This woman is a challenge. One that I plan on over-coming at that.
Chapter 20
A DAUGHTER NEEDS A FATHER TO BE A STANDARD, AGAINST WHICH SHE WILL JUDGE ALL MEN. -ANONYMOUS
Widow
Things have been quiet over the last few days. Things at the club have been going well, even if there’s become a slight tiff between the Jackal’s and Onyx’s girls. They’re both hot headed groups who think they’re always right, so of course there’s going to be some issues here and there.
In the meantime, I’ve had a few conversations with Tania. I say Tania because I refuse to call her Sphynx. Everyone else might, but this woman knows I’m my own man. I’ll act however I want, whenever I want, even if that means calling her by her name. The statement she made the other day about me being a certain type of man really had me thinking. So much so that I wanted to speak to her about it. I know how I look. No one needs to remind me, I know the tattoo’s, muscles and shiny white smile make me look like a total meathead and I haven’t even added in the natural jackass part. I promised her that I’d never disrespect her, getting the idea that’s what she meant. I’ll say that I think she was shocked that I made the promise to her, but I don’t get the idea she thinks I meant it. I did, though. I meant every word.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around why I made the promise to her, but I felt like I needed to. There’s something about this girl that calls to a deeper part of me. She rocks something in my core. It might even be my soul. I can’t explain it even though I try my hardest to understand it. I’m just chalking it up as wanting to treat a woman right after all these years.
It’s not like I’ve ever been in the wrong there. I chuckle to myself thinking about it. Fuck, I’ve been an asshole. After Melody left … I wanted things to work with Amara, but that was a relationship we fell into. Not one we wanted to be in. I think that makes a huge difference when we consider where we are today. I hope that she and I can be friends like we used to be, but I know it won’t happen for a while. Melody, or Rebel on the other hand … I don’t foresee either of us being friends. Friendly? Why, yes. We have a daughter to raise together and I won’t allow any sort of toxic shit around her.
I’m sitting here, outside of a frozen yogurt shop in the blazing Vegas heat. I swear, it’s so hot my balls are going to explode. Melody told me to meet them here at five, and it’s five-fifteen right now. I’m wondering if she’s going to stand me up when I see magenta pink hair blowing in the wind. She has a short, little mini me right beside her. Zoe’s hair is curly, in that natural shade of blonde that her mother had when we were younger.
As I look at her … I can’t help but think that she’s breath-takingly beautiful. She smiles brightly, skipping alongside her mother before stopping immediately. She looks up to Melody and I watch as her lips move. Melody nods her head and points at me, and I see the bright, bubbly eyed little girl reel herself in. She’s putting up an invisible wall right before my eyes. Can I blame her? No. This isn’t something that she ever expected to happen. That I can put my money on. Then again, Melody never thought she’d have to introduce me to my daughter in the first place.
The two of them continue their walk towards me and Zoe keeps looking up at her mom, mouth moving a mile a minute. I wonder what she’s asking her, and each time Melody replies, I’m wondering what she’s saying.
“Hey,” Melody greets me, rubbing her arm on Zoe’s shoulder.
“Hi,” I reply, looking to Zoe.
I feel so bad for my baby girl. She looks terrified, and I want to crack a joke to try to make her feel a little better. Every single one that comes to my mind is either too adult, or too scary. “Well, I think we should get some froyo before my breath starts to smell.” Okay, so I’m not starting off too bad.
“Uh … why would your breath stink?” Zoe curiously asks.
“Cause, I ate some cockroaches for breakfast. They get stuck in between my teeth right here and whew, I can’t tell ya how bad they smell.” I point to one of my teeth and try to hide my smirk at the facial expression I’m getting from this little girl. She’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Ew!” Zoe screeches, flapping her arms around. “Richard!” Melody tries to chastise me, but it’s no use. I
see she’s trying to hold back her own laugh, which is telling me I did something right.
“Whoa. Your name is Richard? Like the guy from the workout videos?”
I immediately glance to Melody, “You let her watch Richard Simmons?”
“She thinks they’re funny. Have you heard the crap that comes out of his mouth? He’s hysterical.”
“Just like you! You two Richard’s are funny.” Zoe says, that bright smile coming back.
“I’m not Richard to you, baby. You call me Daddy.” I reply. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong, but now I’m wondering.
“Alright. Let’s get some froyo before I ask you questions. Oh, and just so you know. I can get anything I want because you’ve been gone forever.” Zoe says with the sassiest tone in the world as she walks inside. I’ve never been to one of these joints before, but I can see that she obviously has.
“I see you didn’t tell her the truth.” I hiss at Melody, low enough that no one around us can hear. “You need to tell her that this wasn’t my choice to be out of her life. You made the choice for me.”
“Don’t pin this on me. We both are at fault here. You for fucking my best friend, and me for not telling you I was preg-nant. We both made our choices back then and must make them right now. I’m willing to do that, but you need to as well. It starts with the two of us not bulldogging one another. We can’t be fighting in front of her. We have to be a team, even if we aren’t together.”
I nod my head, “We need to co-parent.”
“Yes, and I’m willing to do that. But so, help me God … Widow … if you ever do anything to hurt her, I will kill you.” “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll kill myself before I ever hurt our child.” I keep my eyes trained on hers, needing her to know just how serious I am.
Suddenly, the door swings open and I see Zoe’s stare burning into me. “I look like the kid who’s trying to steal froyo if you don’t get your big butt in here and pay, mister!”
I share a look with Melody and know there’s no doubt she birthed this girl. She’s got all her momma’s sassy attitude.
I follow my boss of a daughter and pay for her frozen yogurt, but before she lets us walk outside so we can talk, she has her own set of demands. Apparently, because it’s my first time. I have to get froyo. I don’t bother arguing because we all know that there is no use. She takes me in the frozen yogurt shop and directs me, to where I need to pick the cup size I want. There’s five different sizes, from a small kiddie cup to something the size of my face. Next, she takes me down the line of froyo machines … I’ve counted them all and there’s 30 different flavors. After we pick cookies and crème, strawberry cheesecake and mango, we walk down to the topping part. Next to toppings is even more toppings to put on these sugar infested desserts. She told me I needed marsh-mallow, cookie crumbs and some chopped nuts for the mango. So, what the little princess wants, the little princess gets.
After a few more minutes, I pay for the froyo and we walk outside. Melody is sitting a few tables away, texting on her cell while looking up at the two of us.
“You’re really gonna like the mango with the nuts. Try it!” Zoe asks, and I do. The combination of the tart mango and salty nuts isn’t something I’d ever normally do, but it’s delicious.
“You’re a smart kid.”
“Thanks. I get it from momma! She’s taught me every-thing I know.” I want to be a smartass and say something like ‘oh shit’, but I won’t. No cursing in front of my kid.
The both of us sit at our table for a few minutes eating our frozen yogurt. I catch her sizing me up and know that she wants to ask me questions, but she doesn’t. If she’s afraid, she doesn’t need to be. “What’s on your m
ind, kid?”
She moves her lips over to the side, like she’s contem-plating on asking me. “I just don’t understand I guess.”
“Understand what?”
“You’re so nice, and I don’t understand why you wanted to be with someone else and not with us.” Jesus. Fuck, here it is.
I cough, trying to ground myself after being caught off guard. “Well, honey, that’s a broad question. The important thing to know is that I’ve always loved you, even when I didn’t know you existed. Your Momma told you the truth, about the fact I was with another person. We dating for a while and then your momma moved and had you. I only found out about you because we saw each other and spoke.” I lie my ass off to this kid. I don’t want her to ever know that her mother kept us away from one another. She’ll end up resenting Melody for it, and I can’t have that. Every kid needs both of their parents, if they can have them around.
“So … you didn’t want to be away from me?” She peers up, looking at me directly in the eyes as she asks.
“God, no, baby. I’ve only ever wanted to be with you. And guess what? Now that I’m here, we’re going to do fun things together all the time. How does that sound?”
“It sounds awesome!!!” Zoe jumps up from her chair and squeals. “Oh my goodness!” She turns to her mom, and hollers from a few tables away. “Mom! Can we invite Dad over for Halloween?!”
I see Rebel’s face turn to pure horror and then back to normal within a moment. She plasters on a fake smile and nods.
“Halloween is a couple weeks away! Will you come over?! Please!”
“Sweetie, I’m gonna be there. Should I dress up too?” “Aren’t you already dressed up in a costume?” She asks,
rather loudly. Melody breaks out into a bout of laughter and it takes everything in me not to shoot her over a glare.
“Huh?” I furrow my brows and look at my gray t-shirt, cut and jeans. “I’m dressed like normal.” I tell her.
She raises her eyebrows like she doesn’t believe me, crossing her arms in the process. “Why do you look like a big, scary biker then?”
“Uh … because I am a biker, honey.”
“Oh … well … you can just come dressed as a biker!” “Alright, kiddo. Anything you want.”
“Okay, well in that case, you should probably bring a friend. Nikolai is coming too, and it would be weird if you didn’t bring a girl over. Have you met Nikolai? He’s the best!”
For some reason, I feel a sense of jealousy take over me. I don’t know why I didn’t put two and two together. Of course, he’s met my daughter. Fuck, he could’ve been around her for years for all I know. I don’t want to be the dude who gets jealous over his ex’s boyfriend, but I’m not jealous because he’s with Melody.
I’m jealous because he’s gotten the opportunity to be around my daughter. I take in a deep breath and tell myself that it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now, and my little girl will know who her father is.
Now it’s our time. “Yeah, I met him. I have a friend I may bring over. She has a fun costume too.”
“Oh! What kinda costume?!” Zoe’s eyes light up as bright as the night sky as she talks to me.
“She’s a kitty cat, but an old type of kitty. Have you ever heard of Sphynx cats?” I smirk, chatting with my girl. I was nervous about today, terrified that she’d resent me for not being there for her all these years. Now I know that it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters now is that we continue and move forward.
We’ve got our entire lives to catch up.
Chapter 21
TRUST THE WAIT. EMBRACE THE UNCERTAINTY. ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF BECOMING. WHEN NOTHING IS CERTAIN, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
-ANONYMOUS
Rebel
I sit at the island in Nikolai’s kitchen, watching him cook us dinner since Zoe wanted to stay at a friend’s house. Since school isn’t in session tomorrow, I didn’t care. Whatever it is, it smells amazing. I haven’t bothered to ask what it is, which is shocking considering I hate surprises. “Did today go well?” I’ve been expecting him to ask this question for quite some time.
“Yeah, I think it did. She seemed to have a good time, and he seemed happy as well.” I admit, taking the glass of Pinot Grigio, I take a sip. I was a bucket of nerves these past few days, trying to not be an anxious wreck. I will say, I’m proud of the way Widow and I handled ourselves. We were two people, successfully co-parenting, even though we have a world of drama and baggage. We put all that other shit to the side and focused on what truly matters – Zoe.
“Good. I’m glad he didn’t cause any issues. You knew I was apprehensive about letting you go alone.” Nikolai stops whatever it is that he’s doing and turns towards me.
He thinks that Widow would physically harm me, and I know that would never happen. “Don’t. He won’t ever physi-cally hurt a hair on my pretty little head. Trust me.”
“Good. If he even tries, I’ll cut his fingers off one by one and feed them to the fishes.” Fishes … he doesn’t mean fishes. Nikolai has an exotic fish collection if I can even call it that. Throughout his home, he has varieties of tanks on display. Some have piranha’s, others have different types of sharks. Gah, I still get a chill when I think about them.
“Just like the bodies you’ve fed them before, hmm?” I joke, but I don’t get a laugh from him. He stares at me like I’ve said something that he’s done. “That was supposed to be a joke, Nikolai.”
“I think we should both talk more about my past before we eat dinner.” He turns his head back to look at the stove, “In a couple of minutes, I have to put the meat in the oven to cook through anyway.”
“Why before we eat dinner?” I ask the question before I can really think it through, and I wish I had waited.
“Because I don’t want you to get sick if you can’t handle the things I’ve had to do, Rebel.”
Nikolai turns back to the stove and does whatever it is that he needs to finish prepping dinner. I take a couple heavy sips of wine while I wait as my nerves rock me to my core. “We all have things in our past, Nikolai. I doubt any of yours will scare me.” I murmur, needing the words to help me feel a bit braver.
I know Nikolai is bound to have many skeletons in his closet. He’s told me a few small parts, but he hasn’t gone into detail. I know he’s a mercenary for fucks sake, but besides that … I know nothing. I have a feeling that tonight he’s going to tell me everything I need to know, if I’m ready or not. “Mine aren’t as simple as leaving my cheating ex while I was pregnant.” I don’t know why it pisses me off that he throws my dirty laundry back at me, but it does. It pisses me off so fucking bad.
“Thanks for bringing that back up. I totally forgot that even happened. I mean, shit!” I make sure my tone is icy, showing him, it isn’t appropriate. Emotions and feelings are high right now and it isn’t appropriate. If we’re talking about him then great, but we don’t need to go over mine.
“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to tell you that we’re from two different worlds. Your past is a lot lighter than mine is, Rebel. You know I was with the Spetsnaz, but you don’t know about what happened after. How I went from being a highly honored man, to someone who the rich would use to get rid of their problems. It was a dark path, love. A story that I wish I didn’t have to tell you.”
I listen to what he’s saying and ask him the million dollar question. “So why tell me?”
“Because I refuse to ever lie to you. If you are with me, it is a decision that you have knowingly made and come to terms with every part of me. And I mean, every part.”
“I don’t think you know just how much I respect you, Niko.” I call him by his nickname, something that I’ve been able to get away with for the past few days. I want him to know that I care and show him that I understand the serious-ness of our conversation tonight.
“I’ll start at the beginning as every story does, my child-hood. I grew up in a small town in northern Russia. My mother and father raised me, which is wh
y I went into the militia in the first place. My father and grandfather had done so before me, so it was the proper thing to do – to follow in the man’s role, in their same footsteps. I wanted to bring my family honor, and in the part of Russia where we lived … there was not much else to do. I was not a man who would live in poverty like I had seen so many do.”
I listen as he continues to speak, enjoying learning more about him. I already know he is a good man, but I want to know what turned him into the man he is today. “Things were simple for a time. I enjoyed being with the Spetsnaz, but they saw my talents and used them for their own personal gains. I was no longer a man of honor, but instead I became a death bringer, a mercenary. I left the Spetsnaz as soon as I could, however, there was nowhere for me to run. People would find me wherever I went, and they continued to search for me wherever I moved.”
He keeps his eyes trained on me as he speaks, “Rebel, I have killed many men, women and children because I was ordered to. I have done things I have not wanted to do, but knew I had to out of fear of retaliation. Threats were made against my mother and father for years, until they were tortured for hours and left to die after I didn’t follow a direct order from my … boss. I had to come home to the sight of my mother’s blood all over my home, seeing my father’s limbs scattered across the kitchen, and somehow both were alive. I did everything to protect them, but in the end … I had to be the one to end them. They begged me for mercy, to take them out of their misery.” His voice chokes up as he speaks, his accent coming out thicker than I’ve ever heard it before.
“I did not want to do it, but I had to. I wouldn’t allow them to be in pain any longer. I couldn’t allow my parents to be held over my head like a sword, constantly ready to come down on my neck. They knew about part of my struggles, but
they didn’t know about all of them. All they knew was that I was working for a very dangerous man. A man who used me because I wanted a better life for them. I worked for the Bratva, my dear.”
Havoc- Reapers MC Boxset Page 65
