Matthew gazed into those hazel eyes he loved so well. “And you think I am wrong in this?”
Alixandrea lifted her shoulders, turning away from him. She couldn’t honestly look him in the eye and tell him he was wrong.
“Nay,” she said. “I know you are looking at the moral aspect of it. You are looking at Lysabel’s future and the future of her girls. But you are not looking at the condition of her heart. The heart wants what the heart wants, and you cannot break that bond if it has been formed.”
Matthew pondered her words. “Then what should I do?”
Alixandrea looked at him, then. “I know you do not want to do this, but you must trust your daughter to make her own decision. Trust her to make the right one. She has her father’s wisdom, after all. You must give her the chance to choose her own destiny this time.”
It was difficult for Matthew to accept that, but his wife was wiser than him in all things. He had to trust that she was correct. Gaston had tried to tell him the same thing, but coming from Alixandrea… now he had the two people he loved best in this world telling him the very same thing.
He didn’t like losing control like this.
“Then I shall go and speak with her,” he said, resignation in his voice. “I do not want my daughter to end up hating me, but she must understand that I am only thinking of her future.”
Alixandrea stopped him as he tried to walk away. “Not now.”
“Why not?”
“Because Trenton is here.”
Matthew’s eyebrows flew up. “Trenton is…?”
Alixandrea nodded, pulling him over to the chairs in front of the now-blazing hearth. “I saw him come in through the postern gate when I was in the kitchens procuring your refreshments,” she said. “He must have ridden in with Gaston. Did he tell you?”
Matthew’s expression tightened with displeasure. “He did not.”
Alixandrea gently pushed her husband into a chair. “It is possible that he did not know,” she said. “Trenton could have followed him from Deverill.”
“And it is equally possible that he knew and did not want to tell me.”
Alixandrea sat down next to him, holding his hand. “Mayhap he was planning to tell you,” she said. “Do not think Gaston was being subversive. You know him better than that.”
Matthew did, but Trenton’s presence at Wellesbourne still didn’t sit well. “Where did Trenton go?”
Alixandrea turned away, her gaze moving to the lancet windows of the solar as if she could see the activity beyond them.
“Lysabel is in the garden with the girls,” she said. “I suspect that is where Trenton is going. Matt… stay here with me. Trust that your daughter will do the right thing, whatever that may be. Have faith that everything will work out as it should.”
Matthew wasn’t so certain, but he didn’t argue. He kept thinking about his daughter, so vulnerable he thought, and Trenton, who wanted something very badly. Then he thought of Gaston, closer than a brother, and knew the man was hurting, too. His estranged son had come to him for help, and Matthew had shut him down. Perhaps, Gaston had some fear of losing Trenton for good over this.
It seemed that both Matthew and Gaston had fears for their children.
Lifting his wife’s hand, he kissed it.
“I think I shall go to Gaston,” he said. “It would seem that we have some waiting to do. You will understand when I say that I should like to wait with him, with your permission.”
Alixandrea smiled at her husband. “Go to him.”
Matthew kissed her hand again before letting it go, making his way from the solar and up to the chamber on the second floor, the smaller one that overlooked the bailey, where Gaston usually stayed when he visited. Matthew knocked on the old oak door, waiting in silence until it was opened and Gaston stood in the doorway. But no words were spoken between them.
No words were necessary.
They threw their arms around each other and hugged. And then, they sat and waited.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Another day, another sunset.
Lysabel was sitting on the stone bench in the garden, watching her daughters as they chased three little bunnies through the flowers. The evening was approaching, but Lysabel just couldn’t seem to summon the energy to collect her children and head into the keep. In truth, since Trenton had left Wellesbourne, she couldn’t seem to summon the will to do much of anything.
The days dragged on and the nights were even worse. Her mind was filled with Trenton from one moment to the next, missing the man as she’d never missed anyone in her life. But that longing was tempered by what her mother had said, about the long-term effects that an illicit romance would have on the family. The more she thought about it, the more pressure she felt, like a great hammer beating her mother’s words into her skull. Even in her sleep, they pounded into her.
Her decision to engage in an affair with Trenton would bring the entire family down.
Her father, and everything he had worked for, would be damage by her actions. Her unmarried brothers would be affected, as would her own daughters when they came of marriageable age. She couldn’t condemn Cynethryn or Brencis, or even the child she carried in her belly, to a life of disadvantage because of her actions. The parting words her mother left her with were words she couldn’t get out of her head.
You must do what is right, for all of us.
It had been five days since Trenton had left. Five days of anguish, and of reflection, as Lysabel could think of nothing but him. But her mother’s words had her reconsidering everything. Perhaps she couldn’t really be happy with a man of her choosing; perhaps she had to do the right thing, as her mother said, and sacrifice her happiness so that her family could be spared her shame.
God, she hated being a martyr.
As sunset approached and the sky began to turn shades of blue and purple, she could hear that there was something going on in the bailey on the other side of the garden wall. She could hear men and horses, meaning an escort or an army of some kind had arrived for the night. It was probably just some traveling lord seeking shelter, but Lysabel had no interest in whatever was going on. The past several days, she didn’t care about much of anything.
Time passed and the sun sank further on the horizon. The girls lost the bunnies somewhere in the garden, but they found a fat orange cat that wanted to be loved, so Cynethryn picked the cat up, its long legs dangling down her body, as she headed in her mother’s direction. Brencis trotted alongside, trying to pet the kitty.
“Mummy!” Cynethryn cried. “Look what I found!”
Lysabel smiled weakly as her daughter brought the cat over and put it on the bench beside her. It was a friendly kitty, and they all took a turn petting the soft orange fur.
“He is very nice,” Lysabel said.
Brencis was more aggressive in showing her affection; she picked the cat up and hugged it. “I love him,” she declared. “Can I take him to my chamber? Can I have him?”
“I found him!” Cynethryn said, unhappily. “He is mine!”
Lysabel put her hand up before a squabble could start. “I think the cat would like to have both of you loving him,” she said. “I do not care if he comes inside, but make sure he is fed and goes outside when you go to sleep.”
“But why does he have to go outside at night?” Brencis asked seriously. “He needs a bed to sleep on.”
“He needs to go outside at night because that is when cats hunt for their dinners.”
The voice came from the garden gate, which had just swung open. Lysabel, Cynethryn, and Brencis looked over to see Trenton standing in the archway, smiling wearily at the three of them. One look at Trenton and the girls screamed, rushing him in delight. He ended up picking them both up as they furiously hugged him, with Brencis hugging him so excitedly that she smacked him in the throat.
“Trenton!” the little girl squealed. “You came back, you came back!”
“Aye, I came back,” Trenton said, cou
ghing because she’d hit him in the Adam’s apple. “I am back and what do I see? No ponies being ridden. Are they still lame?”
As he set the girls to their feet, Cynethryn nodded. “My pony’s leg is still sore,” she said sadly. “But Sir Ranse found us new ponies to ride until they get better.”
Trenton put his hand on her head. “That was very nice of de Troyes,” he said. “Have you ridden his ponies today?”
Brencis was hanging on to his other hand excitedly. “My pony is black and white,” she said. “He tries to bite me. I do not love him as much as I love Snowdrop.”
Trenton grinned at the child. “I am sure Snowdrop is happy to have your loyalty,” he said. Then, his gaze trailed up to Lysabel, who was standing up by now. When their eyes met, it was as if a bolt of lightning went through him. He’d never been so glad to see anyone in his life. “Greetings, my lady.”
That soft, gentle tone nearly undid Lysabel. She was already startled by his appearance, weakened beyond measure. She wanted to run to him like the girls had, but she didn’t. She remained where she was, watching her girls as they fawned over the man. She thought it was very sweet, in fact, because they’d never shown their father such affection. It was nice to see that they could display such love to a man who had, in turn, been so kind to them. They wanted to love, and be loved, and Trenton gave them that opportunity.
It was one more thing to love about the man.
“Greetings,” she said after a moment. “I… I did not know when you would return.”
Trenton nodded, unable to take his eyes from her even though the girls were tugging on him. “I know.”
“Does my father know you are here?”
He shook his head, unwilling to answer with Brencis and Cynethryn at his feet. He smiled down at the girls, giving Lysabel the hint that perhaps he couldn’t speak freely in front of them. Immediately, she clapped her hands.
“Ladies,” she said, softly but sternly. “Stop pulling at Sir Trenton. Go inside and wash your face and hands and once you have done that, find Grandmother and tell her you would like to help with supper.”
Brencis had hold of Trenton’s big fingers, dragging at him. “Will you come to sup?”
She was asking Trenton, but Lysabel answered. “You will see him later,” she said. “Go, now. Do as I say.”
The girls obeyed, but it took them a moment. Neither one of them would leave until Trenton promised he would see them later, and then they happily skipped away. Once they had cleared the garden and they heard the old iron gate slam, Lysabel looked at Trenton.
“Why are you here?” she asked quietly. “My father said he told you not to come back.”
Trenton took a few steps towards her, his eyes glittering. “He did,” he murmured. “But I cannot stay away. I love you, Lysabel. There; I’ve said it. I love you and I want us to be together.”
His admission brought tears to her eyes. “Oh… Trenton,” she gasped, her hand going to her mouth. “I love you, too. But we cannot…”
She shook her head, wiping her eyes as she trailed off. Trenton took another step in her direction. “I do not know how much time I will have before Uncle Matthew runs out here and chases me off at the tip of a sword, so I must say what I have come to say,” he said quickly. “Lysabel, I want you to come away with me now. I want you to gather the girls and we are going to leave this very night.”
She looked at him, wide-eyed. “Leave?” she gasped. “And go where?”
“I have other properties,” he said. “I have a hunting lodge at Hawkridge, set deep in the forest north of Warminster, near Trowbridge. It’s a nice little place and we could take the girls and live there until I can secure something bigger, something worthy of you. But you would be happy at Hawkridge, I swear it.”
Lysabel could see the earnest desire on his face and it cut her to the bone. He was still living in that fantasy world, but after her discussion with her mother, that world had all but dissolved for Lysabel. As much as she didn’t want to admit that, in her heart, she knew it.
“Trenton,” she said. “As much as I love you and as much as I want to go with you, I am afraid that I cannot.”
His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Why can’t you go?”
Looking at him, Lysabel knew that this was going to be the most difficult thing she’d ever done in her life. He was within arm’s reach; it would be so easy to grab hold of him and never let go. But her mother’s words were echoing in her head, telling her that she needed to make the right choice, for everyone.
The right choice wasn’t Trenton.
“Because I cannot do such a thing to my family,” she murmured. “You and I have been living in a wonderful world, a world of hope and dreams, but the truth is that there is no such world. The reality is that we live in a world of consequences, and as much as it pains me to say this, my decision to go with you will jeopardize my entire family. It would be so easy to ignore them, and to be selfish, but the truth is that my choice to go with you has far-reaching implications. My father, for one; he has an excellent reputation. What will happen to him when his daughter becomes the mistress of a married man? Think of the respect he will lose.”
As Trenton realized what she was saying, his eyes grew wide and confused. “But…”
She cut him off. “And my children,” she said. “I know you think that simply because you will be a duke someday, that you can control their destinies, but that is not entirely true. People will look upon you with respect, but they will not want to marry their sons to the daughters of your concubine. And that is the reality of it. I cannot do that to my children, Trenton. I cannot be selfish at their expense.”
Trenton’s face were starting to pale as he received an answer from her that was not the one he was expecting.
“Your father told you to say all of this,” he finally hissed. “He has convinced you that what we feel for one another is wicked.”
Lysabel shook her head. “It was not my father,” she said. “I am sure he has said to you what he has said to me, and he has only spoken about what is morally right in this situation. This is about honor, Trenton – mine, my children’s, my family’s, and even yours. If damaging our honor is my decision to make, then I choose not to do it. I cannot let my selfishness ruin lives.”
Trenton couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He put his hands to his head and turned away from her for a moment, trying to process what she was saying. The problem was that it all made sense; nothing she had said was untrue. But that wasn’t what he wanted.
He was becoming desperate.
“If honor is what you worry over, then come with me,” he muttered. “Come with me and we shall flee to France, or Aragon, or Austria. We will go where no one knows us and you will be my wife, and Cissy and Cinny will be our children. We will start a new life together.”
He was grasping at the last vestiges of hope, trying to find a solution to a situation he very much wanted to end in his favor. But as much as Lysabel wanted to, she couldn’t agree with him.
“The more you beg, the more painful this is going to be,” she said, tears glittering in her eyes. “I will not leave my family behind, not even for you. Think about what you are saying, Trenton. Would you really leave your father? Your mother and your brothers? I do not think you would. I know I would not. Trenton, we have shared something I have never known before and I am certain I will never know again. We have shared love and joy as God intended it. I have given you my heart and it is yours to keep, for always. But I cannot go with you. You must understand that.”
Trenton’s breathing was starting to come in rapid pants as he began to see the future he wanted being destroyed right before his eyes.
“God, no,” he said. “Please do not tell me this. Please do not tell me that this is not something you want, too.”
Lysabel took a deep breath, struggling to keep her composure. She had to look away from him, unable to stand the pain in his expression.
“I
want it,” she whispered. “With all my heart, I do. But it cannot be.”
“Lysabel, please…”
“Go, Trenton. Please go. Do not make this worse by begging.”
He was standing a few feet away, looking at her lowered head. His entire body was twitching with emotion, fury and disappointment and grief like he’d never known. He felt gutted, as if everything inside of him was bleeding out all over the floor, the life draining out of him as Lysabel turned her back on him. It was the worst thing he had ever experienced.
He couldn’t walk away.
“If I have to beg, I will,” he said hoarsely. “Anything worth having is worth fighting for, and I believe our love is worth fighting for. Don’t you?”
She was starting to weep, unable to hold back the anguish. “It was something that was never meant to happen in the first place,” she said tightly. “How can we fight for something that would hurt other people? Is that the right thing to do?”
“It is what I want to do!”
She whirled to him, tears on her face. “Then you are fighting alone,” she said, “for I will not fight for something that would hurt so many. And I cannot believe you would want to hurt others, too. I must believe that, because if you are truly so selfish, then I want nothing to do with you. Do you hear me? If you would knowingly shame everyone we love, then you are not worthy of me!”
Her last words were hissed and Trenton’s head snapped back as if she’d physically slapped him. Her harsh words had just as much impact. He just stood there, staring at her, hardly able to breathe through the force of his emotion. Swallowing hard, he took a step back.
“Mayhap you are right,” he rasped. “I am not worthy of you because I am willing to forsake everything simply to be with you. I do not care who I hurt, as long as we are together. If that offends you, then I am sorry. But mayhap in years to come, you will reflect kindly on a man who loved you so much that he was willing to give up everything.”
With that, he turned on his heel, heading for the garden gate and feeling tears sting his eyes. But he didn’t give in to them; he was too hurt and shattered for that. What he felt went beyond tears.
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