With a deep sigh, she got to her feet. She would return to the McLains’. Perhaps they could advise her. Or she could confess everything, and her husband could choose to reject her. She would be no further behind but would have a clearer conscience. She would be able to comfort herself that she had done the right thing. It was cold comfort, but she would take comfort wherever she could.
Stepping from the station, she felt her feet weighted down with her dread. But she determined to follow through. If she wasn’t rejected by the handsome man, she would work her hardest to be the best wife she possibly could be. She knew how to work hard. She had an entire history of doing so. Surely, being a wife couldn’t be much more difficult than what she had already faced. And she tried not to be too optimistic, but there was a possibility that it might even be easier than some situations she had faced. But it would be better not to have her expectations too high.
Her feet dragged. It had seemed long enough in the dead of night, but walking the distance between the station and the McLains’ a second time was becoming excruciating. And the first time, she had felt as though she were escaping. Now, on the return trip, her heart filled with dread and it added weight to her feet and legs. She hoped she could make it before dark settled in once more. Jane castigated herself for not having the foresight to bring food along. What had she been thinking? She hadn’t been; more’s the pity.
Just when she thought she couldn’t go on, a carriage came into view. Jane wondered if she had conjured the sight. Then she wished it would disappear, when she realized it was her husband. She probably looked a sight. Jane had very little confidence in her appearance at the best of times, but she was certain that now, worn out from two very long walks and a day without eating, she must look frightful. It was all a bit much. She felt the edges of her consciousness turning fuzzy, but she refused to give in to the weakness. Clenching her teeth, she stepped off the road to get out of his way as he pulled the carriage to a halt beside her.
Chapter Two
Fred gazed at the woman before him. She looked dainty and fragile and nothing like the woman he had spoken to earlier today, but from Ella’s description, he was nearly certain this was his wife. She looked as though the next wind would carry her away. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on.
Part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, as he could clearly see a war taking place on her face. But the other part of him wanted to yell at her for being so foolish as to run away in the middle of the night. And to walk so very far on her own. Had she no concern for her own safety? Or had she dreaded their marriage so much that she would rather risk life and limb?
That thought held him paralyzed. He had thought he was doing her a favor in marrying her. Or rather they were doing each other a service through their marriage by proxy. The fact that she had run away when she knew he would be arriving led him to believe she didn’t view it in quite the same manner.
“Miss Cosburn?” he asked, even though he wanted to call her Mrs. Fredericksburg.
“Yes?”
“I’m Alastair Fredericksburg. My friends call me Fred. I believe I’m your husband.”
If it were possible, her face turned a whiter shade of pale, and Fred was almost certain she was going to topple over, but she stiffened her spine and remained upright. He admired the steel that was clearly evident in her, despite her attack of nerves over their marriage.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” she answered him with a thin voice that barely breathed past her whitened lips.
“It doesn’t seem to me that it is a pleasure for you, since you saw fit to run away rather than make my acquaintance.”
He shouldn’t have goaded her. She took a step back and leaned against the tree near the road. She was such a slip of a thing that she barely moved the scrawny tree.
“I needed a few minutes to think things over, sir. I apologize for my rudeness.”
“No need to apologize to me, although Ella and Carter might have some words for you. It’s not all that surprising that you had a few second thoughts about wedding a stranger.”
He could see timidity shivering all around her, but she met his gaze and spoke despite it. “Did you have second thoughts?”
“I did all my second thinking before signing the paperwork,” was all he bothered to answer. It was too complicated to explain it all right now when she was clearly at the end of her energy. “Never mind about that, though. It seems your energy is about to give out on you. Can I help you up into the wagon? I’m fairly certain the McLains will have some sort of food prepared for us. Ella seemed like she was going to fill the house with her cooking today. She said it gave her something to do while she worried about you.”
He probably shouldn’t have said that either. The girl’s moan was low but clearly audible. “I shouldn’t have run out like that. I should have realized she would worry. Do you think it has harmed the babe?”
Fred appreciated that she was expressing concern for others. He had wondered momentarily if she was dreadfully selfish when he turned up and she was nowhere to be found. While she might still be, at least she was showing more concern for someone other than herself.
“Carter has been keeping her calm throughout the day, as much as possible, but it will be good for her to know that you are well.”
The girl nodded and climbed slowly into the carriage, being careful to stay well away from him.
“Might I ask where you have been?”
Her cheeks colored, but he couldn’t tell if it was from anger or embarrassment.
“I was at the train station.”
He stared at her blankly. “In Council Bluffs?”
Now she stared at him as though he were a simpleton. “Yes, I know of no other station close by.”
“But that’s just it — it isn’t close by. How did you get there? And back here? Did someone give you a ride?”
“No, it was the middle of the night. There was no one about for me to ask.”
“You walked all the way to the train station in the middle of the night?”
“Well it took all night, so I guess I wouldn’t say the middle of the night.”
Fred wasn’t certain if she were trying to be funny or not and stared at her to ascertain her meaning. One corner of her mouth lifted in what appeared to be a self-deprecating smile.
“I guess it’s not the time to make light of the situation, is it?”
She looked away as though she couldn’t meet his gaze but then brought her face back toward his, took a deep breath, and brought her eyes to meet his. He appreciated that it appeared to be a brave act.
“I apologize, sir, I didn’t mean to cause trouble or upset. I will apologize to Ella and Carter as soon as we arrive there. They have been nothing but kindness toward me, despite what my sister tried to do to them. I owe them better than I did.”
Fred’s heart went out to her. The beautiful, young woman clearly had a gentle soul. She had probably just become overwhelmed with nerves. It was perfectly understandable under the circumstances, he supposed. She might never have learned how to express her concerns, judging from the harpy who was her sister. He felt the urge to reach out and clasp the hands that were clenched tightly in her lap in an effort to offer comfort but was uncertain if it would be a welcomed gesture at this point in their acquaintance. He settled for patting her on the shoulder but could feel her slight flinch under his hand, so he didn’t prolong the contact. He sighed. This was going to take more effort than he had thought it would.
Perhaps it had been arrogant or merely short sighted of him, but he had thought all he needed to do was show up and claim his bride, and she would fall in with his plans immediately. His history of arranging brides by proxy for his friends had lead him to believe it was as easy as riding a horse, but then he remembered the few times he had fallen off as a boy and realized that maybe his analogy was a good one. Eventually it would become second nature, but there might be a couple bumps in
the road at the beginning. Fred resolved to ask Carter how he and Ella had adjusted to their marriage so easily. And while he was at it, perhaps he would wire Ransom and ask if he and Hannah could come for a visit. They were only a state away. Perhaps they could ride the train and meet up for a few days. He should probably check with Carter and Ella before making such plans.
Fred had been hoping to collect his bride and return to the city right away, but it might help them both transition if they could get to know one another in the company of friends. He suddenly remembered his wife had said she was on her way to the train station.
“Had you a particular destination in mind when you reached the station? Or you just thought to get on the first one that arrived?”
He heard her sigh and almost smiled.
“I had a destination. Perhaps it would have been wise to catch the first one. It was the one you arrived on. I hid in the luggage room while you got off. Not that you would have known me, but fear does strange things to otherwise sensible people.”
“That it does,” he agreed in a cheerful tone. “Were you hoping to visit friends? I could accompany you if you wish to go somewhere particularly. Or I could take you to visit my friends. Has Carter ever mentioned Ransom Delaney to you? We all went to school together. I haven’t seen him in years. He and his wife and family live just a state away.”
Once again that brought her gaze sharply to his face. He could feel her searching his gaze as though trying to ascertain his meaning. Fred tried to keep his face as relaxed as possible, unsure what she might be reading there or what she was even looking for. It wasn’t a complicated sentence, he hadn’t thought.
“You’re being terrible kind to me,” she stated. “Aren’t you angry that I ran away?”
“Angry? No. You had an attack of nerves, didn’t you?”
She nodded but didn’t say anything.
“It would have been better if you had chosen to discuss your feelings with someone. Me preferably, of course,” he said with a smile but hurried on at the stricken expression upon her face. “Or Ella. I believe you two are friends. I don’t know her really well, but she’s best friends with my sister. I know she can keep a confidence.”
Fred couldn’t interpret the brief expression that flitted across Jane’s face when he mentioned his sister and her friendship with Ella but he plowed on.
“But, no, I’m not angry with you at all.”
She offered him a half smile and nodded, looking away from him once more.
“You said you hid while I disembarked. So, you actually managed to walk all the way to the station? You must be exhausted! And you had made it almost all the way back! Did you have help returning?”
Jane sighed again. “No, I walked the entire way. I’m a good walker. Fast. It isn’t that difficult. And you can think all sorts of things while you walk, especially if you’re by yourself, so it isn’t such a terrible thing. But, yes, I am rather tired. I, of course, didn’t sleep last night. And, stupidly, I didn’t think to take any food with me, not that I would want to take Ella’s provisions, but I’m sure she wouldn’t have begrudged me an apple or two. But in my haste, I didn’t even take that. So, I’m even more hungry than I am tired.”
“Why didn’t you buy something to eat while you were in Council Bluffs or when you passed through Trader’s Point?” He hadn’t paid much attention when he was there, but the town with the train station should have had several places she could have purchased food, and even the smaller town would have one or two.
Her delicate features colored once more, and her shoulder lifted in a half shrug. “I spent all my money on my ticket.”
“Which you haven’t even used.” Fred didn’t mean to sound censorious, but he was now concerned that the girl truly might faint on him before he got her back to Carter’s property. Being a city man, he wasn’t so familiar with the wagon he was driving, and he didn’t know the animals at all. He wasn’t certain he would be able to catch a fainting woman and control a moving wagon at the same time.
Jane would no longer meet his gaze, and her voice was barely audible as she said, “The station master assured me that I could use my ticket another day, but he would subtract a bit for a fee for the trouble. But I won’t lose the entirety of the cost of the ticket. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize,” Fred said once more, wishing they were starting on a different foot. “I shouldn’t have been short with you. I’m more concerned for you than I expected to be, and that led me to snap. Are you going to be able to manage until we get there? I don’t have anything with me.”
“I’ll be fine. Hunger isn’t deadly.”
“It can be,” he argued.
“One or two days without food doesn’t do much harm.”
Fred blinked. She sounded as though she were speaking from experience. He was just about to question her further when she surprised him with her question.
“Where were you going when you came across me?”
“I was looking for you.”
Her eyebrows rose, and a smile touched her pale lips. “You were?”
“Of course, I was! We were worried about you.”
She hung her head, and her smile died. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Never mind with the apologies. At least you were coming back. What made you change your mind?”
What appeared to be dozens of conflicting emotions crossed her face one after the other. Fred couldn’t catch them, but he was left with the impression that she was still torn on the subject. He waited to hear what she would give as way of explanation.
She gave him that cute, one shouldered shrug once more. “I didn’t want to inconvenience you.”
Fred threw back his head and laughed. He couldn’t help himself, even though she didn’t look most pleased at his amusement.
“I’m sorry, my dear, I promise I’m not laughing at you. But from my perspective, marriage isn’t all that convenient. So, it just sounded funny when you said it like that.”
She shrugged again. “I guess I should have said I didn’t want to inconvenience you further. Saving me by marrying me, already was an inconvenience, I’m sure. And then to come all this way, which you needn’t have done. I could have come to you.”
Fred raised his eyebrows at her. “Really? You would have come to me? You ran away when you found out I was coming to you.”
Jane smiled. “True. But perhaps action would have helped me feel like I had control over my life. That’s actually why I came back. Leaving and buying the train ticket with my last few coins made me feel less at the mercy of fate and others. So, coming to you might have done the same.”
“Well, I wasn’t to know that,” Fred excused.
His wife smiled. “Of course, you weren’t. I didn’t know it either until just now.”
Fred continued. “And actually, I should explain to you that while marriage might not be so convenient, our marriage wasn’t merely to save you. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement, I can assure you.”
Now her eyes were wide, reminding him of a baby owl. “How could I benefit you?”
Wishing he hadn’t brought up the subject, wanting to wait until they knew each other better, Fred tentatively patted her on the shoulder once more. “I’ll explain it to you later,” he assured her. He was filled with gratitude that the McLains’ house had come into view, saving him from the awkward conversation. “We’ve arrived, and we need to get you fed before you fall over from your hunger.”
She scoffed. “I’m not such a weakling.” But then followed up on her words by needing to cling to the wagon as she climbed down.
Ella hurried from the house and gathered Jane into her outstretched arms. “You poor girl, you must be exhausted. We’ve been worried sick about you, you silly thing. Come inside, and I’ll feed you up properly.”
Fred watched with fascination. The Ella St. Clair he had known in Boston had been a city girl from the crown of her head down to the tips of her toes. And he hadn’t thought she ha
d a motherly bone in her body. But now, watching her cluck over the “girl” who couldn’t be any younger than she was, he could see that she was going to be an excellent mother to the baby she was going to have.
Fred felt his chest clench with what was most likely envy as he watched his old friend Carter follow after his wife and her charge. Fred felt excluded from the familial scene, even though it was actually his wife being borne along by the pair. At least she was his wife on paper. She was clearly reluctant to take on the role in actuality. At least she came back. He would have to be satisfied with that.
I didn’t want to inconvenience you. What did that say about the young woman who was his wife? Her only concern was to not be an inconvenience. Clearly, she wasn’t from a loving household, judging from what he had seen of her sister. He wondered if mental illness ran in the family. It was a little late to worry about that now that they were legally committed to one another. Of course, he could always get that reversed, but that seemed churlish at this point. They had committed to one another in good faith. They would have to try to make the most of it.
At least she had come back. He would have to focus on that one bright thought. She hadn’t abandoned her commitments, even if she had succumbed to a moment of nerves. And she had clearly been concerned for Ella and her baby. And the McLains spoke highly of her. And he had given his word.
This last thought was the most important. He prided himself deeply on being a man of his word. And the financial windfall that had accompanied his marriage made it possible for him to provide for his sister. For that alone he owed his loyalty to the young woman who was his wife. She may never fully comprehend the debt he owed her. He needed to set himself to the task of making sure she had a good life. Starting with making sure she was fed.
This prompted his feet to finally set themselves in motion, and he hurried after the trio who had gone ahead of him.
Chapter Three
Jane felt tears prickling at the backs of her eyes. She didn’t want to give in to the weakness, but her tired and hungry state was making it more difficult than usual. Everyone was being extraordinarily kind to her, considering how much trouble she was being. It made her decidedly uncomfortable. She never should have walked away in the first place. Then she wouldn’t be in this predicament.
A Bride for Alastair Page 2
