“What do you mean?” I furrow my eyebrows together. “I want to check that the people are getting paid.”
Joseph laughs and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you. Everyone else only thinks of themselves.”
“Oh right.” A heat fills my cheeks. Am I acting like a fool here? “Well, me as well then?”
“To be honest, right now I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. I don’t know what will happen now that there is a confession which makes sure you aren’t implicated. I am working to figure that out.”
I nod slowly, trying to process all of this. “So, after all of this, there might not be a trial?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea. We can only hope, can’t we? There is a chance that the confession won’t be enough and that we’ll still have to go through it, but I feel positive. I think this is a good thing.”
The heavy weight that has been pinning me down lifts and flies from my shoulder. There is certainly much more now than there was not so long ago now. I really might be freed. I might be back with Natasha and John before I know it. The dreams come flooding back, replacing the scary emptiness. I so wish that Ben didn’t have to die for all of this, it isn’t right. But I also need to cling on to the fact that my life might be back as well. It’s a horrible bitter sweet roller coaster of a day and there is no telling what will happen next.
“Right.” Joseph nods at me. “I need to make some more phone calls. See what’s going on here. I suppose for now, while we don’t know what is going on, you better stay here. Is that okay with you?”
I nod, glad for the time alone now to think all of this through. I’m going to have to wrap my head around this one for a moment before whatever happens, happens. The trial, going home, any of it. At least now I do have the truth on my side. When I get out of here, I will also have to endure that all those people are paid. I won’t let this slide with pensions lost. My father’s reputation will be restored.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Natasha
“Thank you so much, Ann,” I say wearily while wiping sweat off my forehead. “I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. I thought that I had purchased plenty of diapers for John, but apparently not.”
“You can never have enough. Honestly, there is no end to it.” Ann tosses her head back and laughs, reminding me a lot of her son as she does. “Now, is there anything else you want me to help with right now, or…”
“No thank you. Me and John are good for the day until Tara finishes work.” I smile at my baby boy. “We’re getting into a bit of a routine now, I’m starting to get used to this whole parenting thing. It isn’t easy, but I think that I might be just about getting my head around it all.”
She laughs at me again before patting me reassuringly on the back. “Well, you’re doing a great job of it.”
“Thank you. I don’t know if I am, half the time I feel like a wreck, but that’s nice to hear.”
As she leaves me in Tony’s house, which now really does feel like mine, and then me and John are by ourselves again. I like the mix of alone time and time with other people. It’s the perfect balance. I guess the balance would be better if Tony was here, but we can’t have everything. I know that Ann has been talking to the lawyer a lot, finding out everything that she can as it happens, but she hasn’t given me much. I guess she doesn’t want to upset me or get my hopes up until she knows something solid. I’m too afraid to ask…
“Right then, little man,” I say softly to my boy. “What shall we do today, huh?”
I lift him up and hold him to my chest, thinking about how much he looks like Tony. The more that he grows, every day that passes, the more he looks like his father. It might have only been two weeks, but he’s changed and grown a lot in that time. He’s become more like Tony and I love it. It’s my way of clinging on to him, holding him when he isn’t around. It gives me the hope that he will come back to me soon.
“Shall we go for a little walk today?” I ask John, like he’s going to answer me. “Maybe get some sun light. I keep thinking that we should, but we haven’t quite made it out yet, have we? It’s a whole lot of effort to get showered and dressed with a baby, isn’t it, little one? Maybe we’ll just stay in and chill out.”
My heavy eye lids and my weary limbs have already made that decision for me. I don’t think I can go anywhere at the moment. Not until I get a sleep longer than twenty minutes in one go!
“Why don’t we see what’s on TV instead, little one?” I ask with a giggle. “Just for a bit.”
* * *
“Honey, I’m home!” Tara calls through the house. “How are you doing today, you two?”
“Is it that time already?” I glance, bleary eyed at the clock. “Wow, today has been…”
“Hell? Because that’s how you look,” Tara laughs. “No offense, of course.”
“No. No offense in deed.” I roll my eyes. “I don’t look that bad, do I?”
“You look like you need a shower and a nap for sure. But that’s why I’m here.”
She takes John from me and indicates towards the stairs for me to go up. I resist for a moment because I would always rather be with my child than anywhere else, but then the weariness over comes me. I need a damn rest.
“Okay, thank you, Tara, that’s awesome. But don’t let me sleep too long, okay? I know that you don’t want to be here all night. I’m sure you have some hot date lined up.”
She laughs. “Yes, always, but I will let you sleep as long as you need to. Don’t you worry about it. I have plans with Ann anyway. She can take over John sitting if you are still sleeping.”
I would complain about them making plans around my son without me, but truth be told they probably let me know and I have forgotten. My head is all over the place at the moment. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. This tiredness is like the love that I feel for my son. Boundless and endless, like nothing I have ever been through before. It’s all consuming, but I suppose that’s the same for all parents. I can’t wait to sleep now…
But Tara has commanded that I have a shower first, so that’s probably for the best. As I step into the steaming jets of water, I realize that she’s probably right as well. I didn’t realize it, but I didn’t feel human, but as I wash, I’m starting to come a little bit back to life again. It’s actually pretty invigorating.
“Damn you, Tara, for knowing everything,” I mutter into the water. “Do you have to be so wise?”
But it doesn’t take long for my thoughts to drift off of Tara and on to the one person who isn’t here, who isn’t even in the country, and who I don’t know what is happening too… every time I really think about Tony, I know that I should just ask Ann what is going on, but since she hasn’t shared the information willingly, I’m afraid that it’s not good. How will I react if she extinguishes that last ember of hope by telling me he’s stuck in the UK forever? Charged with stealing money from people he respected and would never hurt.
It’ll finish me off. I need to wait until I’m stronger before I even consider it. Maybe after a long, decent sleep I will feel ready to take the news and to properly plan what will come next.
* * *
“Ooh, Tony,” I murmur against his ear, grabbing on to him hard. “I have missed you so much.”
“I miss you too,” he replies in the present tense, reminding me that this is just a dream. It doesn’t matter how real it feels, there is always something in my brain that knows it isn’t. “I miss you so much.”
Even if it is a dream, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it. So, I hook my fingers into the waist band of his trousers and yank him closer to me. The smell of his body as he slams against me is phenomenal. I need to grab his neck, to pull those delicious lips of his against mine, and to kiss him hard.
He massages me through my pyjama bottoms as the kiss intensifies, turning the butterflies flapping in the pit of my stomach to the size of eagles. My core buzzes with need, I roll my hips hard against him, begging
him for more. The moans flying passed my lips vibrate in my throat, making them feel all too real.
“Touch me,” I whisper. “Feel me, I want your fingers inside me.”
He does as I command, shoving his hungry fingers down my trousers and pulling my panties roughly to one side. As his fingers explore my wet heat, I want to scream like crazy. This is the first time I have been touched in what feels like forever and it’s sending me wild. I grip harder to him, afraid to let him go.
“Really fuck me with your hand, Tony. I want it so bad.”
His thumb brushes over my clit, making my whole body buck with lust. I don’t think I have ever been this dizzy before, this desperate. If he doesn’t fuck me in a moment, I’m going to die.
“Tony, I… I… I can’t take it anymore. I want you. I want you so bad.”
He takes my hand and places it on his bulge, telling me what he wants from me silently. He’s so familiar in my hand, he really does belong there, and I can’t wait to hold him again. No, wait! I don’t just want to hold him, I want to taste him. So, with all the will power that I can muscle up, I pull his fingers from me, even if every inch of my body screams in resistance, and I slide down, salivating with excitement.
“Fucking hell, Natasha,” he growls. “You have no idea how sexy you are right now.”
Those words are too familiar, I think that he might have really said them to me at some point, which just makes this whole experience much more intense. I take him between my lips without hesitation and slide him excitedly to the back of my throat. As he fills my keen mouth and my tongue swirls around his length, drinking in his saltiness, I’m in heaven. I want to feel him explode between my lips.
He slides his hips backwards and pushes himself in to my mouth, meeting the speed that I bob my head up and down him. Every thrust gives me that wonderful sensation of him inside me. I need him to fill me up soon, but while I wait… I drift my spare hand downwards and circle it around my clit, getting myself ready for that glorious moment when he fucks me so hard it’s like we haven’t ever been apart. Holding myself, feeling me as I have him in my mouth is incredibly sexy. I brush over myself faster and faster to match the pace of tasting him, half expecting us both to lose our minds at the same moment.
“Natasha,” he says softly, sounding a little different now. “You’re so beautiful.”
At first, the sensation of his kisses against my forehead feel right. Nice, actually, it really makes this moment so much more exciting, but then some logic kicks in somewhere in my brain and I realize this is wrong. There isn’t any chance in hell this could be happening. He wouldn’t be able to fold his body this way. This all felt incredible a moment ago. Real, but now I don’t know what to think. This unrealism is wrecking it all.
I pull my lips away from him and glance upwards, but he’s fading away, melting. I reach out, wanting him to stay, but it seems that I don’t have that much control over my unconscious mind.
“Tony,” I mutter desperately. I don’t want him to go. This is the only time I get with him.
“Yes, I’m here. You don’t need to worry anymore. I’m here.”
His arms wrap around me, he’s warm and hard. More real than before. It’s like he’s actually real.
“Tony?” I snuggle against him, terrified to open my eyes and have him go again. “I missed you.”
“Oh, I missed you too. You have no idea. Natasha, I have ached for you every single day.”
Fingers grip underneath my chin and tilt my head upwards, then his lips are all over me again. Still, I refuse to open my eyes. Instead, I just want to just feel whatever the hell is about to happen. This is him, more him than I’ve ever had before in any of my dreams, so I don’t want him to go.
“Oh fuck, Tony.” He’s touching my core, I’m on fire all over. “Tony, don’t go again. Please, stay with me.”
“I’m never going anywhere, you don’t need to worry about that. I am with you now forever and always.”
“Forever and always… I like the sound of that.”
That’s what I’m going to say to him when he finally returns. We are forever and always.
I roll my whole body around him, gripping every part of him that I can hold, and I squeeze. This man is my life, even if he isn’t really here right now, I don’t want him gone.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tony
Tara’s face as I walked in the door earlier today was a sheer picture. I didn’t tell anyone that I was coming back, that the case against me had been dropped with all the new evidence, half out of fear that it wasn’t going to happen after all and that things would change all over again, and half because I wanted it to be a surprise, but Tara’s shock was off the scale… not that I spent much time worrying about her because she had my son in her arms. I held him instantly, feeling happy and at home to have him at last.
“He looks like you, doesn’t he?” Tara commented with a smile. “Everyone says it.”
“I can only see Natasha,” I replied, thick with tears. “He has so much of her in him.”
After finding out that Natasha was showering and napping after a sleepless night, I left her alone for a while to get my fix of my son. Wow, he really is incredible! I hate the time that I have missed out on during such a shit show but I’m not being mad about that anymore, not with Ben dead and the truth being out, so instead, I will focus on everything that I have to come which started with today.
But as my mother arrived and John drifted off into what my mother told me would be a very long sleep, I couldn’t resist any longer. Having been without Natasha for such a long time and leaving her at such a crucial moment in our relationship, the need to see her over shadowed everything else. So, I hot footed up the stairs to see her in the middle of a sleep… but not just any sleep by the look of it. I could tell that she was having a sexy dream. I don’t know if it was my intension to bring the dream to life as I climbed in to bed beside her, but that’s what’s started happening. She is completely wrapped around me, clearly wanting me.
“I love you, Natasha,” I remind her, just in case she has forgotten. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Her eyes remain firmly closed but her head tilts back, allowing me to kiss those wonderfully sensitive bits of her throat that I know she enjoys me tasting. “So damn much.”
My hands travel down the soft curves of her body and I marvel at the parts of her that have changed. She’s really become a mother now, I can feel that in her peaks and dips, and it excites the living hell out of me. This is a physical reminder that our relationship has taken on a brand new step. Everything is better now.
“Touch me,” she begs. “Please, it’s been so long. I need you to touch me.”
She isn’t wearing any trousers, just some flimsy panties that I whip off her body in a heartbeat. I’m close enough to inhale her sweet scent which turns on the animalistic side of me, making me yearn for her like crazy. I position myself between those sweet thighs of hers and I nestle my nose against her clit, enjoying the wetness and the way that she shudders violently as I do. I breathe deep, savoring every inch of her, before I slide my tongue inside her and I swirl it around to massage her everywhere.
“Shit!” she cries out as her back arches and she leans further against me. She knows what she wants from me now and she isn’t afraid t demand it of me. I love that. “Fuck, Tony, I forgot how good this is…”
I pull my tongue out, replacing the sensation with my fingers, and I concentrate on her clit instead. Her hands grip my head, then my shoulders as she sits upright, pushing herself harder against me. Natasha controls my head taking me exactly where she needs me to be and I go willingly. It has been too long so whatever she needs, she can have. Even when my tongue begins to ache, I don’t stop moving.
“No, not like this,” she finally pants out, pulling me away. “I need to fuck you.”
Her cussing mouth as she commands what she wants has my heart pounding. She’s so sweet normally, such
a lovely good girl. I love turning her in to an animal. She pulls me up until I’m sitting, her eyes locking with me for the briefest, most glorious of moments, before she sits astride me, straddling me, and angling herself above me. He wetness is pulling me in, needing me, but since Natasha has compete control of me right now, I can’t move. I want to fight this, to buck my hips and slam in to her, but this isn’t about me.
“See? It isn’t nice being teased, is it?” she giggles girlishly. “This is revenge for all the times you have made me wait. All the times that you have left me as well. It drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”
“I’m sorry,” I pant out. “So sorry, I won’t ever tease you again. It’s too much, too hard.”
She still doesn’t give in though, she keeps on laughing, drawing ever so slightly nearer to me before pulling away. How can she stand this? Hasn’t she been desperate for this moment like I have?
“Natasha, please,” I beg. “I want you so badly, you don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand alright.” She rests against me, allowing my tip to feel her glorious wetness. “All too well.”
I grip her hips and growl, the guttural sound coming deep from within me. She kisses all over my face, driving me wilder and wilder until I’m about to lose my freaking mind already, until she finally caves to me and she wraps that beautiful body of hers all the way around me, encasing me like a freaking glove.
“Oh fuck, Natasha,” I scream out. “Natasha, this is too much, it’s fucking incredible,
She rides me hard and fast, bouncing up and down, her breasts right in my face as she does. Any fantasy that I have had about her since being away is nothing compared to the real thing. She’s too much to handle.
“Fuck, Natasha, this is… I can’t…” I have to take a nipple between my lips, just to shut me up.
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