Three of them swam by, and one smacked another with his flipper then dove. The one he smacked chased him in sea lion game of tag that took them out of sight.
As a team, Cole and I worked away from the shore until it was little more than a distant sliver.
“Rest.”
I did as he said, pulling my paddle onto my lap and leaning my head back to stare up into the blue sky. My arms ached a bit, but I enjoyed the feeling. The thick ocean air filled my lungs with every breath, and I smiled because of the man in the kayak behind me.
“Thank you for this.” I glanced back at Cole, and in that moment, I realized how happy I truly was. I loved spending time with him. I enjoyed his company, his peace, even his natural glare.
“Thank you.” His words were punctuated by water droplets as he flipped a few drops of seawater my way with his paddle.
“Hey! You stop that!” I mocked like I was going to splash him, but he didn’t even flinch.
It would be so easy to tell him that I was falling for him. After thinking about everything Amber had said, how he affected me, I’d come to the conclusion that maybe my best friend was on to something. Of course, I couldn’t tell her or she’d never let it go and I’d forever be reminded of the time she was right.
It wasn’t what I’d thought love would be—a pure inner peace casted on me by the person I loved. No, it was tough, gritty, and he rode my nerves like a cowboy on a bronco. But it was amazing too. He knew what to say and when to say it. He was never boring, and even fake, he hadn’t taken me on a run of the mill wine-and-dine affair to bore me to tears. No, he took me to explore ghost towns and out on the ocean kayaking—something I’d been too afraid to do before.
“You seem deep in thought.”
I glanced at him. “Yeah.” It would be so easy to tell him! How hard was it to say, I think I love you?
But the words wouldn’t come and his attention fixed on something in the distance. I followed his gaze and gasped. The large black and white creatures were unmistakable. I’d never seen orca so close before. As they came near, I could almost reach out and touch them.
I pointed out a tiny one swimming in the pod near its mother. “So cute!” When I glanced back at Cole, he was watching me, an easy smile on his face. My gaze caught on his handsome features, and the breath was squeezed from my lungs.
How would it feel if he was actually my boyfriend? Not my fake boyfriend?
Warmth combusted in me, swallowing me whole.
“You okay?”
His words registered and I nodded quickly, though my face blazed hotter than the surface of the sun. “Yeah, I’m fine.” If I couldn’t admit I might have feelings for him, how could I tell him that I was thinking about this being an actual date? Because the relationship was fake, but the rest of it was very real.
“Scott calls fine fucked-up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.”
I glared at him.
He lifted both eyebrows, no doubt trying for—and failing—an innocent expression. “What? You’ve never heard that? F.I.N.E.”
“I’ve heard it before. It’s just not a nice thing to say.”
“Your first mistake was thinking I’m nice.” He chuckled, the dark sound surprising me with the way it got under my skin and heated me up even more.
I watched the orcas swim, circling around us a couple of times before moving back out toward the open waters. We’d been drifting in toward shore for a bit and I was fine with that. A sea otter was out playing, the sea lions still diving after fish.
The views were incredible, and I tried to commit it all to memory. Clouds skittered in to cover the western sky, and let go their rain in the distance. After a few minutes, the gray began to burn off and the sun chased away the clouds. The rays filtered through and hit the water, and across the backdrop, the most beautiful, vivid rainbow I’d ever seen suddenly appeared.
“Look!” I pointed and glanced back at him just as he snapped a photo. “You’ll have to send me the pictures!” I’d left my phone in his truck because I wasn’t the most graceful and didn’t want to lose it to the ocean forever.
“Will do.” He took a few more.
“So, tell me about your foster care experience before Bill and Mabel.” The words slipped out without getting permission from my brain, and I wished I could snatch them back.
“Why? It’s not a fun or pretty story.” He squinted in the brilliance of the sunshine.
How could I explain? “I don’t only want to know the good and pretty parts of you.”
He arched an eyebrow at me. “I feel like that is more than you need to know to be a convincing girlfriend.”
“I feel like you’re dodging.” I shifted my paddle and he dipped his in the water.
“Maybe I am. But it’s kind of personal, and we’re not.”
That stung. And the words once again left my mouth in a rush. “We’re not personal? What was that last night?”
He looked away across the water for so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally, he said, “What do you think love is?”
The sudden change in topic surprised me, and hope bloomed in my chest. “I think when you can trust someone in any situation, no matter what, then that’s love.”
“Would you say you love Amber?”
I lifted a shoulder. “Of course, she’s been my best friend for years.”
“Do you love your parents?”
I trusted them, if things came right down to it. I knew they’d disagree with certain choices I made or didn’t make in life, but I didn’t doubt if I needed them, really needed them, they’d be there. “I do. We have our differences, but I still love them.”
“And your sister?”
That one was tougher, but again, I was sure if worst came to worst, she’d be on my side. “Her too.”
He nodded. “Good to know.”
“And you?”
“And me what?” His forehead furrowed into a frown.
“Who do you trust?”
He stared at me, then slowly started shaking his head. It broke my heart. Had he really never found anyone after Bill and Mabel passed? “What about Scott?”
“He’s a good friend. But if it came down to a situation where it was me or him, he’d choose himself.” He shrugged, obviously not upset or offended, or even sad. Like he knew that’s just the way it was, and he accepted it as fact.
“Have you ever let someone close enough to love them?” I needed to know. His answer would be important.
He looked away. “I’m a bit guarded around people, I don’t trust easily.” I didn’t think he realized it, but there was a sag to his shoulders, one that told me everyone had always let him down.
“I hope you know you can trust me.” I touched my paddle to his. “You know, I’ll never forget this. These last two dates with you, they’ve been amazing. Even though they’re pretend, they’ve been incredible.” It was true. The sense of connection to him, to nature, to the incredible sea life we’d experienced—incredible. “I like spending time with you.” I was creeping dangerously close to telling him the whole truth, and my heart stuttered as I waited for his response.
“The sun is starting to get a bit low.” He dipped his paddle and turned the nose of the kayak toward the beach.
I gritted my teeth and plunged on, drawing back from the subject of us. “As far as love goes, my sister and Dev are head over heels for one another.” It made me both happy and sad to see them so in love. For some reason, I’d thought I would be the one to find love first. Boy was I wrong.
“I doubt she loves anyone other than herself.”
I glanced back at him, my eyes widening. “She’s still my sister, you know.” My words were a warning. It was one thing for me to talk shit about her; he didn’t have that right.
“I know. Thankfully, you’re not like her.” He spoke as if talking about her left a bad taste in his mouth.
“She’s different with him. And he loves her so much.” As annoying as it was,
their relationship filled me with hope; if my sister could find someone, then I had a chance too.
“Are you sure about that?”
His weird question had me swiveling in my seat to stare at him. What did he think he knew? Was this all about him not trusting anyone? Could he not even fathom trusting and loving someone? “Yeah, I’m sure.” I’d seen the two together. I had zero doubt about their feelings for one another.
“I’m not so sure.” He sounded confident as we found our paddling rhythm once more. With that easy, gentle pace we would get to shore well before twilight.
“Based on what?”
“Call it a hunch. But my hunches are usually spot-on.”
I latched on to that. “What does your hunch tell you about us?”
“That you forgot you promised not to fall in love with me at the start of this.” He chuckled, but he was right.
I had forgotten.
16
Cole
“Maybe you just don’t know what real love looks like.” Laney’s words hit too close to the truth as we beached our kayak.
I held it steady so she could step out, then followed suit and hauled the thing up to dry sand. She gathered up the paddles and followed.
How could she be so clueless? Did she not see the writing on the wall? It was so obvious to me when I looked at her sister, then at the guy Cadence was with. “You think that’s real love?” My voice came out a little on the incredulous side as I dropped the kayak on the sand and turned to face her.
She tossed the paddles beside the kayak, her whole being vibrating with anger. “It is! Like I said, maybe you don’t know what real love looks like. It’s not like you’ve ever been in love, anyway.”
That stung, but I brushed it off. She really was clueless. “Great, you’re right. I’ve also never been in a car wreck, so I must not know what they look like.”
She glared at me, planting both hands on her hips as the wind toyed with stray strands of her hair that had escaped her ponytail, throwing shadows onto her face. “That’s a straw-man argument and you know it.”
“It’s not. It’s a reasonable comparison. I’ve never been in love so I can’t possibly know what it looks like. I was also a foster kid, maybe I don’t know what parents are, since I never had any.”
“You said that, not me.” She shook her head. “I’d never use that against you.”
“What’s the difference? You’re saying that I have no knowledge on something unless I’ve experienced it. That’s shortsighted and frankly ludicrous.”
Her mouth popped open and I knew she’d taken my words wrong before the next ones left her mouth. “Are you calling me shortsighted and ludicrous?”
“Nope. I’m saying your stance is.” I crossed my arms and straightened my back. “She’s pregnant, cupcake. Your sister is pregnant.”
Her hands dropped to her sides and her shoulders drooped. Her eyes shifted back and forth as she searched for validity to my statement. Before even a heartbeat had passed, she started shaking her head. “No, she’s not. Why would you even say something like that?”
“Because it’s true? Why else would I say it?” I took a step closer to her, but she backed up a step. “Your sister got knocked up, and your dad is forcing her to marry the guy because of it.”
Laney closed up tighter than a flower; crossing her arms, pointing the toes on her right foot toward the toes of her left as she curled protectively in on herself. Her expression took on a lost quality, like she was searching and not finding answers, but her head still rocked in a slow shake of denial.
“Hell, I think the poor bastard is in love with her.” Her eyes met mine as I mused my thoughts out loud, intent on blowing her world wide-open with a revelation. “She’s not in love with him, though. She’s in love with partying and the fun life. She’s trapped. So when you think your parents love her more, think about how they’re pressuring her into living a life that she’s going to be miserable in with a guy she doesn’t love.”
I didn’t feel bad for Cadence, not one bit. The universe had finally slapped her down with an actual consequence for her actions. She’d had it coming. The only real victims here were the guy that was in love with her and the baby she wasn’t mature enough to raise.
“How dare you!” Laney glared at me, her hands balling up into fists like she was about to punch me in the face. She advanced a step and I stood my ground. Let her throw a punch if it made her feel better. I could take it, I’d taken plenty in my life.
“Don’t like the truth?” Why was I pushing her? Why egg her on when I knew she was mad? This would only end badly, but she’d gotten under my skin with her whole you don’t know what true love looks like bullshit.
“It’s not the truth. You’re wrong. And you’re a jerk for making this up about my sister!”
Making it up? She thought I was making this up?
“Did anything seem off at that last family barbeque?” My question seemed to catch her off guard, but only for a second before she got a fuck you look. Still, she hesitated, and I knew she was thinking about it. “Did she eat her usual amount? Or avoid certain things? Did your parents remind her not to have that glass of red with dinner? Did your dad take the beer away from her?” I knew exactly what would have gone down because I’d heard enough about the infamous Cadence Harver escapades—or sexcapades, depending on who you asked. Hell, I doubted she even knew the identity of the baby’s daddy.
“That’s because they don’t like it when me and my sister drink.” Laney’s whole facade was on the edge of crumbling.
“Oh, really? I thought they didn’t like it when you drank.” It was something she’d confided to me as a teenager, before she’d brought me home. She’d told me how unfair it was that her parents let her sister get away with everything, from sneaking out at night and meeting boys to underage drinking and dabbling with weed.
“I can’t believe you’d go so low to win an argument! I think you’re just pissed that you’ve never been in love.” She crossed her arms, the fire returning to her eyes as she stuck to that one fact like it would negate every other point I’d brought up. “But you’re still wrong. He loves her and she loves him. And she’s not pregnant.”
It was as if she hadn’t heard a word that came out of my damn mouth.
I glared at her, hating that she was making this personal rather than sticking to the actual meat of the argument. “You’re just pissed because you know I’m right. So you’re doubling down on the first thing you said.”
“I’m not—”
“You didn’t hear a word I said and you’re ignoring every point I made.”
She gave a short shout and kicked the plastic side of the kayak, moving the whole thing about three inches in the sand.
It took a lot for me to not laugh in the face of her anger. She reminded me of a tiny hurricane; cute in the miniature version, terrifying if you stopped and thought that there was still devastation to be had even if it was on a micro scale.
“You know, I almost fooled myself into thinking that you were a nice guy. That you were my friend. Now I wish I hadn’t come with you today at all.” Her bright eyes glittered with fire and her whole body wound up tighter than a coiled spring.
“Sorry you can’t handle the truth.” I lifted a shoulder. “It was my own fault for thinking we could be adults about this. Clearly that’s not an option.”
“Sorry you’re a freaking liar.” She said it almost under her breath, like part of her didn’t want me to hear but most of her wanted that fireball to hit me square in the chest.
And it did. I was a lot of things, some of them not exactly good, but I was not a liar. “I’m not lying.”
Done with her shit, I picked up the kayak and both paddles and carried them toward my truck.
She chased after me, yapping like a Chihuahua. “Yeah, that’s why you’re running away, right?”
Lifting the kayak into its rack, I secured the paddles before turning to her once more.
She stood there, braced for combat, still in her life vest, hands on hips, fury on her face.
I wondered for a moment if she’d forgotten she’d asked me for a favor that I received no real benefit from. That I was actually being a nice guy—to her—and trying to help her out because maybe back in the day I’d had feelings for her.
I stepped toward her as she glared up at me. Leaning in until my face was inches from hers, I spoke in a soft voice. “I used to have feelings for you, way back in high school. I thought you were a good person. Not the kind of girl who would lie and trick people to get even for some score that you made up in your own head.”
Her mouth dropped open, but I wasn’t done. “I’m sorry your family wasn’t perfect.” Pain exploded through my chest. “I’m sorry they weren’t exactly what you wanted. I’m sorry they wanted you to fucking succeed and not turn into a waste like your spoiled sister. That they didn’t want you to sneak out and meet boys or drink or do anything that would potentially ruin your life. But you know what?” I straightened up, wanting her to see it all from my point of view. “Maybe if you stopped being such a spoiled, entitled brat and realized that, while they weren’t the best parents—or even good parents—maybe they really thought they were doing what was best for you. Maybe they wanted you to succeed and knew you could. Maybe they also knew your sister didn’t stand a chance and that they’d have to baby her forever. But you?” I grabbed her shoulders and she looked away, frowning and blinking rapidly. I gave her a tiny shake and she snapped her gaze to my face, hatred in her eyes. “They knew you stood a chance to make something of yourself. So they pushed you harder, expected more, and knew that you’d be better for it. Did they go about it right? Maybe not. Did they have your best interests at heart? I think so. But you’re too busy being a victim to fucking realize that maybe they were right.”
She shoved my arms away from her shoulders and backed up. “Screw you.”
“You’re just mad because you know I’m right.” I could see the whole picture, and it made perfect sense. They’d pushed her hard. Screamed at her for bringing a loser like me home because they’d had no idea I’d turn into the kind of guy they they’d want her to date—successful and loaded. They’d wanted her to succeed, no matter the cost. “And here you are, making me into what they thought I was from the start—a loser, a bad guy. A liar.”
Faking for Her Page 10
