“Maybe too crazy.”
“Not really. You mellowed out toward the end of the evening. Then the band played this. It was a turning point. For me, anyway.”
Her voice softened. “And me. Dancing with you to this song was… a special moment.”
“All the moments were special.” He took a slow breath and let it out. “Izzy… can I take you home?”
She stiffened. “Is that what—”
“It’s not what you think. I won’t come in.”
“You won’t?”
Was there a trace of disappointment in her voice? “I thought we’d talk during the drive. I have some things to say.”
“That’s it? Just talking?” She sounded doubtful.
“And a kiss goodnight, if you’ll agree.”
“Aha.”
“Just one. Then I’ll leave.”
Color bloomed in her cheeks. “I’m not sure I believe you.”
“I give you my word.” He dragged in another breath. “If I ever make love to you again, and I hope to God I will, I don’t want a single doubt in your heart.”
“You’re confusing the heck out of me, CJ. I wonder if I know you at all.”
“I want you to. I want to know you, too.” He pressed her closer. The rounding of her belly was so slight that he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t known.
The reality still scared him some, but it also made him so happy he wanted to shout the news to the world. “We made a baby, Iz. A person will come into being because of us. We need to get to know each other.”
“I agree.” Her soft smile made his chest hurt.
“Will you let me take you home? Please?”
“Yes.”
He let out a breath. “Thank you.” And the song ended.
“Wow. Perfect timing.”
“I didn’t plan it that way.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he guided her back to the booth where she’d tucked her purse under the seat.
“But you requested the song for our dance. Why?”
“It says some things about my feelings that I don’t know how to say. Things that have nothing to do with sex.”
“Oh, I think they have a little something to do with sex.”
“All right.” While she reached under the seat for her purse, he turned, located Matt and gave him a wave to signal they were leaving. “Maybe twenty percent is about sex.”
She looped her purse strap over her shoulder. “How much of this evening did you plan?”
“Not much.” Putting his hand at her back, he started toward the door. “I just knew I wanted to drive you home.” The Brotherhood had taken it from there. “And not so we could make love, either. That was never my intention.”
“Never your intention?”
He sighed. “I don’t think I’ve realized how exacting you are.” He held the door and ushered her through.
“I’m extremely exacting. It’s one of the reasons my business got off the ground and has remained profitable.”
“Then I’ll be more specific, starting with last night. I slept with my phone under my pillow hoping you’d call and ask me to come over.”
“I had no intention of doing that.”
“I realized that eventually. Hey, it’s chilly out here. Let’s get you into the truck.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ll be more fine in the truck.” He hurried her across the sidewalk, opened the passenger door and handed her in.
After he’d closed the door and come around to climb behind the wheel, he glanced at her. “Since you didn’t call me during the night, I had to figure out when I’d see you next.” He fastened his seatbelt and started the engine. “In the beginning, I imagined a group setting that would eventually become one-on-one.”
“And we’d have sex tonight?”
“Yes, but then sometime during the morning, I—do I have to pinpoint the time?”
“No.” Sounded like she was trying not to laugh.
“Okay. This morning I realized we’re not ready to have sex.”
“Sounds like you anticipate having it at some point, though.”
“I wouldn’t say I anticipate it. I’m… hopeful.”
“Then you don’t agree that it would be a mistake?”
“No.”
“Because you’re planning to move to Seattle?”
“Yes.”
She groaned. “CJ.”
“But let’s put that aside for now.”
“I don’t think I can when I know that’s what you’re working toward. Do you think making love again will convince me I can’t live without you?”
“It’s a possibility. My memory of that night is that we couldn’t get enough of each other.” Reminding her was part of his strategy, but it was a double-edged sword. His jeans pinched.
“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t do it again. We’ll both be better off if we can tamp down our urges.”
“That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it.”
“Thanks.” She folded her arms over her chest. Not a happy camper.
Well, neither was he. “Let me ask you something. When you called Friday and I responded with I want to see you, you seemed relieved and happy that we’d be getting together. Why was that?”
Silence.
“Izzy?”
“I was upset.”
“Me, too.”
“I was nervous about how you’d react. You might have been angry. Or disbelieving. You could have insisted I get another test to be sure.”
“None of that crossed my mind. I was too busy scrambling for the right thing to say. From your reaction, it seemed like that’s what you wanted to hear.”
More silence. Then she took a shaky breath. “I did want to see you. I wanted you to hold me and tell me it would be okay, that we’d work this out.” Her voice grew quiet. “I was only thinking of myself.”
His chest tightened. Reaching over, he squeezed her shoulder. “We all do it. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Maybe not, but until this moment, I didn’t realize I’m responsible for this mess we’re in. I shouldn’t have come.”
“What?”
“Over the weekend I started thinking of you for a change and I knew you’d want to make love this week. Shoot, I did, too! But—”
“Hang on.” He slowed the truck as he entered the road leading to her cabin. “We’re almost there. This is important. I don’t want to be driving while we talk about it.”
She took a shaky breath. “Okay.”
“One thing you need to understand, though. If you hadn’t chosen to come here, I would have been on a plane to Seattle. I was going to see you, Iz, come hell or high water.”
Chapter Twelve
CJ’s declaration helped, but not much. Filled with self-recrimination, Isabel waited until he’d parked in front of her cabin and shut off the motor.
Then she unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to him. “Do you want to talk here or on the porch?”
He smiled. “Here is safer. The less time I spend on your porch the better.” He swept a hand toward her. “You have the floor.”
Such a good guy. Such a thorny problem. She cleared her throat. “When I realized sex would likely be part of my stay, I asked my doctor about whether it was a problem.”
“So you said.”
“She asked whether I was going to resume relations with the baby’s father. She was delighted when I said yes. Clearly she liked the prospect of the relationship continuing. I finally saw that a week of lovemaking would be the start of an impossible affair.”
His eyes glittered in the light from the porch. “Not if I move.”
“I never expected you to suggest that. Which only shows how little I know you.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I surprised myself with that decision, but I’m—”
“CJ, don’t do it. I can’t stop you, but please give up the idea. It’s not the answer. If you don’t believe me, ask Lucy. She grew up there. She wants
to believe you could adapt, but she admitted it’s a long shot.”
His chest heaved. “She’s probably right, but I’ve faced tough odds before.”
“You wouldn’t even be thinking this way if I’d stayed in Seattle instead of running down here to get comforted by you.”
“And Lucy.”
She nodded. “And Lucy. But mostly I came to be with you. Bad decision. If I hadn’t—”
“I would’ve hopped a plane.”
“And consequently been immersed in the city. You’d have faced the reality of noisy traffic, my tiny apartment and the frantic pace of my life as a business owner. I’m reasonably sure you wouldn’t have considered moving there after that.”
“But you don’t know for sure.”
“We’ll never know, because I came here. I walked off that plane rehearsing my speech about living separate lives. Then you took me in your arms and my perfect solution has been unraveling ever since.”
He reached for her hand and slid his fingers through hers. “It needed unraveling. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. From my standpoint, you coming here was the best move.”
“How can you say that?” The warmth of his touch radiated up her arm and spread through her body. We couldn’t get enough of each other. She swallowed.
“This is where it all began.” He stroked his thumb gently over her palm. “This is where we need to be while we tease out a solution.”
“Is there a good one? If so, I can’t see it.”
“I can. We found something special back in April. I believe we could find it again. And I’m not talking about sex.”
Her pulse rate climbed with every lazy stroke of his thumb. “Be honest.”
“Mostly I’m not talking about sex. Like for example, I’d like to tag along on your ride with Matt and Lucy tomorrow. But I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
“Of course I want you to. But I understand the dynamic better, now. What I want and what’s best aren’t the same things. After this discussion, I’m wondering if I should pack my bags.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’d rather you didn’t.”
“But you’ve suggested rekindling the flame while I—”
“Oh, it’s rekindled, Iz. I doubt we’ll succeed in dousing it anytime soon, even if you hightail it out of here.”
“You make it sound like I’d be running away.”
“If the shoe fits.”
“I’d be trying to make things easier for both of us.”
“Speak for yourself. Your leaving won’t make my life easier. Just the opposite.”
The tension in his voice ramped up her frustration. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You had a plan when you came. If you leave now, you won’t satisfy one of your stated objectives.”
“Which one?”
“That we become friends.” He gazed at her. “You do still want that, right? To give us a better chance of getting along as we co-parent our baby?”
“That was my original goal.”
“It’s a good one, too.”
“Are you saying you want to pursue a friendship with me?”
“That and more. I’d like to rediscover the connection we had during the wedding weekend, the mutual admiration society that led to climbing into bed the last night.”
“Because you’re hoping it’ll lead us there again?”
He laughed. “Yes, ma’am. Can’t blame me for that. But if friendship is all I get, that’s the way the cookie crumbles. FYI, riding together promotes friendship. Ask anybody on the ranch.”
“I’ll take a wild guess that you’ve already mentioned this to Matt and Lucy.”
“I have. It’s fine with them, but you have veto power.”
When it came to getting his way, CJ had skills. She’d be wise not to underestimate that as she navigated this tricky situation. But the prospect of seeing him on a horse was too delicious to pass up. “I’d like you to go. We can work on cultivating our friendship.”
“Definitely.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “I should let you go in. Get some rest.”
“Good idea.” She was wide awake and humming with sensual energy. Putting a closed door between this cowboy and her aroused self was a wise choice. Not her first one, though.
He released her hand. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
“That’s not necess—”
“Yes, ma’am, it is. I still want to claim my kiss.” He was out of the cab and around the front of the truck before she’d opened her door all the way.
To be fair, his last comment had distracted her. “What does a kiss have to do with friendship?”
“I’ll be friendly about it.” He helped her down.
If she had a brain in her head, she’d nix the kiss. But as her brain had taken a sudden vacay, she was totally looking forward to it. He was an excellent kisser. The brief touch of his lips when he’d met her at the airport had barely tapped into his abilities in that department.
“I’ve never given you a goodnight kiss.”
“I guess not.” She climbed the steps, her hand in his, her nerves vibrating in anticipation.
“Just a good-morning one.”
Her breath caught. “No fair.” Her core tightened.
“One of my favorite memories. You were so warm and relaxed.”
“Well, I’m not relaxed, now.” His lingering kisses from throat to thigh had led to the most intimate kiss of all, giving her one last orgasm. To remember me by, he’d murmured before slipping out of bed.
When they arrived at her cabin door, she turned to face him, heat simmering in her veins. “You’re not kissing me.” She freed her hand from his.
“Okay, I shouldn’t have brought up the—”
“I’m kissing you.” Lifting off his Stetson, she cupped the back of his head, rose to her toes and brushed her mouth over his.
He groaned softly. “Be my guest.”
Lips parted, she pressed lightly at first, relishing the contours of a mouth designed for this activity. No prickle of scruff marred the sensuous connection. She drew back a fraction. “You shaved.”
“Just for you, Iz.” His warm breath caressed her lips as he enclosed her in his strong arms. “Don’t stop.”
“Not gonna.” She took the kiss deeper, exploring with her tongue. His virile body tempted her to nestle closer.
With a hum of pleasure, he tugged her against his broad chest and aligned her hips with his. Uh-huh. Easy to tell what he had in mind.
Her body responded with a rush of moisture. She hadn’t meant to whimper, though. The needy sound erupted on its own.
His grip tightened and the balance shifted. Fine with her. She loved it when he went all in.
He was there, now. When CJ funneled all his manly energy into kissing her, she ran up the white flag. He was devastatingly thorough, a smokin’ hot cowboy in full command of his powers. He could have whatever he wanted.
She was at the point of dragging him inside when he slowed down long enough to lift his head. She tried to coax him back.
Gasping, he resisted. “No, Iz. I can’t kiss you anymore. If I do, we’ll be in your bed in five minutes.”
“Yes, please.” She struggled for breath.
“I promised we wouldn’t.”
“Some promises are made to be broken.”
“Not this one.” Slowly, with great tenderness, he released her. He made sure she didn’t topple over as he took back his Stetson.
Good thing, because she wasn’t all that steady on her pins. “I thought…” She pressed her hand to her heaving chest. “Didn’t you say you wanted…”
“It’s taking all I’ve got to back away.” His hot gaze started the fire all over again. “But I could ruin everything.”
“If I say it’s fine, then—”
“You could wake up in the morning and remember my broken promise. You can’t imagine how much I want to make love to you right now.”
“Oh, yes, I can. It’s written all ov
er you.” She glanced pointedly at the fly of his Wranglers. “Especially on the area below your belt.”
“The kiss was my idea. I apologize for leaving you frustrated.”
“And you’re not?”
“Sure, but I expected to be. I made that bargain with myself because I couldn’t stand going another night without kissing you. I wanted a real one, not the socially correct gesture in the airport.”
“There was nothing socially correct about what happened just now.”
“No.” A slow, sexy smile appeared as he held her gaze. “Think of it as a preview of what we could have if we give ourselves a chance.”
“So you’re really not coming inside?”
He shook his head.
“I can’t decide whether to admire your restraint or punch you in your sculpted abs.”
“Goodnight, Izzy.” He touched two fingers to the brim of his hat and walked back to his truck.
She stood on the porch until he drove away. Any minute he’d come back because he couldn’t stand it. But he didn’t come back. Which told her a great deal about Cornelius Jasper Andrews.
Chapter Thirteen
Should he take Izzy up on her offer? CJ gripped the wheel and forced himself to keep driving when every instinct screamed turn around, idiot. You had her right where you wanted her.
Yeah, but he’d been fighting dirty. He’d brought up her last orgasm to find out if it was still as fresh and vivid for her as it was for him. In the soft, pre-dawn light, he’d been inspired to give her a goodbye gift.
Half-awake, her warm body relaxed and welcoming, she’d surrendered more completely than ever before. She’d been his to caress, to pleasure, to love. Then he’d left without taking anything for himself. He’d wanted their final connection to be all about her.
Noble? Hell, no. Selfish and prideful. He’d wanted to make a lasting impression, be better, more giving, than any guy before or since. He’d hoped she’d miss him. A lot. Possessive much, cowboy?
He hadn’t accepted the restrictions on their relationship back then, even though he’d believed he had. His sperm hadn’t accepted them, either. Those determined little swimmers had stormed the barricades to guarantee Izzy wouldn’t forget CJ Andrews.
Rafe’s truck was parked beside the bunkhouse, so the party must have broken up soon after he and Izzy left. When he opened the squeaky front door, the bunkroom was empty and a conversation was in progress in the kitchen. It abruptly ceased, which probably meant they were talking about him.
Baby-Daddy Cowboy (The Buckskin Brotherhood Book 3) Page 7
