I took a shower and when I came back, Brady had arrived with a tray of coffee and a bag of baked goods. He happened to work part time at the Starbucks on campus, so he was always bringing stuff over. Whenever Simon and Brady had a little argument or tiff, I was always terrified. Mostly because I couldn’t deal with a brokenhearted Simon, but also because I wouldn’t get free caramel macchiatos anymore.
“Hey, Will,” Brady said, tearing his eyes away from Simon for a moment. I bet if they had to spend an entire day staring at one another, they’d be all for it. Being around them was both disgusting and cute.
“Hey, Brady. Thanks for breakfast.” I reached into the bag and pulled out an everything bagel with cream cheese. Just what I wanted.
Simon sat next to Brady on his bed and gave him a kiss.
“You’re so good to me and my roommate,” Simon said.
“My mother taught me right.” I hadn’t met Brady’s mom, but Simon was a little obsessed with her and from what Brady said, the feeling was mutual. I was glad for him, because his own mother couldn’t get past the fact that her son was gay, and I wasn’t sure if she ever would. Her loss.
“Yes, she did.”
I finished my bagel and grabbed my coffee so I wasn’t late for class. Lottie was always making fun of me for choosing a major that had tennis as a class, but I also had to take a ton of science, math and medical classes. Kinesiology wasn’t a major for idiots, even though a lot of idiots went into it. There had been plenty of dropouts already.
My morning classes were a blur of mapping ions, crunching numbers and studying the chambers of the human heart. I barely had a moment for lunch, so I was rushing to my last class (psych) and cramming a sandwich in my mouth when I nearly smashed into a girl with silky hair and the best legs I’d ever seen.
“Hi, Will,” she said automatically.
“Hi, Aud,” I said, swallowing quickly and hoping I didn’t have anything on my face or in my teeth.
I loved the look that passed over her face when I called her that. One of the reasons I did it was because it made her smile like that. Just for me. I wanted to stop and stare at her for . . . well forever, but I was in a hurry.
“Look, I really have to go,” I said at the same time she said, “I’m sorry, but I have to get to class.” We both laughed and had to move out of the way so we didn’t cause a bottleneck.
Sometimes I felt so awkward with Audrey. She completely knocked me off-balance. Lottie would tell me that was a good thing, but it was still frustrating and embarrassing.
“Well, bye,” I said, hoping my face wasn’t totally red.
“Yeah, bye.” She gave me a little wave, which was un-Audrey-like. I stared after her for as long as I could before shoving the last bite of sandwich in my mouth and heading to class.
Why did I get so tongue-tied when I saw Will unexpectedly? It was so stupid. He wasn’t a stranger, and I wasn’t uncomfortable around him. It was inexplicable and I wished I could do something about it.
I shook my head at myself as I walked back to my room after my last class. Lottie was picking me up for dinner in a bit. We alternated nights at Lottie and Zan’s and Stryker and Katie’s so no one would have responsibility for feeding all of us. Despite their protests, I gave them money every week to pay for groceries. They were saving me a lot of money at the dining hall.
I pulled out my phone and turned it on to check to see if I had any texts. I always kept my phone off during classes on the random chance that someone tried to call me and I didn’t turn the ringer off. I’d heard about one professor who’d taken a kid’s phone and smashed it in front of the whole class. It had come out later that it was a stunt with his teaching assistant, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
There was a missed call and a voicemail from my mother. That was odd. She normally didn’t call me, and especially not during the day. My stomach sank and I felt my panic level rise as I listened to her message.
“Hi Audrey. I’m just calling because I talked to Maria today. There’s something she needs to talk to you about. Call her.” I had to sit down on my bed.
I listened to the message again, just to make sure I had the gist of it right before I deleted it. My mom had given me just enough information, but also not enough, so if I wanted to find out what was up, I’d have to call my aunt.
I lay back on my bed and grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. Why now? What did she want? She’d promised not to contact me. That was our deal.
She and Mom talked, I knew that. They were sisters, after all. They’d always been close and connected before I’d come in and destroyed that. No wonder Mom was still so angry with me.
I wanted to cry, to release some kind of emotion, but the tears wouldn’t come. Instead of anger, or fear, or ANYTHING, all I could feel was blank. My body was a container, and everything had been poured out and I was left with an empty shell. I touched my face, just to make sure I was still real. It was a habit I’d picked up a few months ago.
I didn’t move or do anything until there was a knock at my door, signaling it was time to go to dinner. I couldn’t move.
Voices outside my door exchanged words, but I still couldn’t move. Finally, someone busted through the door.
“No, she’s here. Audrey? It’s time to go to dinner,” Trish said, bouncing onto my bed. I turned my head to the side. I was still empty.
“Are you okay?” She peered into my face.
“What’s wrong?” Lottie said, swinging her keys around.
“I think she’s broken,” Trish said, jabbing my arm with her finger. The little bite of pain snapped me out of my frozen state.
“I’m okay,” I said in a flat voice that didn’t sound like it belonged to me.
Trish squinted at me.
“You sure as hell don’t look okay.” She poked me again. “What’s up? Did you get less than a perfect grade?” If she only knew. But she never would, if things went the way I wanted them to.
“No, I was just thinking.” Lottie was staring at me with her searing blue eyes, so much like Will’s. I had to look away so I didn’t think of him. Also so she wouldn’t see into my soul in that way of hers.
“Well, it looked painful. And I’m starving.” Trish slapped me on the shoulder as I grabbed my coat and gloves and locked my door.
Lottie was quiet as we walked to her car and all crammed inside. It reminded me of the Weasleys’ car, with the interior that was much larger than it looked on the outside. You could probably fit six people in here if you tried, which might be a fun activity if the weather was warmer.
I could feel her watching me and trying not to say anything, which made her twitchy and jumpy. Like the words were struggling to get out of her body and it was an effort to hold them in.
Might as well get it over with.
“What do you want to say, Lot?”
She breathed for a second and then pulled away from the curb.
“There’s something bothering you. I’ve never seen your face like that and obviously it’s something that you don’t want to tell us and that scares me and I’m worried that you’re in something bad and you can’t get out.” Like all her other speeches, the words came out so fast they blurred into one another and if I wasn’t used to her talking this way, I would have been lost.
“I cosign everything she just said,” Trish added.
They both stared at me and I wished I was back in my room staring at the ceiling. I should never have made friends. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be in this situation right now.
But here I was and I had to somehow wiggle myself out.
“I was thinking about transferring schools,” I blurted out. It was the first thing that came to mind.
Lottie gasped and Trish just stared at me.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. There isn’t really a pre-law program here. It was just a thought. I’m not considering it seriously.” I tried to brush it off, but they launched into why I shouldn’t go and why I should sta
y, and it almost made me want to cry.
They cared so much about me and wanted me around. They wouldn’t, if they knew, but they were never going to. I couldn’t handle them turning their backs on me.
I was relieved when we finally got to the apartment complex and I could get out of the car. Trish and Lottie were still chattering about reasons for me not to transfer as we trouped up the stairs to Katie and Stryker’s place.
“Audrey wants to transfer,” Lottie announced as we walked through the door.
“What? Why?” Katie froze with her face inches from Stryker’s. They’d clearly been in the middle of something.
“I’m not transferring,” I said, putting my hands up. “I was just thinking about it. But I’m not going to. I doubt you would let me anyway.”
“Let you what?” Will said, out of breath as if he’d dashed up the stairs. Here we go again.
“I considered, for all of five seconds, transferring schools. But I’m not going to. So everyone can just calm down.” Will’s eyes bulged in shock.
“Transfer?” He said the word as if he didn’t know what it meant.
“But I’m not going to, so this is a non-issue. What are we having?” I tried to turn the topic.
“Enchiladas,” Katie said, unwrapping herself from Stryker and going over to tend something on the stove.
“Need any help?”
“We’ve got it,” Lottie said, grabbing Trish and yanking her over to the stove, leaving Will and me standing near the door. Subtle.
“Need to talk?” Will said. Yes. No. Not with him. I couldn’t talk to him. I couldn’t talk to anyone.
“I’m fine. Really.” I looked away, but his eyes studied me.
“Aud. I know things have been . . . a little weird with us, but I want you to be able to talk to me. I want you to trust me.” I wanted that too.
“I know.” I stopped there, and I was saved from having to explain myself by the arrival of Simon, who distracted Will for the amount of time it took me to go join the girls in the kitchen.
But Will was persistent. I knew I wasn’t off the hook.
I didn’t need twindar to tell that something had happened to Audrey. She was pale and she kept staring off like she was a million miles away. Lottie kept trying to get her attention, but it took a few times of repeating her name before she would respond.
But, being Audrey, she wouldn’t talk to anyone about it. I wanted her to want to talk to me. Only me. I wanted us to share something that she didn’t have with anyone else. I didn’t care if that was selfish.
As people left Stryker and Katie’s for their various evening activities, I hung around, waiting for the best moment to try to talk to Aud again.
My sister wouldn’t leave her alone for a second, probably because she knew exactly what I would try to do. Lottie even followed Aud to the bathroom, which made me roll my eyes at her.
I wasn’t going to pester her. I just wanted to let her know that she could talk to me if she wanted. That was it.
“Look, leave her alone. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone and trying to get her to is only going to make her pull away. So stop it,” Lottie hissed at me, adding an arm smack for good measure.
“But—“ I started to say, and shut up when Lottie gave me one of those looks that reminded me so much of our mother that it was legitimately scary.
“Leave her alone,” Lottie said, poking my chest with her finger to emphasize every word. For a little thing, she was violent.
I glanced across the room at Audrey, who was deep in conversation with Katie.
“I’m just worried about her,” I said.
“We all are, William. But we can’t help her if she doesn’t want us to. Give her time.” I didn’t want to give her time. I wanted to help her fix whatever was broken and then kiss her and have her tell me that she wanted to be with me. That she loved me. I almost laughed at myself. That was a sappy fantasy out of a romantic movie that my sister would watch and cry about.
“Bye, Will,” Audrey said as she put on her coat and went with Lottie so she could drive her back to the dorms. I wanted to offer to take her, but Lottie had beaten me to it. I’d been screwed over by twindar once again.
“Bye, Aud,” I said, wishing I could say more. The door closed behind them and I slumped on Stryker’s couch. I was the lone holdout.
“You know, one of these days you’re just going to have to make a move on her,” Stryker said, sitting down next to me and picking up his banjo and plucking a few strings.
“I’ve tried,” I said, scrubbing my hands across my face. I’d forgotten about my hair again.
“Not hard enough, clearly.”
“What is he supposed to do, attack her?” Katie said, coming over and climbing onto Stryker’s lap, moving the banjo out of the way.
“Worked with you.”
Katie rolled her eyes.
“But Audrey isn’t me.”
No, she wasn’t. She was in a class by herself.
“Will, just . . . listen to her. If she says she doesn’t want to talk, then let her not talk. The best way to be there for her is to just, be there. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes the presence of another person is all you need.” Her hand absentmindedly stroked Stryker’s hair and his hand moved along her hip. They were such a weird couple, but at the same time, they seemed to fit perfectly together. Like Han and Leia.
It didn’t take a genius to know that they wanted to have some alone time, so I got out of there and went back to the dorm. I was alone again tonight, with Simon at one of his club meetings. I couldn’t keep track of them all, but he always left me notes on my desk, or texted me.
What I should do was get to my homework. I had a lot of it, and it would keep me busy and keep my mind off Audrey.
Everyone would tell me to do my homework and leave Audrey alone.
I glanced once at my pile of textbooks and grabbed my keys.
I stared at my textbook, reading the same sentence four times and still not knowing what the words meant. I hadn’t turned my phone back on for fear that my mom would call again. Or worse, that my aunt would break her rule not to contact me.
There was a knock at my door that made me jump. I’d probably forgotten we had a hall meeting tonight.
I opened the door without looking through the peephole and found Will standing there with a pair of scissors and a comb.
“Will you cut my hair?”
I gaped at him, at a complete loss for words.
“Please?”
I moved aside to let him in and shut the door.
“You want me to cut your hair?” I had to say it out loud to make sure I had the gist of what he’d asked me.
“Yeah. It’s been bugging me and I asked my sister to do it a couple of weeks ago, but I think she forgot. So. Will you cut it for me?” It was such an odd request that if it came from anyone but Will, I would have thought there was an ulterior motive behind it. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.
“I’ve never cut hair before. Well, I’ve trimmed my own ends, but I’ve never done anyone else’s.”
Will handed me the scissors.
“I don’t care. I trust you.”
I trust you.
He wasn’t just talking about a haircut. There was a lot more at work here. All of the unsaid things spun around us, crowding the air and making it hard to breathe.
I thought about shoving him out of the room and shutting the door in his face, but something told me that Will wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time.
“Okay,” I said. Will seemed shocked for a second, but then he hid it.
“Thanks, Aud. I really appreciate it.”
I just nodded and went to get a towel to put around his shoulders.
He pulled out my office chair and sat as I draped the towel on him and secured it with one of my hair clips. I dashed to the bathroom to get a cup of water because there was no way I could cut his hair dry and make it look good.
I combed
the water through his hair, which made it a lot longer. It hung all the way down in front of his eyes and along his neck.
“You know, if you wanted to, you could just swipe this to the side and rock the emo look,” I said using the comb to flick his hair to the side so it fell across one eye. He glared at me.
“There you go. You’ve got the perfect look.” He tossed his head back and forth like a dog, spraying water everywhere.
“Stop it!” I squealed, trying to shield myself. Will grinned at me as though he was pleased with himself as water dripped from the ends of his hair. It made him look like he’d been caught in the rain.
I mentally shook myself, trying to remember that I shouldn’t think about Will getting caught in the rain, his shirt soaking with water and clinging to his chest. No, I wouldn’t think of it.
“Behave yourself,” I said to him, but it was also a reminder for me. Especially after what had happened today. It brought forward the reality of what I could and couldn’t have.
“Yes, ma’am.” He hung his head, but I didn’t believe him for a moment.
I got to work combing out his hair and trying to decide how much to take off. I was really shooting in the dark, and I hoped it looked okay when I was done. Granted, his hair was so curly that if I screwed it up a little, it wouldn’t show too much.
I started in the front, cutting his bangs short so I could see his beautiful eyes. They peered up at me as I worked and golden strands of his hair fell to the floor. Good thing I’d bought a vacuum.
I moved around the side and then to the back, making him tip his head down so I could make sure the back was even. I probably should have gone over the back of his neck with an electric razor, but I didn’t have one.
The only sound that filled the room was the snick of the scissors through his hair and the shuffling of my feet as I moved around his head.
Once I was satisfied, I rubbed my hand on his head to try to dry some of his hair. I could blow dry it, but I was wary of doing that with his hair being so curly.
Slowly We Trust Page 10
