"No!" I yell back, but he doesn't flinch.
"Well now you're going to listen," it wasn't a question. "I fucked up---repeatedly. I’m still fucking this up. I can't give you an explanation for all that shit, and frankly, would it matter?” His hands fly up, “There's no reason that is good enough to excuse the way I acted." His hand snakes out to grab my hip, pulling me closer. We're only separated by inches now.
His voice lowers, "I didn't leave because you didn't want to be my booty call. I ran because I didn't want that either, and that scared the shit out of me." He moves us closer. His hand reaches up to cup my cheek. I'm helpless to stop it. "I ran because that seems to be the only thing I'm good at lately." His fingers run through my hair while his thumb caresses my bottom lip.
There’s a moment where we both just stare into each other’s eyes. His eyes burn and a familiar tension tightens my body. His hand glides down my cheek, to my neck and around to my nape. The fingers still drifting as he pushes his other hand further up into my hair and tugs down slightly. Something happens in my body, like it has been waiting to experience that sensation my entire life, because it knows exactly what to do. My back arches, pushing my large breasts against his firm chest. A long, hot exhale leaves my open mouth. I think he meant the gesture as comfort, but it has lit a match inside me.
Beau bends down to place his mouth to my ear, "I'm done running, Sammy." My knees go weak. My body dips, and Beau's hand reaches for my ass, intent on stabilizing me. He groans as he holds me.
I lean my head into his neck, nodding my acceptance against him. I swallow, my mouth dry.
I turn my nose, just barely grazing his neck. I pull a deep breath in, surrounding myself in his scent. I tilt my head, further allowing my lips to touch his warm skin. It’s heaven. I can feel the light stubble under his jaw ghosting across my lips. My tongue peeks out to just barely taste the column of his throat.
Beau's breathing is hard. He lifts his chin, giving me better access. I lay tiny open mouth kisses on every inch I can reach. I lift up on my toes to grab the back of his neck with one hand and his hair in the other. My lips reach higher to the sensitive skin behind his ear.
His hand on my ass jerks me forward as I bite the bottom of his ear lobe.
"Christ," he barks.
"I'm sorry," I murmur near his ear, before using my tongue on the same spot to soften my bite. He jerks my hair hard.
My eyes close, rolling back.
"Oh," I sigh having an aha moment. The sting is lovely; he didn't curse from pain.
"I want your mouth, Sammy." My eyes remain close.
I'm lost in euphoria, but I manage a, "Yes, yes---thank you." Beau runs his nose up my neck and over my check.
"Sweet Sammy, I need a taste," His lips brush mine once, then he pulls away. I lick my lips trying to catch more of him.
Both of his lips capture my top lip in a bite. He holds me captive. His tongue moves in a sweep under my top lip running across my gums. I moan right into his mouth. I have never been kissed like this. The feeling is darkly erotic. The intrusion is unfamiliar, but definitely not unwanted. Beau holds my head asking, “Is this okay?”
I nod dumbly, and he continues to kiss me.
He gives me three small pecks, before his tongue tastes mine. I greedily pull him further into my mouth and suck with an altering pressure. He grunts and circles his hips, pressing me against the railing.
Beau pulls back from my mouth. His voice is thick when he says, “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first time I talked to you.” His lips ghost over mine. I sag in his embrace. Tentatively, I run my hand up his chest reaching up for his neck. My fingers glide behind his ear, and I let my thumb brush over the short stubble on his jaw.
He doesn’t break the kiss, but hums in approval
A loud banging causes me to jump. It's after nine; who would be knocking?
"Are you expecting someone?" Beau asks, seeming just as confused as I am.
"No," he moves closer to the railing and peers outside. "I can't see anything. It's too bright in here." We make our way down to the ground floor. No more noise comes, but I turn the lights off anyway. Anyone could have had a perfect view of us if they looked through the windows to the upstairs.
I see nothing but relatively empty street. "Must have been kids, saw the lights on and decided to pester?" Beau offers as an explanation.
"Maybe," now that the lust fog has cleared, I'm kind of embarrassed and not quite sure how to act.
Beau solves the problem for me by grabbing my hand and saying, "Let’s get cleaned up so we can get you home." I want to ask if he’s coming with me, but I'm not sure what I want the reply to be.
Our shared clean up goes quick.
Beau vocalizes his sadness in missing out on all the good snacks, "If I'd have thought about all this food up here, there's no way I wouldn't have been here two hours earlier.” He looks over at me, “What did George have in that big bag?" He sounds suspicious.
"I sent him home with all the leftovers. Surprisingly, we only had a few less people than last month, but there was a lot more left this time." I frown, confused. Maybe I'll try all new stuff next month; perhaps they are tired of the same old stuff.
Beau sounds pissy as he whines, "Because I wasn't here to eat half of it. I wanted to stand over the table like a war lord. Crack my knuckles when anyone came close, and that was before I knew you made it all. I was at the gym an extra hour the next day, but it was so worth it."
Geez, I could tell he works out, but an extra hour is a bit much. I wouldn't make it one. The thought reminds of the ridiculous differences between us. I know he must find me somewhat attractive, or he wouldn't be here, but I'm still a bit insecure. My thoughts start running in circles, creating self-doubt. I feel Beau's knuckles brush over my cheek and realize I was just standing and staring at the ground.
"You have the most beautiful blue eyes,” he says. “So expressive and they look like sapphires. What were you thinking about, Sweets?"
I smile gently, "Nothing really."
"You're a terrible liar," he states, but he doesn't push it further. "Ready?"
I take a look around, grabbing my bag, "Yup, all set."
Beau walks me home. I think he might come up when he follows me into the entry of my building.
However, he just gives me a soft kiss and says, "I'll see you soon." With that final promise, he turns me around to the stairs and pats my bottom, silently telling me to head up the stairs.
Chapter 9
I can't force the smile from my face as I walk to work. Last night, I let myself question everything, but today I'm not allowing doubt to plague my thoughts. I'm willing to admit that I'm all in, no matter how long this lasts. I'm going to enjoy every minute of it!
Anna and Jess are staring at me funny when I walk up.
"What's up guys, did I forget to zip?" I say only half joking.
It's Jess that answers, "They were just sitting here, like last time, and neither of us have moved them." She explains, looking worried. I look down and see an even larger bouquet of red carnations than last month. The difference is half the flowers are dead and wet looking, like they've rotted from the center of the bouquet. The other flowers around the edges remain fresh and vibrant. It’s intentional; it’s a threat.
"Who gives rotting flowers?" Anna questions sounding offended for me, like I got myself into a bad relationship.
Jess on the other hand states, "Anna, you twit. She didn't want the last ones that were beautiful. Why the hell would she want these?" I continue to stand, looking down at the nasty evidence of something I can no longer label a coincidence.
"Sam, open the door. I'll get rid of this garbage." Jess promises, picking up the bouquet by the stems. I snap out of it at her request. I open the gate, moving as far away from the mess as possible. I disarm the alarm and decide to have cameras installed. It's something I should have done after the would-be robbers.
I tell Jess, motioning for her to leave
the flowers, “I'll handle the ugly mess, don’t worry.” Jess remains silent as she motions at Anna to go into the store. I give Anna the keys to the door, as she steps in front of me. She opens it, stepping inside without a word.
Jess looks pointedly at me, "Sam, you should tell someone. I can tell they freaked you out. Should we call the police?" Her eyes search mine for answers. I'm not willing to give any, so I try to pacify her.
"They're just flowers, Jess. I'll get rid of them. Someone probably just got them on sale and left them as a joke." My excuse is lame. She looks at me with raised brows, but I continue on with the explanation, "You know I've been planning on upping the security ever since that woman came in before close. I'll make some calls today and see about getting cameras installed. Sound good?" I hope that appeases her, for now at least.
"Yeah Sam that does sound good. But---you know you can talk to me? Right?” I nod my head, but she continues. “I mean, I know I'm busy with Tim and classes and stuff, but if you ever need anything, Sam.” She pauses then says with a bit more force, “I'm here. You're one of my best friends, you know that right?" Her words ground me.
I'm not alone. I'm the lost little girl who just lost her only parent. I’m not trapped with a tormenter as my only legal guardian. I'm no longer devastated from the loss of my mother, nor do I apologize for my stepfather’s actions.
"Thank you, Jess. I feel the same way. I'll take care of this, don't worry." I smile to show her that I'm fine. Silently, I vow that I will be fine.
I know I need to get a handle on this. I also need to look and see if there is a card, like before, or something that might prove my suspicions. I turn to the mess still in Jess’s hands. Staring at it, I motion for her to hand over the offensive flowers.
Beau interrupts the exchange, as he walks up to the store front.
"Sam, what's up?" I take the time to study him. He’s holding two insulated cups with his ever-present cap pulled low, shading the eyes I know are green and probably a little squinted in curiosity right now. His strong, clean-shaven jaw looks even more pronounced, as it's one of the only features I can see.
His full lips curve when he realizes I'm staring.
"What ya looking at Sweets?” He asks playfully. The arrogant charm I've witnessed a few times, now on full display. He looks down, seeing the brown cone of a bouquet, the flowers hidden from his sight, “What you got there, Sammy?” His tone remains playful but holds a little edge.
I exaggerate an eye roll and address his first statement, ignoring the second, "Like you need more compliments. I don't think your ego will fit under that silly hat much longer." I say matching his playful demeanor.
"You’re lucky my hands are full, or I'd take you over my knee," he says jokingly, but the images it creates is anything but funny.
The atmosphere shifts.
Beau's voice is low as people move pass us, "Not so much of a punishment, huh Sammy?" My cheeks heat with the realization I've been caught. I look towards Jess to see that her worried expression has been replaced with a cheeky grin. Did she just hear him? She winks and walks inside.
I whisper a reply to Beau, being careful I’m not overheard, not even by Jess as she leaves, "More intriguing than threatening coming from you."
Beau moves closer, and I feel his lips touch my ear, "My sweet Sammy, your naughty is showing." He's still holding the two cups in each hand. We’re barely touching, as close as we are, though my body is straining to get closer.
I feel the hard bill of his hat touch my shoulder when he plants a kiss on my neck. He follows the kiss with a small bite. His hat is blocking his action. Anyone near by might view us as sharing an intimate embrace, rather than him teasing me. I’m becoming a fan of the hat.
The store’s door is shoved open, and it bounces on the hinge, causing a loud thwap.
My head snaps around to see a harried-looking Anna watching us. She looks over my shoulder at Beau with a deep frown that warps her face out of its perfect proportions. I do the same and see him adjusting his hat with a forefinger while holding the cup, obscuring his face. What the hell? Is he embarrassed? I’m confused, because he started it. So why is he the one burying his head in the sand?
Aggravated at the interruption and Beau's unease, I snap, "Did you need something Anna?"
Her back in place, she says in an overly sweet voice, "I just wanted to make sure you didn't need any help.” She looks over at Beau, “I mean, I'm sure you were going to toss those just like the last ones." Her face is a mask of innocence, and it takes me a moment to realize what she’s on about. She thinks she's gotten me in trouble, either by throwing his flowers away or pointing out that I received flowers that weren't from him.
"Thanks anyway Anna, but I've got everything well in hand." I say through my teeth. I don’t want to play games today, especially with her. Plus, she reminded me of those damn flowers.
Ignoring my ire, she continues in her bubbly tone, "Oh, well okay, just trying to be useful." She is working on my already fried nerves.
As soon as the door closes, Beau lets out a laugh, "Well in hand? That you do Sweets. That woman is a piranha, but she has no idea you're a shark." Beau kisses my temple, "Now what's this business about these flowers?" He raises one eyebrow.
I shake the brown cone I have had in my hand since Jess handed them to me, "Believe me, I wish I wasn't." I show him the rotting center of the bouquet as I imagine hundreds of tiny spiders spewing from the dead blooms. I nearly gag from the image and the wafting scent of dead flowers. Beau looks equally disgusted.
"I need to check if there's a card," I mutter sullenly. Beau forces a cup in my unoccupied hand and pulls the flowers from me, getting a good look inside.
"When did these come Samantha?" He asks sharply.
"This morning."
"There have been others?” Picking up on Anna’s tattling.
I nod, "Just one other time, but they didn't look like that."
His voice softens, "When baby?" The endearment helps to melt away both my fears and disgust.
"About a month ago, I guess."
"Nothing else, are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm sure. Just the flowers one time. Coincidence maybe?" I'm grasping at straws, but I don’t want to discuss it further. He knows what the carnations mean to me, having heard the story before.
"Alright Sweets, does anyone else know about them, someone from your past? Maybe someone trying to scare you?"
"No, Beau. You and Rita are the only ones I've told anything. Rita didn’t know about the flowers, and I don't really have anyone from the past." I walk inside, and he follows. Anna stares when we pass. I don't have the energy to deal with her right now, so I ignore her.
I tell Jess I'll be busy for a bit as Beau and I walk over to the lounge door.
When Beau enters, I close it.
I am hesitant, but still make the request, "Would you do me a favor and look for a card? I know they're gross, but I really don't want to mess with them." He strips off his hat while setting the bouquet and his coffee on the table. He takes the cup from my hand and places it next to the one he's already abandoned.
Then he does something that I don’t expect; it makes the lust I feel for him insignificant. He holds me. My heart swells with feeling. A feeling I'm not too eager to describe or name. When he holds me, I feel safe.
For the first time, I feel protected by a man, rather than threatened. I'm close to turning into a sobbing mess from how strongly this makes me feel. I release him, even though it's the last thing I want to do.
I’m sitting at the table, sipping the coffee Beau gave me. The aforementioned man is currently demanding someone to be here today from the alarm company. He wants cameras installed by the end of the day. How he’s the one placing the call instead of me is a mystery, but I am grateful for him taking care of it and me. I blush and duck my head to take another sip. It’s stupid how girlish I feel about him, especially at a time like this, but it’s been the first time in my life I’ve been
able to feel this way about a man.
He bangs the phone onto the receiver, signaling the end of the call for him. He grumbles something under his breath.
"They can't be here until Monday," he sounds disgusted. "Can you take off until then? It's only one day, tomorrow.”
"I guess," I shrug, dreading the fact that I'll have nothing to keep me busy at home.
"Let's get out of here then. I have a friend that might be able to help us. This kind of thing is just what he does." When he says us, it doesn't escape my attention.
"Help with what?"
Beau looks at me very seriously and answers, "Finding out what this prick has been up to and where he is."
I frown deeply, not knowing if I want to face this head on, as Beau has decided. As much as I have enjoyed Beau’s care, I’m not certain I want him wrapped up in all of this. Our relationship is already so complex with his stuff hanging as a specter above us. Adding mine just might make it all too much for us.
I have little time to think as Beau pulls me along. He tosses the bouquet in the trash with our coffees and grabs my purse as he tugs me out of the store. I wave helplessly to Jess. She thinks I’m off to have some much-needed TLC and gives me a highly suggestive wink and a half-cocked grin.
As we enter my place, I give Beau the details I omitted in the past. I hand over my stepfather’s identity and his last known location, but I make him promise he won’t do anything with the information, especially as I recall him wanting to commit violence on the man.
After I give out the basics, he asks if I have any photos of him, "My mom was pretty young when she had me, twenty-one I think. Darryl was twenty-three or something when he started seeing my mom." I pull out the one picture I have left of us together. I unfold the image, so Darryl comes into view. It was taken at the lake house two months before she died. "My mom was beautiful, so I never wondered why a man so much younger than her was interested in her. Men always took notice of her whether it was her smile or infectious laugh; people loved her." I run my hand over her smiling face, "As I said previously, he started coming by after my mom called in a complaint about our barn being vandalized. Nothing serious, just kicked over hay bales and doors left open, but it was enough to let us know someone had been there. We lived a ways out from town, so she wanted the police to check it out.”
Beautiful Deceit Page 10
