“I know it’s a lot for me to ask you to trust me, but would you do that please? Just once?”
She glances down at herself, clearly unsure. “Well, will I need to get changed or am I okay as I am?”
“You’re fine, it isn’t anything where you need to dress a certain way or anything like that…”
“So, what is it? Why is it all of a sudden so important? Why can’t you just tell me here?”
I don’t give her an answer, I just keep looking at her, silently pleading with her to give up the concrete walls that she has built up around herself and to just come with me already. She will see that it’s all worth it.
“Fine, okay, whatever,” she bites back. “I’ll come with you. It isn’t exactly like I have anything else planned. Tara is working so I guess I will just be sitting around if I don’t come.”
“Wonderful.” My face breaks out in to a smile. I don’t mind f she gives herself a hundred and one excuses. As long as she comes with me, that’s all that matters in the end. “That’s great, are you ready now?”
She pushes passed me, barely making eye contact with me and she stands at the door waiting for me to leave. As I walk beside her, closely because of the small gap in between the door frame, a strange sizzling sensation fizzes inside me. Without even touching her, the sexual chemistry manages to flow. This is why it’s so damn hard for us to be around one another with nothing happening. It’s such an intoxicating sensation, it turns the both of us into addicts who desperately need another hit. That must annoy Natasha, I’m sure that’s why she acts so cold to try and block it out… but she can’t push it away completely, not when it’s so primal.
We head towards the elevator in silence, stepping inside without saying a word. But really, no words need to be spoken, not when the air is so thick and lusty. I can’t resist constantly trying to meet her eye as we descend downwards, but she absolutely will not look at me. I know why, and the image of what will happen fills my mind.
We’ll slam together, unable to resist the magnetic pull, and we’ll kiss frantically and passionately, pulling at one another’s clothing, needing to be naked whether other people are about to join us or not. Her breasts will be between my fingers, her hips rolling against mine, her hands travelling down my body to grip on to my cock.
I stand to attention, straining against my trousers at the memory of her gorgeous fingers against me. There’s something special about Natasha’s touch, it almost sends me over the edge without much movement. It’s the connection between us, that powerful bond, the chemicals that won’t allow us to separate.
Fuck, I just want to grab her. I want to press her against that wall and just take her already. Whatever fantasy is in her mind right now, I want to make it come true. Perhaps I should press the emergency bell so we can stop…
Ping. I jump as the little elevator bell rings out and another couple step inside, absolutely shattering the magic of the moment. Now, it’s my tune to hang my head low and to not look at anyone.
What the hell is wrong with me? I command to myself angrily. Why am I such a mess?
Natasha doesn’t need me pushing the sexual side of things, that’s clearly what is confusing her. Since she’s the one carrying my child, I should be able to control myself enough around her. I need to try and switch off these feelings as part of the proof that I can be in her life in whatever way she wants.
By the time we exit the elevator and we head out to the car, I have a new steely determination about me. I’m going to be better. I will be the man that she wants and needs me to be.
“Here we are.” I hold the door open and she actually smiles at me as she steps inside. Actually, getting out of the hotel is clearly a good idea. Maybe she’s been going mad over the last few days, just staring at the same four walls. I need to also make an effort to get her out more often.
“The weather is nice today, isn’t it?” she murmurs, staring out the window as we drive off. Okay, so it’s only a conversation about the weather, not the most exciting topic in the world, but I’ll take it.
“Yes, it’s getting warmer now. Is that hard… with the baby? Is it uncomfortable in the heat?”
Her hand flutters to her belly, just like it always does whenever I mention the baby. It makes me believe that she already loves our child more than life itself, which is wonderful because I feel the same way.
“A little, but then I keep thinking that the pregnancy isn’t going to last much longer, and even though it’s awkward and uncomfortable, and to be honest, my body isn’t really my own, I think I might miss it.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will, but think about what will happen on the other side of things. You’ll finally have your little baby boy in your arms. After nine long months of getting to know him inside your body, you’ll have him at last. You will be able to see him, to touch him, to show him how much you love him.”
She softens further, I love seeing that over the other side of the car. Those walls are crashing down just a little bit. “I can’t wait for that. Everything is going to change, but for the better. It’ll be amazing.” She pauses thoughtfully for a moment before the next words come out of her mouth. “Who do you think he will look like?”
“Out of me and you?” I’m surprised, she doesn’t usually like to discuss things that associate our son with me. Maybe she’s finally starting to see that I won’t just leave her after all. “Oh, you I hope.”
“You do?” She cocks a surprised eyebrow at me. “Why do you want that?”
“Because you’re stunning, that’s why. And I hope that he has your amazing personality too.”
“So, you want him to look like me and be like me… what do you hope that he has of you?”
I let out a little laugh. “I hope that he loves you just as much as I do. That’s my best quality after all…” When there’s an awkward silence from Natasha, I know that I need to make a joke out of it to lighten the mood. “Oh, and my eyebrows. I hope he has these amazing eyebrows of mine.”
As Natasha collapses into laughter I can’t resist joining in, and as we both chuckle together it finally feels like old times for the very first time. When me and her were best friends as well as in love. I would love nothing more than to be back there again, like we were, but I suppose too many years have passed now.
I stop the car outside my place and we both head inside. I can see that Natasha is skeptical, she probably assumed that we wouldn’t be coming here since she made it clear that she didn’t want to move in, but I’m hoping that all will become clear soon enough. Then, I’m praying that we can talk at last.
“You weren’t wrong when you said that you have a lot of space…” Natasha says wryly. “I mean, I am assuming that this is your house since you haven’t actually said anything yet.”
“Of course it is,” I chuckle. “I wouldn’t have brought you to some random place.”
“Okay.” She nods slowly, eyeing me curiously as she does. “So, we’re at your place and you said that you had something to show me… is this what you meant? Is this some kind of a ploy to attempt to get me to move in with you again?”
“No, not at all! I wouldn’t do anything to disrespect your decision. The offer is always open, but I wouldn’t do anything to make you move in here unless that’s what you want.”
“Right, so you just brought me here to show off then?” Her eyes narrow in suspicion.
“Yes, that’s it!” I pump my fist in the air playfully. “I just wanted you to see how awesome my place is.”
“Well, it’s great… so… what now?” She shrugs and glances around. “You want me to tell you everything I like? Really inflate your ego by telling you how amazing your décor is? Something like that?”
“Oh yes, that’s exactly it. But not just this room, all of them. I want to give you the tour.”
“Not what I was expecting when you asked me to come out today, but sure. I can kiss your ass if that’s what you need. Clearly, just being rich isn’t enough for you, yo
u need me to praise you for it!”
“Exactly… see, I’m so glad that you get it. Without praise, it’s just meaningless, isn’t it?”
As we head from room to room, the excitement builds in my chest. We’re joking around, teasing one another, acting like good friends again. It’s the perfect time for this to happen, for her to see what I’ve done. The anticipation builds, it increases by the second, so by the time she opens the door to the correct room, I’m about to explode with excitement. I can barely contain myself. Any minute now, everything will change…
“Oh my God.” She claps her hands to her mouth in shock. “Tony, what have you done?”
Chapter Nineteen
Natasha
I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It’s everything that I need and all I want as well. Everything I didn’t dare to dream I would get. The complete baby kit, all my problems solved lay in front of me. A push chair, a crib, millions of baby clothes, enough to last a year I’m sure, a high chair, diapers, wipes, blankets, a baby bath…
I can hardly take all of it in. Tony did this. He did it for our child, sure, but he did it for me.
“Tony, I…” I stare at him, all choked up from emotion. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything,” Tony chuckles back. “I just wanted to help. I haven’t been around as much as I would like, and I want to make up for that. I can’t get the time back, but I can get you what you need for the baby. I know they are expensive, and I don’t know what you already have… but I hope this helps.”
“This is amazing, Tony, truly, and I would love to accept it, but I can’t…”
“Don’t say no.” He shakes his head hard. “Please don’t. Let me do this for our son.”
“But it’s everything. It’s so much. I don’t know how to take it. I mean, I don’t even have a place for it.”
“This room can be a nursery. It’s right next to the spare room, so you can have that one. I know that it won’t be a permanent arrangement and I’m sure that you’ll want your own place soon enough but think about it. Think about how incredible it would be. You can have a roof over your head when our boy is born so you don’t need to worry about it, and I have been reading baby books and it seems like the first couple of months are the hardest. Rather than you being like a zombie and doing it all by yourself, I can help with everything.”
I can’t stop myself from smiling at this idea. It’s just too sweet for words. Seeing it in front of me doesn’t help me, the nursery is amazing and has everything a child needs. I can’t exactly raise my son in a hotel room. I suppose in a practical sense, this is the most logical idea. I just need to get over the fear that I’ll fall in love all over again… or not fall in love since I don’t think I have ever stopped being there really but giving into it.
“You have been reading, huh?” I ask with a grin. “About babies?”
“I told you, I’m serious. I don’t really know anything about children at the moment and I want to be prepared.”
“But I thought you were trying to set up a company of your own here.”
“That’s a slow process,” he admits. “But I don’t mind it being that way so I can fit everything else in as well.”
“Well, looking around at all this…” I make a sweeping gesture with my hands. “It seems like you really are serious about staying in America and being here for the baby, then I guess it’s something that we can talk about.”
“You’re serious?” His eyes almost pop out of his head with excitement. “Oh my god, I would love that.”
I flicker my eyes over everything in this room once more, my heart skipping a beat with joy. How am I supposed to stop myself from melting in front of him when he does such amazing things for me? He’s making it impossible for me to keep my head on straight. It’s been hard enough this last week or so…
“Come on, let’s take a seat. Let’s talk things through, see how we’re going to work this out.”
I watch intently as he almost automatically reaches for my hand as a natural reaction, but thankfully before he does, because I know that the electricity between us will make me lose my mind, he realizes and snatches away.
We head down on to the couch and sit near one another. I try to wrap my head around the conversation we’re about to have, since I’m not really ready or prepared for it. But it’s here now. No turning back.
“So, you really are sticking around then? You don’t want to go back to the UK?”
“No, never.” He shakes his head defiantly. “This is my home, this is where I want to be. Plus, I had to spend a lot of my life growing up with a parent in a different country. I don’t intend to make the same mistake.”
“I thought that things were still okay with you and your mom though? Or have I missed something?”
“Things are fine,” he confirms. “But I’m adult enough to understand why things happened the way that they did. That doesn’t mean I’m prepared to do the same thing to my baby boy.”
“Okay… but what about the company in England? Isn’t that something you need to be there for?”
“Right now, it’s being run by Ben and Cole who know the business much better than I do anyway. But to be honest, I might sell it to help with my own venture. It isn’t the easiest choice for me to make because it’s my father’s legacy. But I know that ultimately, he would want me to do what’s right for me. And my son.”
He’s right, this is what his dad would want. What amazes me is how much he has thought about it. He’s really dug deep and started to work out what he wants out of life for him and our baby. I have misjudged him really. I’ve been waiting for him to take off again and that wasn’t something that I needed to do.
“That’s good.” I gulp and nod. “This might be a good thing really because there’s a chance I will need your help. Especially in the first couple of months. I can’t expect Tara to do it all, she has work, Jason, and her own life. My parents aren’t ever going to talk to me again, that much is clear…”
“Your parents aren’t talking to you?” he asks, confused. “Like, at all?”
“Only to yell at me for my life choices. But it isn’t even just that. They have turned their back on me and won’t talk to me at all. I tried to communicate with them to ask for help with my living situation. I stupidly assumed that me having such a crisis would change their mind, but nope. I got nothing back.”
The memory of their brutal quietness sends sadness rocketing through me. It doesn’t matter how long it has been. It still hurts far more than it should. I can’t stop the pain from aching through my body.
“That’s so horrible, Natasha,” he replies quietly. “I’m so sorry you’re going through that.”
“It’s nothing compared to you. With your dad dying and everything…”
We share a look. It’s one of deep connection which makes my heart race at a million miles an hour. There’s an openness now, an understanding. I think that’s coming from me at last since he’s been truthful with me ever since he came back. I’ve been trying to protect myself and my child, but I don’t think I’ve needed to.
“You really want me to move in here?” I ask, needing confirmation.
“Like I said, the pressure isn’t on. If you don’t want to stay here, I will find another way to make this work for you. I just want our baby to have a safe and secure home, but if you do, I would love to help out as much as I can. Work wise, things aren’t going too quickly so I can take some time off to help in the beginning. I can be there with you through all the sleepless nights, so it doesn’t have to be all on you.”
“I am worried about having no sleep,” I admit. “I’ve never been good at being tired.”
“Oh, I know. Don’t you worry about that,” he laughs. “I’m ready for the sleepless monster.”
I laugh and hit him playfully. “How dare you. I’ve been carrying this baby for nearly nine months now.”
“I know you have, and I’m so grateful to you. Th
ere isn’t anyone in the world who I’d rather do it with.”
This seriousness after my little joke nearly knocks me sideways. He’s stirring up all the feelings that I keep trying to push down, making it difficult for me to keep my head on straight. I should be able to just have a normal conversation with this man about how we’re going to raise out baby without losing my head over him…
But the lust is thick between us. It always is. How the hell are we supposed to co-parent like this? Should I even keep bothering to resist this urge when all I want to do is cave to it? Is it realistic to believe that we can live together under the same roof and stay away from one another? Do I even want to anymore?
“Okay.” I nod decisively. “I’ll stay. I think I would like to give it a go.”
“You want to be here? To let me help you?” He shines brightly with joy. “Oh, Natasha, that’s amazing.”
“Just on a temporary basis. To see how we get on. I don’t think that we should be making any long term commitments right now. We don’t want it to all go wrong…”
“Oh, of course not.” He agrees with me, his eyebrows knotted together to show how serious he is. “As long as we keep open a channel of honest communication, we will be fine, won’t we?”
“Communication hasn’t always been our strongest point,” I remind him. “It’ll take some work.”
“I hope that I’ve proven to you how willing I am to put the work in.”
I have to admit that he does, so I stand up and extend my arms wide for a hug. He deserves one for everything that he’s done for me to how patient he’s been while I come to terms with him being around. As he falls into my arms willingly, I suddenly realize how much of a mistake the connection is. As soon as I feel his body, every part of me comes to life. Pin pricks of desire race all over my skin. I feel as completely consumed by him as the day he first took me to the hotel when I lost my mind for him and my panties simply melted away.
If I’m not careful, the same will happen here. It’ll all end up complicated again.
Lucky in Love Page 11
