One of the last kids on the dock is a boy, no older than ten. He has large glasses and looks doubtfully at the life vest I hold out to him.
“It’s your size,” I assure him.
He nods. “Cool. Yeah…”
But as he steps closer, I can tell something’s wrong. I slip it over his head and speak calmly as I crouch down. “What’s your name, buddy?”
“Fredrick.”
“Hi. My name is Hayden.” I fasten the straps on his right side. “How are you doing?”
“Good.” He pauses. “Well… I’m a bit nervous.”
“About hitting the water?”
“Yes.”
I sit back and look at him steadily. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know.”
“But my sister’s competing today.”
“And your family wants you to try sailing as well, with one of the instructors?”
“Yeah. My dad thinks it would be good for me. But I…” He looks over at one of the small dinghies resting close to us, its small sail bobbing joyfully. “They’re so small.”
I resist the urge to smile. “I get you, buddy. It’s not easy getting on a boat.”
“No. Have you ever been on one?”
“I have, yes. But I’ll tell you a secret.”
“What?”
“I was just as scared as you were the first time.”
“You were?”
“Yes. I had no idea what to do, or why people would do it for fun.”
“So why did you go?”
I shake my head at my own childhood stupidity, reaching out to adjust his life vest just a tad. The boy is looking at me with rapt attention and I know I have to make this good.
“Because I wanted to impress someone.”
The boy nods, like this is a perfectly valid reason. “Of course.”
“But then I was hooked. I loved the wind and the waves, learning how the sea works. I even joined the Navy later.”
His eyes grow wide. “You did? Like, as a soldier-sailor?”
I have to stop myself from laughing. “Yes. Exactly like that.”
“Did you have to fight?”
“No, I was lucky enough to avoid that. But I patrolled for a long while.”
“That’s cool. And you started to learn here?”
“Yes, this was the first place I got on a boat. But,” I say, crouching down again, “there’s no pressure. Sometimes you’re scared and it’s the good kind, you know? Where you have to do it anyway to grow. But then there’s the kind of scared that gives you a stomachache, and then it’s important to listen to it, and say no.”
The boy nods throughout my little speech, as if my words make sense. They do to me, but I’ve never tried to explain this to anyone before.
He pushes up his glasses. “I think it’s the first kind of scared.”
“All right. In that case, let’s get you on a boat today, buddy. You can do it.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I can.” He tugs on the life vest. “But maybe not quite yet.”
“That’s all right. Let’s see… Do you see that lady there?” I turn and point to Lily, currently painting the face of a small girl with pigtails. “You could get a tattoo. Something for luck.”
“My mom would kill me if I got a tattoo.”
Damn. I thought it would sound cooler than paint. “Well, it’s only temporary. Maybe an anchor on your arm, like a real sailor?”
His eyes light up. “That would be really cool.”
There are only a few other kids waiting to be sized up, and I know Parker can handle it. I nod toward the face-painting table.
“Let’s go.”
“Is it okay if you go first?” he asks me, with perfect sincerity.
I blink. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, of course.”
Lily sees us as we approach. Her eyes meet mine, and the look is laden with things unsaid. I want to know what she feels about yesterday. I need to know if she regrets it, if it was as explosive for her as for me.
“Hey,” I say. “This little man wants a tattoo of an anchor on his arm, like a sailor.”
Fredrick leans closer and looks curiously at Lily’s brushes and face paints. I’ve seen how good of a painter she is, and this is nothing for her. The kids are getting a masterpiece for free.
She smiles at him. “Of course. Do you want it in any specific color?”
“Blue. But…” He looks up at me. “Hayden is going first.”
I nod seriously and start to roll up my sleeve. “Yes, I am. Could I also get a blue anchor?”
Lily shoots me a delicious smile. She’s enjoying this. “Really?”
“Yes.” I take a seat in the chair. Fredrick is watching us, his eyes interested. He follows Lily’s movements as she dips a brush in water and then swirls it around and around in the azure paint.
“Did you know he was in the Navy?”
She nods at him. “I did, yes.”
Frederik narrows his eyes at me in accusation. “Do you know this lady?” He asks it as if it’s a crime. I see Lily trying and failing to hide her smile.
“I do, yes,” I admit. “I’ve known her since I was your age.”
“Oh.” He looks thoughtful, watching as Lily starts on my arm. Her touch is careful, the paint is cold against my skin. “Was it scary being in the Navy?”
“Sometimes, yes.”
“When you were attacked?”
“We were never attacked, buddy. But sometimes you’re in situations that are tense, or you get caught in storms, or have to do drills that are pretty uncomfortable.”
“What did you do? To make it through?”
I try to focus on his honest questions and not on the fact that Lily is only inches away, painting away silently and listening to my every word.
“Hmm. You take it one step at a time. Focus on what you can change and let go of what you can’t.”
“That makes sense,” he says, nodding seriously. “Oh, that looks good.”
I glance down at my arm. Lily has painted an intricate anchor, with a rope wrapped around it. She’s mixed some green in with the blue and it almost looks like a proper tattoo. I’ve always known she’s amazingly skilled with this sort of thing.
This close, I can practically count the freckles that dot her nose. It had been too dark in the greenhouse. I need to be with her again—to see her in sunlight.
“Thank you.”
Lily looks up at me. “Yeah. Of course.” She leans back and clears her throat, shooting Fredrick a smile. “You ready to get the same thing?”
“Yeah.” He jumps into the chair I just left, legs swinging. I watch as Lily prepares the brush, as she starts to paint on his skin with smooth, skilled strokes. She could do this blindfolded.
He looks up at her. “Do you sail too?”
“Not very often, anymore. I did when I was a child, though.”
“Do you like it?”
“Yes, it can be nice.”
He sighs, a massive, exaggerated child-sigh. “I have to sail today.”
“You do?” Lily’s voice is soft. I watch as she fills in the outlines of the anchor.
“Well, I want to try. I’ve never tried before and there’s a place over there where you can try.”
“That’s great. You should.”
“Yeah. I was a bit nervous to, but Hayden told me not to be.”
I smile. “Well, it’s okay to be nervous, as long as you do it anyway. But only if it’s the first kind of scared. Right?”
“Right.” He looks down at his arm. “Is it done?”
Lily’s voice is amused. “Almost. Is your brother or sister competing today?”
“My sister is.”
“Ah. I used to be here just like you, every time my brothers competed, to watch them sail. It’s fun to try what they like to do, but it’s okay if you want to try something different instead.”
“Yeah.” He’s quiet for a moment, looking down at her painting. “I think I’ll try it, and then I’ll tell my parents
I want to play basketball instead.”
She nods at him, smiling. “That sounds great. You’re done.”
Fredrick twists, trying to get a better view, and then breaks into a grin. “I look like a pirate,” he tells me. “Pirates have these, you know?”
“You’re right. And now we match.”
He raises his hand to mine for a high five before he says goodbye. Lily and I watch as he runs off to join his parents, standing off to the side. Their eyes are fixed on the boats in the marina. It’s getting to be time for the race proper, and spectators line the dock.
Lily is washing her brushes, carefully avoiding my eyes. “So,” she says. “You were scared sometimes in the Navy?”
I resist the urge to groan. “That’s what you got from that?”
“Well, it’s either that or the fact that you’re great with children.”
“Hmm. Well, of course there were times that weren’t that fun.”
Lily nods. She’s close to me, and the scent of her hair, the caramel shampoo and sunshine is intoxicating. I wish I could have her next to me forever.
“You’re an amazing painter.”
“I haven’t painted in ages,” she says bluntly. “I lied when I said I had.”
I make my voice soft. “Yeah, I figured.”
“Of course you did. Oh God.” She covers her face. “Hayden, about yesterday—”
“Wait. Let me go first.”
“I can’t believe that we… that can’t happen again.”
“I know. I’m sorry about it happening like that, and I’m sorry about my reaction to Turner’s name at the dinner. You were right to be angry with me. About all of it.”
She lowers her hands, brilliant eyes staring up at me. “I still want some answers.”
“I know. And I should never have asked you to be friends again,” I say, shaking my head. “It was wrong of me, when I so clearly can’t help myself. I can’t be just friends with you, Lils.”
“I can’t be just friends with you either.”
Hope stirs in my chest. “I know this is complicated. And I should have said that right away, that what I really want is for us to do things right.”
“Things?”
“Yeah.” Damn it, I’ve never been good with words. She’s the one who used to kill me regularly with affection. “Let me take you out on a date, Lily. Let me do this properly. Give me a chance.”
Lily takes a deep breath. I know we’re standing too close, bodies nearly touching, but I don’t care if the entirety of Paradise Shores sees us right now—as long as she says yes.
This girl has had me wrapped around her finger since we were children, and it’s never been clearer to me than right now just how much I need her to be a part of my future.
“If I say yes,” she murmurs, “you have to be honest with me. Talk to me if you feel like leaving. If you want out, if you’re feeling trapped, if something’s not all right. Okay?”
“Okay. I can do that.” Communication. It’s not too big of an ask, not really.
“What would we be?”
“Whatever we want to be. It’s you and me, Lils. We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.” She offers me a small smile, and the relief that I feel at her acceptance threatens to bring me to my knees. Thank you, God. “Why didn’t you tell me this right away? When you got back? Instead you insisted on friendship.”
Well, she wanted honesty. I glance away at the race, at the boats fighting for first place, struggling to find the words to explain myself.
“I was too afraid,” I say finally.
“Afraid?”
“Yes. I was scared to death that you would throw me out on my ass, Lily. You could take one look at me and kill me with your words.”
Her eyes soften slightly. “What did you just tell that sweet boy about courage and fear? About doing things even though you’re nervous?”
“Yes, well, he had to try sailing.”
“So?”
I lean in, close enough that I can feel her soft breath. She doesn’t back away. “I have to beg the girl of my dreams for forgiveness. I’d rather look death in the eye than be refused by you.”
Lily laughs breathlessly. “So dramatic, Hayden.”
“Only with you.”
“When?”
“When what?”
“When are we going on a date?”
I let my eyes wander along the brightness of her eyes, the pert nose, the full lips, the teasing smile. “I’m going to cook you dinner, and then we’re going to watch a movie, and then I’m going to drive you home.”
She smiles. “We’ve done wilder things than that. Are you losing your touch?”
I flick her nose. “We were teenagers. We’re not anymore, and I’m going to do this right.”
21
Hayden
Hayden, 18
It’s over two weeks post-accident when Lily’s finally discharged from the hospital. When the doctor read out the verdict, both Eloise and Rhys openly cried. Lily would walk again.
She would heal fully, even if she might have a slight limp and would likely have to eat painkillers for a long time. But she’d make a nearly full recovery, with a bit of work with a therapist.
Her father announces that he’s taking a month off to personally look after his daughter’s recovery at home. Because it’s going to be a process, even if I know Lily will manage it.
The first thing she did when she opened her eyes was smile. She gave everyone in the room a tired, soft smile, and a whispered hello. I’d had to wipe my own eyes then, hidden in the back of her hospital room.
She was all right.
The days pass quickly after that. I want to see her alone—I need to talk to her—but she’s never alone. Her large bedroom in the Marchand house is filled to the brim with flowers, friends and family. I once saw Rhys chucking some lilies out, and he shot me a sideways grin.
“She’s getting a headache from the scent.”
I’d nodded, biting my tongue to keep from asking how she’d been that day. She had family who cared—she had friends who cared—and she was universally adored. But it didn’t stop me from glancing at her window every chance I got. Our few interactions had been brief. They were always supervised by her mother or one of her brothers.
For the first time, I’m annoyed at our own secrecy. If I had been her boyfriend, accepted and welcomed, I could have walked up to the front door with a bouquet myself. I would be let in with a smile, escorted to her bedroom and given as much time with her as I’d want.
But I’m not her official boyfriend.
And I had been the one who drove that car.
Most of our communication is via text instead. It’s not the same, something Lily often writes. I miss you is a common text.
I feel too guilty to write the same thing back.
But there was one thing I’d underestimated, and that was Lily herself, with her iron will. I’ve just gotten back to the beach house after a full day at sea when my phone vibrates. Come to the back porch. Hurry.
She’s sitting in one of the chairs, a thick afghan wrapped around her to protect her from the evening breeze. Her leg is in a thick cast all the way to her hip and crutches lean against the wall. It’s not the first time I’ve seen her cast, but it still sends pain through me. It had been so close.
She hasn’t seen me yet. A small sketchpad is resting on her lap, and she’s drawing softly, biting her lower lip. The setting sun brings out the fire in her hair. Even sitting down, she looks like a living flame, and I’m as drawn to her as ever.
“Lily?”
She looks up from her drawing. Her smile nearly splits her face in half. “You came!”
“Of course. Are you okay being out here?”
“Oh, yes. Absolutely. I can’t take another day in my room, or I’ll go insane.” She pats the chair next to her. “Come here. Please.”
I sit down next to her and take her hand. She grasps mine back, strong and steady. For a lon
g moment, she just looks at me in that way of hers. I can only gaze back, her eyes green and vibrant. To think that the world came close to losing them entirely. Because of me.
“It wasn’t your fault, Hayden,” she says softly.
I don’t answer her. There’s no point, is there? We’re going to disagree on this.
“Did you hear me? It wasn’t.”
“Well, the police investigation is still ongoing. It could be.”
“It won’t. It’ll be ruled an accident, and the car was insured. You’re in the clear, Hay.”
More guilt ripples through me. I’d crashed one of their cars. I know that Gary has been speaking to Mr. Marchand about it, though he’d waived off my offers to pay for reparations. More of a debt I would never be able to repay.
“I’m fine,” she murmurs. “Are you?”
“Yeah.”
“They told me you had two broken ribs and a cracked collarbone.”
I shake my head. “All nearly healed.”
“Okay.” With a sigh, she pushes up into standing. For a moment, she looks so much like her old self, with her hair blowing in the wind and the grin on her face. She looks proud of standing with no crutches, even if it scares me.
I wrap my arm around her waist just in case. It feels good to have her close again—too good. I’ve missed her so much.
“Look,” she says. “I’m on my feet. I can only hop so far, but as soon as my leg is mended, I’ll be walking again. Running, even. I’ve decided to take up lacrosse again. Do you think I can still make the varsity team?” Her eyes are glittering with sarcasm, but the smile she shoots me is hopeful.
I swallow down my emotions. “You’re okay. You’re truly going to be okay.”
“Of course I am! Look!” She spins slowly on one foot, a hand on my arm for support. “One more week and you’ll see me running. Usain Bolt better watch out.”
“You don’t run.”
“I’ll start.” She reaches up and presses a small kiss to my lips. It’s the first time since the accident, and she doesn’t seem to care that her parents are around or that anyone might see. “I’m going to be fine.”
Relief so heady it makes my knees weak sweeps through me.
“Thank God for that.” I pull her closer. “God, Lily, I was so scared. You were unconscious. And there was so much… Damn.”
Rogue: A Paradise Shores Novel Page 16
