Justin purses his lips and says, “I’m going to leave now. Claire, I’m sorry if my visit caused more drama. I just wanted to ensure you were okay. I was worried about you when you got off the plane…” Justin narrows his eyes at Brandon, “…and now it seems things have unraveled further.”
Brandon opens his mouth and I shoot him a warning look. He shuts it.
“Thanks for coming, Justin, but I’ll be fine. You did nothing wrong. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
A glimmer of hope crosses Brandon’s face, mixed with disdain for my rebuttal of Justin’s apology. I’m sure he thinks if I’m going to work tomorrow, that means I’ve decided to come home.
Justin makes his way across the snowy lawn, gets in his truck and drives off. My eyes follow his path, but he doesn’t look back. I am aware of Brandon watching me, but I don’t care if he’s jealous.
Brandon
Now that the son of a bitch pretty boy is gone, I can actually convince my wife to let me inside so we can save our marriage. And my icicle fingers.
What an asshole that guy is. Charming his way into this neighborhood. He pretended to be me! And then John treats him like another son-in-law, inviting him to play with MY SON! I don’t care if they’re mad at me, I am still Claire’s husband.
They’ve been married for forty years—you’d think they would respect the sanctity of marriage! Don’t they see they should let Claire make an informed decision about me before they throw me in the ex-husband grave, and give another guy the shovel to throw dirt on my head?
Claire leads me back into the house, and we walk past her parents, who are sitting on the couch watching some right-wing news show.
Aidan is asleep in his grandmother’s lap. Poor little guy. Being outside in the cold must have worn him out. I frown as I think of how many times I have played with Aidan in the snow. It’s a low number. I lied about it to Claire the one night she was away…when Diamond was over.
As I contemplate numbers, I remember that my days as a husband are numbered, and that is also not a big figure.
We sit in the sunroom and close the glass-paned door. Before she can protest, or put up barriers, I grab Claire and hold her tight. I am also looking for physical warmth and she’s on fire, presumably from anger and not desire. She squirms at first, but then melts into my arms. Of course, now she’s crying.
“Claire, I love you so much.” I hold her face in my hands and will her to look at me. “I did not cheat on you. I wish you could believe me, but I see why you can’t. So I have proof.”
I play the recording for her, after explaining the whole Rob connection with Diamond. We are in this room for what seems like forever, as I detail ALL of the events of the past week, including Tatiana’s bizarre and inappropriate behavior, and Diamond’s increasingly overt flirtations.
Claire sits quietly and listens. Once in a while she interjects with a question, but for the most part, she’s taking it all in. She is momentarily distracted by her mother’s face, peeking in through the glass door. She opens it a crack.
“Hey, dinner will be ready soon. How many places should I set?” She shrinks back a little in anticipation of the answer.
“Four and the high chair, Mom.”
She smiles and withdraws, as I hear her husband begin to chastise her. “Claire, Jesus, can’t you ever…”
Claire and I gaze at each other and smile, for the first time in a long time.
“So, do you forgive me for being an asshole who hid stuff from you to try to keep the peace, when all I did was turn our lives into an epic fuck up?”
“Well, since you’re a writer and you put it so persuasively…I think so. But we have many things to talk about or else these problems are going to keep coming up. We have decisions to make and plans to devise. Together.”
I get up and sit with her on the wicker side chair. “Sit on my lap.”
She rolls her eyes and obliges. That common ‘Claire’ gesture fuels my confidence that my wife is back on my side.
I kiss her softly and touch her silky blond hair. “Claire, I think we have to eat dinner now or your mother is going to implode. I can’t do that to your poor father, especially after the domestic ‘trailer park’ incident on the lawn.”
She laughs and starts singing the COPS theme song, quickly covering her mouth.
“Hey, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you sing. Do it more.”
She hides her face in my chest. “No, you’ll say I suck. Zoe is the girl singer in your life.”
I grab her face again and pull her to my face, nose to nose. “Hey, you’re my only girl.”
She kisses me this time and we almost forget that dinner is ready, until we hear some throat clearing at the door.
We look up and I’m relieved to see my mother-in-law smiling at me for once. Okay, she has done it before, but I was deep on her shit list…below the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Democrats. That’s low.
“Oh yeah, my list. We need to talk about all the things on the list.”
Claire rises and offers me her hand. “Let’s eat first. And go home. We can discuss the list in bed.”
Claire’s mother scurries off at the mention of the word ‘bed.’ I’m not sure if it’s her general discomfort with suggestive references, or she’s not sure how the whole ‘panties in the bed’ thing has shaken out.
We do need to tell the McDonalds at least some of what happened. They may be neurotic and overbearing, but they love their daughter and their grandson. And I am highly tolerable in good times.
As we walk towards the dining room hand in hand, my phone rings.
“Do you mind, Honey? It’s probably Rob wanting to know when I’ll have his truck back to him.”
Claire nods and walks ahead, into the arms of her baby boy, his hair messed up from sleeping on Grandma’s lap.
I answer the call without looking at the display as I stare at the two most important people in the world. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Brandon, I’m so glad I caught you. It’s Peter. Do you have a minute?”
I had forgotten my deadline for a decision on the adoption was today. I can’t possibly give him a real answer until after Claire and I talk tonight.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t get back to you. Claire just got back from her business trip and things have been crazy.” That’s for sure.
“No worries. With the news I have now, meeting the deadline is a moot point.”
Hiding in the stairwell in the back of the kitchen, I swallow a big gulp of ‘what the hell is going on now’ and prepare to find out. Whatever it is, I have a feeling we won’t get to my list tonight.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Brandon
“Look at those tiny toes on the little princess.” Aurora smiles at me and kicks her little feet as I try to grab them. “Come on, Mommy wants you to wear these silly shoes to Grandma’s house.”
“Honey, look at Aidan in his little suit!” Claire holds Aidan’s hand as he prances around in a seersucker Easter suit.
“He does look cute, but you could have picked one a little more…”
“Macho?” Claire laughs and her eyes sparkle. They do that a lot lately. “There’s plenty of time for that. I want him to stay a baby as long as possible.” She kisses his shiny black hair.
“Mama, bee-bee Roar shoes!”
“Yes, Daddy is putting on baby Aurora’s shoes. Let’s find your shoes.”
I watch my wife and son as they go in search of Aidan’s little dress shoes. I think they’re white. Some day when he’s a famous rock star, the pictures of these occasions will haunt him.
“Okay, little girlie!” I finally buckle the miniscule black patent leather shoes and tickle my daughter.
She’s just two months old and a beautiful, blond angel. My genius son, Aidan, is already talking at sixteen months. It’s funny how we picked a name for his sister that’s not easy for a toddler to pronounce.
He does, however, spend his days with a professional
talker.
That day back in late January changed our lives in a big way. I was at Claire’s parents’ house, begging her forgiveness and sharing the evidence of my innocence. We were all set to have dinner and go home to talk out all of our issues.
Then our lawyer called. I had owed him an answer about the baby who was up for adoption. Holly’s due date was in four weeks, and the adoptive parents she had previously contracted with backed out. They were getting divorced. Holly and her parents wanted us, so they asked Peter to try again to secure our commitment to adopt her child. He had called me a few days before with the offer.
Since Claire and I seemed on the brink of splitting up ourselves, I thought it might be wise of us to pass up the second chance to adopt this child. It seemed selfish, and with all of the problems on our plate, I didn’t tell Claire right away. But I was conflicted.
I planned to discuss it with her that night, but when Peter said, ‘Brandon, Holly is in labor now,’ I dropped the phone. Luckily it was on the carpeted stairs and not the kitchen hardwood.
I walked into the dining room and observed my in-laws, Claire and Aidan all bustling around, and I blurted out, “Claire, the baby is coming now.”
John, my father-in-law, looked up as if I was a complete lunatic, seeing as no one in the room was pregnant.
My mother-in-law gasped and said, “Jackie?”
Like an asshole, I forgot that Claire’s sister, Jackie, is also pregnant, but was only like five months. That would have been tragic.
Claire looked at her mother quizzically and said, “Why would Jackie call Brandon?” Then she turned back to me with a stricken expression. “It’s not Jackie, right?”
“No! I’m so sorry.” I walked over to the table and sat down.
“Jeez, Son, out with it already.” My father-in-law’s blood pressure must have been up after that day’s events. He thought everything was stable now and he’d be shooing us out the door in time for Monday Night Football.
I explained to them that Peter called with this news, and that if Claire and I wanted to adopt this baby, we should come to the hospital to sign the papers as soon as Holly gave birth.
Opinions flew all over the room, but when Claire broke through the din with a resounding, “Yes, I want this baby,” all heads turned towards her.
“We can make it work. Other people do it. Let’s just tick the items off your list.”
The list was intended to be a personal thing between me and my wife, but it turned into a family brainstorming session. I was quite resistant at first, but my own emotions had been battered over the previous days, and I crumbled under the pressure of all the eyeballs staring at me.
Even Aidan was watching the grown-ups for some sign of clarity. Or he was just wondering why no one was upset that he was throwing his carrots on the floor and sticking his mashed potatoes up his nose. We did eventually stop that nonsense.
And then we tackled the list.
Number one had been resolved. Well, mostly. Claire said I was forgiven for all the misunderstandings regarding women, and for my tendency to hide unpleasant facts from her. Rob’s taped confession helped us tremendously, but I was still a bit worried about Rob potentially dating Diamond.
Claire sighed and agreed that she wouldn’t kick her out of the rental and she would deal with her being around at band shows.
“I don’t like it, but I suppose knowing she’s with Rob helps. We can figure out how to continue to allow Aidan to play with Ruby. We’ll set boundaries.” She paused and added, “And I guess I wasn’t very nice to her when we first met. I felt threatened. I need to work on that.”
“Well, that is no excuse for what she did.” Claire’s mother was fiercely defending her daughter’s position as we moved through all of the list items.
“Of course not, Mom. But Aidan loves Ruby and I like harmony. Now that everything is out in the open, she can’t do anything else to hurt us. Maybe Rob is our savior.” Wow, that’s the first time I have ever heard Rob compared to the Lord.
The conversation turned to Claire’s job offer. We decided that this wasn’t a good time for any more change. And if we adopted this baby, it would be right away.
Hopefully, he or she would be healthy, and not require additional hospitalization. Four weeks early is only slightly premature, but it’s still early and the baby was likely to be low birth weight.
Claire assured me that Pam would grant her some emergency leave, and her mother agreed to come stay with us during the week until we could get a new nanny or put the kids in daycare.
I wasn’t too keen on sharing my work days with my mother-in-law, but she is fabulous with Aidan, and a kick-ass gate keeper.
John chimed in and said, “You know, I’ve been thinking. With me getting ready to be on the road a lot with this new business venture, and you kids more than an hour away, I think it’s time to sell this house and move to Richmond. I’d like to be able to help Jackie out, too, but northern Virginia is too expensive and crowded, so this move makes the most sense.”
My mother-in-law added, “Maybe someday we’ll convince Chet that the homeless in this part of the state need saving, too.”
Everyone thought this was a great idea. It’s like all of a sudden they were all geniuses and adept at solving problems for maximum accord.
In other words, it’s like they had all been abducted by aliens.
I was hesitant to get excited about all of these changes, but we needed the help, and Claire seemed happy.
It turns out that their house is now on the market and Grandma McDonald has become our weekday nanny. It’s the perfect solution. She adores the kids and she really is a professional mom. She hasn’t worked since she was pregnant with Claire—over thirty-nine years ago, and at her age she would be retired from a regular job anyway.
And the best part is that since she is collecting her little Social Security money, she will not let us pay her. She feels that the government giving her some ‘mad money’ saves us from having to pay for child care.
Apparently Jackie’s husband, Chet still thinks this is a travesty and we are all bourgeois fascists, or something like that. We’ll see if he changes his tune when his bundle of expense comes in a couple of months.
So the list was rolling along, but I knew the next topics would be more controversial and the crowd might turn on me at any moment.
My book. I explained to them, as best I could, the concept of fictionalizing reality. I don’t think Claire is a bitch, and I do understand her fears. They seemed to buy that story.
We talked out the open adoption thing yet again, and she appeared to be more accepting. Chastity helped pave the way for Holly, but who knows if Holly will want the same level of contact. She’s a young girl with a bright future. She’s a very different birth mother, but no matter what happens, I am confident that Claire and I will manage with better communication and respect for each other’s feelings.
There was a time when this kind of talk would make me sick to my stomach, but this whole ‘husband/father’ thing comes at you hard. If you don’t get on board, you’re flattened in the tracks. And I had become a pancake.
Now I sound like someone’s wise old grandfather.
I saved the best concern until last. At this point, I expected to be pelted with dinner rolls and squirted with gravy.
The band. Touring. To their credit, Claire’s parents backed off this discussion. They got up and started clearing the table, telling us to sit and keep talking.
Claire isn’t crazy about the band branching out beyond ‘Richmond cover band’ status, but she knows it’s my dream.
She listened to my speech about how we would handle the travel, the kids and her job. She nodded and rubbed her temples. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I’m not sure what she was agreeing to, but it sounded promising.
“I will support the band.”
I jumped up to kiss her, but she held up her hand.
“Wait. I am not sure if I will ever wa
nt to ‘go on tour,’ but we will deal with your absences, if they should occur. And if it’s local travel, I’ll go.”
“Remember, I’ll be there to babysit!” Grandma beamed from the kitchen, and it was as if she had never threatened my life earlier in the day.
“Mom, we have plenty of other babysitters, too.” Claire took my hand and said, “We need to let people help us. My resistance to asking for a break is turning me into a stressed-out shrew.”
“Noooo…..”
I exaggerated and elongated the word to tease her. As expected, she smacked my arm.
John said, “I hate to break up this cutesy love fest, but what’s next? Do you have to go to the hospital? Don’t you still have to call the lawyer back and accept the arrangement?”
“Oh my God, you’re right. This poor kid is in labor and we’re joking around because we solved our problems.”
We headed home soon after we ironed out the details of the adoption agreement, with Peter on speaker phone. Open adoption. Claire said she would sign the papers.
On the ride home, she called Gina. Didier is her manager, but since Gina is his boss and would have final approval, Claire asked her close friend about taking some time off.
Since Claire had a lot of work coming up due to her conference acquisitions, they agreed that she would take that week off and then work half-days until the baby was eight weeks old. Claire’s mother would be with us so that would work out perfectly.
Apparently first babies take a long time to come, and Peter told us not to come to the hospital, as we might be up all night.
Too excited to sleep, we finally fell into a restless slumber, and were awakened at seven to hear that the baby had been born. Peter told me it was a girl, but I decided to let Claire find out at the hospital.
When we arrived, I could feel Claire’s excitement as I held her hand. I think I started sweating, because even though this seemed like a great idea the night before, we were going to have TWO babies just like that. I kept replaying those words that we both heard from well-meaning friends and family when we were having problems—a baby can’t save a marriage.
The Juggling Act Page 26
