by Rob Summers
Chapter 5 Confusion on the Patio
“You’ve met Confusion, of course, at the wedding rehearsal and the wedding.”
As they exchanged pleasantries, Doubt stood like a wispy child between her tall friend and taller husband. In honor of the fine summer day they were in Pride’s walled garden: a garden in name only, for tiles and white rock covered the ground everywhere except for where a scattering of stunted bushes held out desperately along the wall. In one corner an unused fountain stood, choked with brown leaves and rubbish and surmounted by a statue of an angelic lady pouring nothing from her pitcher, her face stained and dirty. Some artificial potted plants, their plastic leaves faded by the sun, stood near the patio table at which the threesome now seated themselves.
Confusion took off her broad brimmed hat and leaned back in the cushioned chair, smiling blurrily. She really was pretty, in her willowy way, with a fine complexion and dark hair. Furthermore, she had already made herself at ease in Pride’s company. All was auspicious.
“So,” Pride began tentatively, “do you expect to stay with us here for some time?”
“Of course,” she agreed. “Whatever that means.”
An awkward silence followed, a silence which Doubt seemed unwilling to bridge. Pride searched for something else to say.
“I hope you’ll find ways to entertain yourself. What are your interests, Miss Confusion?”
“I’m interested in decorating,” she said. “I sure would like to have a shot at redoing some of your rooms.”
“Oh, then you’ve studied, have you?”
“Not a bit,” she replied cheerily. “Study would hinder my inspiration. Do birds study? Or trees? Things simply express themselves naturally. If a person has beauty within, it will express itself somehow.”
The back door opened and Reason emerged with a tray of refreshments which she began to spread on the table: crackers with cheese spread, and colas in tall, tinted glasses.
“I’m also interested in counseling,” added Miss Confusion. “I enjoy nothing better than helping others to iron out their little troubles.”
Her aspect was so cheerful, her smile so contagious, that Pride found himself nodding to her.
“And I have a great deal of practical experience to draw on,” she continued, “as well as my religious studies. I feel religion is very helpful in our struggles.”
Pride’s smile froze and he darted a look at Doubt. He did not like this hint of possible difficulties in the ‘arrangement.’ Religion might mean morality.
“Your religious studies. But I would not have expected that—”
“Yes, I’m fascinated by religious systems and beliefs. It’s an endless subject.”
“And what—what do you believe?”
“Nothing,” she replied.
“Everything,” said Doubt at the same moment. Then they looked at each other and Confusion forced a laugh.
“Doubt means that I find truth in every religion equally,” she explained.
“Of course,” said Pride uncertainly. “We should respect them all.”
Reason had by this time finished distributing from the tray and stood listening with a look of consternation on her pale face.
“But,” she put in, in a somewhat strained voice, “doesn’t it often happen that the doctrines of one religion flatly contradict another? I believe that new religions come about as a result of such clashes. So such contradictions have built up over the centuries, haven’t they?”
Confusion said nothing but looked at Pride pleasantly.
Doubt said, “Reason, I suppose you think we enjoy hair-splitting arguments. This girl,” she added to Confusion, “is a schemer. I’ve already caught her gossiping viciously about me. If being confined to the house isn’t enough for you, Reason, we’ll think of something else.”
“But ma’am,” Reason insisted, “if the religions all say different things, how can they be equally true, as she says? If something is true, then its opposite is false.”
Confusion was sipping her drink, but raised her free hand, gesturing to Doubt that she wished to answer. She set the glass down daintily.
“My dear, of course, that is the traditional approach,” she said, “and it has plenty of valid applications, but not, bless us, in the area of religious inquiry. We must look for the essence that unites all faiths, and not emphasize the outward trappings which, though different, are—”
“That’s circular,” Reason interrupted. “You’ve already decided, without warrant, that the religions are all the same, and you go looking only for the evidence that fits your theory.”
Confusion stared back at her coolly, still smiling. “You dislike me, don’t you, dear?”
Reason’s jaw muscles tightened. She turned and departed with the empty tray.
Relieved, Pride hurried to smooth the matter over, and succeeded so well that they were soon at ease again. He decided he would give this lovely newcomer a few days to accustom herself to the place before broaching the subject of an affair. In the meantime, he would see to it immediately that Reason kept out of the way.
He excused himself and went into the kitchen to find Reason, but she had already busied herself somewhere else about the house. For some time he stood still in this shadowy place, as if finding Reason had somehow lost its importance. The daylight glowed behind the thick curtains. He heard Confusion’s laughter coming from the patio. Slowly, his mind fogged. The last thing he could remember was one of the house’s tall doors opening before him. He was going someplace, but where?
When Doubt and Confusion came in from the patio, they found Pride seated at the kitchen table in a trance, his face covered with sweat. In alarm, Doubt called for Reason, who soon appeared and took charge of her cousin, waking him gradually by means of gentle talk and firm taps on his wrists.
“What?” said Pride. “What is it?”
“Just another of your spells, cous’,” Reason told him. “Why don’t you go lie down a while?”
He looked up at Confusion and his face reddened. “Excuse me,” he mumbled. “Just napping, I guess. Excuse me.” He looked with pained curiosity at a streak of oily dirt on his shirtsleeve, then slowly got up and left the room.
“What was that about?” Doubt demanded of Reason. “Did you say this has happened before?”
Reason sighed. “It’s been going on for years. He has these memory lapses, and he can’t tell you what’s happened or where he’s been.”
Confusion appeared bored. She drifted to a row of potholders hanging on pegs and began rearranging them.
“Well, have you had him to a doctor?” said Doubt.
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course we have. Folly and Neglect have taken him to several specialists, but the experts are baffled. They do say he’s physically well and functioning normally otherwise.”
“Why didn’t I know this?”
“Well, it’s not an every day thing,” Reason said. “And it’s never happened outside the house. So far, only the family and servants have known. I don’t think even Arrogance knows.”
“And no one else is to find out,” Doubt concluded quickly. “Confusion, forget about this.”
“Forget what?” Confusion asked, turning with a broad smile and not a hint of humor. They saw that she had somehow turned to a vertical position the slat that held the pegs and had trapped the potholders behind it, hanging them from the same nail that supported the slat.
“Forget that Pride has these spells! Tell no one.”
“He seemed all right to me,” said Confusion as she moved to the refrigerator and began rearranging the magnets on its surface into unlikely patterns.
“Is it happening less often?” Doubt asked Reason.
“More,” said Reason, her face clouded. “It scares me. Do you want me to make a new doctor’s appointment for him? We haven’t tried anything for some time. Maybe there’ll be some new test.”
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��You need to learn to mind your own business,” said Doubt, “and leave well enough alone. We—” she smiled at Confusion “—will take care of Pride.”
