I stare into his green eyes and purse my lips. I could spill it all and tell him about Diamond’s comment and dissect all my suspicions like I would with a girlfriend, but Justin isn’t a girlfriend.
“Nothing. Really. So tell me, Justin, what do you care about?”
He smiles, but instead of his usual joking and teasing, he says, “You know, lately I have been thinking a lot about that. I envy you and Brandon. I would love to get married and have a family.”
“That shouldn’t be hard for you. Weren’t you dating someone in Philadelphia before you came back?” I push my rice around on my plate and try to remember if he told me this or I got this information from the rumor mill.
Justin butters a piece of bread and lays it on his plate. “Oh, yes. Jenna. I met her pretty soon after I moved back to Philly. Right after your birthday/Valentine’s Day engagement. Remember?”
I nod my head and my heartbeat kicks up a notch. How could I forget him leaving right after Brandon proposed? And all the drama in the preceding nine or ten months before. As soon as I chose Brandon over Justin things got a little crazy, as if they weren’t crazy enough before.
He frowns and continues. “Claire, you know I feel bad about everything, and that I wasn’t actively trying to break you and Brandon up. I just couldn’t control myself around you and seeing you at work every day was…anyway, I’m sorry. And I was the one who told you that I could tell he was in love with you in the first place, and you should go to him. I’m just that kind of guy, so selfless.” He smirks, but looks at me intently.
“You don’t need to keep apologizing. Brandon’s jealousy was out of line, and that’s why I’m trying to control mine now, before I get all the facts. But never mind about me for now. Tell me about Jenna.”
He rubs his hands together and begins. “She was beautiful.”
I nod and smirk. Obviously she was beautiful. Like Justin would date an average girl.
“But not in a sickeningly obvious way. Blond hair. Green eyes. Tiny. But a powerhouse with her career. I tried to settle down with a lawyer who was trying to make partner.”
“Oh, that is tough. She must have been very driven.”
“Yes, that’s an understatement. She didn’t have a lot of time, but I was okay with that. We met in the spring right after I moved back. An old friend of mine invited me out to a bar with a bunch of people I didn’t know. Jenna was dragged there by a well-meaning girlfriend who thought she should get out more.”
A tiny blond? Hmm…
“So anyway…” He motions to the waiter to bring the check after non-verbally pointing to my plate to ask if I’m done. “She was just way too intense about her career and had no interest in even moving in together. She could see I was getting serious about my future, and when we went to visit my brother and his wife after they had a baby, that was the turning point.”
“Did she not want children?”
He takes the final gulp of his wine and says, “You know, I don’t know. I’m sure when she’s forty she will finally either have some or give it up, but that’s if she will slow down long enough to find a man.” He studies my blank face. “Not that I’m saying it’s bad to be an older mother. I just didn’t want to wait that long.”
“I know, Justin. You don’t have to censor everything you say so that you don’t insult my age. I am sensitive about it but I’m getting better. After all, my husband isn’t much older than you. So did you come back to Richmond because it didn’t work out with her?”
“Yes and no. The whole shake up at Bella Donna was obviously what prompted the new job offer to return. Once Tim was removed as CEO, and Pam took over, I was much more inclined to want to come back. And how the hell could I turn down a Chief Information Officer position at twenty-seven? Plus, I missed all my friends here in Richmond. I was gone for more than a year-and-a-half. Long enough for you to get married and become a mom. And I couldn’t even get a pretty girl to accept my proposal.”
“You proposed and she turned you down?”
He now looks like he wishes he hadn’t shared that much. “Yeah. We were dating about a year. My timing was really bad. I asked her the weekend after we visited my brother’s baby. I thought that after seeing their domestic bliss she would want it for us, but she didn’t. After she said no, we kept dating for a little while longer, but I decided that I was wasting my time.”
“I’m sorry, but surely you will meet a nice woman and settle down. I wish I could think of someone. Of course you can find your own dates, but sometimes it’s nice to meet someone who you know wants the same things.”
We pay our checks on our corporate credit cards and sit for a moment while I finish my wine.
“Yeah, I know. She probably wasn’t the one anyway. I don’t miss her. Sometimes men propose too quickly because they want to secure their position and I didn’t want to be that guy after I thought about it. It was hasty. Kind of like how Brandon proposed when he was worried about our relationship.”
I glare at him and take a deep breath. “Well, yes, Brandon was a bit jealous and concerned that you were still pursuing me, but are you insinuating that my husband only proposed in the most romantic way, on my birthday, with a Valentine’s Day back drop, because he was insecure and threatened by you?”
Justin shakes his head. “No, Claire, of course not. I didn’t mean it like that. Of course he was…is…crazy in love with you, and the time was right. I should have gotten out of his way sooner anyway. It wasn’t my place to judge him or…please don’t be mad. I really want to go to karaoke now and I don’t feel like going alone.”
He flashes that smile and I relent. There is no point in being mad at him, too.
I smile and stand up, taking his arm lightly. “Let’s go. This should be quite an experience.”
Brandon
Sometimes I think I am the dumbest motherfucker on the planet. I ponder where I fall in the galactic chart of male stupidity as I shave my scraggly, homeless guy beard. Claire has only been gone since yesterday morning but it seems like weeks due to my uncanny ability to fuck up every conversation we have.
I sigh and rub my now smooth chin. Claire likes my stubble, but it will be back by the time she gets home Friday night. I sigh and turn out the bathroom light.
Almost tripping over Dixie and Duncan on the way to the kitchen, I review our last conversation in my idiot head. Why the hell would I tell her that Diamond said anything, let alone a reference to something that happened over night, in our bedroom? She was just feeling better about Chastity and now she is right back to being pissed and suspicious. Awesome. And loverboy Justin is there to take her out on the town and make her feel better.
I am filled with dread as I fill Aidan’s sippy cup with juice and bring it to him on the couch. “Hey, little man. Did you have a good nap?” His black hair is sticking up all over the place and his little face is pillow creased. “Hey, let’s get you fixed up before your little girlfriend comes over.”
Another wave of guilt. Ruby and Diamond are coming over for dinner. While I know it is completely innocent, at least on my end, Claire would be livid if she knew I was entertaining them alone. Part of it is laziness—a free, home-cooked meal is awesome when your wife and nanny are away. Plus she lives across the street and is renting Claire’s house. The only way to say no is to accuse her of having improper intentions. No, that wouldn’t be awkward.
I tidy up my son and the family room just in time for Diamond and Ruby to pop their blond heads in the front door, their arrival being duly announced by the wieners in the loud, shrill language of their people.
“Hello? Where are the Harmon men?” Diamond is holding Ruby on one tiny hip and balancing a big tray of food on the other. The dogs are sniffing around the tray and Ruby, as if they aren’t sure which one they should try to dislodge from Diamond’s body first.
I rush forward and grab the tray. “Let me take that. You should’ve called. I would have come over and helped you.” I turn to the dogs and yell, “K
nock it off, you two.” They don’t listen at all.
Diamond sighs and relieves herself of her growing toddler’s weight, setting her down on the floor to begin hugging Aidan.
“I guess I’m just used to doing everything myself, I don’t even think to ask for a man’s help.” When she pouts her lips look even puffier. Claire makes fun of it—even Zoe chimes in—but they don’t get the sexy factor. I stop staring at Diamond’s lips long enough to remember that I am standing in the foyer with the food in my hands, blocking everyone’s entry.
I jump back and say, “I’ll just bring this into the kitchen. We should have everything you need to get this ready. I would help you but I am not much use in the—”
I turn around and Diamond is right behind me, pulling back her shoulders as if she is attempting to give me a better view of her stomach peeking out of her short, tight sweater, as well as the low cut V-neck…I feel the sweat and...
I slide sideways to get away from Diamond and the kitchen counter. “I’ll just check on the little ones.”
She smiles and begins unwrapping the cellophane wrap from the huge tray of food. Her lip gloss is so thick it looks like she may drip some purple wetness into the…
Suddenly crying starts up from the family room, and I run in to see both babies on the floor.
“Did you two sillies bump heads again?” Diamond comes running past me, switching into ‘mom mode,’ comforting both of them, one on each shoulder as she bends down.
I don’t know why it surprises me, but it seems unusual for a woman to go from ‘sultry sex kitten’ to ‘mama bear’ in two seconds flat. Hmm, bipolar…or just adept at managing two roles?
I grab Aidan to inspect his boo-boo, and also in order to squash any impure thoughts lurking in the room. I sigh and wonder what Claire’s doing.
Claire
“How hard headed are you? I said I NEVER sing in front of ANYONE. How can I make that any clearer?”
We are at the karaoke bar that hosts nightly drag queen shows. The cross-dressing performers must take karaoke time as a chance to rest up, as none of them are in attendance. Justin is pleading with me with his emerald green eyes, and trying to bribe me with a delicious tropical drink.
He sighs and says, “Okay, I surrender. Just drink your frozen, fruity concoction before it melts.”
He seems to be eyeing my outfit now more than he was in the restaurant. At home with Brandon and Aidan I would feel silly wearing a midriff-revealing corset top. But pairing the pale green one with a floral, crinkly maxi skirt feels right in this environment. At home I am cleaning up the kitchen, walking dogs and playing on the floor with Aidan and his trains. I do accompany Brandon to most of Chain’s shows, but even that has been waning lately.
“So before you tell me what you’re going to sing, I do have to ask you a question.” I bite my lip and remember I just reapplied my hot pink lipstick.
“What’s that? How could I possibly be so handsome and smart, and still have hidden talents?” He ducks and smirks.
I roll my eyes. “No, although that is truly amazing.” I fan myself with my napkin in mock fan appreciation. “I was wondering why you told Greta about me.” I pause to take a sip of my ice cold drink, which gives me instant brain freeze. I wince as I wait for Justin’s response.
“Oh, it just came up. She’s always looking for new talent, and she asked me if I knew anyone who was unhappy at Bella Donna. I mean, not that I think you’re unhappy in Richmond or at work...hey, look I think the DJ is getting ready to start the singing.”
I glance up at the stage and see that he is correct, and instead of continuing my line of questioning, I drop it as the young, enthusiastic host welcomes us to the Aqua Lounge and an awesome night of karaoke fun.
It does turn out to be fun as the night wears on. Some of the singers are amazingly good and others are so bad it’s comical. I think most of them are very drunk and they know they can’t sing. At least I hope so. Justin is number ten in the lineup and he still hasn’t told me what he’s singing.
My desire to sing along to many of the familiar tunes is hard to restrain. Even though it’s pretty loud in here, and no one will hear me, I am still self-conscious, especially because Justin is eager to get me up on stage. I don’t care if they give me enough of these drinks to freeze the barren desert…I am not getting up there. I’m not the singer in our family.
I think of Brandon and my heart hurts. Why can’t happily ever after be simple? I think all those stories with a happy ending are bullshit. The sequels would reveal the real scoop on what happens after the characters got what they think they always wanted.
“And now let’s welcome Justin to the stage.”
The karaoke host is awaiting Justin’s approach while playing some pumping hip-hop filler music. I am assuming that isn’t Justin’s genre, but I haven’t been paying attention to know if there is any correlation between the filler music and the singer’s song selections.
Justin takes the stage and holds the microphone as he waits for the song to begin. Holy crap, he’s going to sing Evil Angel by Breaking Benjamin? I wince in pain for his almost certain humiliation. I have heard Justin sing a few times in the office and it wasn’t good. Maybe he was just joking around and he’s really awesome? Brandon sings this song and it’s not easy.
I settle back with a supportive smile on my face. I can sing along because now that Justin is gone, no one is sitting close to me.
Oh my God, he can sing. It is almost ridiculous that he is so hot, smart and talented. I should encourage him again to go out alone while we’re here. Hanging out with an old married lady is a waste of his charms. Imagine if he was rich, too. Haha….
I belt out the chorus along with a bunch of other bar patrons who know this song. It’s a very mixed crowd as far as age goes. I also now notice there are a number of same sex couples. Key West is a very gay-friendly town. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m not used to it and it’s different. Shit. I am caught staring a moment too long, as one of the lesbians winks at me. I feel like the old, suburban housewife…completely out of my element.
I turn my attention back to Justin. His face is glistening with a light sheen of sweat under the stage lights. I think people of all genders will soon be throwing their undergarments at him. I smile at him as he turns to sing directly to me…my cheeks burn as he asks the evil angel to open her wings to him. Whew, it’s hot in here…I grab a napkin off of the bar and fan myself. Probably hot flashes again.
Justin finishes to a huge round of applause as the DJ gushes over his talent and stage presence. Justin laughs and he joins me back on the barstools.
“So, what did you think?”
“I am almost speechless. I had no idea. I was just thinking you really are the total package. If you were a secret millionaire, you could have your own reality show. Hey, maybe you should audition for The Bachelor.” I grin and signal to the bartender to bring me another frozen, fruity drink special.
“I’m glad you liked it. See, if you do sing with me now, at least you know I won’t embarrass you.” He hops off the stool. “Will you be okay alone a minute while I head to the men’s room?”
“Of course, silly.”
Justin heads off down the back hall to the restrooms and I get ready to listen to the next singer. Wow, she’s doing Stevie Nicks. I always liked her, even though she was popular way before my time. My mother listened to the ‘Bella Donna’ album (funny I ended up working for a namesake company) a lot when I was little and she was pregnant with Jackie. I’m surprised she didn’t name her Stevie. I guess it was good that she was also obsessed with Charlie’s Angels, choosing to name her youngest Jaclyn. I’m still surprised my name isn’t Farrah.
The woman is doing Edge of Seventeen. I LOVE this song. I look around to make sure the coast is clear and Justin is still in the bathroom. He’s probably taking the opportunity to check his messages without being rude and ignoring me at the bar to do it.
I am singing louder now that I
have a little more fruity drink buzz. Of course it has been added to my wine buzz from dinner.
I am so caught up in belting out this blast from my little girl past, that I don’t notice Justin standing behind me until I hear his loud clapping and cheering for the singer when she finishes.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Justin
I clear my throat as the song ends and Claire is clapping away, a big smile on her face. She turns around with a horrified expression—mouth open and eyes wild.
“Oh, there you are. I thought you fell in.” She smiles and reaches for her drink.
“You’re such a comedienne. I have an idea. Maybe we should find an open mic night for comics.” I smack my forehead and continue. “Or better yet, you could sing a duet with me right here.”
Claire balls up her little fists and clenches her teeth slightly. “I told you I don’t sing.”
“Really? What was that you were doing just a minute ago, chirping?”
“Justin, you should not spy on someone when they’re singing…” She looks down at her lap and sighs. “Okay, I’ve got nothing. You’re right. You caught me singing.” She looks up with pleading eyes. “But it’s really bad and I obviously can’t do it in front of people.”
The guy singing right now is making me want to eat a bullet, so I don’t know why she is so afraid. “Claire, you sound exactly like Stevie Nicks. You were so much better than that girl up there.”
“WHAT? I don’t sound like Stevie Nicks. I used to sing with my mom when I was little. But she never said I was a good…”
I nod my head. “It’s always the mothers who fuck us up. Isn’t that what the therapists say?” She glares at me and I remember… “I know you will never do that to Aidan, but really…you are very good. And I KNOW that if you know Edge of Seventeen without looking at the lyrics monitor, then you know Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around and Leather and Lace. Both which are duets and both were—”
“On ‘Bella Donna.’ Yes.”
The Juggling Act Page 11
