My thoughts scatter as Jack steps through the doors that lead to the treatment bays and slowly walks towards us. From his stance, I can tell things are serious.
Beth comes to her feet as he approaches and he says something quietly to her. It looks like someone takes her legs out from under, because she seems to fold like a wet deck of cards. Logan grabs her, stopping her from hitting the deck, even as Jack reaches for his daughter.
Jack, once he’s sure Beth is going to stay on her feet—even if it is with Logan’s assistance—moves over to the rest of us.
He scrubs a hand over his chin and closes his eyes.
“Jimmy’s… gone. He… uh… he had a massive heart attack while the docs were trying to stabilise him. They tried to get him back, but they couldn’t.”
Beth’s sobs punctuate the air and I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest hearing the grief pour out of her. Chloe’s hand tightens in mine and I glance to her. She’s smiling sadly at me and I can’t stop myself from pressing my mouth to hers. I need to feel her. I need her warmth and support because Jimmy ‘Prophet’ Goddard is dead, and with him goes the last surviving founding father of our Club.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Charlie’s patching in is put on hold, so we can have the funeral for Jimmy instead. No one felt like celebrating the prospect getting his colours after losing one of our own and his initiation into our brotherhood shouldn’t be done under a cloud.
The funeral takes place a week after he passes and the guys from the Manchester and London chapters of the Devil’s Dogs turn up in force to ride behind the funeral car, as do a number of other clubs—among them the Hells Handlers and the Untamed Sons.
It’s a sombre affair, made all the more sombre by the constant sobbing of Beth during the entire ceremony. I can’t stand hearing her cry, so fuck knows how Logan is handling this.
Chloe sits with me, her hand wrapped in mine the entire time and I draw strength from her presence. I’m glad she’s here, although I think, reading between the lines, her boss was not happy about giving her the time off.
Arsehole.
We closed the garage for the day, and left Jess home. This isn’t the place for a teen, especially a teen with no connection to the man.
The ceremony is long and leaves me feeling empty afterwards. We head outside the church to wait for the others to file out, the chilled air cutting through me.
Chloe squeezes my hand.
“Are you doing okay, honey?” she asks.
I nod, even though I don’t think I am. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I give a chin lift to Axel and his old lady, Harper, as they pass and notice Dane talking to Mackenzie. The motherfucker is signing. How he knows it, I don’t know. I can barely string a conversation together and I’ve been with the Club a while.
Seeing my brothers and club brothers from outside the Lost Saxons makes me feel that sense of unity again. I hate my father, but his actions led to this, and it brought Chloe to me. For that, I have to be thankful, as much as I hate to thank that fucker for anything.
Fozzie stops in front of me and gives me a hand slapping handshake.
“I’m sorry for your loss, brother,” he tells me.
“Thanks.”
Foz looks over his shoulder in the direction of Beth and Jack, before bringing his attention back to me. I glimpse the Devil’s insignia on the back as he does. “It’s a motherfucking shame. Prophet was good people and a good brother.”
“Yeah, he was.”
“If any of you boys need a break, the Devil’s clubhouse is always open to you.”
“I appreciate that and I know the lads will too.”
“Jimmy was a hell of a guy.”
He was a grumpy old bastard, but he was family—Saxons family. That means something.
Foz’s eyes slide to Chloe. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Foz, or Fozzie.”
“Chloe.”
His eyes slide to mine and I see the question there. It’s not surprising. Whenever I visit the Devil’s I’m neck deep in any available pussy. Seeing me with a woman on my arm is unusual. I fuck them. I don’t bring them to family events. That she’s here shows she means something to me.
“She your old lady?” Foz asks me.
I want to say yes, but what I say is “We’re working on it.”
Foz nods. “It was good to meet you, Chloe. If you can nail this fucking reprobate down then you’re a hell of a woman.”
He clasps my shoulder before he walks off.
“Reprobate?” She cocks a brow.
“I warned you, sweetheart. I’ve got a mucky past. It’s still not too late to run.”
I hold my breath until she says, “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care about your past. We’ve all done things we regret, but those choices don't define us forever, Weed.”
She might disagree if she knew some of the choices I’ve made, but I kiss her anyway because once the bubble breaks and she realises what I really am, I know I’ll lose her.
As I pull back, I hear panicked voices and turn, expecting trouble. What I don’t expect to see is Beth flopped in Logan’s arms. He manages to lower her to the ground as Leech, the Devil’s doc, and Clara rush to her side. Even from here, I can tell she’s unconscious.
Fuck, what the hell?
Logan taps her cheek lightly, repeating her name over and over as we approach. Jack is kneeling at her head while Leech and Clara check her over.
“Has she eaten today?” Leech asks, using the flashlight on his phone to check her pupils.
Logan pauses and all eyes go to him.
Then he scrubs a hand over his jaw and starts to speak, but Beth stirs—or groans.
“What…?” She glances around at the gathered crowd before her eyes come to Logan. “What happened?”
“I don’t know, love. You passed out.”
I don’t miss the fact her eyes widen nor do I miss the fact her hand flutters to her abdomen. “The baby?”
“Baby?” Jack repeats. “Fuck. Beth, darlin’, are you pregnant?”
She licks her lips as Logan helps her into a sitting position and I see the torment on her face. “We were waiting until twelve weeks, which is pretty much now, to tell everyone… but then… then Grandad… and I just… I couldn’t say anything.”
Jack closes his eyes for a moment, then reopens them and kisses his daughter’s head. “You should have told me. You didn’t have to hide it, love.”
Beth lets out a sob and Logan wraps his arms around her from where he’s sitting behind.
“Okay, we can do the mushy shit in a second,” Leech says. “You passed out and you’re about twelve weeks pregnant. Have you eaten today? Had any cramps?”
“Um… I ate some toast this morning, but I threw up right after. I tried to get some crackers in me, but…” She shrugs.
Leech glances over his shoulder. “Does anyone have any food on them?”
Liv steps forward, pulling a chocolate bar out of her handbag. “I kept food in my bag the whole time I was pregnant with Danny,” she explains.
Leech takes the chocolate and hands it to Beth.
“Do we need to go the hospital?” Logan demands, looking a little freaked.
“Fainting and dizziness is a lot more common in pregnant women than you’d think, and today’s been a stressy day, but maybe take her to your family doctor just to check all the usual stats are within the normal ranges.”
Logan runs his fingers over Beth’s collarbone and she leans into his touch.
“My kid is having a fucking kid.” Jack shakes his head. “When the hell did you get so grown up, Beth?”
“I’m thirty-years-old, Dad, remember?”
He snorts, then says, “I’m going to be a fucking grandad!”
The congratulations follow from everyone. I give mine and then move me and Chloe away from the crowd
“Are you all right?” she asks when we’re alone, running a hand up my back.
I don’t know i
f I am or not, but what I do know is I want what Logan and Beth have.
“I’m freaked.” I don’t know why I admit it, but I do.
“About what?”
“About us.”
She smiles. “I gathered that, but really, there’s no need to be. I don’t bite—unless you ask.”
“Chloe, my past isn’t the stuff of fairy tales. I don’t know that I can be who you need me to be.”
I don’t know if I can give her what Beth and Logan have, Dean and Liv, Wade and Paige, even Jem and Piper.
She rolls to her toes and presses her mouth to mine. Then she says, “The only thing I need you to be is you. That’s all I want.”
I take her hand in mine and rub my thumb over the back of it. “What if you don’t like the real me?”
“What if I do?”
I swallow bile as she stares at me with challenge. Yeah, this woman might break me if she walks away, but she’s also the only one with the ability to put me back together again.
And that terrifies me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I draw circles on the naked expanse of Chloe’s back as we lie in her bed two days later. It’s Saturday morning and we’re having a lazy start to the weekend, neither of us wanting to move. Her body is beautiful to me and I can’t stop touching her. I want to lick every inch of skin I can see.
She’s everything to me, and I have no idea how I allowed myself to get here, but all I know is I can’t be without her now I’ve tasted the good she has to offer—even if I don’t deserve it.
She hums low in her throat, a sound that goes right to my dick, as I continue to skim my fingers over her spine. Lying face down in the pillows, her head is turned to the side and her eyes are closed as she enjoys what I’m giving her.
I feel so close to her in this moment, so connected that I say, “My father was an evil dickhead.”
Her eyes open, giving me a slice of emerald irises.
I continue tracing circles on her back as I say, “He’d beat the fuck out of my mum. Then he’d come after me. I tried to protect her, but I was a little kid. I couldn’t do much against a grown man.”
She doesn’t speak, just waits for me to continue. “He killed her. I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the kitchen in my pyjamas, getting ready for bed. He was drunk. He was always drunk, but there was something different about this night. He beat her. I tried to stop him, but he knocked me down. Then he grabbed a knife from the block on the counter. He stabbed her so many times. I could hear the screams then they stopped and she was quiet. The silence was worse than the screaming. I was only a little kid, but I knew what that silence meant. I ran next door and they called the police. That fucker was arrested and I went into the foster care system.”
“Oh my God, Weed.”
I hold up a hand because I’m not finished. “I hated care. It was worse than being with my dad. At least he was predictable. Those fuckers were not. One of my foster parents… he… uh… he did things no adult should ever do to a kid. After it was over, I ran and I promised myself I’d never be in that position again. I figured it was better to take my chances on the streets.”
I glance down, unable to look at her, unsure what she’s thinking about me now. “Anyway, I started partying hard to forget and that was how I found the Club. I don’t know what Derek saw in me, but he sponsored me to prospect with the Club. It was the best thing I ever did with my life. It gave me a home, a family, brothers. It gave me a safe place.”
She rolls to her side so she’s facing me, her head pillowed under her elbow. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“I’m not telling you this shit so you’ll feel sorry for me, sweetheart.”
“Well, that’s good because I don’t. You’re a fighter, Weed. You’re a strong man to come out of that and be as sweet and funny as you are.”
“You like my charming personality?” I ask, trying to break through the heavy air with levity.
She nods.
“And here, I thought you were with me for my wit.”
“That too.” She leans forward and kisses me softly. Everything about her is soft—apart from her temper. That can be as fiery as her hair.
“I’m glad you let me in, and I’m sorry those things happened to you when you were a kid.”
She’s not judging. I don’t know why I thought she would, but now that it’s out of the bag, I feel like I can breathe for the first time in years. She’s the only person I’ve ever told about my past.
“Your father…” she starts, “he’s why you were reluctant to be in a relationship?”
“That anger, that rage… it’s in me too.”
Chloe’s brow wrinkles. “I don’t think so, Weed. You’re not the type of man who would hurt a partner.”
“Darlin’, I’m not an angel. I’ve never laid a hand on a woman, but that doesn’t mean that violence isn’t in me. I’ve done other things I can’t take back.”
She runs her fingers down my cheek. “We’ve all done things we regret. I’m not an idiot. I realise your lifestyle with the Club puts you in a position where I’m sure you’ve done things most people wouldn’t contemplate, but I don’t care about that. I care about the man before me. And you, Noah Williams, are a bloody good man. You’ve taken care of me and Jesse when you had no reason to. Thanks to you my brother is safe, we’re moving to a better place and we’re both happy. You did all that despite having no reason to.” She lifts my chin. “Weed—Noah—I’m not saying you’re an angel. You’re not, but I can live with the other side of you.”
Her words settle in me and I feel a hint of euphoria that she’s still here, in the bed and not running.
“Do you mind me hanging out with your friends? The girls invited me to a party to congratulate Beth on her pregnancy. Sort of a pre-baby shower, or something. I got a bit lost when Sofia was explaining it all.” It’s such a normal question, it throws me for a loop. Clearly, she’s done talking about the other shit, and she’s okay with it.
“No, babe, I’m glad you get on with the old ladies. It makes shit easier.”
Chloe snuggles into my chest, her leg draped over mine, entangled together like vines. I run my fingers up her spine as we lie together.
“They’re amazing. I adore them all. They’re crazy in their own way.”
“Yeah, they’re good women.”
“I’m worried about Jesse,” she admits quietly. “And how he’s dealing with all this.”
“He’ll be okay. I’ll keep an eye on him at the garage and when I’m here.” Which I plan on being a lot.
“I know you will.” She runs her fingers back and forth over my chest. “Again, more proof—not that it’s needed—that you’re a good man, Noah.”
I should pull her up on calling me that. I’d never tolerate it from anyone else, but hearing my name on her tongue soothes me. I feel as if she’s taking back control of the old me and bringing it in with the new.
She peers up at me. “If you don’t like me calling you that, I won’t.”
“That name… I’ve always hated it.”
“Why?”
“Because it reminds me of a time I had no control. It’s a time when I was weak.”
“You weren’t weak, honey. You were a little kid. What could you do?”
I kiss her temple. “I could have done something more than nothing.”
“You should take your name back.” The vehemence in her voice has me chuckling.
“It’s in the past.”
She scrambles to sit up and I reach for her, not wanting to lose her touch. She doesn’t go far, though, twisting to sit on her heels, facing me.
“No, it’s not. It’s your past, present and future. You can’t erase your name because of what happened. Don’t let your father have that power over you.” Leaning forward, Chloe kisses me. “I happen to love Noah. It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful man.”
I snort. “I’m not sure I’m keen on being beautiful, Chlo.”
“Well, tough, you are. Inside and out, Noah.”
I stare at her, taking in every inch of her face which is a scant inch from mine. After a moment, it becomes too much. My cock is aching and I need to be inside her now.
I flip her onto her back and straddle her.
Staring into her trusting eyes, my heart starts to race.
I want to tell her I love her, but I’m scared to say the words, so instead, I do what I always do. I let my actions speak for me.
I go to work on her clit, using my patented moves to bring her to climax quickly. Once Chloe’s nice and wet and worked up, I push my cock into her inviting pussy. My strokes are slow, but I bottom out in her every time, pushing as deeply into her as I can get. Her little whimpers into the pillow she’s pulled to her face are like a balm to my soul.
She heals me in ways I don’t understand. I’m not sure I want to understand it either. I’m just happy she’s willing to take a chance with a fuck up like me.
I fuck her soft, slow and good and when she climaxes, she calls my name.
And for the first time in a long time, I find I don’t mind the name Noah.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I take Chloe out on my bike on Saturday. She approaches the Harley, eyeing it warily, even as she glances to me for reassurance. Riding can be a little intimidating the first few times, but once you’re used to it, it becomes easier, and then it becomes freeing. I always feel the freest when I’m riding. I hope Chloe will feel that same way in time.
“Don’t be scared of her, sweetheart.” I run my hand over the seat of the bike, almost in a caress. “She’s all bark and no bite.”
“She?” Chloe’s brow arches. “Your bike is female?”
“Don’t disparage my girl.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Chloe looks amazing today. She’s wearing skinny jeans, a pair of calf length boots and a short jacket that makes her look pure old lady material. Her copper hair is plaited to one side and I want to tug on that braid. I resist the urge. Barely.
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