Despite all of that, she had aborted me. What had made her decide to do that? I suddenly realized I had not yet asked why my mother had aborted me. Maybe, just maybe, there was a good reason I didn't know about. "Why did my mother abort me?" I asked, breaking the silence that had prevailed for a few minutes.
I looked at the woman whose name I still did not know. She looked at me in sadness. "I always tell the full truth" she said as she looked at me, "as it is the only way for you to get past things in the long run. Your mother and father," she said as she continued after a pause with a piercing stillness in her voice, "bought an expensive home and expensive cars. They weren't willing to buy a small home with an older car. That meant your mother and father both had to work long hours to pay for the things they had bought. When your mother became pregnant, she was left to decide whether she give up her home, cars, job, and other things, or whether she give up you.
"Unfortunately," she continued after another short pause, "your parents chose to keep their job, cars, and home instead of keeping you. To your mother, the things that she would have no more than a few decades of her eternal existence were more important than the riches of eternity found in the meaningful relations of a family, in the meaningful relation of you."
Chapter 8
I don't know how long I cried. It was nearly impossible for me to believe that my mother considered a career and expensive home more important than me. While I still had spiritual parts remaining that had never connected to my developing body, those parts felt as if they had shattered, and I felt hollow, hopeless, and betrayed. Exceptionally betrayed.
Somehow, our eternities together meant nothing now to my mother. Somehow, the sacred trust of carrying my heartstrand meant nothing to her. Somehow, she had become so self-absorbed on Earth she forgot that happiness only comes through developing meaningful and lasting relationships. She was seeking for happiness in physical things that all wear down and break, in things she would never take to the next stage of life after Earth.
At this point, I thought of Avalee. I wished I could be with her, and I vowed that I would never, ever, abort her or violate the trust she put in me. Suddenly my crying stopped and my eyes shot open in desperation. "Where is Avalee's heartstrand?!" I screamed hysterically, "where is it?!" Amidst everything else going on I had been so self-absorbed in my own pain and problems that I had entirely lost track of Avalee's heartstrand, and now could sense that it was not present in me any longer.
The woman was suddenly by me again. "You connected your heartstrand when you were first conceived. All heartstrands are part of that connected piece. When your mother aborted you, you lost all heartstrands inside you, including Avalee's. Heartstrands, you see, tie every generation together. When you abort one in the generational line, you effectively abort all of the descendants tied to that line, and all of the future heartstrands are lost at that time."
I was more than hysterical at this point. "What does this mean?" I screamed in anguish. "Will I never be a mother? Will I never get to be with Avalee on Earth?"
"That is all uncertain now" the woman replied. "For every abortion that occurs, every person impacted has to be reorganized into a new family. Sometimes, you can end up with a few of the same people originally planned, but it is not logistically possible to reorganize things the same every time, as there are so few women who are willing to carry, take in and care for one of Heaven's Orphans."
Chapter 9
I have no recollection of most of my stay here in the Abyss. I have been here a long time though, suffering, broken, and aching, with no relief in sight. The pain has been so great, the loss too intense, for me to even barely function. Losing my mother was a massive blow, but losing Avalee and the others at the same time just crushed me. I couldn't keep my promise to Avalee, because my mother broke her promise to me. It was all just too cruel for me to process.
The woman cared for me in every way though, telling me that truth hurt now, but allowed for healing later. She always encouraged me to look to Jesus for healing, but it was something I struggled to do. While I believed that Jesus had the power to heal me, with time, the wounds were so deep that it was hard to accept the healing He offered, as I was angry at Him for letting this happen to me. I often watched as the woman spent her time helping a few of us, and still could not comprehend why her and the others would agree to come be in this place.
While I couldn't remember most things from my time in the Abyss, I mulled over my anger at God and some of the things the woman had said. She had told me it wasn't possible to reorganize families the same because there were so few woman willing to bear one of Heaven's Orphans, as they called us. She had gone on to explain that most parents either did not have all of the children they had exchanged heartstrands with, or else stopped having children as soon as they had the ones they had exchanged heartstrands with. So few were willing to spend another nine months pregnant to take a child that their spirit didn't recognize and hadn't exchanged a heartstrand with earlier, meaning that there were millions of us sadly waiting, broken, and lost while our potential second mothers spent their time on Earth.
For those of us stuck in the Abyss as Heaven's Orphans, there were only a few options available to us. Either be lucky enough to have a second mother agree to have us, or wait until the Millennium to be born. To even qualify to try again at being born though, we had to heal to a certain point emotionally to be strong enough to enter Encovia once again.
The woman had gone on to explain that some men and women on Earth desperately wanted children, but were unable to have them. She explained that some of these parents were reserved for one or both of two things - to adopt children that made it to Earth without being aborted, or to be parents to Heaven's Orphans during the Millennium.
Adoption made it possible for a child to be in a good family situation and preserve all generational heartstrands already in place. The Millennium was the answer to the rest of Heaven's Orphans though. It was a thousand-year period on the Earth when Christ would reign. The millions and millions of Heaven's Orphans who never made it to Earth would need a safe place to come to, and that place, for most of Heaven's Orphans, would be found during the Millennium.
Each of us Heaven's Orphans had already suffered so much with being aborted that we did not need additional time on a wicked Earth to experience any more opposition. Couples that couldn't have children were often being preserved to be parents during this time, making room for them to have the children necessary for everyone in the Abyss to be born. Often, God's kindest parents were unable to have children, as they were needed for those of us here instead, those of us who wouldn't have a chance to try coming to Earth again.
Chapter 10
I admired the strength of the woman and the others who were here to help us heal and to care for us. I could barely handle looking at the other spirits as it was terrible to see the extent of the damage caused by each abortion. I couldn't even imagine working with those aborted just before birth, as the woman that worked with me did, as there would be so little of them remaining.
As I had time to reflect more on things, I was amazed at how many had voluntarily given up their families and time on Earth to come here and help us. They too longed to be with their mothers and families, but chose to wait until the Millennium to be with them, when they would be able to be raised by their mothers and fathers as their heartstrands were still intact.
They had to endure witnessing the sadness of their parents though, with their parents not knowing or understanding why they hadn't come to Earth. It was certainly a trial and intense sacrifice for them, but they did it to let us know that we were still loved, even at the depths of the Abyss. Due to the sheer number of those of us who were aborted, there were a lot of individuals asked to be miscarried or stillborn so that there could be enough people to take care of us.
While we were called Heaven's Orphans, us Orphans called these wonderful miscarried and stillborn people "Heaven's Angels". They were everything to u
s, and worked with us on the road to recovery, the road to finding healing through God, and the road to be able to trust again.
God had promised, they told us, that everything would be made right and all of our tears wiped away, though most of us did not see how. It took much faith to believe that it was possible for us to be loved by another, and for that love to be as deep or meaningful as the relationships we lost, ones we had taken eternities to build.
For all of Heaven's Orphans, there came a point at which remaining in the Abyss was more discouraging than trying to trust enough to enter Encovia again with a different set of parents. Millions of us had now progressed to the point where we wanted to enter Encovia again and make a go of things on Earth. We all had missions that we were foreordained to, and it was soul crushing to be stuck in the Abyss with no ability to fulfill what we had set out to do on Earth.
We were seriously limited by one major thing though - an extreme lack of parents willing to take us. We would not be perfect children. Our spirits were so damaged and incomplete that there was really no way for us to function entirely as we should. Many of us would be born with depression, anxiety, mental illnesses, or other trying disorders caused by the damage to our spirits.
Over time, I learned that there were some born with gifts to help balance out other issues caused by an abortion. Some would be given exceptional IQ's, exceptional music talents, or exceptional artistic talents. Others would be quiet, reserved children, unable to feel or process love well, and always carrying a void inside of them, but able to reach out to and really help others. Of course, though, these things would only be for the few who were lucky enough to be born, for the few lucky enough to have people willing and physically able to have more children than they originally signed up for pre-mortally.
For us, our sadness was compounded by the fact that abortion would largely stop on the earth if fathers and mothers, especially mothers, that believed in God would simply speak out about it. As Heaven's Orphans, we all knew that abortion didn't have to be, but that many on Earth didn't care enough to say anything, or were too scared of what others would think if they spoke up for us, for the voiceless orphans that never made it to Earth.
Oh, how we all yearned for men and women willing to simply speak up, take a stand, and say that abortion was wrong. The power was certainly there to change the world, but never would exist if our story remained silent, if people cared more about what others thought than about the millions of us innocently suffering a choice that did not need to be, a choice that was not ours.
Chapter 11
I noticed Anne again. As Heaven's Orphans, we rarely talked or communicated with each other. Things were just too dark and depressing to have anything to talk about, and we mostly sat, communicating only with Heaven's Angels as they worked among us. Anne was coming towards me though, and I froze, not knowing what she might want.
Anne reached me. She looked bad, missing some significant parts that had previously attached to her physical body. "I was just told," Anne said to me, "that there is one chance for me to make it to Earth. I want to go so much, to make it out of here, and to get a chance at fulfilling my role on Earth." Anne paused now, unsure of what to say next.
"I'm glad for you Anne," I said, "but why are you telling me?" I could see the tears well up in Anne's eyes, and fear set in her face.
"Because?," she said at length, "?because you are my one chance to make it."
"What?!" I gasped. "What do you mean?"
"There is a woman on Earth who will soon be pregnant, unplanned I guess. She will carry her child to term, and you can be that child, if you have the strength to go. You would then," Anne said as she looked away in fear, "be able to be my mother, if, if?" she tried to continue, but couldn't.
"If I'm willing to have you?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," she said between sobs. "Yes."
I sat still, pierced by the responsibility upon me. I had no idea why I was chosen to go at this time. I certainly didn't feel ready yet, but my heart was extremely touched watching Anne. I knew I needed to go and welcome every child that would come my way. Somehow, I could see that the richest and happiest of all people were those who developed and maintained strong family relationships. People, not things, were the source of happiness and healing.
More than anything, I wanted nothing more to do with darkness, the Abyss, or the suffering here. I wanted to make things turn out differently. I wanted to write a new chapter to life, to the lives of those here. I wanted to go and take a stand for Heaven's Orphans.
I embraced Anne, and we cried together. "I will go" I said. "I will go." And with that, it was my time to re-enter Encovia. My prayer was simply that I would be strong enough to try again.
Chapter 12
As I stood at the gate to re-enter Encovia, I looked back. My mind was enlightened to see the millions and millions of Heaven's Orphans there, as well as the millions and millions of those orphaned in the pre-mortal world, such as Avalee. Suddenly, I could see and sense something I hadn't before. I could understand the prayers of all of Heaven's Orphans.
Our prayers resonated and echoed, millions strong. We prayed continuously to God for one thing - for parents willing to take us, whether through adoption, birth after completing their planned family, or even unexpectedly. In a sacred moment of trust, I felt the sadness in God's heart as He reflected on how few of His children were willing to take even just one of Heaven's Orphans. He had given everything for each one of us, and yet so few were willing to give of themselves to bring life to others suffering so much, just as He had.
The prayers of Heaven's Orphans swelled my heart as wide as eternity. I had never felt such sorrow. I could see and understand that each spirit here simply wanted a safe place, a loving place. I knew that many were being saved for the Millennium where they would be safe and loved by those who had not had children on Earth, but I knew there were so many that needed to come to Earth too, yet had no safe or loving home to come to. Their repeated prayers to God were that somehow - somehow - they could make it to a safe and loving home. They didn't care how much money or wealth a parent had, they just wanted to be loved and welcomed.
As I stood there, the woman's voice broke in. "You are not going to a safe or loving home" she said. "You have to understand things will still be difficult for you. Your father, named Ranier, won't even know your mother is pregnant. You will be neglected often as you are raised by a single mother struggling through life. However," she continued with firmness in her voice, "every child you are willing to bear will be one of Heaven's Orphans, starting with Anne, and you will be as rich as you are willing, as rich as the number of orphans you are willing to take in as a mother."
I was willing to suffer more on the earth. While we all prayed for a safe and loving home, most of us who made it out of the Abyss were willing to be born into bad circumstances, just to escape the darkness and pain in the Abyss. We wanted nothing more than to be mothers ourselves, to bring a bit of goodness to our fellow orphans, and to bring one more safe and loving home to the few actually present on the earth.
"I'm ready" I said. "Thank you for sacrificing so much for us. I couldn't have done it without you. You sacrificing being with your family and your time with me have helped me see the immense value of each individual, and I want to go and do likewise. I'm a different person now, one focused on others instead of myself, and I owe it to you."
She smiled, and with a tear in her eye, said "tell my mother hi for me, and that I love her, and will be with her in the Millennium." Then, giving me a hug, she said "I have others to go and care for now. Godspeed."
And with that, I turned, heavy-hearted, to enter Encovia again, working to trust enough in Jesus and His healing power to connect my remaining parts to the developing body so I could bring others, such as Anne, to the earth and out of the Abyss. It certainly wouldn't be easy, but I was certain it would be worth it. I could see there was no greater calling or work than that of being a mother, and I was com
mitted, spiritual handicaps and all, to doing everything in my power to welcome children to my life, to be a mother to Heaven's Orphans.
Afterword
Children make life beautiful. They carry a connection to Heaven itself. There is no such thing as a consequence free abortion, as every abortion radically impacts countless individuals and generations to come.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes that we all existed as spirits before coming to Earth. The Church also believes abortion is wrong in most situations, but does not equate abortion with murder, as the requirements to be forgiven of murder are far more rigorous than the requirements to be forgiven of an abortion. Perhaps this means that the spirits of the aborted are not sent to the next life, but instead get left in a pre-Earth life of some sort. If they are left, what happens to them then?
This story is fictional, but speaks to a pressing issue on the Earth - that of the masses seeking happiness where it cannot be found. Meaningful family relations bring happiness, but they also take work. Lasting happiness does not come from a career, from a big house, from all of the latest technology, or even from lots of money. It comes from the work required to love, to sacrifice for, and to bear the souls of others. While the riches of eternity await in the form of children, so few are willing to accept the riches God has to give them, and seek instead for lasting happiness in the fleeting things of the earth.
Heaven's Orphans. While they may not exist as told in this story, there are millions of innocent children suffering in some way or another, having had their chance to be on this earth cut off by abortion. If we truly existed as spirits before coming to this earth, something I strongly feel and believe, then an abortion would have drastic consequences on those spirits, whether they stay in the pre-mortal world, stay in an abyss of some sort, or go on to the next life. They are just as real as you and me. They know where lasting happiness comes from. They know we know of them. They will love someone willing to give them a chance on this earth, and they will love them - forever.
Heaven's Orphans Page 2
