“We have a mess.” I look behind me, pointedly at him.
“Don’t look at me, you started this, wearing my shirt and shit.”
“Oh.” I raise my eyebrows. “So that’s all it takes.”
“Yes.” He levers himself up off the couch.
He walks toward the kitchen, and I allow myself to close my eyes, let my body rest for a moment. Truth is, I can hardly believe this is my life after the last year. How did this happen? Am I setting myself up to get hurt again?
I push those thoughts out of my head, reminding myself I can hurt him as much as he can hurt me. We’re both all in. That will be my mantra.
“Here.” He uses paper towels to wipe off my back. “After this, we’ll go shower.”
My legs protest as he helps me up from the couch. “No funny business in the shower, I don’t think I can take it.”
He pulls me close, his eyes dark again. This time though, not with passion, with a seriousness I haven’t seen from him yet. “None of this is funny, Karsyn, I promise.”
Lifting up on my toes, I kiss him, softly, slowly. “I know, if you notice, I’m not laughing. I feel it too.”
“It’s scary.” He swallows roughly. “But if I’m going to be scared with anyone, it’ll be with you.”
Hand in hand we walk to my bathroom, and I know that in the future, I’ll look back on this day as a turning point.
I just didn’t realize how close that future was to us.
Chapter Thirteen
Tucker
“Thanks for taking my shift the other night.” I clap Ransom on the back as we meet in the conference room. I’m coming on-shift and he’s going off. It’s customary for us to have a meeting at least once a week.
“No problem, I owed you.” His eyes look me over. “Whatever happened, it looks good on you. I take it you and Karsyn are working things out?”
“Trying to.” I nod. “You know as well as anyone else that it isn’t always that easy.
“Nothing worth it ever is.” He yawns. “Like parenthood.”
“Up all night?”
“Not all night, but a few times. I took over so that Stella could sleep. Keegan’s getting his nights and days mixed up, especially with the hours we’re working. It’s hard to keep him on a schedule.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And this one,” he looks down at Rambo, “gets all worried when Keegan’s worried. So then I have to deal with him.”
“They’re only little for a while,” I remind him.
“I know.” He grins. “He’s trying to walk, and I’m like dude, slow down.”
“He can’t even crawl yet,” I laugh.
He gives me a look. “Like it would surprise you if my kid walks before he crawls?”
He’s right, it really won’t.
Menace stands in front of the group. “If we could get this meeting going? I got places to be.”
We give him our attention, heading for our seats.
“How are you doing with the fundraiser?” Menace asks as we’re leaving.
“Good, we’ve made contact with a few people who are willing to help. Karsyn’s got a schedule of what we’re doing, and she’ll be sharing it at the next LSERT meeting. We’re just waiting on a few more people. It’s looking good though. I think we’ll also have some donations from a few families, and that will help too.”
“Have y’all approached Blaze? I’m sure her organization could throw in a little,” he reminds me.
“Oh no, that’s a good idea. I’ll be sure and have Karsyn do that.”
Menace smirks. “Having her do all the asking?”
“She’s nicer than I am.”
“Spending a lot of time together.”
I roll my eyes. “Not you too.”
“I’m a certified romantic. You’ve met my wife.”
They are the couple everyone wants to be. “I have met your wife, and I have no doubt she doesn’t allow you to be anything else other than romantic.”
“So answer my question. Are you spending a lot of time together? Is it working out for you? Knowing that my men are happy is a big part of this job. If you’re unhappy, that’s when things can go sideways. It’s in my best interesting to know how things are going.”
Or you’re just nosey, I want to add, but I get it. “We are spending time together,” I admit. “We’re trying to work things out, but I seriously fucked up.”
“It won’t be your last time,” he laughs. “No seriously, I know this about every guy. We always fuck up some way or another. It’s about trying to figure out how to make it work after we fuck up.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I grimace. “That’s what I’m trying to do. Figure out how to get past the part where I fucked up. I mean she told me she loved me, Mason, and I left.”
His eyes widen. “What?”
“Yeah, I mean I hurt her in ways I’m not even sure I comprehended before.”
“That’s tough.”
“It is, but I’m doing my best. I’m trying to be the man she deserves.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “Sometimes we just are the men our ladies deserve. We can try to be perfect and things don’t work out. We can fuck up and think there’s absolutely no repairing it, but in the end we’re meant to be with them. That’s what you have to believe.”
I appreciate what he’s saying, but I’m not sure I’m that person for her. She seems to think I am, so I’m willing to try. I’m willing to do anything for Karsyn, but I can’t hurt her again. Hurting her will kill me.
Pulling up at The Café, I see Nick’s cruiser. The two of us are meeting for what amounts to a late shift lunch. Parking next to him, I let Major out of the SUV, and grab his leash to walk into the restaurant. He waves me over to a booth in the back. It’s one where we both sit facing the door.
“What’s up?” I ask as I scoot in on the other side of the circular design.
“Coffee, lots of coffee. Ella decided it was time to play, all day today.” He shakes two sugar packets before opening them and putting them into his coffee.
“You and Ransom both seem to be having the same issues.”
“Yeah? I haven’t talked to him in a few days. This is recent with Ella. Been happening since Spring Break, when Kels had the week off and D was off from school. We didn’t keep the schedule. We all kinda stayed up at all hours, and now we’re regretting it.”
Our waitress comes over getting our orders. I get my shot of caffeine from a glass of Coke, and I order for Major too. We’re sitting in silence. That’s what I like most about Nick. He doesn’t have to be talking all the damn time. He’s okay sitting in silence, when most everyone else always has to be talking. I appreciate it more than he knows. Tonight though, the silence is giving me things to think about.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
We normally don’t get into each other’s business and I feel slightly awkward with what I’m about to ask him, but it matters. So fucking much. “How do you make it work? Having a family, doing this job, making time for everything. How does it work?”
He tilts his head to the side, giving me a smile. “It’s easy; I can’t imagine not having my family in my life. I ran from it, for a long time.”
“I remember you and Kels had a hard time getting together.”
He shakes his head. “It wasn’t that, it was me admitting how much I needed her in my life. Had I done that in the beginning, I would have saved us so much heartbreak. Why are you asking?”
Our food arrives and I busy myself fixing my burger the way I like it, ignoring his question for as long as I’m able. “What if I wanted a life with Karsyn?”
The look he gives me goes straight to my soul, almost like he can tell exactly what I’m feeling. “Do you? Want a life with Karsyn?”
It’s time to be honest, to cut the bullshit and admit to someone what the fuck I’m feeling. If I can admit it to him, maybe then I can admit it to myself and then to her. “Yeah, I do. It took me by surpri
se,” I sigh. “I never thought I was the type of guy who’d want a woman to be a part of my life, but here I am.”
He takes a drink of his coffee, setting it down with a grimace. “I hate that shit, but it’s the only thing that gets me through. Do you know my reason for getting through? My wife and kids. I was a lot like you, Tucker. A lot like you. I didn’t think what I have now was for me. I fought it every step of the way, and then I got what I didn’t even know I wanted. It’s hard, everything but the loving them part. They’re easy to love, I just had to open myself up to it.”
“That’s the easy part?” Surely he doesn’t understand the kind of anxiety I’m having over that statement.
“It is,” he assures me. “She loves you, love her back. That’s all she’s asking.”
“Be vulnerable like that? I’ve never allowed myself to be.”
“Welcome to your new life, Tucker. You give her what she needs, she’ll give you the entire world. Let yourself love her. Have you told her?”
It’s embarrassing to admit this. “I mouthed it to her while we were having sex.”
“Jesus man,” he laughs. “You’re a mess.”
“I am, I don’t know if I’m actually the right person for her, but she says I am.”
“Do you love her?” he asks, and I stare at him dumbfounded.
“If someone held a gun to her head, what goes through your mind?” he presses.
“My life - both with and without her.”
“Without her, how does that life feel?”
I don’t even have to think. “Empty, lonely. Exactly what I’ve been living this last year.”
“Do you want that for the rest of your life?”
God no, that’s my worst nightmare. Knowing I won’t have her to wake up with, to talk to before I go to sleep. This past year I’ve been walking around like a shell of my former self, trying to figure out how to get that Tucker back. The time I spent with her the last few days? I felt like that old Tucker, the one who knew what life was like. The one who wasn’t afraid of being lonely.
“No, I want the rest of my life to be filled with her and whatever type of family we make. I want a Christmas tree with her and Major in front of it.”
“Then go for it, Tuck. You make it work. You want it bad enough? You just make it work.”
The answer seems so simple - but I would learn it was anything but.
Nick’s phone vibrates on the table. He smirks, before he picks it up presumably answering the person on the other end. “I need to make a pit stop.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, my girl needs me.”
“Which one?” I joke.
“The older one is afraid the little one won’t eat when it comes time. She’s been fussy all the way around. We don’t have shit going on, so I’m going to make a pit stop.” He picks up his cup, draining it. “If you wanna see your girl, you should come with me. She’s at my house.”
“Yeah?” This is good news for me, considering my shift is over in about thirty minutes.
“Yep. You should just follow me on over.”
“I could do that.”
He laughs. “You’re welcome. Ya know for all. The advice and making sure you get booty calls and such.”
I flip him off. “I’ll say thank you when you actually do something I can thank you for.”
Chapter Fourteen
Karsyn
“And I was thinking,” Darren says as he shows me some of the designs he’s made. “That if we could get a paw print of both Rambo and Major, we could burn it into these plaques.”
“Burn it?” I ask. This kid isn’t even old enough to drive yet, and he’s lost me already.
“Yeah, we can get one print from each of them, cast it, and then make a transferrable copy that I can burn into the wood.”
I’m still lost, I look to Kelsea for help.
“You know, those tables you like at the flea market? They’re made that way,” she says as she struggles with Ella. “C’mon, El, eat. We messed up our sleep schedule and it’s been hell,” she sighs.
“She wants Dad.” Darren rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “She hates the rest of us right now.”
“She doesn’t hate us,” Kelsea argues. “I’m her mom.”
I snort loudly. “She’ll eventually hate you for one thing or another.”
“What do you think?” Darren asks, looking at me for approval. “Should I make them?”
The one I’m holding in my hand looks damn good. “Yeah.” I nod, decision made. “Make fifty, we’ll sell them at the Meet and Greet we’re planning.”
“How many people have said yes to the Meet and Greet?” Kelsea asks, as she tries again to get Ella to eat.
“Everyone we’ve asked so far, it’s definitely a go. We just have to verify with the LSPD what date is good for them.”
That’s when Ella screams bloody murder. She’s had enough of whatever Kelsea’s doing to her. In the middle of the excitement, the front door opens and in comes Nick, with Tucker on his heels.
“What’s with all the screaming?” Nick grins, going directly for his daughter. “Why’s such a pretty girl making so much noise?”
When he picks her up in his arms, cuddling her to him, her cries begin to quieten.
“She’s so your girl right now,” Kelsea sighs.
“You’re my girl too.” He leans down kissing her.
It feels like a private moment I’m intruding on as I watch the two of them. Chemistry flows like a river between their bodies. They’re whispering something to one another, while he bounces his daughter in his arms. She’s beginning to calm down, but I can still see streaks of tears down her cheeks. “Let me try.” He takes the bottle from her and slowly coaxes Ella to do her part.
“It’s annoying how good you are with her sometimes,” Kels huffs.
“Hey.” He waits until she looks at him before he hitches his chin, winking. “I’m good with you too.”
“That you are.” She blushes.
Now it definitely feels like it’s too intimate for me. “I’m gonna get out of here. Thank you so much for doing this, Darren.” I reach down, giving him a hug. “I’ll be in touch about when we need them by.”
“No problem, Karsyn.” His voice is deeper than I’ve ever heard it
The way he says it causes me to look at him twice. “See ya.” I wave.
“I’ll walk you out,” Tucker coughs. “Thanks for the advice, Nick.”
“Yeah, I mean any time I can say you’re a bigger mess than me, it’s a win in my book.”
Tucker flips him off as he escorts me out, causing me to laugh. We walk out into the night, the sounds loud against the stillness of the sky. “I see I have some competition.” He grabs my hand, pulling me toward the driveway.
“Competition?” Now I’m totally confused.
“C’mon, you had to know Darren was hitting on you.”
“What?” I giggle. “Are you insane?”
“I could ask the same of you. He’s going to go to bed tonight with dreams of you in his head.”
“Eww,” I laugh, holding my free hand over my mouth. “Don’t even joke like that. He’s not old enough.”
Tucker gives me a look. “Not old enough? He’s just old enough. You’re hot, I mean I’d hit on you too if I were his age.”
Biting my lip, I look over at him, smirking. “So you wouldn’t hit on me now?”
“I’d definitely hit on you now, too.”
We’re at my car now, by the driver’s side door. “You would?”
He backs me up into it, boxing me in with his arms on the door frame. “I’m trying to,” he chuckles. “But you aren’t making it very easy.”
Glancing up at him, I catch the dark glint of his eyes in the security light they have on their garage. “I made it easy for you before, maybe now I want you to work for it.”
“I’ll work as hard as I have to.” He leans into me. “Do you believe me?”
“I want to.”
He lets go of the doorframe, burying his hand in my hair. “You will.”
“Wanna come watch a movie with me?” I ask him impulsively. “If you’re off-shift and all.”
“You okay?” He tilts my head back by pulling slightly on the hair he’s grasped.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
He doesn’t look like he totally believes me.
“No, seriously, I just have this feeling that I don’t want to be alone. It’s okay if you can’t,” I backpedal.
“Follow me home and let me get some stuff. I need a shower, and clothes to change into. It’s late.” He looks at his watch. “Going on ten, are you sure?”
“Stay with me.” I push my arms around his waist. “Please? I even have the tote bag you gave me in my car. You can totes use it to put your stuff in.”
All of a sudden it clicks. “Oh my God, that’s why it says totes. It’s a tote bag and it’s the saying.”
“Yes,” I laugh. “It’s a play on words. I can’t believe it took you this long to figure it out.” I laugh, harder than I have in a while.
He lets me, but eventually his face gets serious and I start to calm down.
It’s then that his lips capture mine. The kiss is measured and totally in control, much like Tucker normally is. “You don’t have to ask, just tell me that you want me there.”
“I do.” I bury my head in his shoulder. “Tonight, I just want you with me.”
Tucker
I watch in my rearview as Karsyn follows me. I have no idea what’s going on with her, but I’m enjoying it. Being the man she wants and needs. For so long she didn’t come to me when she had issues. To know she’s comfortable enough to tell me she wants me to stay with her? It means everything to me right now.
However, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to get to the bottom of what’s bothering her. I still know her better than I’ve ever known a woman. This isn’t her normal, and I’ll find out what it is.
Enigma (Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team Book 3) Page 7
