“I don’t see dark in you, not at all. You’re blinded to something that doesn’t exist.”
“Chloe—”
“No, Weed. You’re not pushing me aside because of some ridiculous false notion you have.”
She rolls to her toes and claims my mouth before I can protest more. The feel of her as she runs her hands under my kutte has any objection dying in my throat. I couldn’t pull away even if my life depended on it.
I tangle my fingers in her hair as she continues to plunder my mouth, taking what she wants, and my cock hardens in my jeans at her taking control. It’s hot as hell.
When she pulls back finally, her gaze is heavy as she takes me in.
“Maybe I’m a deluded fool, but I can’t help it. I see you—the real you. I see the guy who waded in between me, Jesse and my father to protect us, the man who is trying to get us into a better flat, so we’re safe. I see the man who takes care of my brother like he’s his own. Weed, I see you.”
I swallow bile. No words could scare me more. I don’t need someone looking inside me and coming to the wrong conclusion, which is exactly what she’s done. “That’s not me, Chloe. I’m the guy who does bad things because he’s asked it. I’m the guy who drinks too much, smokes too much and wakes up places he doesn’t remember getting to. I’m the guy who fucks random women whose names he doesn’t even remember. Christ, I woke up just after we met in bed with a blonde woman I don’t even remember fucking.” She flinches and I want to tear my own head off for causing that, but I’m on a roll and there’s no stopping me now I’ve started. “And that’s not even looking at my past. You have no idea about the shit I had to do back then to survive. I’m not who you think, Chloe. I’m a bastard. A broken bastard who will bring you nothing but pain and trouble.”
“Then tell me what you had to do. Open up to me.” The plea in her voice cuts me to the core.
I shake my head. “No one will ever know the filth in my life—least of all you. All you need to know is that because of it we can never be together. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry.”
It kills me, gores me to do it, but I step away from her. “I’m sorry, Chlo. You deserve better. You need better, and I can’t be that for you.”
Her mouth pulls into a line as I say these words. “You’re scared.” The accusation surprises me. She’s astute.
“I’m not scared. I’m telling you the truth.”
She shakes her head. “You’re terrified of taking that step, of letting someone in.”
“Chloe, no. That’s not what I’m saying at all.”
She smiles at me, but there’s a hint of sadness, as if she knows we’ve hit the end of the road here. “I know a little about self-flagellation, Weed, and what you’re doing is that. I don’t pretend to understand what you’ve been through and why it led to you pushing everything good in your life away, but you need to let it go.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“No, but you’ll feel freer when you do.”
She kisses my cheek and then walks back in the direction of the common room.
Chapter Fourteen
Having Chloe in my space last night was a cruel and unusual punishment. I couldn’t stop staring at her, and her words rolled around my brain the entire time I watched her interacting with the girls. I could have made her leave, but truthfully, I liked having her in my eyeline. Like a creeper, I kept an eye on her the entire night, making sure she was okay, but also making sure no one tried anything with her. Possessive? Absolutely. I acted like a maniac and I couldn’t stop myself. She’s pushing buttons I didn’t even know I had simply by being in my space.
But Chloe Allen is a mystery to me. There’s something about her that keeps my interest and it’s the first time that has happened in a long time—maybe ever. I’ve never been interested in women beyond shagging them. Chloe is different, though, and I don’t know why. All she’s brought is a truckload of problems to my door, so my need to protect her is bizarre. I’ve never had that level of care for anyone who wasn’t an old lady or attached to the Club in some way.
The day she made dinner for us was so normal, so pedestrian, it freaked me out, but it felt good too. It was nice to have something real for a change. And yeah, if I’m being honest, she’s getting under my skin in a way that I don’t want her to. My desire is overcoming sense and I’m starting to not care if I’m bad for her. My need for her is more pressing. And I do need her. I crave her with an unhealthy need.
Sitting in the common room, watching the prospects clean up after the party, I let my mind wander to what life could be like if I just threw caution to the wind and opened myself up to her. I want to do it, but I’m scared of doing it too.
“Do you ever leave?” Jamie’s voice has my head dipping from the ceiling towards her. “I mean, you know fresh air is good for you, right?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Why would I leave and deny you a chance to look at this handsome mug?”
She sinks down next to me, sliding her bag off her shoulder and peeling her gloves off. “Hmm, if you say so.”
“Ouch, way to ruin a man’s pride.”
Jamie sighs. “Sorry. I’m grumpy. It’s colder than a nun’s tit today.”
I snort. Jamie’s funny as fuck. She’s also an amazing lay. I don’t even want to remember how that incident came about, but there was a truckful of tequila involved and a game of strip poker. It ended inevitably.
“See, now you have me thinking about tits.”
She smacks my bicep. “Don’t be such a dirty creep.”
“I can’t help it. It’s who I am, Jame.”
“It’s not, though, is it?”
I stare at her before scrubbing a hand over my jaw. “It’s too early for psychotherapy.”
“I’m not giving you any. I’m just stating the facts as I see them.” She tilts her head to the side and says, “So what’s the deal with you and that pretty little redhead?”
“None of your business.” I take a deep drink of my pint.
“Weed!”
I sigh. “Let it go, okay? It’s not something you need to get your claws into and try to fix.”
And she will. Jamie is nothing if not persistent. I didn’t know her father, Jeff. He died about eight months before I started prospecting, but from what the guys have told me, Jamie shares a lot of qualities with her old man.
“So, there is something going on? I knew it!” She claps her hands together.
“You don’t know shit.”
And it’s going to stay that way. The last thing I need is for her to try and play fucking matchmaker.
Her hand comes to my bicep and when I meet her gaze, it’s serious. “You deserve good in your life, Weed.”
I don’t, but I keep that to myself.
I start to push up from my seat. “I’m not in the mood for a chick chat.”
She grabs the hem of my kutte and pulls me back into my seat. “Untwist your knickers. I’ll stop giving you a hard time about Red, but I will just say this, Weed. She seems nice and she’d be a good fit for you.”
I take a long swig of my drink, ignoring her words. I don’t ever need to be thinking Chloe would be good for me.
“She’s not interested.” I try to deflect, thinking this will end the conversation. It doesn’t.
“Oh, she’s interested. More than interested, in fact.”
I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help but say, “Did she mention something to you?”
Jamie smiles and it’s a knowing look. “No. She didn’t have to. She practically had her eyes glued to you the entire time she was here.”
Heat settles in my stomach, a pleasant warmth that spreads through my body. I like this idea, even as much as it scares me. Since I kissed her, I can’t stop thinking about what else could happen between us, which is not a good idea.
“There’s nothing going on between us.”
“Pity.” Jamie glances around the room then says to me in a low voice, “Any chance I c
an lose my guard dog for an hour today? Lucas is driving me nuts following me like a puppy.”
I stare at her. Is she crazy? “No.”
“Weed!”
“Is this the only reason you came to talk to me? Did you think I’d be the soft touch out of all the brothers?”
“No.” Her expression says otherwise, though.
“Let me clue you in, Jame, I’m not a soft touch and I’m not helping you slip out of the clubhouse unnoticed either. Dylan is still out there, still baying for Club blood. Do you think I would ever let you do something that’s going to put you in harm’s way? Besides, why in the fuck do you need to slip your ‘guard dog’ for an hour? What’s going on?”
She tosses her head and glances down at her drink. “Nothing is going on.” Liar. “But I need five minutes to myself without being tailed. I’m not even really Club, so I don’t see why I need the protection detail.”
My brows come together. “What the fuck are you talking about? You’re absolutely Club. Fuck, are you still hung up on that? Woman, you’re part of this Club as much as everyone else.”
A dismissive wave of her hand follows. “Never mind that. Can you help me or not.”
“Not.”
She huffs out a breath. “It’s ridiculous. I’m fed up of having people following me around. Plus, with those kuttes on they’re scaring off half of my friends.”
“Too bad,” I tell her. “Keeping you and the others safe is our only priority.”
“But—”
“You leave the clubhouse, a brother or prospect is on you. Understand?”
Sinking back in the chair, she crosses her arms over her chest. “You guys are so overbearing,” she mutters.
“Get used to it.” I drain the remainder of my drink and stand. “I’ve got to bounce. Later.”
She waves me off, no longer interested now I won’t dance to her tune.
Whatever.
I’m not here to make her happy. I’m here to keep her safe. She’ll thank me for being an overbearing ass when she’s safely tucked up in bed.
As I head back to my room, my thoughts go to Chloe and what happened last night. I have no idea what to do about my fiery little redhead, but what I do know is that her walking away from me last night was more than I could stand. I need her in my life, and I need her front and centre. It’s selfish, though. Even without my past sitting over me like a cloud, I bring other dangers. Dylan is still out there, and he’s not afraid to hit us where we hurt most—our family. I should keep my distance from Chloe for that reason alone, but it’s not enough incentive. Dylan seems like a remote threat right now, while Chloe is a tangible thing—one I can’t ignore.
I reach into my smoke box and grab the grinder and the baggie of weed. Smoking will let my thoughts slow for a while, and that’s what I need right now.
But it won’t fix the problem. That will still be there when my high goes.
How do I get past my past, though? How do I allow myself to feel, to move on?
I don’t think I can.
Chapter Fifteen
“What did you do to my sister?”
Jesse’s pissed off voice has my head raising from the engine I’m currently buried under. It’s Monday morning, over forty-eight hours since I tasted Chloe. She’s occupied my every waking thought since and some of my sleeping ones, too. I’ll never forget that kiss, I’ll never forget how she felt in my arms, because I’ll never repeat it.
But Jesse spitting venom at me this morning is unexpected and I’m not particularly happy about it either. I’m hungover as fuck and my head is already pounding. I spent all of Sunday—after I left Jamie—in my room getting high. When that didn’t work, I pulled out the big guns—a bottle of Jack. I thought getting drunk would help me to push Chloe out of my head. It had the opposite effect. I had to drink a lot of that bottle to pass out enough to let go of her.
Miles, who just arrived himself, glances at Jesse before bringing his gaze to me. Thank fuck Dean’s in his office. I don’t want to explain any of this shit.
“I didn’t do squat, and quit fucking yelling.” I rub at my temple.
“She spent most of the weekend barely speaking a word and I heard her crying in the bathroom yesterday. What did you do to her?”
I straighten from under the bonnet and place the wrench on the top of the tool cabinet. My stomach twists hearing his words. “What makes you think I did shit to her?”
“Because she was weird after she got back from the clubhouse Saturday night, and you’re the only person she really knows there.”
“So, you put two and two together and came up with nine? Kid, I didn’t do shit to your sister.”
Other than kiss her senseless and walk away…
Jesse’s brow wrinkles. “She’s all I’ve got. You hurt her, I don’t care who you are, I’ll hurt you back.”
I admire his tenacity, but even so, his rage is unwarranted. “Okay, let’s just take a breather, Sparky. I didn’t do a fucking thing to your sister and she was fine when I last saw her. I appreciate you sticking up for her, but just dial shit down a notch, yeah?”
Jesse doesn’t look like he’s thinking about dialling anything back, but he mutters, “You hurt her, I’ll hurt you.”
“Kid, it’s good that you’re sticking up for your sister, but let’s ease up on the rage. You said she’s upset?” I turn a little more serious. The last thing I want is her upset—especially because of me.
“Yeah. Why’s she crying if you didn’t do anything?”
Because I did do something…
“Weed.” Dean’s voice cracks through the air. I lift my head and see him standing in the doorway of his office. He juts his chin in the air, indicating I should follow him, which I do.
“Rain check on this talk, okay?” I say over my shoulder to Jess. “And let’s be a little less aggro the rest of the day, yeah?”
He mutters something under his breath I can’t hear and will probably be glad I can’t, as I step into Dean’s office.
Dean’s space is clean and while you’d think his desk would be littered with photos of his family, it’s not. He took them all home when this shit kicked off with Dylan and this P.I. Why? I don’t know, but to Dean it clearly made sense. Maybe he’s trying to distance his private and professional life.
Once the door’s shut, he asks, “What’s going on? I could hear him yelling from in here.”
I rub a hand over the back of my neck. “The kid’s twisted up because he thinks I upset his sister.”
Dean studies me a moment then asks, “Did you?”
“No. I mean… I don’t think so.”
Dean sighs. “Do I need to give him a bollocking?”
“Nah. He’s just blowing off steam.”
He nods. “He seems good lately. His work is better, his attitude—at least until this morning.”
“Living with his sister is good for him.”
“Any more beef with the dad?”
“Not since I revisited him, but who knows if that’ll be enough to keep him away. The guy is a drunk and his need for his next drink is more than his need to stay out of my way.”
“Watch your back, brother.”
“I always do.”
Between this, Dylan, and that arsehole P.I. who seems to have disappeared into the ether—which makes me nervous as fuck—I’ve become paranoid.
Jesse is quiet the rest of the day, which I don’t like. I’ve got used to the kid being a chatterbox, although he is usually less extrovert at work, but not to this point. He has practically shut down and is, I think, stewing in his own irritation at what he perceives I’ve done to his sister. While his loyalty is something I can get on board with, his behaviour is starting to piss me off. I’m a little too old for the silent treatment.
At the end of the shift, he heads straight to the staff area to change and grab his shit. I wait for him to emerge, leaning my arse against the workbench, my legs crossed at the ankles, my arms crossed over my chest. Mi
les comes out first, and I give him a lift of my chin and a muttered ‘see you’. Jesse takes longer.
When he finally does appear, I’m getting twitchy with impatience.
His eyes meet mine for a split second before he ducks his head, his expression irritated.
“Okay, kid, we’re clearing the air and we’re doing it now. I get you’re pissed off about whatever the fuck you think I did to your sister, but enough is enough. I’m tired of you throwing attitude at me.”
His jaw tightens. “She’s all I have. You hurt her, I’m not going to let that go.”
I sigh. “Jess, I didn’t hurt her, or I didn’t mean to hurt her. I wouldn’t do that. I respect your sister too much to do anything bad to her.”
This is a blatant lie. I kissed her then tossed her aside, but better to hurt her now than later.
I sigh. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”
“I can get the bus.”
“I know you can, but I’m taking you. Give me a minute to get changed and then we’ll leave.” I head for the staffroom, but before I hit the door, I turn back to him. “If you leave while I’m in here, I’m going to be pissed off.”
He shrugs. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I don’t know if I trust that, but I head into the staffroom anyway. I shuck out of my coveralls and pull my jeans back on. A clean tee goes over my head before I pull on a sweatshirt and then my kutte over the top.
When I step back into the main floor, I half expect Jesse to be gone, but he’s waiting for me, as I asked.
A little relieved, I leave with a yelled bye to Dean and lead the kid over to my bike. Using a borrowed helmet from the garage, Jesse climbs on behind me, his hands latching onto my shoulders. Then, I hit the throttle.
I don’t know why I volunteered to take him home, only that he said Chloe was upset and I need to see for myself that she’s okay. I don’t read too much into why I need to see this either. I don’t know that I’ll like the answer.
When I pull the bike up outside the flat at the kerbside, my stomach starts to fill with unease. Coming here was a bad idea. I should have let Jesse get the fucking bus, particularly when the front door opens and Chloe appears on the doorstep. This is not good, because she looks amazing. She clearly has just got home from work herself, because she’s wearing a tight skirt that hits just above the knee and a pastel blue blouse that accentuates her tits where it pulls tightly over her front. My eyes naturally gravitate there and I have to force them up.
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