by Karyn Bosnak
A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION
In the beginning of December, things started to lighten up at work. The November sweeps pressure was finally off, and I started to go out a bit more. Ann Marie and I had become better friends and we started to go out sometimes after work. Through her I met a couple of guys, but nothing really panned out with any of them.
I also finally met my mom’s friend Pandy’s son for coffee. And my mom was actually on target with this one. He was good-looking. His name was Jon and he was gorgeous! John F. Kennedy Jr. gorgeous! But after our brief coffee date, I never heard from him again. They can’t all fall in love with me, I guess.
We also had our work Christmas party, and it was super boring. The best part of the night was my new black DKNY dress that I’d bought at Bergdorf, and watching my associate producer Betsy get drunk and sing “Last Dance” by Donna Summer on the stage. I think she was hoping to be discovered by some big King World hotshot. But the only thing that everyone discovered was that she was a very bad drunk, and a very bad singer.
The week before Christmas I went to Naples, Florida. My mom and stepdad have a house there and Naomi was supposed to come and meet me, but at the last minute she had to cancel, so I ended up going by myself. It was actually kind of nice.
Naples isn’t a big party town or anything, and all I really wanted to do was relax, so every day I did just that—relax.
Let’s just say that I relaxed until I remembered that I still had $3,000 worth of stuff to buy and return. The Buy and Return Credit Payment Management Plan had really taken over my life. It was all that I did. Since I was still waiting to hear if I was approved to receive my Discover Card, I still had to keep current with my payments. Of that $7,000 I needed to buy and return, I successfully did $4,000 of it while still in New York, and had $3,000 left to go for this month. The good thing about Naples was it had a lot of malls with stores that I had never been to before.
The first place I went to was Saks Fifth Avenue. After looking around for a while, I noticed that they didn’t have as many high-priced items as the Saks in New York. They didn’t have a winter coat section, or a big selection of BCBG or Theory clothes. So I decided that the best thing for me to buy was jewelry. And I decided to buy a watch. A nice watch.
I found the watch counter and started to look around. And some of the watches were really nice. After deciding on a nice gold Movado watch, I flagged down the saleslady and told her that I wanted to purchase it. The total came to $1,296. I was almost halfway there. I decided that I’d do the second half of the buy and return tomorrow, and my watch and I went home. That night I rented movies and lay by the pool.
The next day I went to Saks and told the cashier that I accidentally bought the wrong watch for my boyfriend. Oops. Silly me. Screwed up. But the return wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Apparently, when you buy a really nice watch, they have to call it in and check serial numbers and stuff. So I was at the store for almost forty-five minutes. Finally, they approved my return, and I vowed never to buy a watch at Saks again unless I intended to keep it.
After leaving Saks, I moseyed into the mall and saw a Banana Republic store. I noticed that they seemed to be having a big sale toward the back of the store, and decided to check it out. And it was there that I saw the cutest black leather jacket ever, for only $100! Now that’s a bargain! I found my size and took it up to the counter, along with some other great bargains, to pay. I’ll admit that I wasn’t planning on returning any of it. It was all just too cute.
After the saleslady rung up my items, I handed over my American Express card to pay. She ran it through and told me that there was some sort of a problem.
“What do you mean, some sort of a problem?” I asked. I had never had a problem with my American Express card before.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “The computer is telling me to call the company.”
“Okay, well, can you call them?” I asked. I was sort of embarrassed because there was a big line of people behind me. It was the holidays, after all. The woman then dialed the number and was put on hold immediately. Fifteen minutes later, an operator finally picked up her call.
“Hi, this is Sara at Banana Republic,” she said. “I have a customer in front of me who just gave me an American Express and an error message came up and I was told to call the company.” I listened while Sara gave the operator the error number and my full name and credit card number. After a couple of minutes she told me that the operator wanted to talk to me.
“Okay,” I said awkwardly as I grabbed the phone. I noticed that the people behind me were watching and listening.
“Hi, Miss Bosnak?” a woman said to me on the phone.
“Yes,” I answered. I was scared. Maybe they caught on to my Buy and Return Credit Payment Management Plan.
“Right, you are over your limit and we have to cut you off,” she said.
“Over my limit?” I asked. “But I have a Gold card. I didn’t think that I had a limit.”
“Yes, you do, and it’s ten thousand dollars,” she said.
“How am I supposed to know there is a limit if no one tells me? It’s not on my statement. And I actually know for a fact that I’m only up to eight thousand dollars,” I said.
“No, you aren’t. You were actually at eleven thousand two hundred until you returned something for twelve hundred earlier today,” she said. “I don’t even know how you were allowed to charge it that high because you have a limit.”
“Oh,” I said, stunned. “I see. Well, can’t you just let this one little charge go through? It’s only a couple hundred dollars.” I looked at the black leather jacket lying on the counter. It was so cute and such a great deal. I’d never be able to find another one like it.
“No, I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she said.
“Okay,” I said. “Thanks.” I handed the phone back to the saleslady.
“I’ve been cut off,” I said to her quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said. She was nice. “Do you have another way that you want to pay? Another card or something?”
“No,” I said. “I’m just going to pass on these items. Thanks, though.” The truth was, I didn’t have any money. I was flat broke. I had fifty bucks in my wallet, and still had three days left in Florida. I walked out of the store with my head down. I have never been so embarrassed.
For the rest of the week all I did was lay by the pool and eat Ritz crackers that I found in the pantry. For a treat, I topped them off with a hunk of cheddar cheese that I found in the freezer. I definitely relaxed because I didn’t have any money to do anything else. But I worried. I worried about what I was going to do about that bill. I owed $10,000 to American Express. What was I thinking? Seriously, I needed to get a grasp on this. I had been in New York for just over six months and I had gone hog-wild. I needed to figure something out. I needed to exert some self-control. At the end of the week, I flew back to Chicago with $5 in my pocket. My mother picked me up at the airport.
CHRISTMAS WAS GLORIOUS and it was nice to see my family. I tried not to think about the $10,000 and just enjoy my time home.
Since my parents are divorced, my sister and I split up the holidays between the two houses. We spent Christmas Eve at my dad’s house, with my uncle, cousins, and Grandma, who was wearing her new “Heart of the Ocean” jewelry set that she recently bought off television. And we spent Christmas Day at my mom’s house. Each year, my sister and I alternate buying the gifts for my parents, and then split the cost, and this year was my year to buy. For my mom, I bought a pretty Karen Kane outfit that cost $350, and for my dad, I bought two Greg Norman golf shirts for around $150. I bought them in New York, and charged them before I was cut off. When I tried to collect my sister’s half of the money, she explained to me that she was not happy with me, and yelled saying that I’m never allowed to buy the gifts again because I spent too much money.
“But Mom’s outfit is pretty,” I said defensively.
“It’s a pair of pants and a shirt, Karyn,” she replied. “I can’t believe you spent three hundred fifty dollars on that. And Dad didn’t need two Greg Norman golf shirts last night either. One would have been fine. I don’t know what I was thinking letting you buy the gifts in New York anyway.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I really need your half of the money.” She just looked at me and walked away.
A little while later, we went to my aunt’s house, where my Aunt Marge was. But thankfully, she didn’t make pies this Christmas. And finally, we finished off the day at my grandpa’s house. My grandpa is my mom’s dad and he was born in Ireland. He has been married three times and now lives with his new girlfriend. Christmas at Grandpa’s is always fun because my mom has eight brothers and sisters. In order, their names are Patsy, KC (my mom), Billy, Michael, Arty, Carol, Jimmy, Rory and Roby. And everyone comes to Christmas at Grandpa’s house. Well, everyone except my Uncle Jimmy because he’s a Jehovah’s Witness now. And, in typical Irish Catholic fashion, every aunt, uncle and cousin has been married and divorced at least once. So every year there are always some new relatives hanging around.
While at Grandpa’s, I finally convinced my sister to pay me for half of the gifts, and vowed never to spend that much money again. She forgave me.
The following day, I flew back to New York and settled back into my apartment. While I was gone, Sam had watched Elvis for me. I was so happy to see that he was alive and well.
That night, after I put all my stuff away, I settled down to open my mail. And there buried underneath a few bills I saw a blank envelope. I tore at the corner and opened it as quickly as I could. And there it was! My new Platinum Discover Card! It had arrived! Without hesitation, I called to activate it, and then spoke to an operator to transfer over as much of my American Express card balance as was allowed, which was $7,500.
I hung up the phone and got ready for bed. But I didn’t fall fast asleep. I just laid there and worried. Yes, Discover accepted my balance transfer, but what if they hadn’t? What if I hadn’t gotten the card? What would I have done? I couldn’t believe that I’d let my credit cards get that far out of control. What would I have done in Florida if I hadn’t had that fifty bucks in my wallet? How would I have gotten back to the airport? I was all alone. And what if my sister hadn’t paid me for the gifts to teach me a lesson? How would I have gotten back to my apartment from LaGuardia?
I wasn’t in Chicago anymore, where I could just call up my mom and she’d rush me $50 or go deposit it in my checking account. I was in New York—a huge city, all alone. I didn’t have that many friends yet either who I could borrow money from. And that’s embarrassing anyway—to be borrowing money at age twenty-eight.
The most horrible part of all of this was that it only was going to get worse. At the time I would have told you no way—but it did. That night I laid in bed and swore to myself that I was going to turn this around. My New Year’s resolution was to pay off the remaining $2,500 and go back to my original plan to use the card only for emergencies. But I’ve never been very good at keeping New Year’s resolutions….
SEVEN
GRAND DEBT TALLY $15,772.00
A LAST-DITCH EFFORT
To go along with my New Year’s resolution, I decided I’d start paying cash for things like my manicures and pedicures and getting my hair done. So my financial future was looking a bit brighter.
The future of Curtis Court was also looking a bit hopeful. King World decided to give the show one more chance during February sweeps. Even a slight increase in ratings would have been enough to make them reconsider renewing it. So once again the pressure was on the producing teams to book the best.
During a recent producer brainstorming meeting, someone came up with the bright idea to book celebrities as experts for appropriate cases. For example, Dee from What’s Happening was now a veterinarian and could give an expert opinion in a case involving an animal. Darva Conger from Who Wants to Marry a MultiMillionaire? fame was an emergency room nurse and could give her expert opinion in a medical matter. Ideas like these could often be called “last-ditch efforts” to save an ailing show, which is exactly what they were.
We may have been reaching, but all we needed was a slight improvement. Just a little bump up in the numbers would do. So we decided to go ahead with the plan and book a celebrity week. In addition to Darva and Dee, “Bull” from Night Court stood in as a celebrity bailiff one day, and Susan from the original Survivor acted as a postverdict reporter another day. When you are an ailing court show whose ratings are in the can, it’s kind of difficult to get celebs like Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts, so these folks would just have to do.
Because of both my crazy work schedule and my lack of funds at the moment, I called to cancel any remaining training sessions with Sam. By now, I was pretty familiar with the routine anyway, and if I wanted to do it on my own, I think I could. When I hung up, my phone rang again, and it was my landlord’s office.
“Hello, Karyn?” a woman’s voice said.
“Yes,” I answered.
“This is David Frankel Realty. We haven’t received your rent check yet, and were wondering when you mailed it,” she asked.
“Oh, gosh, I mailed it two weeks ago,” I said. I was telling the truth. “I’m surprised you haven’t received it yet. Should I send over another one?”
“That would be great if you could,” she said.
“Okay, sorry,” I said. I really did mail my rent check. I dropped it in this mailbox by my apartment, but I’ve had other people not receive things that I’ve dropped in that mailbox. I’d have to make a note not to use that one again. With that, I made out a new rent check and sent it on its way, noting this was the second time I’d been late with my rent.
Later that day, I booked a case involving a girl who was suing her ex-boyfriend and father of her son for spraying her in the eyes with mace. The defendant said she deserved it because she pulled his new wife’s hair in a jealous rage. The plaintiff was suing him for the medical bills that she incurred after having her eyes flushed out. The ex-boyfriend said that the can of mace was old and he therefore didn’t think it would harm her. He said she was fine afterward and didn’t need her eyes flushed out, but went to the hospital anyway just to mess with him.
After briefly reviewing the case, the judge asked me to book a mace expert to find out if a can really can go bad, and a medical expert to find out if having your eyes flushed out after being sprayed with potentially bad mace is necessary. After locating and booking the president of a mace manufacturing company, I decided to claim Darva Conger, the woman who wanted to marry a multimillionaire, who was already booked and needing a home, as mine. She would be the perfect medical expert.
While sitting at my desk getting ready for the case, my phone rang. It was my friend Greg, a guy that I grew up with who now lived in New York. He was the same guy who set me up with the Pet Store Guy.
“Karyn,” he said, “what’s up? How’s the show doing?”
“Hey, Greg,” I said, “not very well. But thanks for asking.”
“Listen, we have to go out,” he said. “I have this new guy I want to set you up with.”
I paused. A new guy? Not another Pet Store Guy, I hoped. “It’s so funny, that’s what I am to people in New York,” I said. “I’m the set-up girl. I’m the girl who everyone wants to set up with their friends.”
“Well, you’re cute and funny,” he said.
“Thanks. Okay, what’s his name?” I asked.
“Well, his name is Dan and he drives a Mercedes,” he said.
“How do you know him?” I asked.
“Well, Samantha’s cousin bought a car from him before,” he said. Samantha was Greg’s wife.
“What do you mean bought a car from him?” I asked warily.
“He manages a Mercedes-Benz dealership,” he answered. Oh, he drives a Mercedes because he works for Mercedes.
“He’s a car salesman?” I asked.
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“Not really,” he said, laughing. “Well, yeah, kind of. But he’s a manager!”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said. “Does he wear bad ties and have coffee breath?”
“No, he’s totally normal and really nice. C’mon…it’s a free dinner on Friday night,” he said, trying to convince me.
“Okay, fine,” I said. “What are the plans?”
“Well, you should be at my apartment by eight P.M. on Friday, and we’ll share a cab downtown to meet him and Samantha at a sushi restaurant called Bond Street.”
“Okay, eight P.M. on Friday at your place,” I said. “I’ll see you then.
But if this one tells me that he waxes his back in the first five minutes of meeting him like the last one did, I’m outta there,” I said.
Greg started laughing. “Yeah, sorry about that last one,” he said. “I’ll see you Friday.”
THE LOST RENT CHECK
Friday turned out to be a rainy and cold January day. I have never minded snow so much, but I have never been a big fan of rain. It always messes things up, like hair and shoes. I decided to leave work a bit early that night because I had to get some cash for my big date with the car salesman. So around 5:45 P.M., I grabbed my stuff and went to the corner deli to use their ATM.
After rummaging through the gum wrappers and lip gloss in my purse, I finally found my card and inserted it into the machine. I decided to take out $100 because in addition to needing some cash for the night, I also needed to pick up the outfit that I was going to wear at the dry cleaners. A few seconds later, the machine spit out a receipt, but no cash. Hmm.
I wasn’t sure what the problem was. I knew that I had money in my checking account because I had recently deposited a paycheck. I looked at the receipt and it said “Insufficient Funds” on it. Insufficient funds? How could that be? I looked at my watch. It was almost six o’clock.
