* * *
Breakfast was over and Linnet was about to go in search of Toby. Looking into the smug, censorious expressions on the faces she passed, she could not leave Woodside Hall soon enough. After bidding farewell to Louisa she paused in the hall when she saw Lord Blakely walking towards her and it seemed to Linnet that his eyes never left her as she waited for him to come closer. He stopped in front of her, his eyes on her face.
‘You are leaving?’ he said.
She nodded. ‘I think we must. You are leaving also?’
He nodded. He knew he must leave Woodside Hall, for he couldn’t handle the fact that he wanted Linnet Osborne—it was making him feel like an inadequate youth. He had seen her when she was vulnerable and had felt the need to protect her. He hadn’t felt that way about anyone in a very long time and he knew he was caring too much. She was touching him deep down, in places he had thought long since dead.
‘I apologise for my aunt’s insistence that we marry,’ Linnet said. ‘One thing you should know about Aunt Lydia is that she is a strictly controlling character. She comes from a long line of rigidly upright people with impossibly high standards for themselves and everyone else. She is always wary about any scandal that might damage her popularity in society. I think she is so eager to get me off her hands that she will grasp at any opportunity to do so. I am only sorry that you were on the receiving end.’
‘I am sorry about the unpleasantness. I’m not so insensitive as to ignore what has happened, but I will not be dictated to or manipulated into anything by your aunt. You are to return to Birch House?’
‘Yes. It will be a relief to get home.’
‘Then I hope there is a change in your circumstances and your brother sees the error of his ways. I consider your life is far from easy,’ he said unexpectedly. ‘A young woman with so much to worry about. It is not right.’
If Linnet had not known that such a thing was impossible she would have thought there was a deep concern beneath his conventional words. ‘After speaking to Aunt Lydia I feel our circumstances are about to improve. She has offered to help us out of our difficulties—although I know her well enough to know she has an ulterior motive—which is to see Toby marry Caroline Mortimer. Of course, Toby’s situation is worse, much worse than she could have imagined and she feels no sympathy for his plight. He has brought it upon himself. She knows that if Toby went to prison it would reflect badly on her, so she cannot ignore the problem. We are family. She has to do something. Toby is no great catch, but from Aunt Lydia’s point of view he is not a complete disaster—providing he leaves the gambling alone.’
‘And will he?’
‘I sincerely hope so. Only time will tell.’
‘And she is to settle your brother’s debts?’
‘Yes—although as yet the final sum has to be worked out.
‘I shudder to think how your brother would manage without you.’
‘Quite well, I imagine.’
‘I don’t think so. He enjoys the gaieties of St James’s too much. But what about you?’ Noting how pale she was, he recalled the moment he had come upon her in the garden playing with the other girls. When she had removed the scarf from her eyes he remembered how they had been filled with a laughing mischief that enlivened her entire expression. Now he knew her a little better, the realisation of her desperation aroused the same deep desire that had afflicted him after her tumble into the rose bush.
‘I’m glad your aunt is to help you. Perhaps now you won’t have your brother to worry about you’ll start thinking about yourself.’
‘Yes. It is indeed a relief, Lord Blakely.’
‘It must be—and my name is Christian.’
‘But you do not know me,’ she uttered reasonably.
‘You are mistaken, Linnet. I need only to look into your eyes and I know everything I need to know about you. I know your pain, your strength and your courage.’
She swallowed down the tears that threatened and bowed her head. Security seemed an almost tangible substance whenever he was close to her and somewhere deep within her a yearning grew, as if her soul commanded her to speak. ‘You cannot possibly know what my life is like.’
‘I believe I do. More than you realise. You cannot hold yourself responsible for the problems that are thrust on you.’
Linnet smiled up at him. ‘I will try not to. Thank you. You are very kind.’
* * *
Her comment caught him off guard and he took a moment to reply. She really was full of surprises. He had known many women in his life and he thought he knew every nuance of sensation a man could experience from the female sex. Yet this fetching, unpredictable young woman had surprised him. Only a ragged pulse that had leapt to life in his throat attested to his own disquiet as he looked at her with mingled feelings of regret and concern, and he could not put from his mind that by his own actions, if the scandal of what had occurred between them in the garden did indeed hit society, he would inadvertently, but effectively, have destroyed her future. In society one’s worth was measured in gossip. He knew how easily people could be destroyed by rumour. If not for his damnable pride, he might have broken his guise of stoic reticence and agreed to marry her.
His smile when it came was slow and sensual. ‘Kind?’ He laughed softly. ‘I have been accused of being many things, but never kind.’ His expression grew serious. ‘I apologise for making things difficult for you. It was a mistake.’
‘A mistake? Do you regret kissing me?’
‘No. But what we did—what I did—was a mistake.’ His voice was strained. ‘You must have cast a spell on me, for I do not have the strength or the inclination to resist you.’ He stepped away from her. ‘I’m sorry. I take full blame for what happened.’ His eyes went beyond her. ‘Here is your brother. Have a pleasant journey back to Chelsea.’
* * *
In the tearing, agonising hurt that enfolded her, Linnet was ashamed at how easy it had been for him to expose the proof of her vulnerability. Tears blinded her vision. Brushing them away, she felt anger directed against herself for her lack of will and with a fear of her feelings for Christian Blakely she seemed unable to control.
She watched him walk away, feeling that something inside her, some bright and hopeful light that shone brighter whenever she thought of him, faded out of existence. What had she done? She must have been out of her mind to let him kiss her. What had it meant? She sighed, feeling depressed and listless. The answer to her silent question was stark. Nothing, she thought. To Lord Blakely it had meant nothing at all, just a casual thing, and now she would never see him again. Out of sheer pride she held herself tightly together not wanting to betray the desolation she felt on seeing him go.
* * *
Walking away, Christian turned and looked back at her to find her strange tawny eyes remained fixed on him, full of overwhelming emotion, and that was the moment that he knew in the deepest core of his being, that beside her all other women were irrelevant. His passion for her was torn asunder by guilt. Age and experience had taught him that some women couldn’t be trusted and the first woman to show him this was Selina. Her affair with his own father had hurt him very badly and ruined whatever relationship he’d had with him, whose main interests in life had been Egypt and beautiful women.
He was careful to choose women whose company he enjoyed. They had to be intelligent and sophisticated, and would not mistake lovemaking and desire with love, and, moreover, they had to be women who made no demands and expected no promises. Until he’d met Linnet Osborne this had been his mantra.
In the past hard logic and cold reason had always conquered his lust—with Linnet Osborne it was different. Feeling threatened in some strange way, he told himself he had to end it. He had to purge her out of his mind before he was completely beaten—and if he continued to see her he would lose the battle. He was in danger of losing his heart to her and he would no
t permit that. The stakes were too high.
Chapter Six
They left Woodside Hall mid-morning. Aunt Lydia did not try to persuade them to prolong their stay, although Louisa was sorry she was to be denied another day of her cousins’ company. Toby was quiet and morose during the journey. Aunt Lydia had given them both much to think about. While Toby would for evermore be at Aunt Lydia’s mercy, there was a lightness to Linnet’s heart she hadn’t felt in a long time. For the interim Aunt Lydia had arranged for Toby to live at Woodside Hall during the week to become better acquainted with the work under the watchful eyes of the bailiff and Cousin William.
‘Tell me what you are thinking, Toby. Aunt Lydia is determined to make things right.’
‘Yes, I know and I am grateful.’
‘It is indeed generous of Aunt Lydia to offer to pay off your debts. You must realise that things will have to change.’
‘Yes, I do. This is my one chance and from now on everything is going to be different. My only desire is to wed Caroline, so I must make good on my shortcomings.’ He looked at Linnet, a softness entering his eyes. ‘I’ve always left everything for you to shoulder, but no more. I have to confess that I have been afraid of what the consequences might be after that night at Stourbridge House,’ he confided to her seriously.
‘Yes, well, there is nothing like a shock of those proportions to make one sit up and take stock of one’s life.’
‘My course of action is clear. It’s up to me. I realise that to hold on to what I have, I am going to have to work at it. From now on I’m going to make a virtuous attempt to reform my way of life.’
Linnet listened to him in astonished silence, unable to believe this was her brother speaking. She realised from the intensity of his voice that he was not speaking idly and she could only thank Aunt Lydia for giving him an ultimatum. She was happy to hear him sounding so positive and hoped he was in earnest about what he intended doing and would not hotfoot it back to London’s gaming rooms. Seeing the enthusiasm lighting up his face, she saw something of their father in him, who, until their mother’s death, had worked hard to keep everything intact. Sadly it all began to fall apart when she wasn’t there any more. She prayed that Toby had truly seen the error of his ways and would grow to be like their father had been before their family had become broken.
* * *
Birch House had been their home for four generations of Osbornes. It was not a large house, but, set in its own grounds, it had a genteel, gracious quality about it.
Samuel Doyle opened the door to them.
‘I wasn’t expecting you today. I thought you were staying with Lady Milton for a few days.’
‘We were, Samuel, but we decided to come back early.’
He nodded and took his leave. Linnet noted that he was moving a lot slower these days, but his total loyalty to the family remained as strong as ever. Samuel and his wife, Eva, had begun their service at Birch House forty years ago, proving themselves faithful servants to her parents and later to Toby and herself. It was Samuel and Eva who had comforted and supported them when their mother had died and later their father. They were always there when needed, Eva helping Linnet with her hair and her clothes. She smiled and her heart warmed at the memory. Whatever would she have done without them?
Linnet went to her room to change. As she climbed the stairs, seeing the bare places on the walls where once paintings had hung and knowing that behind the closed doors objects and precious heirlooms were missing, which they had been forced to sell when times became more desperate, wrenched her heart.
* * *
Now Toby seemed to be turning his life around with a healthy energy Linnet had not seen in a long time, she took time to consider her own future. The first decision she made was that it was time to leave Birch House. When Toby married Caroline Mortimer they would not want her here, which she could understand. Since their parents’ deaths, she had spent her life trying to fill the void in her brother’s heart, trying to be his advisor, trying to guide him on the right path. In that she had failed and now it was time for him to find his own way.
It was time for Linnet to stop believing she had no choices. It was time to begin deciding her own destiny. She was twenty-two years old and answerable to no one. She would not wait for Aunt Lydia to foist on her a husband of her choosing. It was an intolerable prospect. She wanted to be needed, valued, appreciated and loved. When, and if, she married, it would be to a man of her choosing, someone who truly loved her and wanted her.
Her parting from Lord Blakely had been a painful wrench, but she told herself that the human heart was strong and resilient. She wasn’t broken hearted and if she had been she didn’t know of anyone who had died of a broken heart. She remembered the times he had kissed her. Tongues of heat curled inside her body at the memory. She remembered every moment, what it had felt like to have his hands on her, his mouth on hers, that indescribable pleasure of anticipating more. That he had desired her, she knew, but she realised that just because a man desired a woman, it could mean nothing more than that.
* * *
One week after their parting, although she missed Christian and thought about him all the time, her heartache had lessened. She grieved for the painful destruction of the hope in her heart—for him to have wanted to see her again and to hope for his affections. However, considering her conduct since their first encounter, when he had initially believed she was a thief and she had compounded her fault by doing what no proper young lady would dream of doing and seriously considered spending the night with him in return for that wretched necklace—she could not in all fairness blame him for walking away. Although a vestige of pain still lingered and she called herself all kinds of fool for her unrealistic illusions. But where could she go? What could she do? She had already thought about looking for a post as governess to a wealthy family, so that was what she would do.
She had given little thought to her meeting with Mrs Marsden since that day in the Strand, so she was surprised when a carriage drew up in front of the house and Mrs Marsden climbed out. Linnet went out to meet her, her black taffeta skirts rustling crisply as she guided her into the house.
‘Mrs Marsden, it is so nice to see you again. What can I do for you?’
‘Well, Miss Osborne, I am hoping we might be able to help each other.’
When they were sitting in the drawing room, over tea and some of Eva’s delicious cakes, they chatted about trivial matters. Linnet was conscious of Mrs Marsden’s eyes studying her, not critically, but rather an assessing frankness and even an admiration one woman directs at another when she sincerely believes that woman is worthy of it. Eager to learn the reason for her visit, Linnet asked her again what she could do for her.
Mrs Marsden placed her cup and saucer down. Her face, which had been firm with some inner resolve, softened imperceptibly. ‘It concerns the child, Alice. I recall you told me you were thinking of seeking a position as a governess. I have come here today to ask for your help. I wondered if you would consider the post as Alice’s governess. His Lordship—the Earl of Ridgemont—has been intending to get her a governess but, being such a busy man with many issues to worry him, he hasn’t had the time to get round to it. He’s away at present, at his estate in Sussex, but I have his permission to employ anyone I consider suitable—on a trial basis, I must point out.’
‘Alice is his daughter?’
Mrs Marsden seemed to hesitate, and then she said, ‘Yes.’
‘And Alice’s mother?’
‘She—she died in childbirth.’
‘That is very sad, Mrs Marsden. Tell me, how is the Earl with Alice?’
‘He—he doesn’t see her very often—his work kept him away from her when she was younger. I am telling you this in compete confidence for he hates tittle-tattle—he doesn’t take much interest in her, which is a crime really. She’s such a lovely child. I know I shouldn’t criticise h
im, but his visits are more of a duty than a pleasure. I can only hope that there will be a change for the better in the future. What do you say, Miss Osborne? Does my offer appeal to you?’
‘Mrs Marsden—I don’t know what to say. I freely admit you’ve taken me by surprise. Tell me about Alice.’
‘She is a well-behaved child, quiet and shy of others, which I put down to her not often being in company—of adults or children. I have looked after Alice since she was born five years ago, but I think I told you when we last met that I am not in the best of health and I find caring for a child of Alice’s age difficult at times. Milly, one of the maids, helps me out and she is very good with her. But it’s time she began learning her letters and the things that will prepare her for the future.’
Linnet smiled, a compassionate warmth lighting her eyes. She could almost feel the tension inside her visitor. Linnet didn’t take any persuading to accept her offer of employment. Getting away from Toby for a while as he began his work in Richmond appealed to her.
‘Then what can I say? For a long time now I’ve been undecided as to what to do with my future, which path to take, and it is true that I am considering seeking employment as a governess. I will accept your offer and help in any way I can with Alice. I will do my best to make her happy. When would you like me to begin my work?’
Mrs Marsden’s eyes were bright with tears of gratitude. Linnet’s acceptance had evidently lightened her spirit, and it was as though a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. ‘Thank you, Miss Osborne. I can’t tell you what a relief that is to me. You can begin as soon as it is convenient to you.’
‘I will have to speak to my brother and settle a few things here, so perhaps in a few days.’
* * *
When Linnet told Toby that she was to take up a position as a governess, he was so taken with his improved situation that he didn’t voice his objections. Aunt Lydia was not so understanding, saying that her outrageous decision to earn her own living would besmirch the family name. Far better that she found a rich husband. Linnet paid her no heed. She was twenty-two years of age, her own mistress. She would do as she saw fit and taking care of a five-year-old child would suit her very well.
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