"I want this, Sweets. It's mine, right?" He leans forward, his bare chest brushing against my cheek.
My hands move over his back.
"Yes, yours," I agree easily as I run my tongue over his chest. I feel his small, hard nipple that I circle with my tongue.
Beau sucks in a breath, and I use my teeth. His hips jerk, hitting the sofa below me.
"You are pushing me Sweets," he growls and leans away. I'm so tempted to tell him I don't care if he has a condom, that I'm on birth control, but I try and keep my sanity at least for the time being. Beau leans his large frame over mine and scoops me up by my bottom. I cling to his back, my legs instinctually wrapping around his waist as he walks us back to my bed.
When my back hits the soft mattress I lessen my hold on him. It was exhilarating being carried by him.
Beau climbs over me and lines up our bodies. He makes a low rumbling sound making my toes curl.
"God, you feel so good," he mummers while grinding against me. I nod thinking the same about him.
"Still no condom?" I ask and tilt my pelvis up so I can feel his erection between the fabric as it rubs my wet folds. I brush against his tip.
He groans and drops his head to my shoulder. Shaking his head back and forth, Beau moves his hand over my hip and down to my butt. Where he pulls me tighter to him and rocks against me.
I reach down between us. I push the band of his boxer briefs down and grip him in my hand. With him between my legs I can finally feel his velvet soft tip bare on my inner thigh. I rub him against my damp panties giving us both pleasure.
"Ugh," he grunts, working his hips and pushing into my hand.
My legs are parted so wide. My head tips back and my back arches. I'm so lost in the feeling that I stop moving my hand and just absorb the blissful awareness of him.
His hand urges mine away from him as he tugs my panties to the side and I feel him for the first time as flesh on flesh. He rocks forward putting the tip of his cock right against the bundle of nerves that seem to control my whole body right now.
"Oh damn," he curses. A few more thrusts like that, and I'll be gone. I use my hand on the headboard and push down as he grinds up to me. Briefly, I realize I'm riding the ridge of his cock. It’s an act that should embarrass me, but I don't care. I don’t care about the noises that I'm making or the desperate grip I have on his neck with my free hand.
His green eyes are hooded, and he clenches his teeth, making the strong line of his jaw seem like it's been etched with a chisel. "God, Beau. I'm so close," I rasp.
"I know Sweets. I wish I was inside you so I could feel you trembling around me." We are so tightly meshed together. Beau pushes up with his forearm next to my shoulder and looks down at my body, and his mouth falls open as he exhales.
"Soon baby," he promises. I'm not sure if he means soon he'll be inside me or soon I'll come.
Holding himself up with one hand, he uses the other to pull my nightgown down, exposing my full breasts. His fingers graze my nipple, and he uses his thumb on the tightened peak. I feel like a fire has been ignited in my lower belly. His name leaves my lips like a chant over and over. He pinches my nipple. The sting causes me to cry out his name in one long trill.
Beau drops his weight onto me.
He shutters and groans. I feel the warm wetness of his come between our bodies, on my upper thigh. I think, what a waste. I want him to do that while inside of me.
Beau chucks low, "I can't believe I just shamed myself on your thigh like a thirteen-year-old from watching you come." My brow furrows. I know it's not the same as making love, but did he not enjoy that? My brazen behavior that I was so comfortable with a few minutes ago now feels too much. My inexperience is making me feel naive now, because I thought it was amazing. My first instinct is to apologize, but I roll my lips together to stop myself.
I question in a small voice while his head is still tucked into my neck. "You didn't like it?"
He stiffens over me, "What?" He asks when he pulls back enough to see my face.
I feel my face burn with embarrassment, and I don’t meet his eyes when I ask, "It wasn't good enough to make you...you know, come?" The last word comes out like a whisper. He laughs, and I feel it in my whole body.
I go rigid with mortification. He's laughing at me.
"Hey!" Beau challenges and grabs my chin. My eyes focus on his vibrant green irises. His brow is drawn. "Did you not hear me?" He asks, staring intently at me.
I clear my throat before answering, "No, I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I said," he draws out the word, "Are you kidding? Of course it felt amazing. I just thought I had better control than that. What did you think I meant?"
It hits me then that maybe I’m not the only one that has insecurities. “Oh, well I just thought...I guess I thought you were laughing at me."
"Why the fuck would you think I was laughing at you?"
I try to shrug it off, "I know I'm pretty inexperienced with this." I wave at our still intertwined bodies, "Not to mention, I was planning on talking out a few things with you before I let things go any further." I give him a chastising look, easily putting all blame on him, "You keep looking at me like that, touching me.” I pull his hand back to my breast, “I forget everything."
"Me?" He asks indignantly, "You're the one sitting over there all curled up and looking sexy.” He squeezes my breast and I sigh, “I just wanted a taste and then you made that little noise that makes me fucking crazy. It's totally your fault for being so damn tempting." He huffs with no real heat.
Something inside me softens at his playfulness.
Beaus face grows serious, "Sammy, I'd never laugh at you like that or do anything but cherish the fact that I'll be the one showing you what pleasure really is."
My walls crumble, and he burrows deeper into my heart, securing a spot so large I'm not sure I'll be the same person when he walks away. I smile to fight the emotions overtaking me. I reach my arms around his broad back and pull him down to me, nuzzling his neck with my nose and lips.
"I love your neck," I sigh with one final peck.
He rolls to the side, taking me with him, "Let’s go back to sleep." He yawns and tucks my head into his shoulder with one arm and covers his eyes with the other.
He must be used to sleeping in a much darker room.
"I need to get up or I'll be useless all day." I say while I cuddle closer.
"Then it's settled. We'll stay in bed all day." He adds sounding pleased with himself.
Chapter 19
Even though he's warm and I'm unreasonably comfortable, I still can't sleep. I don't think he's sleeping either, but both of us remain quiet. The newness of feeling him next to me, of wanting to be next to him is exhilarating. I give in to the feelings of the closeness and comfort I feel in his embrace.
A long moment later, Beau pulls in a deep breath and starts talking. “I was relieved when I found her cheating on me. I thought I could still take care of our child, but I had a good reason to walk away. We fought like crazy about the stupidest shit.” Laying next to me I feel him shake his head against the pillows, “She wanted complete control of our image, and she has this unrealistic expectation of perfection. She thought that if we didn’t come off as this idealistic couple we would fall out of the limelight, and she wouldn’t get another big job.”
I run my hand over his side, grateful he’s talking, but having a little bit of a hard time listening to him talk about past relationships, especially painful ones.
“I just wanted away from her, but she kept trying to get me to stay. I finally told her I was going to try for full custody." He's quiet for a few seconds, and I let him collect his thoughts. I can tell he’s nowhere near done.
Beau fidgets, rolling his head back and forth as his legs stretch out a little. I let go of him and lift up from his chest thinking he needs to move, but he wraps his arm around me and pulls me back so my head is again pillowed on his chest.
"She laughed
in my face telling me there was no baby and would never be a baby because she had a procedure years earlier that prevented pregnancy.” His voice is low, just above a whisper. He continues, “When she told me, her face was like she was ecstatic, like she was pleased to hurt me. She said there was no way she'd let a needy little thing like a baby ruin her career or her body. She even went into detail about how she was planning on faking a miscarriage.”
He sits up, continuing to keep his hold on me. I raise with him, turning my head to see him scooting back until his back leans against the headboard.
His eyes are cast down as he stares at his hands resting on his lap.
Without looking at me he says, “I didn't realize how badly I wanted that baby until she said there never was one.”
The statement falls into the quiet of the room. I’m at a complete loss for what to say, so I don’t say anything. I push myself back and align myself next to him. I place my hand on top of his, giving him a gentle squeeze to let him know I’m here, listening, and grateful he’s sharing with me, even though I can hear and see how painful it is for him.
“I was in a pretty bad place for a while. I'd already been thinking about pulling back from acting and only doing the smaller stuff, but she and my agent were adamant that I keep working. They constantly reminded me what I loved about working, so every time I’d try to say no to a role both of them would find a way to convince me to do it. I never imagined the lengths she’d go to get her way.”
Beau leans his head down to rest gently on top of mine, and I tilt over a bit to support him.
“I finished up the film I was on and backed out of the two others I was slated to do. She went nuts. I hadn't made our breakup public, so I think she thought I'd come back. I don't know why it mattered to her so much, but she was fanatic about our public image.” He rubs his cheek against my hair. “I went home to my parents for the weekend and had a dog sitter stay with Ella. I would never fly commercial with her. Lauren found out or she just came over to harass me again. The sitter knew that Lauren wasn’t welcome, so he didn’t let her in. A few hours later he let Ella into the yard.” He breathes deeply, “When Ella didn't come to the door to be let in after a while, he went outside and found her. She was still alive, but she never made it to the vet. She was gone before I even knew she was sick.” He slides down the head board. My arms wrap around his shoulder and bring his head down to rest in my lap.
His voice is slightly muffled as he pours out the rest, “Lauren called me later. She said a whole bunch of crazy shit. I dismissed her like I had been doing. Then she started screaming about how I'll know what it's like to have something taken away and how I'll hurt like she was hurting. That's how I found out."
He heaves.
“I didn't know how to deal with it anymore. Everyone saw me as her surly ex. When Tasha called asking how I was, I jumped at the chance to get as far away from Lauren as possible.”
“Beau,” I whisper, unable to articulate a response. I try again.
"Beau, it's horrible what she did to you. I'm sorry someone you trusted betrayed you." He squeezes me close, staying quiet. "I'm glad she's out of your life. I can't imagine a woman like that caring for a child," I suppress the shutter working its way up my back.
We lay silently in the comfort of my bed. I run my hands over his back in soothing circles. He breathes deeply, pillowed by my thighs. I comb my hand through his sandy blonde hair.
Beau gives me a final squeeze before he moves to sit up, shifting so his legs slide off the bed.
“I’m going to make some coffee. Can I get you anything? You hungry?" I point my toes and stretch, waiting for his reply. When I look over at him he has a small smile on his lips. "What?" I ask his smile grows.
"You're trying to make me fat. Always feeding me." His eyebrows raise. I look down at his washboard stomach and tut. The man doesn't have an ounce of fat anywhere on his body.
"The only thing in danger of being fat is your head," I say playfully, throwing my legs off the edge of the bed. He reaches to grab me, but I giggle and dart away from him.
"Sassy!" Beau snaps, strolling into the bathroom. The shower turns on almost immediately. I stand there imagining how his big naked body looks with water cascading down it. Yeah, that's something I'm going to have to see in person real soon.
I shake my head to dispel my dirty thoughts and make another cup of coffee while I start making us both some breakfast.
He showers quickly. I'm just finishing his omelette when he walks out completely nude. His hair is damp, making it look darker. A few drops of water run down his chest.
"Smells good, Sweets," I stare, undeterred, while he steps into his jeans and pulls them up. He seems completely unaware that I'm melting like hot butter at the sight of him. He leaves his pants unbuttoned and doesn't bother with a shirt. He finally turns, noticing I haven't moved the pan poised over a plate with his breakfast in it. He tilts his head.
"What ya looking at baby?" He grins. I turn the pan enough so the omelette slides on to the dish.
"Your breakfast is ready," I say before turning back around to the cook top, my cheeks pink.
Beau wraps his arms around me from behind, "I love that you like looking at me. It feels good and makes me feel special. I know you actually see me.” He kisses my temple and moves to the table, “Thank you for breakfast."
When I'm done making mine, I join Beau at the table. He hasn't touched his food yet but is waiting for me.
The kind gesture means so much to me, as I'm used to eating alone. It's nice to have someone to sit with.
"You didn't have to wait, but thank you," I say sincerely, looking into his eyes.
"My pleasure. It was hard though. I probably deserve a reward for sitting here and not eating. It looks great and smells even better." His smirk is wicked, telling me what reward he has in mind.
After breakfast Beau tells me to get dressed, "I hate to say it, but you gotta put some clothes on sweetness. I've got some stuff to do, and I was hoping you'll come with." I throw on jeans and a pale blue sweater, braiding my hair over my shoulder while I look for my gray short biker boots.
I run to the bathroom before we leave to add mascara and lip balm and check myself in the mirror.
Beau is dressed as I walk back into the room. He’s grabbed the same shirt from yesterday and is sliding his shoes on to his bare feet.
"I gotta get my bag," he says absentmindedly.
"You know you don't have to keep staying here," I say truthfully. I'd like it if he did.
He looks up,"I was kinda hoping you'd let me stay. I'm not going back to Tasha's." He seems unsure. It's strange to see Beau hesitant.
I try and hide the smile that wants to erupt, "Sure. Yeah, I don't mind at all." His demeanor shifts, and he's back to the cocky rake.
He leers at me before adding, "I wasn't going to leave if you asked. I would have just convinced you to let me stay."
"Maybe I should have held out. I think I'd like to see how you'd motivate me." I can tell I've shocked him by the look on his face, but he throws his head back and laughs.
"You never fail to surprise me Sweets." he laughs.
The smile on my face must be huge, and I don't want it to ever go away.
We walk through the city with no destination in mind for the time being. He asks to see some of my favorite places. A few people notice him, but no one stops us. He holds my hand as the crowd grows thick. Sometimes when it gets too much, he wraps his arms over my shoulder keeping me close to him. I steer him to a few less populated areas and side streets.
It's early evening when he finally tells me he needs to get the rest of his stuff from Tasha's.
"You don't have to come in, I'm not sure if she's even still there." He looks down at his phone. It's not the first time today I've seen him check it. I'm conflicted because I want to go in to make sure nothing happens, but I don't want her to cause another scene if I do go with him.
He solves my dilemma, by saying, "S
he's called and texted a couple times. She said her flight out was at one. She won't be there. Do you mind coming up? I'd rather you stay with me."
"That's fine. I'll come up," I say as we walk through to lobby and to the elevators. Without her around there's no reason not to.
I'm still apprehensive about all the alcohol so I decide to just ask him. As we get on the elevator I ask, "So that fridge had tons of beer. Do you usually keep that much on hand?" I peer at him out of the corner of my eye. That sounded a bit too obvious.
"Mmm?" He hums distractedly.
I finally ask directly, "Do you drink all the time, like everyday?" There I said it. The doors to the elevator opens, but he doesn't move to walk out. I step forward thinking he's waiting for me, but his hand grasps onto mine so I look back.
"No Sammy. I do have a beer sometimes, but I'm not that person. I would never hurt you, no matter how messed up I was."
I wave my hand dismissively, "I know. I'm just being crazy."
"Don't do that. Don't act like it doesn't bother you if it does. Just promise to talk to me. Okay?"
I nod and answer, "Yeah okay." It seems simple enough when he says it.
The doors start to close. I push the hold button so we won’t be stuck.
As we approach the door Beau admits, "I didn't even realize I kept the keys until I showered at Brian's, I mean your place where Brian is staying. I'm glad I did though because I don't want to deal with this shit again. I'll just leave them on the counter on our way out." He unlocks the door as he finishes speaking.
Everything looks exactly like yesterday. The rooms we can see are mostly empty. He doesn't waste time with drinks, just walks down the hallway to go to the room he was presumably staying in.
I follow behind him slowly. An open door to the left shows a small bathroom. Another door on the same wall is closed. He moves to the only door on the right and opens it, revealing a dark room. He flips a switch, illuminating a small bedroom done up in the same minimalistic way. The bed is huge and low to the ground with a wide wooden edge surrounding it. I turn my head from the mussed-up sheets, wondering if it was only him sleeping in them over the last few weeks.
Beautiful Deceit Page 20
