“Oh yes,” she replies in a very professional tone. “Your host said that he would pay for the room for as long as you need it, so don’t feel any pressure to leave. He had to go early to catch a flight to England…”
“He’s gone?” Emotion balls up in my throat. “He left, just like that?”
She doesn’t answer, not that I expect her to. In fact, I slam the phone down hard so I can collapse into tears hard without her listening in, knowing even more of my personal business. The fact that she knows I’ve been dumped here alone is bad enough. I don’t know how I’m going to pass her to leave. That was me, falling in love like an idiot, thinking that I saved my virginity for the right man and that we were heading towards our happy ever after at last, and Tony was just using me. I was just for a moment of fun while he was here. A one night – well two night – stand. Now he’s gone, back to his real life, and I’m left to pick up the pieces all over again.
I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it this time around, I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
I’m an absolute fool. One thing is for sure. Love is definitely not for me. I can’t do it right so I shouldn’t do it at all.
Chapter Six
Tony
Six Months Later…
I rub the sleep from my eyes, preparing myself for another long day and ensuring that my father is okay. Exactly the same as my life has been for the last six months. When I was in America, with Natasha, and I got the call that my father had been in a bad accident, I left in a hurry. So much of a hurry that I didn’t even think to get Natasha’s address or cell phone number. I was just in a panic, thinking about getting home to look after him.
I thought that it would only be a short term thing, I assumed that I would be able to make it up to her, but the months have passed in a bit of a haze to be honest. The days have just rolled passed so quickly. I have been focused on my dad rather than myself, so I haven’t done anything to for my own life. The thing is, my dad needs me, and I want to do all that I can to help him after everything that he’s done for me. He was the one there for me when my mom couldn’t look after me and he’s given me the opportunities that I wouldn’t have got otherwise. I owe him so much and that is why I’m here taking care of him and looking after the business as well.
It’s exhausting, absolutely wearing me to the ground, but I keep myself going, only for him.
I roll out of the bed and stretch my aching joints; my brain racing to try and catch up with everything that I need to keep on top of. I haven’t ever had so much responsibility before and it’s hard.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I groan loudly and reach out for my cell phone, wondering who it’s going to be. Probably Ben, the manager of the company. Or maybe Cole, the accountant. They are on my ass a lot about everything, expecting a lot from me. More than I can give, but I’m still on top of things. For now.
“Hello?” I grunt, trying to get a little bit of enthusiasm in my voice. “I’m on the way to the office…”
“Is this Mr. Compton?” an unexpected female voice interrupts me. “Tony, son of Adam?”
“Er, yes it is. Are you from the hospital? Do you need me to come and help?”
“Actually, I’m calling with bad news.” My heart balls up in my throat. What the hell now? “Your father suffered a cardiac arrest just a few moments ago, and unfortunately the doctors couldn’t do anything to save him.”
No. I shake my head rapidly. No, no, no. I can’t accept that, I won’t, I refuse. This is just… a nightmare.
“But his heart was fine,” I gush. “There haven’t been any issues with his heart. Everything else maybe, but…”
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Compton, I know this isn’t easy to hear, but we need you at the hospital…”
“So, he’s just gone? Dead? Just like that? There isn’t anything that can be done?”
There is a rational part of my brain telling me that this is a pointless question, but I need to ask it anyway.
“I’m sorry, I think that it’s best for you to come here and speak to us yourself…”
I’m not even aware of hanging up the phone, but I guess that’s what I must do because the next minute I’m surrounded by a silence that seems to go on forever more. There’s a buzzing in the back of my head, aching painfully. My father was supposed to get better. He was supposed to eventually walk out of that hospital okay again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was never supposed to die. I don’t know what to do…
“Go to the hospital,” I warn myself. “Go and see him. You need to be there.”
I somehow just about manage to get my body moving. It isn’t the easiest, it’s like feeling dead in the bottom of my legs. I move towards the car and I slide into the driver’s seat to get myself there. I still feel like I’m dreaming as I go, like I’m in the middle of a horrible nightmare, but it’s one that I can’t wake up from. I honestly don’t know if I will ever be awake again after this. My life will never be the same again…
* * *
“Yes, Mom.” I wipe the tears out of my eyes. “He’s gone. He just died today.”
“I’m shocked, I don’t know what to think. I never thought that would happen.” I can hear the torture in her voice. I really hope this doesn’t tip her over the edge again. “I mean, the accident was bad enough, but this…”
“I know.” I can’t think of a time that I have ever felt so alone in my life. My father has always been the constant, and now out of nowhere he’s just gone. “I know, Mom, this is just… it’s awful.”
The grief swallows my up whole as I step back through the door into my home. I’m probably supposed to go to Dad’s place to sort some stuff out, but there isn’t a chance in hell that I’m ready for that yet.
“Well, you keep calling me, Tony. Keep me up to date on anything and let me know if there is anything you need. I don’t know what I can do from half way around the world, but I’ll try.”
Even if my mom could do anything, I wouldn’t ask her. She isn’t the sort of person that I can put pressure on. She might be doing much better these days, standing taller and being stronger, and that’s a balance I can’t upset.
“Thanks, Mom,” I reply, letting her feel like I would anyway. She likes feeling wanted. “I appreciate that. I think for now I just want to go to sleep. I’m shattered and I feel a bit sick.”
I hang up the phone and stagger towards the bedroom, just wanting to crash out for a bit. I don’t think that I will be able to sleep properly, my brain is all over the place so I don’t think that I will be able to switch off, but I might be able to rest my body. I’m absolutely worn to the ground…
Knock, knock.
Oh god, I want to scream at the sound of someone banging on my door. I am really not in the mood for anyone… but it might be someone who is coming to wish me well and English manners demand me to receive them even if I don’t want to. I have been in the UK long enough and know how things work, so I haul my sorry ass down the stairs, and I unlock the door, forcing less of a scowl on my face.
“Oh, Cole.” The company accountant has come to make an appearance. “Hello, come inside.”
He steps inside my place with his usual stiff demeanor and follows me into the kitchen. I take a seat, so he does the same, seemingly following my lead for what to do. He’s always like this, it’s like he doesn’t know how to behave like a normal person, so he has to follow what other’s do. I once jokingly asked if he’s a robot.
“I’m sorry to hear what happened with your father. That’s incredibly sad.”
“Yes.” I hang my head low and try to keep the tears inside. I can’t keep crying! “I know.”
“Of course, I don’t want to be insensitive, but I do need to ask what’s going to happen with the company now.”
I groan loudly and slide my eyes closed. He cannot be seriously asking me this right now. “I don’t know.”
“I know it isn’t easy,” Cole pushes. “But your father
has always been very clear that if anything happens to him, we need to keep things moving. Since the company will become yours, I need to speak to you about it.”
“I don’t know. Can’t everything just carry on as it has been? What do I need to do?”
“If you want to carry on with the way that things are, that’s fine. Of course, we just need to know about what role you will play. Because you have gone from being an employee to managing things.”
“Well, Ben was still managing it, wasn’t he? I’ve only been helping out and signing documents.”
“Is that what you want to continue on with? Signing documents and things?”
Even the idea of that makes my head want to explode. I can’t read important documents and put pen to paper. I can’t even think. I just want to throw up and never get out of bed again. Cole must be able to see this because he shoots me a really sympathetic look. I’m glad he can see how hard this is, how wrong it is to discuss this right now. It might mean that he will give me a little bit of time and space to work things out.
“You know, if you need some time…” he continues, thankfully giving me what I need. “That’s fine. Me and Ben can keep on top of everything for the time being. If you give him the permission, then he can sign all the documents for you. He can make sure that things continue… you can even return to America for a while. Be with your mother, I can see how much you have been missing her. Maybe this is the right time to be with her…”
God those words sound so amazing. The idea of being with my mother is everything right now. Having family, not being alone, being away from the stresses of the company is all that I need. I can already feel it, the warmth of my family and home. My friends… and Natasha too. Not that she will be happy with me, but once I explain to her I’m sure that everything will be back on track. This time, I’ll get her cell phone number right away so there can’t be any communication mishaps again. The next time that we’re together it will work at last. The first chance got fucked up. Then the second time as well. It’s got to be third time lucky, surely…
“Yeah.” I nod slowly. “Yeah, you know you might be right, Cole. I think I do need to go back home.”
Home. It’s weird that I still think of America as home when I have spent such a big chunk of my adult life in England. But it will always be that to me. I think it might be where I want to settle eventually. Now there isn’t anything to hold me in England. Only the business. But that isn’t mine and I didn’t ask for it. I know that it’s my father’s legacy and maybe when I’m in a better frame of mind I’ll be able to deal with it, but for now I want to just move out somewhere.
“Okay great.” Cole smiles, making me feel so much better about my decision. “Then if you just sign the permission slips for me and Ben to take the power of everything for now, then we can revise things when you come back. I’m sure then you will have a much clearer mind set.”
As I scribble my signature on the paper, I’m mentally already back in America. I won’t be able to leave right away because of the funeral and everything, but my brain is already less fuzzy and my lungs little clearer. American air is just what I need.
“Thank you, Cole.” I nod and grin at him. “I do appreciate this. Thank you for everything that you’re doing for me and the company. My dad would be very grateful to you.”
“Well, he was a good man. He built his company up from the ground and made it a massive success that it is today. He deserves to be honored well.”
That’s so true. I just hope that I can find a way to do him justice.
Chapter Seven
Natasha
I rub my belly, glancing around at the other women surrounding me in the hospital waiting room, all of them in the same position as me… but all of them so much happier. And why wouldn’t they be? They also have other hands touching their swollen belly, more love coming from every angle, they aren’t in this alone. Even the couples who might not still be together or don’t look happy with one another are here for the support.
Not like me. I have the giant stomach with a human life growing inside but unfortunately I don’t have anyone to share it with. No wonder they are all darting sorrowful looks at me, staring at me like there must be something wrong with me to make the man in my life scarper. I have to admit that I feel the same way as well. I can only blame myself.
I lean my head back and close my eyes, remembering the sickness that came with Tony leaving me alone yet again. At first, it was very reminiscent of the first time he left, and I assumed that it was just heart break. Sadness and annoyance that I allowed myself to get fooled into falling in love once more! Well, never again, I will never fall in love again. That side of my life is done for good. It’s over forever more. I will never open up again.
As the sickness didn’t subside, even three months later, I knew that it had to be something else. Something that ran deeper so I got my ass to the doctors, just to find out that I was having a baby with the man who left me. What sort of tragic irony is that? The one who I want to have an everlasting bond with, I now do, just not in the way that I want. I guess this is exactly a case where you need to careful what you wish for.
“Mrs. Hatfield?” the nurse calls out, making my eyes snap open once more.
“Miss,” I murmur as I gather up my belongings. “It’s Miss. It’s never going to be Mrs.”
I don’t say that loud enough for anyone to hear though because it’s embarrassing. It’s bad enough trying to waitress with this stomach and having people ask who the father is in a town where everyone knows one another, but to make it worse by dragging people I don’t know into the mix and into my problems. An issue shared isn’t a problem halved in this situation anyway because there isn’t any solution in this. And it isn’t like I haven’t tried. I did try looking Tony up online when I first found out that I was having a baby, but all his social media accounts have been inactive for ages. In fact much before he even came to America, so it didn’t feel like the right thing to do.
Now, there are only a few more months and I guess he’ll never find out. That’s just the way it has to be.
After being weighed and having my blood pressure checked, it’s time for me to head into the ultra sound room. The doctor indicates for me to lie across the bed, which I do, and I peel my top up ready for the ice cold jelly to be spread across me. This isn’t my first time, but it never gets any easier.
Me and the doctor make a bit of small talk as he runs the device over me and brings the image of my baby up on the screen. The image of a tiny little baby growing chokes me up and makes me so emotional. That gorgeous little being is the result of a two night stand, which was at least love from my side, it makes me so happy. Sad too because I’m all by myself, but I guess I’m not totally alone because that is a human in there.
“After I have done all the checks, do you want to find out the baby’s gender?”
I pause for a moment, conserving this. On the one hand, I do like the idea of it being a surprise, but on the other hand I want to just know already. So much of what has happened with this pregnancy been out of my control, so maybe it would be nice to just have this one little fact to hold on to in advance.
“Yes please.” I nod vigorously, knowing for sure. “I would love to know. Thank you.”
I watch intently as the screen moves down my child. Before he even says anything, I can already see what the answer is going to be, and it makes me weep even more. My face is absolutely soaking with tears now and there are more coming every single second. I’m an absolute freaking wreck.
“As you can see, you are having a little boy. Look at this, you can see his little winky here.”
“A boy,” I gasp back, laughing a little at the joke. “That’s amazing. That’s what I want. A little boy.”
I wouldn’t mind either way, but the knowledge now makes it that much more thrilling. I can now see a little more of what my future is going to look like, and with my adorable son in my arms. Okay, so we won’t have any mon
ey, I’m struggling enough as it is without a child. And now with the child coming my way, it’s going to be even worse, but I’m trying my hardest not to focus on that fear right now. I just want to enjoy this moment.
“Well, that’s great news, and I have to say that everything about the baby looks healthy.”
“Wonderful,” I burst out, trying to sound a little normal. “That’s just lovely.”
See? Even when everything is going wrong, there are silver linings on the clouds. I might not have Tony, but my boy is just fine. We might be able to find a way to make this work out after all…
As I grab the tissue and I wipe the jelly off my stomach, all I can think about are the people who could be here with me, should be here with me, but aren’t. Of course there is Tony. He should definitely be here, seeing his child as well. He should be holding my hand, getting emotional with me, loving our baby together. But he isn’t. He fucked off to the UK and he hasn’t been back since, so he isn’t interested anymore.
By my mom as well. And my dad. They could be here with me in his place, supporting me and seeing their grandchild, but they won’t. They aren’t even speaking to me at the moment, and I don’t think that will change. I got that impression the moment that I went to tell them the news that I’m having a baby, and to say that they didn’t take it well is an understatement. My dad flipped his lid, panicking that I have been sexually active at all. It really freaked him out. My mom screamed at me for having a baby out of wed lock.
I have always known that they are old fashioned but that seems ridiculous to me.
So, it ended in a massive argument and I stormed out. We haven’t seen each other since. It’s been six long months and I guess by now it’s time to accept that they just don’t want anything to do with me and my child. So, it really is him and me alone. Even the few friends that I’ve got have been drifting away. All except for Tara, of course, but she’s a real gem. A true friend who will be there in my life forever more.
Lucky in Love Page 4
