by Quinn Loftis
Lilly stared down at the beautifully roasted chicken in front of her. There was an array of vegetables and a warm pudding that she’d been introduced to when she’d come to live with Cypher. It smelled delicious, yet her mouth didn’t water. She had to make herself pick up the fork and knife and cut into the meat. As she feared, the food held no taste for her. Her senses no longer seemed to function properly. In a world without Cypher, food had no flavor, sounds held no music, her nose could sense no pleasant aromas, and her vision could discern no beauty. Now, chewing slowly, it was as if Lilly had put a fork full of dirt in her mouth. She forced herself to swallow instead of spitting the food on the floor like she wanted to.
They all ate in silence for several minutes. Then a man stood and spoke up, interrupting the clatter of silverware on plates.
“Your highness…”
Lilly’s eyes lifted. The gentlemen held his hands behind his back, and he’d angled his body to face her.
The queen set down her napkin and then pushed her chair back and rose. “Please, introduce yourself, sir,” she said, her voice polite but firm.
He bowed his head as he spoke. “I am Concord, leader of Clan Bluegarde. I am the fourth cousin of King Cypher.”
“And there it is.” Lilly could almost hear Peri’s word’s echo in her mind. She knew the high fae would tell her to pay attention.
“It is an honor to make your acquaintance,” Lilly said. “I am sorry for the loss of your cousin.” She didn’t add that she had never heard of the man, and therefore couldn’t imagine his grief was terribly intense because he must not have been that close to her former mate. Some might consider such a statement rude, though Peri certainly would have said it. But Lilly didn’t want to be rude, at least not yet. The night was still young, and she was already beginning to feel like the room was closing in on her, and all he’d done was introduce himself. Damn, I suck at this.
“Thank you. Our clan still lives in the warlock realm, so I didn’t get to see the king as often as I would have liked.”
And now I feel like an ass because he actually sounds genuine. “It seems to be that way with family. We often don’t find the time to spend with them, despite how much we might want to,” Lilly agreed.
Concord smiled, and the expression was filled with sadness. “I know this is a difficult time for you. The transfer of power will be challenging, not only because of your grief but also due to your host responsibilities.” He gestured around at the other guests. “I wanted to let you know that you have Clan Bluegarde’s support and loyalty. We were loyal to Cypher, and we will stand with you as well.”
Do not cry. Don’t you dare cry, Lilly Pierce, she practically growled inwardly at herself. “Thank you. I appreciate the support, and I will do everything in my power to continue the legacy of strength and leadership that my mate left behind.”
“Speaking of power…” Another man spoke up as he stood.
“And you are?” Lilly asked, immediately feeling the hair on the back of her neck stand on end as she looked into the yellow eyes of the male who was staring at her as a wolf would stare at a rabbit.
“I am Lysander, of Clan Lowthorne, your highness,” he answered. He made the words “your highness” sound to Lilly like the punch line of a joke.
The queen stood taller as she pulled her shoulders back and met his stare with her own. “What of power?” Her tone was a dare. Question my power. Please. Ask me if Cypher truly gave me his power. As the thoughts filled her mind, her skin began to tingle, as if she’d been plugged into an electric current. Suddenly, her blood sang with warmth and energy. Lilly put her arms behind her and clasped her hands. She could feel electricity flowing back and forth between her palms. What the hell? Lilly had no idea what was going on, but she figured it had to be tied to the power her mate had passed to her. Maybe the power was brought out by strong emotions. Nothing like this had happened before.
“Forgive me,” Lysander said, though it sounded more like ‘eat shit.’ “I, like Concord said, understand this is a very trying time for you. However, we, as a people, have a right to confirmation that you have, in fact, received Cypher’s blessing and power.”
Several cleared throats and one choked cough rippled across the room. Lilly didn’t flinch. “When King Cypher died, you felt it. Did you not?” Lilly asked even as her gut clenched, threatening to spill out everything she’d recently eaten. She remembered the moment vividly herself. In fact, she wished she could forget it.
“Yes, we knew he was no more,” Lysander agreed.
“And you felt the transfer of his power and heard his declaration?”
“Yes,” he answered again.
“So, you heard his words,” Lilly said. “You heard him state that his mate would be the ruler of the warlock race. You heard him say that I, Lilly Pierce, would be queen.”
“Yes, bu—” he began, but Lilly cut him off.
“You heard this, and by your own admission, you also felt the transfer of power that confirmed his words. If that is the case, then your questions have been answered. Why exactly should you require further proof?” She glanced over at Gerick, and he gave her a slight nod that assured her she’d responded in the correct manner. She’d stood her ground. There was no reason for Lysander to question the transfer of power. Could he question her intentions? Absolutely. But to question what they know, what they felt through the magic of the warlock people, was pointless … unless he was just an ass, and of that, Lilly was certain.
“It’s just … unprecedented, your highness,” Lysander said. “You are a human. No human has ever led the warlock race.”
“No,” Lilly said. “I am not a human.”
Lysander narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me?”
Lilly stopped herself from asking him if he was hard of hearing. That wouldn’t be very diplomatic, not that she was feeling particularly diplomatic with the ass that just caused the memory of her mate’s death to flash like pictures in slow motion through her mind. “As I said,” she bit out, “I am not a human. I am, in fact, a sprite.”
There were a few gasps around the table, and the warlock’s eyes widened. Several moments of silence ticked by. Finally, Lysander spoke. “Did the transfer of King Cypher’s power hinder your own?”
“Are you asking for a demonstration, sir?” Lilly asked as she stepped to the side of her chair. She released her clasped hands from behind her and rested them at her sides. As her temper rose, she could feel the magic inside of her growing. She had no idea what would happen if she let it loose, but there was a very large part of her that didn’t really give a damn. Was it unhealthy she wasn’t the least bit concerned about the collateral damage if her power suddenly went off the rails? Probably. Did she care? Not one iota. What if I just start lighting things up like the Fourth of July? What if I actually hurt someone? What if that someone was Lysander? No big loss.
“A demonstration would not be unwelcome,” Lysander said as he motioned around the room as if the others were in agreement.
When Lilly looked around, she didn’t see supporters of Lysander. She saw wide eyes staring at him as if he’d lost his ever-loving warlock mind. She looked back at him, and the smug smile on his lips was enough to make Lilly throw caution to the wind. She lifted a hand and watched as little bolts of lightning flickered between her fingers. “It would behoove you to know that I am a seer sprite,” she explained. She trusted they would understand this meant she was not a luminous or elemental sprite, and she had no ability to control the elements … until now. Lilly reached her hand out toward the warlock and focused on the barely touched food on his plate. “I notice your plate is full, Lysander. Didn’t you enjoy your meal?” A second later, a bolt of lightning shot from her hand and hit the meat, charring it black. “Perhaps you prefer your meat well done?”
Lysander stumbled back so quickly that his chair fell over and hit the floor with a thud. His wide eyes bounced from the smoking food to her and back again. Lilly wasn’t sure what shocked
the warlock more: the fact that she actually possessed her mate’s power, or that she was able to aim it so expertly without accidentally setting a napkin on fire. The queen had to admit she was impressed with herself. But she wasn’t sure having the ability to toss out lightning bolts at will was a good thing at the moment. She had a terrible itch to send one straight through the forehead of the Lowthorne clan leader.
Gerick stood and addressed the guests. “I think Queen Lilly has sufficiently demonstrated she is the heir to King Cypher’s throne. We thank you for joining us for dinner and for the stimulating conversation.” He glanced at Lysander, and the look on Gerick’s face conveyed anything but gratitude. “I would like to remind you, on behalf of our queen,” he turned toward her and inclined his head, “that though the Great Luna has implemented a time of mourning for all of the fallen, we, as a people, also have a time of grieving for the loss of a monarch. Beginning today, we will start the month-long mourning period for our king. You will respect this time and give the queen space. She has every right to mourn her mate, as any of you would do if your mate were to move on to the next life.”
“Thank you, Gerick,” Lilly said, taking back over the conversation. She didn’t want to give the impression he needed to speak for her. “At the end of the grieving month, we will reconvene and discuss how we will move forward as a people. I will also address our alliance with the Canis lupus and the other races that have banded together to stand against the Order.
“I assure you, I have the best interest of our people at heart. Yes, I consider you my people. Just because I am a sprite, it doesn’t affect how I feel about the warlock race. I became one of you when I fell in love with Cypher and took him as my mate. That doesn’t change because my beloved mate and your respected king is no longer with us.” She met the eyes of every clan leader and let that statement settle into their minds. “Please, stay and enjoy my hospitality as long as you wish before heading back to your own clans. Mourn now in whatever way you see fit. We all share in this grief, but everyone handles it differently. I appreciate so very much that you took the time to be here and that you stood with us during the Blood Moon ceremony.”
Everyone at the table rose as one. They placed their fists over their hearts and bowed to her, even Lysander. Lilly took that gesture as her chance to leave without it seeming rude. She turned, head held high and shoulders back, despite the weariness caused by her grief. The queen kept her pace slow and measured as she walked away, even though everything in her wanted to run—to run away and never stop. Maybe, if she could run fast or far enough, she could eventually leave behind the continual anguish in her soul. The grief within her was a living entity, and it seemed determined to kill her. But she wasn’t afraid of that. She would welcome it. The moment the thought crossed her mind, Lilly felt guilty. She still had Jacque, Slate, Jen, Sally, and all the others that had become her family and loved her so much. They would be devastated.
As she made her way back to her chambers, Lilly took slow breaths and fought oncoming tears. She was sick of crying, and yet it seemed to be the only thing her body knew how to do anymore. Stumbling, the queen burst into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. She leaned her back against it then slowly slid to the floor. The slits on the side of her long, fitted dress allowed her to bend her knees, and she pulled them up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and bowed her head.
Lilly’s heart pounded in her chest, and her breath came in short, rapid bursts. “Why can’t I get this under control?” she asked the empty room—the room where she’d once shared laughter and love with Cypher. She could practically hear him.
“You’re going to be okay, beloved.” His voice filled the room just as hers had done.
Her head snapped up. Cypher was there, sitting on the love seat across the room from her. What the … ever … loving … hell? She’d seen him in the great hall, but Lilly had assumed she’d been hallucinating. She imagined her mind had conjured Cypher up as a coping mechanism because she was so freaking nervous. But now, here he was, in their room, seemingly in the flesh. “I know you’re not real,” she whispered as she stared at him through tear-filled eyes. “You’re gone.”
“I am,” he agreed.
Not very helpful. Why couldn’t he say, “No, you’re wrong. I am real, and I’m back here with you?”
“You’re a figment of my imagination,” Lilly said.
Cypher shrugged. “I am whatever you need me to be. For now, I’m here.”
“Are you … his soul?” The idea seemed ludicrous. But the only other alternative was that Lilly was going completely nuts, like, certifiable, accompanied-by-documentation, off-her-rocker, nuts. She couldn’t accept that, not when so many people depended upon her. But she could accept that her magical bond with Cypher hadn’t been completely severed, even by death.
“I am the other half of your soul, sweet Lilly.” The deep timber of his voice rolled over her and wrapped itself around her like a warm blanket.
She pushed up from the floor to her feet. Can I actually touch him? Lilly wanted to feel his skin against hers. She needed it more than she needed the air in her lungs. Even if what she was seeing wasn’t really her mate—even if he was a hallucination—if she could just touch him, feel the warmth of his body, then maybe everything really would be okay.
The queen took a faltering step toward him and then another. He didn’t meet her halfway. Seconds later, she stood on shaky legs directly in front of him, less than two feet away.
“You’re just as beautiful as you were the day I met you,” he said. Cypher gazed at her as if he were starved for the sight of her. “You took my breath away then, and you have every moment since.”
“You don’t get to say things like that and not be alive,” Lilly replied, her voice hoarse with tears. “It’s hard enough living with the memories of your words, but to have you here, saying those things now when you can’t hold me? It’s cruel.”
“I miss you,” Cypher said softly. “I am where I am supposed to be, but I miss you.”
Tears rolled down Lilly’s cheeks. She lifted her hand and reached up to his face. To her absolute shock, and a good bit of horror, her skin met his flesh. He wasn’t warm or cold. He wasn’t anything. Strange. The feeling excited her and horrified her at the same time. She shouldn’t be able to touch him. Her mate was dead. She’d watched his head be removed from his body. She relived the horror of that sight every time she closed her eyes. She’d watched him fall, hitting the ground so hard he’d left an indentation. “How?”
“I don’t know.” He leaned into her palm. “The Great Luna must be giving us a gift.”
“Or a curse.” Lilly kept her palm in place, afraid to lose contact with him even for a second. “How am I supposed to grieve you if I still have a part of you here? How am I supposed to let you go?” Her eyes dropped from his, and she sucked in a shaky breath. She couldn’t. That was the answer. She would never be able to heal if Cypher was here but not really here.
“Lilly.” He said her name in that stern way that always caused her head to snap up when he wanted her to look at him.
She shook her head. “Don’t you understand? I don’t want to live without you. I took this life on because I had you. You made me a part of all of this.” She knew that perhaps Jacque should have been enough to tie her to the supernatural realm, but it wasn’t, not really. Jacque was a part of the Canis lupus world. Lilly had never been, even when she’d once been in love with a wolf. In fact, being around wolves was even more painful for her now because they reminded her of what she could no longer have. In that moment, Lilly realized she wasn’t simply grieving. She wasn’t just sad; she was pissed. Actually, pissed didn’t begin to cover it. She was raging inside. She had been from the moment she’d rushed to Cypher’s lifeless body and wept over him.
“Beloved,” he tried again. “Look at me.”
Lilly shook her head. “No. I can’t. I can’t do this.”
“You have to. Do you lov
e me?”
Her eyes darted to his. How dare he ask such a question? “You know I do. How can you even doubt me?”
“I don’t doubt you,” he said, his voice much gentler. “But if you’re willing to die with me, then you need to be willing to live for me. And that’s much harder. But you cannot simply stop living. I gave you my power for a reason, Lilly. You have a purpose, my queen. There is so much more for you to do in this life.”
“But I wanted to do those things with you!” she screamed, unable to hold in the anger any longer. “I wanted to experience all there is in this life with you! How can you ask me to just move on? Would you move on? Could you really just keep living your life as if nothing had happened?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Lilly. Of course you can’t forget. But you have to come to terms with the fact that this was the will of the Great Luna. She is our Creator, and we are the created. We do not tell her what to do or set our own destiny. The pot does not say to the potter, ‘this or that is what I will be and do.’ The potter has already planned out the pot's purpose before she has even put the clay on the wheel. When you accept this, you will be able to move forward. Not to forget, but to find peace.”
Her mate’s words rang true, but Lilly didn’t want to hear them. She thought of her friends, the ordeals they’d endured, and she couldn’t help but be jealous. They had all gotten their mates back. Costin had gotten Sally back from the grave when the girl had sacrificed herself. Decebel had gotten Jen back, too. All of them had gotten their mates back from the In Between. Lilly wanted Cypher back. Why was that too much to ask? Why couldn’t she have what everyone else had? Where was the fairness?
“Life is not fair, my love,” Cypher told her as he cupped her face in both of his large hands—hands that should not be there. “We accept the life we are given, and we do the best we can with the purpose that has been laid before us.”
“That’s shit,” Lilly said. She wasn’t ready to be reasonable. She wanted to stomp her feet and throw things. She wanted to beat the ever-loving crap out of everything in her wake, including the vision of her mate in front of her.
