapped around my heart.
And Dad continued to placidly shuffle his files as if he hadn’t lobbed an emotional grenade. “Do you want him
to have the best possible life here?” he asked.
I narrowed my eyes. “You know I do.”
“Convince him to serve as a Tempter.”
Anxiety tightened my throat, and while I attempted to swallow, my body had forgotten how to work. “He won’t do it. Not even if I begged him to.”
Finally Dad looked directly, focused on me entirely, and I wished he’d go back to his stupid files. “You underestimate your influence on him. You don’t even have to use your powers, and you could get him to do most anything.”
Dad stood, and I took a step back. He put a hand over the spot where his heart should be—I knew he didn’t truly have one of those. “It saddens me that you act like I’m going to hurt you. All those other souls, all the people and demons under my control, my riches—I don’t care about any of it as much as I care about you. I want what’s best for you.”
“That’s such bullshit. All I am to you is a possession. Another soul you want to claim to further your vile purpose. And as if that’s not bad enough, you also want me to drag other souls down here, too. You want me to ruin everything that’s good about Tristan.”
Dad stroked his chin. “Hmm. If you really don’t think you can convince him, maybe it’s time to reevaluate his position. Tempter Training is a pretty cushy life. There are a lot worse places he could end up if training him is such a waste of time.”
Panic and worry for Tristan overshadowed my other emotions. Dad had threatened the person I cared about most, and now I was exactly where he wanted me. Scared. Desperate. Willing to do anything.
He’d won.
And he knew it.
In that moment I wished I’d been strong enough not to fall for Tristan. His unconditional and unwavering love for me had saved me. But it was going to be what ruined him, and I couldn’t let that happen.
“What if I…?” The rest of the words stuck to my tongue, pleading with me not to speak them. My head throbbed, my internal organs revolted. “What if I stayed? Could Tristan and I be together, then?”
Dad hesitated before giving a small shake of his head. “You’re promised to Abigor. That deal is already done. And even if you weren’t, Tristan Slate wouldn’t be a suitable pairing.”
