“There’s only one squad car keeping an eye on things,” she said and pulled up to the yellow tape like she owned the place. “Put Doughboy in a backpack and follow my lead. Chances are I know these guys.”
We followed her out of the jeep, hanging back while she talked to the officer guarding the place. He was wary at first, but a little flirting on Becka’s part had him rubbing the nape of his neck and blushing. He was a portly dude, and looked like a good guy, but Becka’s charms would eat away his resolve in about thirty seconds flat.
When she touched his shoulder, it was over, and he finally caved.
“Five minutes, that’s it,” he said as she waved us over. “If anyone finds you messing with a crime scene, I’ll be screwed.”
“Thanks, bro,” I said as I went by.
He gave Eva and Scarlett, in their strange-to-him clothes, confused glances, but their bright smiles quenched any questions he might have. We picked our way through the rubble and hurried into Romano’s office. I put Doughboy on the desk and looked at Eva.
She bit her lip and took a deep breath.
“You’ve got this,” I said, rubbing her shoulder. “Take your time.”
She nodded and dropped to her knees, then closed her eyes and raised her hands.
“Anything you need from us?” I asked.
“Silence,” she replied softly. “And stay close. I’m asking Celesta to take us all to Tarth.”
“All of us?” said Becka hopefully. “Like all of us?”
“Yes,” said Eva. “Shh.”
“Give me a second.” Becka bolted from the office, and I called after her, but she didn’t respond.
“Celesta, goddess of virtue. My savior, my light in times of darkness. Please here my prayer….”
She chanted the same thing over and over, and I paced by the office door, biting my nails and waiting for Becka to return. I didn’t want to leave without her again, and I couldn’t imagine what the hell she was doing.
When she finally returned, she was carrying the big hockey bag full of guns.
“You went back for guns?” I whispered, so as not to disturb Eva.
“If I’m going to Tarth, I’m bringing a fucking arsenal,” she whispered back.
“… hear my prayer!”
Eva started to glow. To my surprise, a swirling portal opened up on the wall behind Romano’s desk.
“I’ve done this four times now, and I’m still nervous as shit.” I shouldered the backpack with Doughboy in it and clutched my pizza shovel.
“You’re nervous?” said Becka in disbelief.
“Hurry before it closes,” said Eva, and we all rushed into the portal.
Stars and planets shot by me as I was launched through space like a beam of light. I was weightless, bodyless, but inwardly, I was screaming at the top of my spiritual lungs.
A blue planet grew out of blackness and engulf me, and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was lying on the cold ground, a blue sky above me, and I smiled. Scarlett, Eva, and Becka were on the snow beside me, and I realized we were in the northern Badlands. The remnants of the destroyed crystal tower lay around us, but the world was quiet, it was at peace.
Becka’s eyes were clenched shut.
“You can open them now,” I said with a laugh.
She did, and her face lit up when she saw the Eye of Thodin. “Holy fu—”
“I brought you back because Scarlett and Eva belong here,” said Celesta, who was standing beside the portal, holding it open. “But I must close this portal and never open it again, lest someone like Gorrcon try to get to your world. You must choose for the last time, Jake Baker. Remain in Tarth forever or return to Earth. Choose wisely, and do it quickly.”
I helped Becka up and glanced at Scarlett and Eva. The princess offered me a sympathetic smile. Scarlett grinned hopefully and shrugged.
“Why do we have to choose right this minute?” I asked, panicked by the ultimatum. My mind raced. Stay or go, stay or go. If Becka wanted to leave, would I stay? If she wanted to stay, did I really want to live on Tarth for the rest of my life?
“Keeping the portal open taxes me,” Celesta said evenly. “Decide!”
I took Becka’s hands. “Becka, I don’t want you to do anything that you’ll re—”
“We’ll stay!” she blurted. She made a comical face and bit her lip, squeezing my hands. “Right? We can stay. I mean, it’s not every day you get to go to another world. How many people can say they’ve done that? Besides, Eva and Scarlett are here, and I absolutely adore them.”
“You’re sure?” I asked cautiously.
She nodded. “Tell her we’ll stay before I change my mind.”
I looked at the sky, where the Eye of Thodin hung brightly in the cloudless heavens. There was nothing to think about. If I returned to Earth, even with Becka, I would always wonder, and if I stayed on Tarth, I doubted I would wonder what my life would have been like on Earth. That planet was a shit show. Here, I was someone.
Hell, on Tarth I was a legend.
“We’ll stay,” I told Celesta, and a weight I hadn’t known I was carrying fell away.
“Very well,” she said and closed the portal to Earth forever.
“Holy shit, holy shit , holy shit,” Becka sang breathlessly, like she was having a panic attack.
“You okay?”
“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” Tears flooded her eyes, and she covered her mouth.
“Welcome to Tarth,” said Eva, arms open wide.
Becka laughed and cried and hugged her. Scarlett joined them, and I smiled, not wanting to forget this image until my dying day.
“You have defeated Gorrcon?” Celesta asked me.
“He’s toast.”
“Good,” she said, then her eyes narrowed. “Is that Doughboy in your pack?”
“Yeah.” I shouldered it off and carefully extracted his green, sickly body. He coughed a few times and twitched in a fevered sleep.
“Not sweeeet, not sweeeet,” he said in a faraway voice that faintly resembled Cartman’s from South Park.
“He was tossed in a pond that was glowing with some weird green necromantic power,” I said, holding his head in my hand. “Can you help him?”
“This is a powerful curse,” said Celesta. “A curse of death only cured by one thing.”
“What is it. What do we have to do?”
“Name it, and we’ll travel the world for the cure,” said Eva.
“Doughboy can only be revived by the kiss of true love,” Celesta said in all seriousness.
I glanced at my buddy and shrugged. “Does bromance count?”
Eva, Scarlett, and Becka knelt beside and kissed his puffy green cheeks at the same time.
My doughy sidekick’s eyes opened wide, and a giggly “Sweeeet!” escaped him.
I glanced at Celesta. “Is this for real?”
She offered me a wink.
Doughboy tried to kiss the girls back, which made them laugh.
“Good to have you back, bro.” I helped him to his feet, and he hugged my leg like a toddler.
“Thank you for answering all my prayers, my goddess,” said Eva, giving the revered woman a deep bow.
“You are welcome, priestess. Your devotion is hard to ignore.”
“So, about the portal to Earth never being opened again,” I said slowly. “Was that figurative or literal?”
“It is too dangerous for your world. There were once monsters on Earth, but the magi of old opened a portal from Earth to Tarth, and they banished the monsters here. They sent humans to Tarth as well: criminals, malcontents, and other undesirables. Then the portal between worlds was closed. When I summoned you here by accident, I unknowingly opened the old gateway. But I have sealed it again, and as long as I watch over this world, it shall remain that way.”
“Tarth is Earth’s Australia?” I said.
“What are you talking about?” Becka asked.
“You know, Australia and Canada, back in t
he day, that’s where the British Empire sent their criminals. That’s how those countries got populated by non-natives.”
“As I was saying,” said Celesta. “There is no going back to Earth. You have made your choice.”
“Why did you bring us back to the Badlands?” Scarlett asked as she scanned the snowy landscape.
“This is where you left from, and it was easier to bring you back to this location. Your Pegasi have waited for you.”
Becka laughed with delight when she saw the graceful creatures circling above us.
The two magnificent white Pegasi landed gracefully and trotted over to us, shaking their heads and snorting.
“They are happy to see that you made it back in one piece,” said Celesta, petting one.
“They’re so beautiful,” said Becka, hesitantly touching one of the creatures.
“Do you want to ride one?” I asked.
She nodded eagerly.
“I must leave you now,” said Celesta. “I trust you know your way back to Zenfindel?”
“Of course,” said Eva with another bow. “Thank you, my goddess.”
Celesta floated into the air and faded. Soon she was gone.
“Shall we?” said Scarlett, mounting one of the winged beauties.
“Yeah, it’s cold as shit here.” I climbed into the saddle and helped Becka up behind me.
“Where are we headed?” she asked.
“The Black Keep.” I glanced at Scarlett. “I’ve got a few choice words for Red Black.”
We reached the Black Keep the next day. I woke up Becka, who’d been dozing against my back, and helped her out of the saddle before walking up to the big doors. Using the butt of my pizza shovel, I pounded on the door like a bill collector.
Men looked down from the battlements, then someone yelled for the doors to be opened. When one among them announced that Scarlett had returned, they cheered.
The large doors opened, and Red appeared, smiling at Scarlett like a doting father. “Has Gorrcon been defeated?” he asked, and the men and women standing around waited with bated breath to hear the answer.
I strode up to Red with a big smile on my face and punched him in the nose.
Blades were freed from sheaths and arrows were nocked by skilled archers as Red fell on his ass, holding his bloody nose, but he held up a staying hand to his soldiers. “Stand down,” he ordered.
“I should kill you, you son of a bitch! You sold me out to Gorrcon. You knew he could use my blood to open a portal to my planet.”
“I did what I had to do to protect my people and my world.” He dragged himself to his feet and hacked a bloody loogie on the ground.
“You’re a real fucking hero.”
“I can’t believe you did that,” said Scarlett.
“Sometimes hard choices have to be made,” said the old man, looking shamefaced.
“And all this shit about the wizard being the only one who could stop Gorrcon. I suppose that was a ruse as well?” I asked.
“No, that was Plan B,” said Red. “In case you failed.”
“Gorrcon said he’d spoken to you. How long have you been in league with the warlock?”
“In league?” He laughed. “I was never in league with Gorrcon. I went to his lair to free Scarlett and the others, despite knowing I would most likely fail. He almost killed me, but then I thought of you, of your world, and I told him I could lure you to him. He agreed and allowed me to take the rest of the clan home. But he kept Scarlett.”
“I was your bait?” Scarlett said angrily, and the watchers murmured amongst themselves, clearly not pleased by their leader’s actions.
“It was the only way,” said Red, “and it worked.”
“Celesta has closed the portal to Earth for good,” I said. “Because of you, Becka and I are stuck here.”
“You can think what you want about me,” said Red. “I’m too old to care. As I said, I did what I had to do, and I’d do it again. Don’t misunderstand. I’m glad you defeated him and survived to tell about it. You have saved Tarth once again from a terrible evil, and for that you should be commended.”
“I don’t want shit from you.”
“I thought you might say that.”
I shook my head and turned away, gesturing to the girls. “Let’s get out of here.”
Eva and Becka returned to the Pegasi, but Scarlett stared at Red for a long moment. “Goodbye, Father,” she said before joining me.
We mounted the Pegasi and left.
With our winged mounts, it was a hell of a lot easier traversing the Badlands. They flew above the clouds on wings as white as snow, and soon we were soaring over the Monster Bane Mountains. Eva steered south from there, and we continued on over shimmering lakes, green fields, ancient forests, and bustling towns.
It was close to nightfall when we arrived at the Temple of Celesta. We landed in the grassy valley where I’d been summoned by the goddess the second time.
We dismounted stiffly, and I stretched, groaning when my back and elbows popped.
“That was the longest flight ever,” said Becka, awkwardly walking away from the mounts and squatting in the grass.
“That’s a great idea.” I took a few steps away and pissed like I’d been drinking beer all night and held it for three hours.
“This is where I leave you.” Eva said when we gathered together again.
“Leave us?” said Becka, concerned. “But why would you do that?”
“I have duties to fulfill, both as a princess and a priestess. But I will not be far away.” Eva regarded Scarlett. “I assume you’re returning to your manor?”
“Yes, for a time,” she said.
“You mind if we shack up with you?” I asked Scarlett. “Since my place was burned to the ground—”
“Of course,” said Scarlett, smiling at Becka and me. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Sweeeet,” said Doughboy and hugged her leg.
“Promise you’ll come visit,” Becka said to Eva.
“Of course. It isn’t far from here, and you are all welcome any time.”
The girls hugged her, and Doughboy gave her a big kiss on the cheek. When the princess turned to me, there were tears of joy in her eyes.
“Come here,” I said, arms wide. We shared a long hug, then she kissed me passionately. I kissed her back, savoring the moment.
“Thank you for everything,” I said at length.
“I should thank you.” She smiled coyly. “Don’t be a stranger, you hear?”
“I won’t.”
She gave me one last hug, then raised her hands and swept them over her face. When I blinked again, I was looking at Hannah.
“Well that’s a fun trick,” said Becka.
“Goodbye for now,” said Eva, and walked toward the temple gates.
“Shall we?” said Scarlett, and she swung up into the saddle. Doughboy jumped on behind her. “I can’t wait for you to see my manor.”
Becka clapped excitedly, and we mounted our Pegasus. The mounts trotted, then galloped across, extended their majestic wings, and soon we were soaring above the land. I couldn’t help but smile as the wind buffeted my face, and Becka clung to me tightly from behind.
I was on another planet full of mythical creatures a million miles from Earth.
But I was home.
Want more?
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