And he reluctantly shares things from the Navy.
He tells me about weeks spent in training, about hikes with fifty pounds worth of gear. About his journey to become a lieutenant.
“Do you want to go back?” I ask, pulling my legs up on the chair. The sun has set, and there’s a faint chill in the air, despite the season. “I mean, are you here on leave at the moment?”
Hayden leans back. Even as a grown man—one without a leather jacket and a scowl—there’s irreverence in his pose. I wonder if that’s one of the reasons I was always drawn to him, even from the start. He was everything I wasn’t.
“I meant what I said at dinner the other night. I’m here indefinitely.”
“Indefinitely?”
“Yes.” His eyes roam my face, as if analyzing my reaction. “Not going back to active service anytime soon.”
“You’ve quit?”
“Not really. I’m more like a consultant at the moment, actually. I work with one of my old brothers-in-arms. We have a business, selling security solutions both to the private sector and to the military.”
I’m momentarily stunned. “Wow. That’s impressive.”
“It pays the bills.” He glances at my arms, wrapped around my waist, and frowns. “You’re cold, Lils.”
“No.”
“Yes, you are. Quit being stubborn.” He grabs the plates and nods toward the door. “Let’s go inside.”
I follow him with our glasses in hand. Despite myself, I’m nervous. When we’re just sitting and talking, it’s easy to forget that we’re two adults, a man and a woman, who had sex just a few days ago. It’s easy to slip back into the comfortable role of Hayden and Lily, childhood friends, and abandon the rest.
It’s not so easy when he’s walking in front of me, all shoulders and roughness and thick, silky hair.
Hayden holds the door open for me. “You got it?”
“Yes.”
We end up on the sofa, side by side, in his impeccably decorated living room. There’s nothing overly romantic about the situation—we’re old friends—but my body feels taut with anticipation. I remember the feeling of his mouth on mine, of his body driving into mine just days ago. Something tells me Hayden is remembering the same thing.
He clears his throat. “Do you want to watch something, Lils?”
“On the TV?”
Hayden’s low laugh feels sensual, rippling across my skin. “Yes.”
“Um, yeah. Sure.”
He turns it on and we scroll aimlessly through a streaming service. The room is dark, and it only adds to the hard beat of my heart.
“What do you feel like?”
Like you, I want to answer. I don’t, trying to focus on the options he flits through. Documentaries, movies, TV shows… It’s not long until my gaze snags on an old action film. It’s a classic, one my brothers watched with Hayden before I was allowed to.
I point at it. “Remember?”
“Yes. You made me re-watch it with you later, when your mom told you you could.”
“It was never as good as Henry and Rhys made it out to be.”
“Nothing ever could be. They just wanted to rile you up.”
“Let’s watch it,” I say, grabbing the blanket from off the side of the sofa.
“For old time’s sake?”
“Exactly. Are you cold?” I hold up the edge of the blanket. Hayden looks from it to me, amusement dancing in his eyes.
“Yes,” he says, voice serious. “Very.”
I blush. It’s obvious he isn’t cold, but he still settles close to me, the blanket draped over our legs.
The movie starts and I can barely focus on a word that’s being said. I’m too busy thinking about all the places we’re nearly touching.
“Remember this part?” Hayden says, voice amused. “Parker tried to recreate it for that talent show.”
“Yeah. And he forced Henry to make him a wooden sword.”
“Right.” He shakes his head, his profile achingly handsome. “And he made me fight with him on the lawn. Gave me a bruise too, smacked me right on the wrist.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Don’t worry,” he says, shooting me a sideways grin. “I smacked him right back.”
I can’t help but smile. “You were thick as thieves.”
“Yeah, we were.” Hayden moves in closer and grabs my ankles, resting by his thigh. He pulls my legs across his lap so I can lie fully stretched out. “Okay like that?”
I nod, unsure of my voice. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Like old times, I feel like saying, the two of us watching something in the basement, hidden under blankets, kissing and stopping as soon as we heard footsteps.
I try to focus on the movie but his hand on my leg is infuriatingly distracting. He keeps it there, warm and rough, just resting on my calf. His thumb smooths back once, twice, three times…
Heat rises through my body. I want to be closer—I want his hand higher—and my traitorous body is remembering the night in the greenhouse. I didn’t get enough of him then. I don’t think I ever will.
But his hand stays right there, just below my knee, softly stroking my skin.
We watch over half the movie before I gather the courage. It’s Hayden, I tell myself. It’s just Hayden, even if there’s ten years of distance between us. So I sit up.
He looks at me. “Everything all right?”
“Yes. Just switching around.” I grab a pillow and put it squarely on his lap. Then I turn around, lying so my head is there instead. I pull the blanket over me again.
Hayden lets out a dark chuckle. “This is familiar.”
It is, just like the times we pretended to watch a movie just to fool around instead. His hand is resting lightly on my hip, and I lift the blanket to pull his arm tighter around my waist. It’s warm and heavy, lying there, and I let my fingers trail up the muscular forearm.
He sighs, and it sounds like surrender, before he holds me more tightly. His hand is close to the underside of my breast, thumb caressing again through the fabric of my dress.
“Lils…”
“Yes?”
He bends, so close that I can breathe in the scent of him, of man and cologne and warm skin. I want him to kiss me. His dark hair tickles my cheek as his lips brush my ear. “I’m not going to take you to bed tonight.”
“Oh, damn it, Hayden.”
His husky laugh sends shivers down my arms. “Disappointed?”
I turn my face into his chest, hiding my expression. It doesn’t help. His chest is rock hard. I mumble something unintelligible against the warmth. I am disappointed—just a little bit.
“We’re not in a rush.” Hayden’s arm tightens around my waist. His fingers brush the underside of my breast. “I’m going to do this the right way.”
I wiggle closer, wanting to feel his mouth on mine. “We’ve already had sex again.”
“Yes, but that’s not going to happen again for a little while.”
I run my hand up his chest and curve it around his broad neck. “Why? The greenhouse was… explosive.”
He closes his eyes momentarily, and when he opens them again, they burn into mine. “Yes, and then you ran from me. I’m not going to risk that happening again for a little while.”
He bends down and brushes his lips against mine. I kiss him back, our lips meeting in the softest of touches. It quickly turns heated and my fingers weave their way into the thick locks of his hair.
Hayden groans into my mouth and cradles me closer. His lips open mine softly, and I nearly come apart at the first taste of his tongue. The world centers around the two of us, and nothing else matters. Not the sound of fighting armies on the TV or the years of separation. It’s just the two of us again.
His hand cups my breast, a thumb flicking gently over my taut nipple. I can’t help the moan that escapes me and he chuckles.
“So eager…”
“Mmm.” I kiss him deeply again. “It’s been a while.”
I smile against his lips. “Far, far too long.”
Hayden grips my waist and pulls me closer, kissing me thoroughly. He has a way of touching me that completely undoes me—the mixture of devotion and need. Like he’s gripping me tightly despite himself, fingers stroking my skin with adoration but body pulsing with want.
I want to feel his skin against mine, his body heaving, the both of us stretched out—
Hayden pulls away with a wry smile. The heat in his eyes is unmistakable, making my mouth dry. If the greenhouse was intense, the next time will be tortuously slow. I can see it in his eyes.
He puts two fingers under my chin and turns my face up. His lips trail slowly down my jaw, along the sensitive skin of my neck. I shiver when I feel them against my ear.
“It’s time for you to go home now, Lily, or I’m going to break my own resolution.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing.” My voice is only a little breathless.
“I’m not going to rush things with you.”
“Where did you get so self-disciplined?” I mutter, thinking about the recklessness he often displayed as a child.
Hayden laughs and lifts me off him in one clean, strong movement, making it very clear that he is most definitely a grown man now. “The Navy is sort of big on that, Lils.”
“I suppose.” Despite myself, I’m glad we’re taking it slowly. It feels right… proper, somehow. Like he’s here to stay—like we’re starting something again. And when we kiss goodbye that night, it’s a sweet kiss filled with promise and hope.
23
Hayden
Gary looks familiar opposite me. There are more wrinkles on his face, true, and the hair he has left is pierced with gray. But he has the same laughing glint in his eyes.
It was my idea to take him out to lunch at the Yacht Club’s terrace. We’re by far the roughest types here, but I don’t care. The food is delicious and we’ve wiped our plates clean.
He offers me a cigarette, but I shake my head.
“When did you stop?”
“Years ago,” I say. “You haven’t seen me smoke in a long time.”
“Good lad. Do as I say and not as I do, and all that.”
“Exactly.”
He turns to look out over the waves. We’re at the table furthest out on the terrace, closest to where the waves crash against the plinths beneath us. “So,” he says. “How does it feel to be back? Really?”
“It’s good. Weird, you know.”
“I can imagine.”
“I didn’t think of this as a home when I lived here,” I say. “But coming back now… it feels like coming home.”
Gary’s smile is quick, there and gone in a flash. He nods and flicks ash off his cigarette into the tray. “This is the place you’ve been longest, so it’s not surprising.”
“Yes, I guess.”
“And seeing the Marchands again?” The way he asks it, I know he’ll be okay with whatever I say. If there is one thing Gary understands, it’s the fine line we walk between being white trash and hired help, between friends of the family and an employed charity case.
He understands the mixed feelings it brings.
“It’s been good. It’s easier now, being grown and self-sufficient myself.” I lean against the railing of the terrace and sigh. “Parker is as easygoing as always.”
“The boy missed you,” Gary says. “He would come to my garage sometimes to tinker with the cars, but I know he was just fishing for information about you.”
I sigh, not knowing what to say. Gary has never asked me why I left so abruptly after the accident. I think, of all people, he was the only one who truly understood why I had to leave. I think a part of him even respected me for it.
“I hope you told him great things.”
“Of course. You were the commander of the entire damn Navy by the time you were twenty-three, kid.”
I chuckle. “What am I now?”
“If you had waited another few years to come back, I could have promoted you to president.”
“Of the country?”
He shrugs. “Sky’s the limit.”
“Not for people like us,” I laugh. “President. Holy hell.”
Gary snuffs his cigarette out in the tray, his face taking on a pensive look. I might have been away for a while, but I know what it means. It means he’s going to say something that’s difficult for him.
“Not for you, Hay. Damn… when you told me you were promoted to lieutenant… Well done.”
I focus on the horizon and keep the sudden tightness in my chest at bay. “Thanks.”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” He clears his throat. “How was it, meeting Lily again? I know you were fond of her back in the day.”
I try not to let my surprise show. I had been so cautious back then to make sure he never found out, especially not after he warned me to be careful with her. I know he hadn’t wanted me to screw up our situation—the tuition, the employment.
“She’s good,” I say. “It’s been nice to see her again, too.”
“Mmhmm.” There’s a wealth of insinuation in the sound. “Right.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I trust you to make your own decisions.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes, like I’m sixteen again. “I know, I know. Be careful with her.”
“Nah, you’re a grown man now. I don’t want you to get hurt, but I know you can handle it.”
The wind smells strongly of salt and seaweed as it blows past me, ruffling my hair. I blink a few times to get the full meaning of his words. Is he really saying what I think he’s saying?
“You were warning me to be careful for my own sake?”
“Of course.” He looks at me like it’s obvious. “It wasn’t hard to see how you looked at her growing up, kid. But people like the Marchands? They’re heartbreakers.”
My mouth feels dry. “They’ve always been good to us.”
“Yes, and don’t I know it.” For the first time, I hear the rancor in his voice. I recognize the feeling. It’s shame, and guilt, and the loss of pride that comes with having to accept charity. “Eloise and Michael are good people. But they’re not easy people, and they’re not our people.”
It’s not a comfortable thought—not with my hopes for Lily. “Did you think dinner was awkward on Friday night?”
“You mean apart from the looks you and Lily sent each other?”
I’m quiet for a beat, just looking at him.
He smiles. “Come on now, don’t scowl at me. I’m just pointing out the obvious. I don’t think it was clear to anyone else. And besides, her brothers are oblivious, which you’re damn lucky about.”
“I know that.”
“If you want my advice—"
“I don’t.”
“—then do what makes you happy. Life’s too damn short, and you and I both know it can turn on a dime.”
“Really? You’re not warning me to avoid screwing up a good situation for us? That’s a change.”
He shoots me a wry smile. “You’re not a child anymore. You have work, you have a future. I’m getting closer to retirement every day, and I have my savings. I say you go a bit wild again, kid.”
I shake my head, but I can’t stop the smile on my face. He’s right about that. We’re in a very different situation than we were ten years ago—not to mention twenty. We’d gone from town to town, barely surviving on the meager paychecks Gary had made from working in garages and on farms.
Things are different now.
“About that,” I say, leaning forward. “I have something I want to tell you.”
“You really are running for president.”
“No.”
Gary throws his hands heavenward. “What a waste.”
I take a deep breath, playing with the edge of the tablecloth. “The house on Elm Street? I’m not renting it. I sort of… well, I bought it.”
“You b
ought it.”
“Yes. Remember what I’ve told you about the security business I have set up with my old buddy from the Navy?”
“Yes. Security consulting.”
“Well, it’s taken off.”
I’m expecting congratulations, amazement—not the widened eyes of disapproval. “How much in debt are you? Your mortgage?”
“I paid half in cash,” I say. “The interest rate is set over ten years. It’s a financially sound decision, Uncle.”
“Quit playing. I’ve seen what houses here go for, Hay. There’s no way you could afford that. Hell, if you add up everything I’ve made in life, I couldn’t afford a place in Paradise Shores. How did you get the money? I won’t have you caught up with loan sharks just to impress Lily Marchand…”
“I’m not caught up with loan sharks. The security business is going great. We’re making a lot of money. A lot of money, Uncle. You don’t need to worry about me. And for the record, the house was expensive, but it’s not exactly an oceanside villa.”
He leans back, the red color slowly draining from his face as he processes my words. I can see when it finally sinks in.
“So what you’re telling me, boy, is that you’re rich now.”
“I’m comfortable.”
“No, don’t pull that middle-class bullshit with me. Tell me like it is. Are you rich, Hayden?”
I know what he means. I know what he’s referring to—the kind of stability people like us could spend their entire lives chasing and never get. The kind of safety net we’d lacked for decades.
He means security.
“Yes,” I tell him.
Gary closes his eyes momentarily, and then he’s out of his chair and his arms are around me. I can count the hugs my uncle has given me on one hand. He let me eat when he didn’t have enough food for the both of us, but physical affection has never been for us.
I wrap an arm around him. Only then do I realize that his shoulders are shaking, shaking hard with laughter. He wipes a tear of mirth from his eyes.
“Holy hell, Hay. You made it. You fucking made it.”
Rogue: A Paradise Shores Novel Page 18
