by Haley Travis
It was completely the wrong time to be thinking of a life-long commitment. I was only thirty-one, and supposed to be focused on my business. I’d just been watching my brother go through all kinds of weird crap because he fell for a woman too hard and too fast.
Turning my head to nuzzle my lips across the top of Allie’s hair, I forced myself to take a deep breath and relax. She wasn’t like that.
Allie wasn’t manipulative or controlling. She didn’t want me to be anything that I wasn’t. Since this was her first relationship, there was no way that she would want anything serious immediately.
I forced myself to go back to sleep, but kept waking up every hour or so. Maybe the controlling part of my mind didn’t want to enjoy the process of falling in love with this beautiful, incredible girl.
Finally I noticed that her bedside clock said seven-thirty, so I rolled slowly out of bed without waking Allie. Reaching out to tuck a wavy piece of hair away from her delicate face, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I needed to relax, and just let our relationship happen.
Grabbing my clothes, I got dressed in the living room, then rummaged in her kitchen. I was on my second cup of coffee, reading the news on my phone on the couch, when her door opened.
“Hey, sleepy girl,” I said.
Allie looked so precious in a rumpled old t-shirt and baggy shorts that weren’t hiding her curves. “Hi.” She darted into the washroom, and I sat back to look around her living room.
Tons of books, knickknacks, a few photos. Everything was very cozy and warm, and it was clear that purple was her favorite color. Then I noticed a stack of notebooks on a shelf, surrounded by a mug of pens, some weird little patterned tape rolls, and colored markers.
Standing up, I meant to take a closer look at the strange glitter tape, but when my knee hit the coffee table, a notebook flipped onto the floor.
Picking it up, I smoothed out the page that had bent when it fell. I didn’t mean to, but my eyes leapt to a few lines.
Manifesting a man. A solid relationship.
Boyfriend material, husband potential.
Owns his own business, or has a career. Must have some direction in life.
A go-getter who takes care of things.
Setting the book back on the table, I turned just as Allie was coming out of the washroom.
“I should probably go,” I said quickly. “I have to check on the deliveries for all three bars.”
“Oh, all right.”
I wasn’t sure whether she was disappointed or not. Slipping my shoes on, I gave her a quick kiss, then wrapped my arms around her. Her body felt so good against mine. So right. But what if she wasn’t?
I needed to tell her that I was completely falling for her. But if I wasn’t what she was looking for, was it even worth getting both of our hopes up? If she was looking for an instant husband, I could not be that for her.
“Have a great day, gorgeous,” I murmured, giving her one more kiss before rushing out the door. I really did need to check on the deliveries, but first I went to the gym for a few hours to drive the worries straight out of me.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
* Allie *
I wasn’t sure whether Kellan had been acting a little odd when he left so quickly, or whether that was normal with him. Or with men.
There was no denying the incredible connection we had last night. Maybe he just wasn’t a morning person.
There was still so much I didn’t know about him. After sharing ourselves so absolutely, maybe we should catch up with regular conversation as well. The thought that perhaps he really wasn’t that into me tried to sneak into my brain, but I blocked it out.
Pouring myself a coffee, I grabbed a granola bar and sat at my coffee table, pulling my journal over.
There was absolutely no way to describe the things that I had felt last night, not even on the page. Kellan’s body against mine was intoxicating. I’d never felt so alive, so wanted. The heavenly sensation of giving my body to him made me feel nearly drunk with power.
For most of my life, I had tried to make everything as perfect and orderly as possible. I didn’t have the urge to do that with Kellan. I just wanted to be with him and let whatever happened, happen..
My pen skimmed across the page as I scribbled down some affirmations.
Kellan and I are becoming better connected.
I am relaxed and safe in this new relationship.
I am able to take my time with the process.
I found myself chewing the end of my pen before forcing myself to write another few lines.
I am learning about the sexual side of my being, and I love it.
I am free to give my body to whomever I choose, and be open with pleasure.
After taking more notes in my journal for at least half an hour, I busied myself with cleaning my apartment, picking up groceries, and doing laundry for the rest of the day. It was easy to lie to myself and say that I was being productive, but really I wanted to make sure that as many evenings as possible were free next week if Kellan wanted to go out again.
A deep sigh of relief rattled through me when I got his text late that night.
Kellan: Hey, gorgeous. I’m being dragged to my brother’s barbecue tomorrow afternoon, and it would be much more fun if you came with me. Are you free?
Me: Your brother Dale, with the wife you don’t like?
Kellan: Ha ha. Yes. But Cheryl is a good hostess, and a pretty good cook.
He’d only spoken about his younger brother and his new wife in bits and pieces, but I could sense some tension there. If it made the occasion easier for Kellan, I would definitely play along and be a bright, chatty diversion. Plus, I wanted any excuse to spend more time with him.
Me: Sure. What can I bring?
Kellan: I’m bringing some dessert, so we’re good. I’ll pick you up at three.
Me: Cool. Looking forward to it.
Kellan: Me too. xox
I didn’t want to read too much into those tiny text kisses and hugs, but it felt adorable. Cutesy. Another little clue that my big tough guy was actually tender, and truly into this relationship.
CHAPTER TWELVE
* Kellan *
As I turned the car into Dale’s subdivision, I realized that my foot was getting lighter on the gas. I just didn’t want to see his perfect new life, which had been orchestrated by the woman who took everything over.
Reaching out to take Allie’s hand, she flashed me one of her bright smiles. There was no way she was anything like Cheryl, I reminded myself, and I needed to chill out.
Maybe I was just overreacting because I knew in my heart that Allie was the one, and it was too much to process so quickly.
When we arrived, I took a box of pastries from the backseat, and went straight around to the backyard to introduce everyone. Cheryl practically pounced on Allie, hugging the daylights out of her and pulling her aside to serve some special tea in fancy teacups that seem to excite them both.
Allie was a great sport, playing along while Dale and I had a beer and supervised the burgers on the grill.
With one ear, I listened to Dale go on about his construction job, and how happy he was in a position that made him feel incredibly productive.
But I was also listening to Allie positively gush as Cheryl flashed her giant diamond ring. Then my sister-in-law dragged my new girlfriend into the house to show off some furniture.
“So, how are things going with Allie?” Dale asked. “This must be pretty new.”
“Very new. Things are good,” I said, making myself useful by setting out napkins.
“She seems really sweet,” Dale said. “Do you think she’s a keeper?”
I laughed at his use of our father’s old expression. “She definitely could be, but it’s far too early to tell.”
Dale shook his head. “With Cheryl, I knew from our first date that she was the one.”
“Yeah, because she told you so,” I chuckled as lightly as I could. “You’re an obedien
t husband who does what he’s told.”
He nodded, smiling widely. “That I am. And I love every minute of it.”
We’d never discussed his controlling wife before, because it was clear he was completely under her spell.
“You don’t mind working your ass off for your money, and having her spend it?” I couldn’t resist asking.
He just shrugged. “I work, and she’s going to run the house and have our kids. I think it’s a pretty fair deal.”
Nodding, I sipped my beer, not quite able to believe him. We’d been raised to be fiercely independent, and it just didn’t sit right.
Just as I wondered whether I should go in to rescue Allie, the ladies came out with a tray of fruit and cheese.
“Seriously,” Cheryl was saying, “The younger you get married, the better. Every study says that it’s healthier to have kids well before you’re thirty, and you want to be a hot mom, right?”
Allie smiled and nodded, but the second Cheryl turned away, she rolled her eyes at me. The tension that had been building in my stomach began to unclench. I couldn’t imagine anyone thinking about marriage when they hadn’t even been dating a full month.
The thing was, as I looked around the spacious backyard, enjoying food in the sunshine while Cheryl showed off some of their wedding gifts, it really was a pleasant evening. I could definitely imagine living with Allie someday, and having people over for our own big dinners. Someday.
When it was time to leave, I was surprised when Cheryl gave me a friendly hug goodbye. “I’m so happy you’re getting married soon, too,” she whispered in my ear. “She’s a truly nice girl. Lock her down immediately.”
My back teeth ground together as I forced a smile, then rushed Allie into the car. Trying to shake off the creepy, uncomfortable pressure tensing my shoulders, I asked, “Did you have a nice time?”
“Yeah,” she said, turning to show me her dreamy smile. “They have a massive house.”
“Is that the sort of thing you want someday?”
“Mmm...” Her head tilted from side to side, shaking her hair. “The space is nice, but it must have been so expensive. I don’t know. Extra space is just more to clean.”
“I like your space,” I said, entwining our fingers together on her thigh.
“Would you like to come in for tea?”
“Sure.” My foot was instantly a bit heavier on the gas, as her light laugh filled the car.
As soon as we were in her apartment, all I could think of was getting her naked. My lips wandered down her throat as I slid my hands down her back to grab her curvy round ass gently, pinning her to the kitchen wall.
There was a strange crinkle on the left side.
Allie giggled, pulling a folded brochure from her back pocket and throwing it on the counter. The shiny paper caught my eye, as I saw the logo for a jewelry store and a photo of a giant diamond ring.
Swallowing hard, I straightened up. That was the last thing I would have expected from my sweet Allie. To be looking at engagement rings already, and getting a brochure to show me? Was that supposed to be some sort of hint?
My ears rang with my heartbeat as my vision blurred for a second.
“I should go,” I said slowly. “I just remembered that I have to work early.”
Watching her face fall was a knife through my heart. But I couldn’t carry on with this if she wanted something immediately, and I couldn’t give it to her.
Kissing her on the cheek, I murmured, “Goodnight.”
I left before I could take another look at her angelic face. My resolve had to be as tough as steel. Nobody was going to talk me into changing my path. I did not want a marriage or a child this year. It wasn’t in the plans, no matter how much I knew I loved that gorgeous girl.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
* Allie *
It seemed strange that Kellan left so suddenly, when I had assumed he would stay over again.
Lighting a lavender candle, I sat on the couch and concentrated for at least fifteen minutes, completely unable to think of what I might have done wrong.
Dale definitely liked me. Cheryl and I had gotten along quite well. She was a bit over the top about some things, but I didn’t have many female friends to compare her to. I was reasonably confident that I had been good company.
Sure, she seemed infatuated with her possessions, like her new dishes, jewelry, and specially imported lamps. I’d asked enough questions to seem genuinely interested.
The conversation between Dale and Kellan had seemed relaxed. Kellan has been in a good mood until he dropped me off at my apartment.
Had I made him feel pressured by inviting him upstairs?
He seemed extremely independent. Maybe he didn’t like other people’s expectations. But it had only been a suggestion.
On the other hand, perhaps this was just typical relationship awkwardness as we got to know each other.
Grabbing my journal, I wrote out all of the positive things that had happened today, and everything I could think of that I might need to work on.
***
Three days later, I was still filling several pages in my journal every night while figuring out what went wrong. I’d sent Kellan a few light, chatty texts, but he hadn’t responded.
I wasn’t going to let my very first relationship fade away so easily, especially since my entire body still tingled whenever I thought of him.
It was frustrating that this was the one time the manifesting wasn’t working. It was like the universe was teasing me by giving me the hottest man in the world, then taking him away.
Grabbing my phone, I called Christine. Once I explained the situation as thoroughly as I could, I paused so that she could think.
“Precisely how hot was the sex?” she asked. I should have put it on a video call so I could see her grinning at me like a lunatic.
“Otherworldly. I’m not discussing it further.”
“Okay.” I heard a shuffle. “I’m lying across my bed so that I can think better,” she explained.
“I just don’t understand why everything was going well, then he suddenly changed,” I said.
“You said that everything shifted after his brother’s barbecue?”
“Yes.”
“And he brought you there partly because he doesn’t like his brother’s wife?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” she said slowly, “What is it that he doesn’t like about her?”
Staring at the pile of notebooks on my shelf, I tried to focus. “I get the impression that he thinks she is controlling his brother. She definitely wears the pants in that family.”
“What else?”
“They got together, got married, and she’s planning on getting pregnant really fast. Maybe he disapproves of their timeline?” I asked.
“Or maybe he’s nervous about being suddenly tied down, and thinks that you might be like her,” Christine said. “Maybe he saw you hanging out with and getting along with his brother’s insta wife and got cold feet.”
Nodding to myself, I wondered if that was possible. Kellan was very involved with his businesses, and probably didn’t have time for anything serious.
“There’s a possibility that he saw me pretending to admire all of Cheryl’s nice things to be polite, and thought that I was really into that.”
“Anything is possible,” Christine said flatly. “That’s why you’re going to have to talk to him about it.”
“I knew you were going to get to that,” I laughed. “But I need to sort this out a little first.”
“The best thing you can do is sort it out with him,” she said. Then she laughed for a second. “Unless you want to just make him jealous until he realizes he can’t let anyone else have you because he’s totally in love with you.”
“I’m not going to play games like that,” I said. “I wouldn’t even know how.”
“Listen, give him another day or so. Send him a text once in a while, telling him about all of the fun, exciting thin
gs you’re doing. Be busy, and clearly not waiting around for him. Then if you don’t hear back, cut him off.”
“That sounds logical. All right. Thanks.”
“Hey, and in a few weeks, we’ll go party at his bar and get free drinks again.”
“You’re terrible,” I giggled.
“Yup. And you love it.”
