by Kitt Rose
But even as I thought it, I knew it was hopeless.
“Mate?” Libby asked, her voice rising sharply.
11
Libby
“Fuck,” Ash cursed low and vicious.
The older man in the doorway, the stranger Ash had been fighting with, looked a little smug for some reason. In a cool monotone, he asked, “Should I confirm that you and your mate will be there?”
“Mate?” I repeated, something squirming in my chest, tightening around my heart. It made it hard to breathe.
“Joshua, thank you,” Ash said in a voice that wasn't thankful in the least. “Yes, please tell her that we will be there. Now can I ask you to leave us?”
I stepped back, trying to put distance between Ash and me. Ash's arms tightened, keeping me close. For the moment, I gave up.
“Of course,” the man, Joshua, said, a hint of smugness creeping into his voice.
I looked up at Ash, hearing the door click shut. “What did he mean by mate?”
Ash sighed softly, his breath stirring my hair. I shivered and focused on that, not the way his body felt pressed tightly to mine. Definitely not the way he was hard where I was soft. Nope, absolutely not.
“I really wanted to save this conversation for the cabin, but I suppose getting you to wait until then isn't going to happen,” Ash said.
It wasn't quite a question, but I answered anyway. “No way in hell.”
He chuckled darkly. “Didn't think so. Okay, so you know how I told you I'm Marked and will become Alpha one day. Well, I can't take my rightful place in the Pack until I have a mate. Being mated is just like it sounds. It's like marriage, but more. Proteans don't experience infidelity or divorce because the mating bond is much more permanent and binding than a marriage certificate.”
“But why was he calling me your mate?” I said, that coiling thing squeezing my ribcage a little tighter.
“I'm getting there.” Ash reached up and tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering before pressing gently to my cheek. “I'm different from most. All Marked are. We have one true mate, a soul mate if you will. Someone who is destined to bring us balance.”
He stopped speaking, and for a moment his eyes closed. With a deep breath that seemed to drag on longer than was possible, his eyelids slowly rose. The violet beneath was bright and sharp—lovely beyond measure.
I could look into those eyes forever.
The moment I thought it, that strangling sensation tripled and I fought to draw air into my lungs.
“Stop panicking, Lib. Just breathe and let yourself feel. You can't tell me you don't feel this connection between us. I know you do. You always have.”
My denial was instantaneous, a knee-jerk reaction. I shook my head. “No. Sure, I had a crush on you, but that was a long time ago.”
It wasn't love. I was just young and stupid. But some secret part of my heart balked.
I may have been naive, but I couldn't deny what I had felt. It had been love. Even young and stupid, I had known it for what it was. But that was then and this was now. We weren't the same people, and so much had happened in between.
Too much had happened in between.
I wasn't innocent anymore. My heart had been battered and bruised, nearly destroyed. First by Ash, and then…
I couldn't. I just couldn't.
Ash frowned down at me. “It was more than that and you know it. You're just scared—”
The tightening in my chest, that serpent wrapped around my organs exploded, striking out viciously. “Yes! Yes, goddamn it. I'm terrified. Is that so hard to understand? Every single person I've loved has died, too early. Too young. Horribly. Do you understand that? I've lost my mom, my husband, my ba—my brother.
“They all died. And I come back here, after so many years away, and find out you aren't human and you think I'm your mate? What the hell kind of reaction were you thinking you would get?”
Laughter, dark and bitter with a hysterical edge, bubbled out of my throat. “Did you think I'd proclaim my everlasting love and loyalty, and that would be that?”
Something flashed across his face and I faltered.
Was that pain?
Yes, that was pain in his eyes. I'd hurt him with my words. For a moment, guilt swamped me, but then he steamrolled over and past his pain.
“Yes, okay. Call me stupid but I thought once you knew that it was always you, would only ever be you for me, you'd be happy. I know it's not the same for you, but I hoped…”
He trailed off, his voice dying out.
Ash's hand moved from my cheek to the back of his neck, rubbing. Then suddenly, he froze. The pain and frustration leaked from his expression, his eyes going soft but not any less intense. Determination shone in those violet irises.
Ash leaned forward slowly, his perfect face getting closer and closer. His other hand, large and calloused, moved up to my chin and tipped it back.
My breath caught. He was going to kiss me. Holy hell.
His pink tongue darted out to wet his lips, turning them a glistening shade of peachy-pink. I wanted to know what they tasted like. I wanted to remember what it had been like to be kissed by him. I wanted to breathe him in and feed him the passion locked away inside me.
I wanted him. Badly.
My cheeks grew hot at the thoughts flying through my head, but I didn't have time. No time for a single word, because with determination emphasizing his features, his mouth met mine.
I sucked in air, my thoughts slamming to a halt. My gasp brought the scent and taste of him deep into my body. His lips whispered over mine, the lightest of touches. My mind emptied and my eyes slammed shut.
I reached out to grab hold of something to stop the world from sliding away under me. One hand dug into his hair, the other grasped his ribs, feeling the muscles tightening under warm skin.
Ash tugged me even closer. Pulling me so tightly to him every molecule of air that had existed between us was evicted.
Everything south of my stomach tightened and he hardened against my belly. The insistent press of him was long, and not nearly close enough to where I wanted him.
I pushed my tongue into his mouth, tasting him. Memorizing the way his tongue felt as it rubbed against mine. I gripped his shoulders and rose onto my toes, wanting to get closer.
A groan, low and long, rumbled through him. His hands slid down my sides and circled around to my back. Then, they moved lower, cupping and lifting. As he lifted me off my feet, I wrapped my legs around his waist. His fingers dug into the flesh of my ass, fitting me against him.
I breathed out a sigh when his mouth fastened at the sensitive juncture of my neck and shoulder. He laved the spot with his tongue and I panted, my hips moving restlessly.
His hips pushed into me, responding to my body's silent demand.
Oh god. Right. There.
I threw my head back, moaning, while my nerve endings blazed with sensation. I wanted more. I wanted all of it. Everything. Always.
For Ash to never stop touching me. Never stop kissing me.
He needed to be inside me, so deep I wouldn't be able to tell where he stopped and I began. I needed it. Had to have it.
I ground against him, stars streaking across the expanse of my lowered eyelids.
More. I want more.
Then, suddenly, he stopped. Pulled away.
My eyes flew open. Confusion jarred me from the grasp of pure lust. I swallowed thickly, struggling to control my rapid breathing.
Ash lowered me to my feet. My shaking legs didn't want to support my weight.
I gripped his forearms, nails digging in as my knees trembled underneath me.
“You feel it,” he said, voice deep. His shoulders rose fast and hard as he too struggled to catch his breath.
I glanced down at where he was hard and ready, pressing against the material of his sweatpants. His visible arousal left no room for doubt. Combined with the tension in his body and the way he held himself rigid, as if
he was restraining himself, it was clear he wanted me. But why had he stopped?
“You want me. You feel this connection. This exists because you are my mate,” he said, insistent.
I froze, the euphoria of his touch fleeing. Feeling as if I'd been doused with ice water, I shook my head slowly.
When I found my voice, it was breathy. “No. I want you. We have chemistry. But that doesn't mean anything.” Even I didn't believe myself. Ash had apparently kissed the conviction out of me.
“The hell it doesn't. Come away with me. Tonight. We'll go to the cabin. A long weekend alone to explore this. For me to prove that I love you and that you love me.”
My heart ached and thumped painfully against my chest. “I can't.”
“Why not?”
I rubbed at my eyes. They prickled and burned with proof of the conflict twisting in my guts. “Can't you understand? Nothing in my life, nothing good, lasts. I lose it all. I can't lose you too.”
My hands flew to my mouth, as if they could shove the errant words back inside—words that were very nearly a confession.
A smile grew on Ash's face, borderline smug. He grabbed my hands, pulling them away from my face to fold them against the hard wall of his chest.
His voice was soft when he said, “Just give me a chance, Lib. I'll prove to you I'm not going anywhere. Proteans don't get cancer. We don't get sick. We live long, healthy lives. And we are incredibly durable. I'm not fragile, not like those you've lost. You won't lose me. I'd fight my way back to you if something tried to take me away.
“Please, trust me. Give me a chance. I've waited my whole life for you to be mine. We won't get the weekend I wanted, but we can leave today and have two days at the cabin. Two days to catch up, for you to ask me every crazy question that pops into your head. What do you say, will you come with me?”
A fluttering filled my throat, tickling and teasing. The sensation grew and expanded until it felt like a balloon had inflated in my chest cavity, threatening to lift me from the ground and propel me into the sky with the lightness.
I refused to call it hope. But it was something.
Unable to speak, I nodded, instantly terrified all over again.
Please. Please, let him be right. I can't go through it again. I can't survive another loss.
“Thank you, Lib.”
And then I was in his arms again. Crushed to his chest in an embrace that said he never wanted to let go.
That was when I noticed how warm he was. His skin was nearly feverish. Without thinking, I lifted a hand to press to his cheek and he smiled down at me.
“You're so warm.”
He smiled, blinding me with straight white teeth. “I'm not human.”
My stomach dropped again, that panicky feeling swimming inside my intestines and threatening to tie them into knots.
“I'm still really having some trouble with that,” I said in confession.
“Give it time. I'm still me. Still the same guy who was your best friend.”
“Oh sure.” I snickered. “Same guy… Who just happens to be some sort of supernatural creature. The decedent of Titans and gods. And a chosen one at that. Yup. Totally normal, Ash.”
He threw his head back and laughed, his throat bobbing in a way that was strangely attractive.
Shit. I thought his throat was attractive. I was in trouble.
Something else occurred to me and my lips curved up…
We were going to the cabin. Alone with Ash, the most beautiful man I'd ever known. The man I'd wanted since I understood the difference between boys and girls. I might be in trouble, but I was pretty sure it was going to be a hell of a ride.
12
Libby
The drive to the cabin put me to sleep. With my forehead propped on the cool glass of the passenger window, I had been studying the backs of my eyelids before we cleared the town limits. When the engine went silent and the white noise of the road stopped, I woke. My neck flared in pain from sleeping at such an awkward angle. And I would have paid every penny I owned for a toothbrush. My mouth tasted foul and a gritty film clung to my teeth.
“Are we here?” I said, rubbing my eyes.
“Yeah. We have to walk from here. The road doesn't go all the way.”
“I remember.” And I did remember. But most of my memories surrounding Ash were clear. I'd held onto those because Ash was important to me, and even when I was certain I would never see him again.
Ash took the bags and I still had to work to keep up with him. The ground was uneven, uphill, and the path was overgrown. Thanks to a string of jobs that required manual labor and long hours standing, I was in fairly good shape, but it was nothing compared to him. I huffed and puffed, and Ash never lost the spring in his step.
It sort of made me want to hurt him. If I'd had the energy.
After a thirty-minute walk, we reached the cabin. The square building was small, about the size of a two-car garage, plain and simple but well maintained with a tin roof. I'd loved sleeping under that roof as a kid. Whenever it rained, a percussive symphony performed by mother nature had lulled me to sleep.
Maybe, if I was lucky, it would rain tonight.
The door to the cabin wasn't locked. There was no point this far out, and there was nothing to take anyway. The inside was one large room, a kitchen at the front, and a sleeping and living area in the back. The bathroom was the only room with walls and a door all its own. Electricity was a luxury out here. The cabin had that, but there was no television, no radio, and definitely no internet.
Sometime in the last ten years, the collection of bunk beds that had filled the back of the room had been replaced by one enormous bed. It had to be the biggest bed I'd ever seen.
My eyes snagged on that one bed. “Where am I sleeping?” I said.
“The bed. If it bothers you, I'll sleep on the couch.” Ash said as he pulled clear slipcovers off the furniture.
I could share a bed with a man. And I trusted Ash, even if my feelings were mixed up where he was concerned. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of all of this.
“Clothing stays on, and you stay on your side of the bed,” I said, doing my best to sound firm.
He grinned, the expression making him look like the boy I'd known before. So carefree and happy it was jarring. “Help me make the bed?” he asked.
I nodded, going to where I remembered Lila, Ash's mom, kept the sheets. The cabinet smelled like cedar, and everything inside was closed in plastic containers. I found the sheets in the first one and unfurled the fitted one with a flourish.
“So, um… What are we going to do now?” I asked as we finished making the bed.
“How about we take a walk.”
I looked at him, dubious. It had been a hike to get here, and now he wanted to do it again?
He seemed to know what I was thinking and chuckled. “We'll follow the river. Easier walking. Promise.”
“Okay, sure,” I said with a nod, then bit my lip. “But the sun's going down. Don't we need to worry about finding our way in the dark, and wild animals?”
He laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners in a way that made him adorable. “You'll be with me so you don't have a thing to be worried about. I'll be your eyes. And as far as animals, most of them see Proteans as higher up the food chain and fear us, but if one of them were to be stupid enough to try, I can shift to protect you. You never have to worry with me. I'll always take care of you.”
“That's kind of sweet,” I said with a blush. “But, if I'm being honest, I've always felt safe with you.”
“Come, let's take a walk.” He threaded his fingers through mine and led me out of the door.
We walked in silence for a while, just taking in the forest around us. It was lush and green. The quiet sounds of the river grew louder as we followed a wide path that angled away from the cabin. Animals moved through the underbrush, and overhead.
It was peaceful, but that peace let me think and a troubling thought rose.
�
��Ash, can I ask you a strange question?”
“Of course.”
“You've said that I'm your mate and that we have a connection, but is this just… I don't know, chemical, or do you actually have feelings for me?”
His sigh made my stomach knot. Something about it said that I would not like his answer.
“I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. But I will admit that it is difficult to separate out how much of it is instinct.”
The knot pulled tighter.
He tugged me to a stop and looked me straight in the eyes. “Wait, I see the panic, the reservations in your eyes. You don't understand and I don't know if I will be able to explain it to you, but I'll try.
“I've spent my whole life living what feels like two separate lives. I am not human, even though I grew up feeling like I was. I'm male but not a man… It's hard to explain, just like it's hard to describe what this bond feels like to me. Being fated mates is chemical, as you called it, but it's so much more than that. Even before I shifted for the first time, before the Protean side of me woke, I was drawn to you. Before the chemical part ever existed. You were my best friend. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. But after I shifted, it became so much more. So maybe it's both.”
Ash caressed my cheek with the back of his hand, moving closer as he continued, “When our mating is complete, we will be connected to each other in a way that's more physical. It's different for everyone, and with you being human I'm not sure how much of this will be true for us. My parents can sense each other. Some can even speak to each other without words, telepathy if you will. Proteans with different animal forms can sometimes assume the form of their mates. Mating will tie us together. Forever.
“Because I am Alpha and you're my true mate, we will have a much closer, tighter bond. There is a very good chance that you will be stronger, faster, and heal quicker.”
Ash wove his fingers in my hair, gently pulling my chin up to fully meet his gaze. His eyes were intent and soulful as he regarded me, “Libby, I have been drawn to you since we first met when I was four and you were just a baby. I remember the exact moment I saw you, it was that impactful. That feeling never went away, or lessened, as we aged. I didn't understand it until I was older, until after my first shift, but I welcomed it when I did. I wanted you. You were my best friend. How lucky was I? My fated mate was the person I already spent all my time with.”
