Tom shrugged. “Not much we can do about it. Brian’s decided he’s going to stop treatment. The doctor says if he does, they won’t be able to help him anymore. He laughed about that and said all they’d been doing for the last few years was giving him borrowed time, and he doesn’t want that anymore. He wants us to go away somewhere that it’ll just be the two of us. He loves Mom and Dad, but they’re hovering. Mom calls him every day to see how he’s feeling, and he’s tired.”
“What about you?” Because Tom had to be tired too. While Brian might be the one who was sick, Tom was there, acting as husband, caretaker, breadwinner. And never once had he complained or been anything but supportive. That had to wear on a person.
“I’m okay.”
It was a lie. Tom’s eyes were puffy, his lips thin and dry. But Robert knew his brother. He’d deny it no matter what. So Robert did the only thing he could think of. He hugged him. At first, Tom stood stiffly, but then he melted into the embrace.
“I’m not ready. Our silver anniversary is coming up next year, and I keep hoping for one more day with him. It’s why I’m telling you if you’re serious about Galen, then treat every day like it’s going to be your last one together, because one day it might be.”
“I’m surprised Mom and Dad aren’t smothering Brian.”
“He asked me not to tell them. He knows they mean well, but…. He’s had all the pity he can take. He wants the nausea, the vomiting, the pain that’s consuming his body to end. And while it kills me to think about it, I want that for him too. I can’t afford to be selfish anymore. I need to think about what Brian wants.”
Oh, that was such bullshit. Robert had never met a man more devoted than Tom. In his eyes, Brian could do no wrong. From the moment the two of them met in college, Brian had been the only thing Tom saw. He’d fallen hard for him, and when Brian said he loved Tom, Tom had called everyone in the family to tell them.
Still, there was something painful in Brian’s past, and that called to the caretaker in Tom. He loved being the one who took care of people, especially Brian. Not to say they didn’t each have their own lives, but Tom loved to stand in front of Brian, his arms wide, so nothing could get to Brian without going through Tom first.
Except cancer, of course.
“I’m sorry.” God, Robert wished he had something to say that would actually help.
“Thanks.” Tom stared off into the distance for a few moments. “We’re leaving next week. I’ll tell everyone else later, but I wanted you to know.”
“Where will you be going?”
“I’m not telling anyone. Brian wants….” His breath hitched. “He wants us to be alone when the time comes. No hospice, no doctors. Just me and him.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Tom shrugged. “It’s what Brian wants, and I’m going to make sure he gets it.”
“I understand. If you need me, you’ll call.”
“I won’t need you.”
“You’ll promise to call, or I’m going to march in there and tell Mom all about it.” It was low, but if—when—Brian died, Tom would fall apart. “Okay, I won’t tell Mom, but please, don’t go through this alone. Let us be there for you.”
Tom gave a sad smile. “Brian doesn’t want any more fuss.” He put a hand on Robert’s arm. “Don’t you understand? As much as I don’t want him to die, Brian’s ready to let go.”
There were tears on his cheeks, and Robert could only guess the level of pain eating at him.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. You wake up every morning to the same person, and you go to bed at night with them. You fight, you make love—your whole existence is wrapped up in them. And then, one day, they’re gone. Brian keeps insisting I will find love again, but there won’t be anyone else for me. Brian’s it.”
Robert took Tom in his arms, and Tom clung to him as he barked out a harsh cry, then buried his face in Robert’s neck.
“I can’t live without him.”
Brian had told the family that they needed to be there for Tom after he was gone but didn’t say they couldn’t be there for him. It saddened him, but Robert understood. Who wanted people to watch them die?
Tom stepped back, scrubbed a sleeve over his face, and forced a smile. “We need to get back. I don’t want to leave Brian alone for too long.”
When they went back into the house, they found Galen sitting beside Brian, engaged in conversation. Brian chuckled at something, and the aura of sadness that clung to Tom diminished.
“Making friends?”
Brian turned and smiled. He was, without a doubt, one of the prettiest men Robert knew. When Tom first introduced Brian to the family, Robert was taken aback by his good looks. Dark hair and eyes that spoke of his Asian heritage, slender and graceful. He didn’t walk; he flowed. He was a wiz with flowers and could cobble together a bouquet from dandelions and weeds that anyone would be proud to put on their table.
Now? He was painfully thin, his hair had all but fallen out because of the chemo treatments, and his skin was ashen. Even though he was only forty-two, Brian appeared so much older. The artful way he used to walk was now stilted by the pain he experienced with each step. Tom had taken to carrying him to his wheelchair or simply taking Brian in his arms and not putting him down until he had to.
“Should we head for home?”
Brian shook his head. “I’d prefer to stay and speak with Galen for a while longer, if you don’t mind.”
Tom went to him, bent over, and kissed him. “I don’t mind at all.” He turned to Robert. “Want to go downstairs and shoot some pool?”
“Sure. Sounds good. We can have Dad come too.”
“I’m watching the game!”
“Fine, Marco and Andy can come.”
“We’re sleeping.”
Tom grinned. “Guess it’s just you and me.”
Mom burst through the kitchen door. “What? You think Mom doesn’t like to play pool? Get down there and rack them up. I’ve got fifty bucks that says I can kick both your asses.”
“I want a piece of that action!” Dad jumped up, but Mom held out a hand.
“Sorry, you’re watching the game. It’s just us.”
They ignored Dad’s grumbling as they followed their mother into the basement rec room, which was really more Dad’s man cave. He’d outfitted it with a bar that had a collection of neon signs above it, foosball and pool tables, an electronic dartboard in one corner, and to top it off, a wall dedicated to pictures of him and Mom. He told them in a conspiratorial whisper it was the one way to keep her from hauling everything to the scrap heap.
“Who racks?”
She turned and gazed sharply at Robert and Tom. “Don’t try to bullshit me.”
“What?” Robert looked at Tom. “We’re not.”
“That’s one. Don’t forget, I know how to use a wooden spoon for more than stirring. What’s wrong with Brian? He’s been huddled on the couch with Galen for the last half hour. The two of them are whispering, then glancing around. When I got near, they pulled away and started talking about football.”
“Maybe that’s what they were talking about in the first place.”
She pinned Tom with a glare. “I’m sure it’ll surprise Galen, but football doesn’t have innings and they don’t score runs.” She stalked closer. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Okay, but only on one condition. You don’t say anything to Brian about it. He doesn’t want anyone to know.”
“I won’t make that promise, and I think you know that.”
“Mom….” Tom pulled her in for a hug. “You’ve got to let this one go. Please. I know it hurts, believe me, but Brian doesn’t want to tell anyone.”
“He’s getting worse, isn’t he?”
Tom gave a sharp nod, then turned his head away.
“How long?”
“A few months, maybe six, if we’re lucky.”
“Oh God.” Mom fell against Tom’s chest. “Oh, baby. I’
m so sorry.”
He squeezed her, and Robert moved in to join the hug.
“What am I going to do, Mom? I’m not ready to let him go. I’ll never be ready.”
“I know.” She guided Tom to the couch and sat down. She reached out and took his hand. “I know it’s hard on you, and Brian’s devastated, I can tell. We can’t fix the problem, but we can be there for one another.”
Tom shook his head. “He wants us to go away. He doesn’t want to see any more pity on people’s faces. He just wants it to be over.”
Robert waited for their mother to blow up and insist that wasn’t about to happen.
“Then you need to do that.”
“Crazy old woman say what?”
She chuckled. “It’s what he wants, and really, it’s Brian’s wishes that are important here. I know you hate it, but there’s nothing we can do to stop what’s going to happen, so we need to do what we can to ensure he’s happy and safe.” She stroked a hand over Tom’s face. “It sucks, because you’re going to have to be the strong one for both of you.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. But your family will be here when you need us, okay?”
He nodded. “Thanks, Mom.”
Robert stood back and watched the scene. He wanted to say something, but this was a time when a boy needed his mother. He turned around and went upstairs, ready to see Galen and to do as Tom had suggested. He would never take Galen for granted, never dismiss his feelings. He would love him through thick and thin.
And life and death.
Chapter Twenty-Six
GALEN WAS on the ladder, hanging the strings of garland, while Robert untangled the strings of lights that would go around the common room. “I can’t believe it’s going to be Christmas in a few days.”
Robert looked up and huffed a breath. “I know. No clue how it snuck up on us like this.”
Though he dreaded the answer, Galen needed to ask the question that had been plaguing him for the past few days. “Have you heard from Tom?”
“He called last week for a minute because Brian insisted. They found a cabin for sale in Crivitz. Brian fell in love with the place, so Tom bought it. He says they like sitting outside at night and watching dusk turn to dark. He says they can hear the animals in the woods around them. Brian’s favorite is an owl that sits in the tree above their place and hoots.”
“How is he feeling?”
“Not so good. They’re not coming back for Christmas. Tom’s hoping Brian will make it to the new year, but it’s not looking good.”
It hurt to think that the world was going to be without the light that Brian held inside. When they’d talked at the parents’ house, Brian had been sweet and charming and witty. He’d huddled close to Galen, whispering plans for after his death so Tom would be taken care of. Galen couldn’t believe what he was doing, but it made sense in a way. Tom had taken care of Brian his whole life, and Brian wanted to return the favor.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Robert pulled the last of the lights from the box and held them aloft. “Finally! I don’t understand how these lights get so messed up. When I put them away, I had them all nicely wrapped, and then I open the box and find a rat’s nest instead.”
Galen yawned. “What do you say we finish those tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’m tired too. Do you want to stay here tonight?”
The thought of driving back to Andy’s left Galen cold, but he had to get home and take care of Mouse. “Thanks, but I have a kitten who needs me.” He climbed down the ladder and turned, surprised to find Robert there.
“I need you too.”
Strong arms surrounded him and held Galen close enough that he could swear he heard Robert’s heart beating.
“We need to talk, though.”
That never ended well. “Do we have to?”
“Afraid so. I’ve been invited to a party at Lincoln and Noel’s friend’s house. I told them I’d show up.”
“Oh. Okay.” Why did it hurt that Robert wasn’t going to be with him on Christmas? It wasn’t like they’d discussed any plans.
Robert reached up and pinched Galen’s lip. “Put that back where it belongs. I told them I’d make an appearance. I’m not planning on staying all night. I have someone else who I want to see.”
“You do?”
“Yup, Mouse hasn’t had a visit from me for a while.”
Galen snorted. “Asshole.”
“I’m going to go, have some eggnog, then come get you so you can unwrap your present.”
“What present?”
Robert leaned in close and blew gently in Galen’s ear. He took Galen’s hand and slid it down to his cock. “This.”
“Oh, that. Listen, can I return it for the proper size?”
“What? You bastard!”
Galen snickered, then stood on his toes to kiss Robert. “I’m kidding. Your cock touches me in all those hard-to-reach spots. I love it…. And you.”
He pulled Robert down into a kiss, hoping he could express what was in his heart. Ever since he’d talked with Brian, Galen had been desperate to make sure he told Robert how much he was loved. Seeing Brian approaching the end, Galen could only hope that he would be able to meet his destiny with as much courage.
“I love you too.” Robert drew in a breath. “You could come with me.”
Galen pushed Robert back a step. “What?”
“Come with me. Let them see you’re not the person they think. Stand there by my side. You know it’s only a matter of time before someone here mentions you to Noel. The only thing that’s kept it from happening already is Cassie hasn’t been here. She has to tell everyone about Uncle Galen. Wouldn’t you rather do this on your terms, instead of dealing with the fallout later?”
Panic welled up inside Galen. His heart hammered, and his palms grew damp. “No. I can’t. I…. No.”
“Hey, stop. Listen to me. You’re afraid, and I get that. Do you want to live with this over your head for the rest of your life? I know I don’t. I can’t. I need you to be my partner fully, and that means standing up to Lincoln and Noel and telling them how much I love you.”
Galen backed up a few steps and glared at Robert. “Or what? Huh? Is this an ultimatum? Are you saying if I don’t, we’re through?”
Robert grinned, the bastard. “Nicely played. Ten out of ten for execution.” He followed Galen, then pulled him in again. “You’re not getting away with it that easily. I told you to take the time you need, but I’m also letting you know I want to be with you in public. I’m not ashamed, and you shouldn’t be either. What happened wasn’t your fault, and you’re not that person anymore. I truly believe that Lincoln and Noel would forgive you.”
How could they? Every time that Galen thought about the asshole he’d been, his stomach churned. He remembered the look on Noel’s face when Galen had cut him off while Noel tried to apologize about the wait for his food. Worse? He got a sick satisfaction from seeing his expression, because it made him feel powerful. And the rage on Lincoln’s face. Galen had never seen that before.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Robert kissed the tip of Galen’s nose. “Let’s get you home.”
“Yeah, I should go.”
Robert grabbed his chin and tilted his head back so they were looking at each other. “Whatever’s in your head, you can forget it. My mother would castrate me if I hurt you.”
“Oh, she would, huh?”
“She loves you so much, you don’t even know. The problem with this family you’ve gotten dragged into? They’re going to keep pulling you in, deeper and deeper. Soon you’ll forget you were ever a Merriweather, and you’ll swear you’d always been a Kotke.”
Oh, damn. How nice would that be? To put his whole history behind him and become the person he was actually enjoying.
“I don’t see the problem with that.”
Robert leaned down and brushed their lips together. “Yeah, me either.�
�
“I’m afraid.”
Robert peered at him intently. “About what?”
“If Lincoln and Noel find out we’re together and they react badly, what happens? I don’t want you to regret being with me, and I don’t want you to lose your friends because of me.”
“Hey, no, stop right there.” Robert took his hand. “If they’re my friends, they’ll be happy for me. But they’re never going to have the chance if we can’t stand up to them and say we’re in love.”
“And what if they don’t agree? What if they make you choose?”
Robert cupped Galen’s face. “Then I choose you.”
No way had he just said that. Robert had told Galen he thought of Noel as a son.
Galen jerked away. “What kind of father walks away from his son?”
“Sweetheart, I’m not walking away from anyone. If I walk, I want them to walk with me. If they choose to take a different path, then that’s a choice they have to make. Will it hurt? Yeah, it’ll suck. But I can’t live my life for them.” Robert opened his arms. “Come here.”
“No.”
Robert grinned. “We both know how this is going to end.” He waggled his fingers. “Come on.”
Galen squeezed his eyes shut. Why would Robert choose him? It made no sense.
“Because you’re loving and kind. And you’re my family.” Robert embraced him, holding him tight, and Galen, so close to tears, couldn’t hold them back.
“I don’t want you to regret anything. What if you start to resent me for keeping Noel from you?”
“You listen to me, Mr. Merriweather. Noel is an adult. He’s going to make his choice no matter what. A year ago, I would have told anyone who asked there wasn’t a life for me beyond the shelter. Then you showed up and turned everything I thought I knew on its ear. For the first time that I can remember, I wanted something for myself. I wanted you.”
He held Galen, stroking small circles on his back while he whispered in Galen’s ear to remind him how much he was loved.
“If Lincoln and Noel won’t accept us being together, then we’ll have to hold fast to each other and the family we’ve built. If I’m honest, though, I don’t see that happening. Will it be a shock? Probably. But when they get to meet the real Galen, they’re going to love him too.”
Galen's Redemption Page 25
