I’m already an emotional mess, tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Add in the wine, and looking at sad, homeless dogs probably isn’t a good idea. I blink away tears, drink more wine, and start to fill out an adoption application.
My phone chimes, and a second later a message from Sam shows up on my computer. I hesitate for half a second and then click on the text preview, opening it up in iMessages on my computer.
Sam: I know you wanted space, and I’ll give it to you. But I want you to know how much I love you, Chloe. How much I always have and how much I always will. I know this isn’t how I thought things would go, but please don’t give up on me.
And now I completely lose my battle with tears. I drink the rest of my wine, spilling it down my chin from sobbing while trying to drink it. I love Sam too, so fucking much. He’s everything to me, and I don’t want to give up on him.
But I also don’t want to share him, and I feel guilty and stupid for letting myself finally admit that. I miss Sam when we’re apart, and the distance is hard enough on us already. Long-distance isn’t ideal for either of us, but it’s what we have to do if we want to be together.
I love Sam.
He loves me.
But is love enough?
If the baby does turn out to be Sam’s it will take first priority—which it should. I believe Sam when he says he doesn’t want to be with Stacey. And I know he will be an amazing father to his child, regardless of who the mother is. And I know I can’t even think about asking him to take a week away from his newborn child to hang out with me in Europe while I’m on set.
I refill my wine, trying to see around the issues. People get divorced and remarried. Sam having a baby with one of his no-strings hookups doesn’t mean we can’t be together. Though it does, and if we lived in the same state, things would be a lot easier.
Taking another big drink of wine, another thought surfaces, and I hate that it even crosses my mind, yet insecure Chloe comes back every now and then, trying to tell me that I’m just some weirdo no one wants to be with.
Sam obviously liked Stacey enough to keep sleeping with her. And if she has his baby, who’s to say they don’t get their very own love story, coming together and realizing they were meant to be, living as one happy family.
The more I drink, the more irrational I become, and my mind wanders even farther into self-destruction territory. Mrs. Harris has always valued family above all else. I know she wants nothing more than for her sons to get married and have babies. If Sam chooses me over Stacey—the mother of his child—will I be the black sheep of the Harris family? By picking me, it’ll make it so Stacey isn’t around as much…meaning the baby wouldn’t be around as much.
Finishing the wine in my glass, I don’t bother refilling it and instead take the bottle with me into the living room. I take a swig, put it on the coffee table, and wrap myself up in a blanket, crying myself to sleep.
Fuck.
I toss the blanket back and knock over the bottle of wine. Luckily, or maybe I should say unfortunately, there isn’t much left. Red wine spills onto my wooden coffee table, and I scramble to upright the bottle before more spills out.
It’s eight-AM and I need to be at Karina’s office by nine-thirty. It could take an hour just to get into the city at this time in the morning, and I need to shower, get dressed, and probably throw up.
Grimacing, I cough as I slowly go to the kitchen to get a towel to clean up the wine. Staying up, crying, and drinking almost an entire bottle of wine was a terrible idea, and even more so since I’m not quite back to being my normal, healthy self.
I force myself to drink a glass of water but can’t bring myself to eat anything. My head pounds and I’m fighting feeling like I’m going to puke the entire time I’m in the shower. I close my eyes as I dry my hair, not styling it at all, but hey, at least I won’t show up with sopping-wet hair.
Traffic is terrible on the way into the city, and I get to the office half an hour late.
“Finally,” Karina huffs when I walk in. “You’re late.”
“I know, sorry.”
“And you look rough. Are you still sick?”
I close the door and push my hair back off my face. “Yeah.” It’s not really a lie. I feel like shit because I’m hungover, but I am still recovering from the flu.
“Are you up for this?”
I nod, not trusting my voice to stay steady. Once I start crying, that’ll be it. Karina looks at me for a second, able to see through my shit, but nods and calls for Zac, a makeup artist, to make me look halfway presentable.
“Rough night?” Zac asks when I get into the chair. He’s done my makeup many times before and knows me pretty well since I get bored and talk the entire time he’s making me look good.
“You could say that.”
“Well, give me some time and no one will know.”
“You’re a lifesaver,” I tell him.
“I’ve been told.” He smiles and lays out his brushes, standing back and giving me a once-over. The plan is for Charles and me to dress like bad guys from the series and go around sunny, cheerful downtown LA and glare at everyone who’s having a better day than me.
Okay, the second part isn’t true. We’re going to see how long it takes before we get recognized, talking to fans of the show, and then end the segment by announcing the cosplay competition. I’m dressed as Jade, a demon who’s made Kellie’s life hell for the last several books. She’s classic evil, being a demon and all, but I don’t really consider her one of the main villains of the series.
Demons are bad because they’re demons. Simple, right? The humans, however, they’re the real bad guys. But Jade is a popular character, and the costume designers had fun dressing her in black leather.
My look is a little more subtle today, in black jeans and a faux-leather crop top. The demon blade Jade carries would be way too obvious—and probably a little alarming to carry into a coffee shop
“Oh wow,” I say when Zac turns me around. “I look good.”
“Of course you do, sweetheart. I did your makeup.”
I smile at my reflection, letting myself slip into character. I want to be Jade right now, to have nerves of steel and not be bothered by human emotion. No one knows yet that Jade joins forces with Kellie in the next book, and they’ll be friends from there on out.
Charles is in Karina’s office, and he’s dressed like Henry, one of the truly nasty people on the show. He was my character Kellie’s ex-boyfriend, who turned against Kellie after finding out she’s a witch. He hates her before she’s different, and is part of an extremist church group who thinks anyone with magic should be eliminated. He’s the exact opposite of the Marcus, and seeing Charles—the male star of the show—dressed like anyone but the vampire he usually plays is weird.
“Damn, I like this look on you,” Charles tells me. “Being goth suits you.”
“And being a self-righteous asshole does not suit you,” I laugh. Charles’s hair is styled differently, and he’s dressed in khakis and a light blue polo shirt. It’s so not his usual look, but Charles is a very good-looking guy and I know his female fans are going to eat this preppy, church-boy look up.
“Ready?” Karina asks us, motioning to the door.
I force another smile and nod, not talking as we walk out the back of her office and get into a black SUV. Charles usually travels with his own bodyguard, and two more have been hired for today. Dressed in plain clothes, they’ll walk around the street, keeping crazy fans away from Charles. And me, I suppose, but I don’t have the same effect Charles does.
We get started on our little PR move, and I’m having fun at first, able to pretend to be badass and dark. But then we run into a fan of the series who gushes about how cute my new boyfriend is, and it’s like a punch to the gut.
“Are you all right?” Charles asks as soon as we get a minute alone. We’re seated outside an organic cafe, having just ordered smoothies. I’m working hard to keep it together, and just want
my friend right now.
“No,” I confess, and tears fill my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Charles leans in.
“Sam,” I start and have to stop and look up, blinking back tears. I have so much makeup on, it’ll be a mess running down my face it I cry.
“What did he do?”
“I…I thought he was going to propose to me because he was acting all weird.” I close my eyes and take in a slow breath. “He took me down to Lake Michigan at night and everything. But then he said he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant.”
”Holy fuck. I’m so sorry, Chloe. What a piece of shit to cheat on you—”
“He didn’t,” I interrupt. “They had a no-strings thing going before I even laid eyes on Sam in Silver Ridge, and that’s when it happened. I can’t get mad at him for that.”
“Are you okay?”
“No,” I say honestly and my voice breaks. “I don’t know what to do or what to think. He didn’t do anything wrong. They had a no-strings thing that he called off in the summer, and she just came to him recently to tell him she’s pregnant. I can’t be mad at either of them, and he still wants to be with me, but…but…am I an asshole for hating this? I feel so selfish.”
“You’re not selfish, and I think anyone would be rightly upset to find out their boyfriend got a side piece pregnant. It changes the course of your relationship.”
“Exactly.” Tears roll down my cheeks and I do my best to wipe them away without smearing the makeup. “We’re already in different states. Being unattached to anything other than work was what gave us hope. With a baby, I can’t ask Sam to come here for the weekend. It just makes everything seem impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible, and I’m quoting you on that.”
“I know.” I let out a shaky breath. “But it feels like it. I’m here. He’s in Chicago. We’re going to be traveling all over the world for the next PR tour, and if I sign on as a writer to that show I was telling you about, I’ll be overseas for half the year. I know that doesn’t mean we have to break up, but you know how hard a long-distance relationship is. What if he doesn’t think it’s worth it and wants to be with his child and not me?”
“Then he’d be a fool.”
“I was so happy,” I say, and my voice breaks. Charles pulls me in for a hug, and I start crying, face pressed up against his powder blue shirt, no doubt getting makeup all over it.
“I’m sorry, Chloe. That’s…that’s a lot to deal with.” He gives me a big squeeze before letting go. “Come on, let’s go back to your house, order way too much junk, and watch horror movies.”
26
Sam
I look at my phone, rereading the text I sent to Chloe. She hasn’t responded, and it’s fucking killing me. Her reaction was what I expected, as Chloe is an incredibly accepting person. She’s not mad, not irritated, and I have no doubt she’d even get along with Stacey, because that’s the type of person Chloe is.
I understand her fears, and I have the same ones. I won’t be able to go see her as easily as I can now, and right now isn’t even that easy. She deserves someone who can be with her fully, and if I can’t give her what she wants…fuck. I love her enough I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me.
If she thinks the distance will make me fall out of love with her, she’s wrong. How long did we go without seeing each other? How many miles away was she from me? It didn’t change anything. I’ve been in love with Chloe Fisher since we were kids, and I will love her for the rest of my life.
It’s early, and I should be sleeping since I hardly slept last night. I don’t have to be at work until seven tonight, and it’s going to be a long fucking night if I start it tired. Setting my phone down, I roll over. I haven’t changed the sheets since Chloe left, and there’s a long strand of her red hair on the pillow.
I don’t want to lose her.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I close my eyes. It takes a while, but I end up falling asleep. A while later, my phone rings and I jerk awake, hoping it’s Chloe. It’s not, and I want to send Stacey’s call to voicemail but answer instead. I can’t put this off, and now that the truth is out there, I need to move forward with everything—and get that DNA test done.
“Hello?”
“Hey, did I wake you up? You sound sleepy.”
“I’m up.”
“Oh good. Are you busy? We keep talking about going out to lunch and it hasn’t happened yet.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “We do, and no, I’m not busy. Can you meet up later today?”
“Yeah, that would be perfect! My mom is here, and I told her about the baby. She’s dying to meet you now and she’s so excited to have another grandbaby!”
Obviously if we share a child, our families will intertwine. The lump is back in my throat. “Okay. Where do you want to meet?”
“I’m really craving cheesecake, so The Cheesecake Factory?”
“That’s fine.”
“We can go soon and beat the lunch rush.”
“That’ll work,” I say. “How much time do you need to get ready?”
“Like five minutes,” she laughs. “We’re at the Water Tower Place doing some shopping.”
“Oh, okay.” I get out of bed. “I’ll head over that way now and will let you know once I find a parking spot. I’ll see you in a while.”
“Let me know when you’re almost here and I’ll get us a table.”
“Okay,” I repeat. “See you soon.” I end the call, toss my phone on my bed, and get dressed. Traffic isn’t too bad today, and I make it to the Cheesecake Factory and find a parking spot in under an hour.
I step in and look around for Stacey.
“Sam, hi!” Stacey waves, standing from her chair. I hold up my hand, letting her know I see her, and come over.
“Hi,” I say, and she steps right in for a hug. She presses her breasts up against me, and I can tell she’s not wearing a bra.
“Mom,” Stacey says, sitting back down. “This is Sam. He’s a doctor. Sam, this is my mom.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” I tell her and take a seat across from Stacey.
“You too. I’m Michelle.” Stacey’s mom smiles. “I think you’re right, honey, the baby will have blue eyes.”
The waitress brings Stacey and her mom the drinks they ordered, and gives me a menu. I quickly glance it over while Stacey and Michelle order and pick something more or less at random. I’m not hungry, even though I know I should eat.
“I bought the cutest little baby outfits today,” Stacey tells me, reaching down to get something out of a shopping bag. “Gender neutral for now, since we don’t know what we’re having yet.”
“You should be able to,” I say, and it dawns on me that I didn’t even ask her about it when she said she had an ultrasound. I was too shocked to really think about it. Stacey’s mom gives me a funny look and shakes her head, smiling.
Stacey shows me all the things she and her mom bought for the baby, and I feel like I’m being pulled down under dark, murky water. I feel like a jackass for not being excited. I don’t want to take anything away from Stacey, and it makes me relieved to see her mother gushing over her soon-to-be-born grandchild.
The baby did nothing wrong. Stacey did nothing wrong. I can blame myself all day, but we were casually hooking up on and off for years. There was nothing wrong about it. I should have been more careful, should have pulled out as well as using a condom. There’s no going back now.
“Excuse me,” Stacey says, pushing her chair back. “I have to pee.” She stands and rests her hand on her stomach. She’s wearing a sweater, making it hard to see if she’s showing yet.
“This was quite the surprise, wasn’t it?” Michelle laughs.
“You could say that again.”
Michelle laughs. “Stacey’s brother wasn’t planned, but things have a way of working out. I was young then, only nineteen, but two years later Stacey’s father and I got married and here we are, years later!”
<
br /> I take a drink of my water and nod, not wanting to be the asshole who breaks it to her that I have a girlfriend. Had a girlfriend? Fuck.
Stacey has a few siblings, I think. I know her older sister has children. Stacey mentioned it a few times and tried to get me to go to one of their birthday parties last year. Luckily, I had to work and used that as the perfect excuse not to go.
“It can be scary,” Michelle says gently. “But once you see your baby for the first time, you fall in love.” She smiles. “Just looking at the ultrasound makes me tear up.
"Just look at my little gummy bear grandbaby!” Stacey’s mom pulls up a photo of the ultrasound on her phone and zooms in on the baby.
“I haven’t seen that yet,” I say, leaning forward.
“Oh, really?” She seems surprised and passes me her phone.
It’s been a long fucking time since I’ve looked at anything OB/GYN related in a clinical setting, but I know right away something is off.
“This is from the weekend?” I ask as I zoom out.
“Yes, Saturday morning. It was so exciting to hear the heartbeat,” she says right as I see the date and Stacey’s name…along with her estimated due date. What? This means—wait—I have to be sure. “Are there any other pictures?”
“Yes,” Michelle says enthusiastically. “You should be able to see them if you swipe.”
I nod and go to the next photo. This one has measurements of the baby, and again, Stacey’s name, the date the ultrasound was taken, and the due date.
“I’m getting sick of having to pee all the time already,” Stacey says, coming back to the table. “What you guys—” She cuts off with a gasp when she sees the ultrasound photo on her mom’s phone.
“We’re admiring how cute the little gummy bear looks.” Michelle beams. “Oh, I just can’t wait until he or she is here!”
Desperate Times (Silver Ridge Series Book 2) Page 23
