by Sam Crescent
“I had brown hair,” she said.
“You remember?
“The pictures. In each one, I had brown hair.”
“Of course, you did. It’s your natural hair color.”
“And now I dye it?” she asked.
“The hair is new to me. I’ve never known you to dye your hair.”
“So it’s not normal?”
“I guess we’ll see.” He helped her downstairs. It was difficult on the crutches but she somehow managed to do it.
“You’re a strong person, Robin. You’re going to get through this, no matter how hard it may seem right now.”
Chapter Six
Two years ago
Robin climbed off the back of Reaper’s bike and before anyone could stop her, she made a run for it. She had to get back to Preacher. He had to learn the truth. There was no way she could allow Reaper to kill her. She hadn’t even told Preacher she might love him. She cried out as she was shoved to the ground. Tears filled her eyes as her head hit the hard, dirty ground. This couldn’t be happening to her. Not after everything she had already gone through. She wanted Preacher. He would protect her.
“You know, I’m going to enjoy keeping you around,” Reaper said.
He held her back down to the ground, smearing her cheek on the dry dirt. She couldn’t control her screams as the sharp rocks dug into her cheek. The flesh too soft to handle such harsh conditions.
“Please,” she said.
“What is it? You want to say sorry?” he asked.
“Yes, yes. I’m so sorry.” She wanted to spit in his face, kick him in the balls, and run in the opposite direction, but she couldn’t do either of those options. She had to be a good girl, at least for now.
Reaper didn’t let up on his hold. “You know, this time with us could go either good or bad. It really is up to you.”
“Fuck you,” she screamed as he gripped her ass tightly. His hold would leave bruises on her tender flesh in the morning.
“One day, you’re going to stop giving me sass and realize this is your life now. You belong to me, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” His lips were next to her ear so she had no choice but to listen to him.
The pain in her cheek and on her ass was intense.
Don’t cry.
Please, don’t fucking cry.
Tears leaked out of her eyes and she sobbed. “Please.”
She didn’t want to ask this man for anything or beg. Didn’t want to give in to him. Preacher would want her to be strong and so would her dad. She wasn’t weak. She was a strong woman and could face anything and anyone, only, she felt useless.
Reaper laughed. “Don’t you worry, sweet girl. By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to learn begging is a skill you’re going to need.”
His weight was off her and he grabbed her shoulders, pulling her to stand up until she faced him.
Her heart raced at the cruelty she saw within his gaze. This wasn’t a nice man. He was a mean, vile, disgusting man, and right now, she was at his mercy. For how long, she didn’t know. There had to be some way of getting messages back to Preacher for him to know where she was and what was happening.
Looking around the open ground, she didn’t have a single clue where she was. If she hadn’t held on to Reaper, she would’ve fallen off the bike. Even though this was the last place she wanted to be, dying wasn’t an option.
Blood dripped down her cheek and as she swiped at it, she cringed at the sight. It was all a little too much for her at that moment.
Reaper stared down her body and smiled. “I can see why he likes you.”
“Let me go.”
“Not going to happen. Robin, you and I are going to have some fun.”
****
Present day
Robin woke up to the sound of knocking at her door. The nightmare at the fringes of her mind tingled down her spine but as she tried to think of what the dream meant, it faded into nothing.
“Morning, sunshine,” Bear said, entering her bedroom, carrying a tray.
“Breakfast in bed? Did I do something good?”
“You came back to us,” he said. “You’re healthy and we’re going to get through this.”
“Healthy? My foot is shattered. I can’t remember anything, and I’ve got a husband who feels like I betrayed him because I’d rather live here than be with him.” She winced. “Sorry, that feels like an overshare.”
“It’s good.”
Sitting up in bed, she grabbed a pillow and placed it over her lap. “Nah, it’s not. I probably should spend some time with Bishop. He might help me jog my memory.”
“Remember, at your own pace. Don’t be overwhelmed or anything. Take your time.”
“I don’t have time.” She cut into one of the pancakes. “At least I don’t think I do. It’s all confusing to me.”
“All in good time.”
She put the bite of pancake into her mouth and chewed. “It tastes good.”
“I’m glad.”
“After therapy, is there anything you’d like to do today?”
“Yeah, I think I’d like for you to take me out. You know, give me a chance to see the neighborhood.”
“You want to try and force your memories?”
“Yeah and no. I want to see if there’s anything around here that will help. Don’t you think it’s worth a shot?”
“Anything you want to do to help you get back to where you want to be is a shot. Eat breakfast and I’ll take you to therapy, and afterward, we’ll have lunch.”
“Where’s your breakfast?”
“I ate it downstairs.”
“Did we do this often? You and me, eating breakfast together?” She watched as he looked away. “I take it that’s a no.”
“We were close. I’d like to think we were but with your mom here, I never came home.”
“Where did you stay?”
“At the clubhouse most of the time.”
“Twisted Monsters?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
“You don’t see, but it’s okay. The old you understood.”
She nodded and took another bite, not really tasting the pancake anymore.
“What did happen to her?” she asked.
“She had to pay for her sins. Karma has a way of catching up to her. If you want to take my advice, don’t mourn her.”
“Don’t you think it’s a little cold for me not to mourn my mother?”
“She didn’t mourn you being taken from us, Robin. She’s a waste of your time. Don’t allow yourself to dwell.”
She finished off her pancakes and Bear left her alone. After pushing the blanket off her legs, she swung them around, reaching for the crutch. Lowering her foot to the ground, she was careful as she lifted herself up.
“I can totally do this.”
With the use of one crutch, she got herself steady on her feet before taking the second step. She slowly made her way into the bathroom, turning on the light as she entered. She did her routine, using the toilet, washing her hands, brushing her teeth, and then rinsing cold water across her face.
Lifting her head up, she jerked back as her reflection changed, showing long brown hair and a smile, but then she was back to the short, badly cut, dyed-blonde hair. She touched her hair. She was seeing herself. It had to be.
There were no such things as ghosts. She reached out, touching the glass.
“You’re going to be my little plaything. I can’t wait for Preacher to know just how much I like playing with what is his.”
The words were gone as quickly as they appeared. The voice, though. It sent a dark shiver down her spine at the memory of it.
Wait?
Memory.
Rubbing at her temple, she tried to find more, to think of more, but it disappeared. Holding back. Clenching her hands into fists, she wanted to scream at the injustice of it all.
Returning to her room, she changed into a pair of jeans and a large, bag
gy, plain black shirt. She really didn’t care about the way she looked, not to go to therapy. She had a bag already packed to change into shorts and a tighter shirt.
She hated her lessons. As she ran a brush through her short hair, the photograph album caught her attention. Lifting it up into her arms, she stared at the cover of the book. It didn’t tell her anything, and so she opened it up.
The ultrasound picture was the first one and she held it close, trying to get a good look at it.
No memory. Nothing.
If her mother was such a bad person, why did she keep this?
Why did she have it?
Questions with no answers and Bear wouldn’t help her figure it out.
Turning the page, she smiled as she saw her and Bishop. They were lying down on the grass and it looked like Bishop held the camera as she snuggled up against him, but they were both laughing. She had her tongue out as if she was going to lick his cheek. She looked happy, and so did Bishop.
There were so many of her and Bishop. There was no mistaking the connection and love she felt for him.
Why didn’t she feel it now?
Did they fight?
Why hadn’t he taken any of her stuff if he missed her as much as he claimed to?
All valid questions, but when she tried to ask him about their past together, he closed up, ignoring her.
Snapping the book closed, she got to her feet and made her way to the top of the stairs. Lowering herself down onto the top step, she put both crutches beside her, and slid, slowly, step by step, down until she got to the bottom. The instant her butt got to the next step, she held on to the railing. Once she was halfway down, her father appeared at the bottom of the steps.
“I can help you with that.”
“I know, but I’m quite capable of doing this,” she said. “Besides, you’re not going to always be available. I don’t need a babysitter. You know, I find that frustrating.”
“What?”
“I know everything. I know what a babysitter means, and the days of the week. I have all this common knowledge but anything relating to personal me, I’m coming up empty. It sucks.”
“Stop trying to force it.” He grabbed the crutches for her and she lifted herself up, taking them from him.
“I never knew you to be so impatient.”
“You didn’t?”
“You had your moments, but you were always such a hard worker. Nothing ever fazed you. You were ready and waiting for anything. Now, you look … scared. I don’t like it.”
“I don’t mean to be scared. I can’t seem to help this feeling twisting in my gut that something bad is going to happen.”
“You’re home. If something bad is going to happen, we’ll deal with it like we deal with everything. Together.”
They left the house and went out to the truck. As she stood there, waiting for Bear to open the door, the hair on the back of her neck seemed to stand on end. The nerves weaving through her stomach went into overdrive.
Looking around, she tried to think of what could be close by, but there was nothing.
No one was watching them. No one was waiting to scare them.
“Are you okay?” Bear asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” After sliding into the car, she put her seatbelt on and wished for the nervous feeling to disappear. It was worse because she didn’t know what she was afraid of, and that was even scarier than anything she’d ever faced before.
****
After therapy, exhausted, aching, and hating all things physical, Robin sat in a chair out in the waiting room with everyone. It was organized chaos. Doctors came and went. Patients checked their watches, clearly pissed at sitting around waiting.
People grew anxious.
Kids ran around the chairs, trying to entertain themselves.
She sat off to the sidelines, never participating, just watching. She wasn’t part of it all. Her appointment had come and gone. Bear was supposed to be picking her up, but he was running late.
“It’s all a little busy, isn’t it?” Randall said, taking a seat beside her.
“Hey,” she said. “Be warned, I smell.”
“I talked to your therapist. He believes you’re making excellent progress.”
“That’s good, right?”
“It’s very good.”
“Awesome. It’s what I want to hear.” She smiled at him. For some reason, Randall always made her feel at ease, calm.
“You do know you’ll never be able to run again, and your foot may also have pain.”
“I thought doctors were supposed to install hope. You know, kind of like a computer update.”
He laughed. “I’m afraid I’m a realist. I want to help my patients, but I don’t want to give them unrealistic expectations.”
“I can totally relate to all of that. I think.” She didn’t even know why she said some things she did half of the time.
“How have you been feeling?”
“I’ve been home a day, and everything is good. I’ve been looking through old photos, so I know this is totally not me.” She lifted a strand of hair. “I’m going to change it as soon as I let it grow more. I’ve also lost a lot of weight. Again, I don’t know why.” She thought about the bathroom incident and then the voice. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything. I don’t know if I’ll be able to answer, but I will certainly try my best.”
“Memories. Do you know how they will come back?” she asked.
“I honestly don’t know. Each case is different, like I’ve said before. The mind, it works in mysterious ways.”
“I totally get that, but, what if it does it in flashes, or like whispers? Can I trust them? Or should I just wait for the big wake-up?” She hated how vague she sounded.
“Have you remembered anything?”
“I wouldn’t say I’ve remembered anything. It’s more like a … feeling.” She thought about the whispered words. “Yeah, I think that is what it is, a feeling. I mean, I was staring at my reflection and one moment I looked like I do now, and the next second, over the top, it was like I was staring at old me. I know, creepy.”
“You’ve got to take your time. Don’t force anything. I want to warn you, your life here was good, but there were still problems with it. There’s heartache waiting to find you, Robin, and I don’t want you to have to go through it again.”
“I’m sorry,” Preacher said, drawing her attention.
Her heart raced at the sight of him and the pit of her stomach tightened. It wasn’t through fear, either.
“Preacher,” she said, with a smile. “Where’s my dad?”
“He’s doing club business. Thank you, Randall, for keeping her company.”
“Always a pleasure. You take care, Robin, and if there’s anything you want to discuss, come to me.”
“I will. I promise.”
She got to her feet, and Preacher helped her as they left the busy hospital. Being outside in the cold air was refreshing and she breathed it in, stopping to inhale and exhale.
“Was it a hard session?” Preacher asked.
“It was intense, as they’re getting to that stage now. There’s always something to do.”
“How is your foot?”
“Still attached to my leg but he advises me it’s a good thing.”
Preacher chuckled. “Bear let me know five minutes ago you wanted to drive around town.”
“Or walk.”
“You want to go to old places, see if they help you remember?”
“Something like that.”
He closed the door of the car, and the scent of him surrounded her, making her feel protected and warm. Seconds later, he got behind the wheel of the car, turned the ignition, and they took off. To get out of the grounds, he drove slowly, making way for people passing. Out of the corner of her eye, she couldn’t help but watch him. He looked so powerful and commanding. His entire presence strong, resilient.
“How was your first night a
way from the hospital?” he asked.
“It was good. You know. I got breakfast in bed, which was totally cool. I happen to really like eating, so it’s a bonus. I like being around Bear. I mean, he’s my dad. You know what I mean.”
“All of this is new for you. I’m sure it’s overwhelming.”
“Yeah, it is.” She thought about Bishop. “What’s Bishop doing today?”
“I don’t have a clue. Unless it affects the club, he’s his own man.”
“You and him aren’t close?”
“We never were. He’s my son, and I was a bad father. I wasn’t ready to be a dad and I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a kid.”
“He’s alive, so you can’t be doing that badly.”
“There’s more to raising a kid than keeping them alive.”
She didn’t recognize where they were going. Preacher wasn’t speeding, and the silence in the car wasn’t uncomfortable.
“Are you busy today?” she asked. “I know I want to go and see places but if you’re too busy…”
“I’m fine. Believe me. There’s nothing else I’d rather do. This is what you need.”
“Great.” She kept on staring at him.
“I’m freaking out a little with the constant staring. Why are you trying to read my mind?”
“I’m not trying to read your mind. I’m just trying to figure out why it is you’re always trying to make my life better.”
“You’ve known for me a couple of weeks, Robin.”
“And you’re always there, helping me, making my life better. You’re making the right decisions. It’s not a complaint.”
“Then what is it?” he asked.
“I’m wondering why you’re doing this and not Bishop. If he’s supposed to be my husband, why are you at the hospital, not him? Why didn’t he come by yesterday?”
“Did you want him to come by?” Preacher asked.
She opened her mouth about to say of course she would, but she closed her lips. Being near Bishop was a little uncomfortable and she tried to keep her distance from him, even when he visited at the hospital. Was that even normal to feel so cut off from a guy who was supposed to be her husband? She didn’t know if it was just her memories, or the lack of that was affecting her.
