by J. E. Parker
“You better believe it.” Charlotte gently cupped my bare upper arms with her soft hands. “You’ve worked hard, and I’m more than ready to watch you walk across that stage tomorrow,” she said, her pride-filled eyes staring into mine. “You’re going to make a mighty fine social worker, sweet girl, and I couldn’t be prouder.”
Her tone, her voice… both reminded me of Mama.
A familiar ache pierced my chest at the realization.
A dull, ceaseless pain followed.
Making it through each day without her by my side was hard. But not having her around for special occasions like birthdays, prom, and graduation hurt something fierce.
Whoever said loss gets easier with time lied.
It didn’t get easier as the days ticked by.
If anything it got harder… more painful.
Charlotte spotted the tears filling my eyes right away. “Oh, honey.” Knowing full well what was wrong, she pulled me into her arms and held me tight. I buried my face against her shoulder as a silent sob jolted my frame. Resting one hand between my shoulder blades, she slid the other through my hair in slow, calming strokes. “It’s okay, Carissa,” she continued, swaying me side to side. “Let it all out, baby.”
That’s precisely what I did.
“I miss her so much,” I cried as my body shook. “It’s not supposed to be like this… she’s supposed to be h-here… with m-me.” I choked on the words as they tumbled from my lips in a string of stuttered and half incoherent syllables. “She wasn’t s-supposed to d-die.”
Charlotte squeezed me tighter, soothing my pain in a way that only a mother could.
It was both comforting and heartbreaking.
“I know, honey…” Anguish lined her voice. “I know all too well.”
Of that, I had no doubt.
If anyone knew the agony of loss, it was Charlotte Peterson, a woman who, years after losing her husband to cancer, lost her only son to war. How she pulled herself out of bed every morning was something I couldn’t comprehend.
Losing Mama had been one thing. But losing the love of your life, along with your child?
I couldn’t imagine that sort of soul-crippling pain.
Needing to get myself under control, I took a deep breath and swallowed down all my hurt. Then I stood straight, pulling myself back from Charlotte’s hold. Her hands remained on my shoulders before traveling to my cheeks. Her thumbs wiped away the tears clinging to my reddened skin.
“I’m so sorry.” Shame rolled through me. “I didn’t mean—”
“Carissa Johnson,” she said, her tone sharp. “Honeybun, I love you to pieces, but if you even think of apologizing I will take a hickory switch to your behind. Do you understand me?”
Charlotte’s words were fierce.
The look on her face was anything but.
The pain in my chest lessened, and I fought the smile that threatened to overtake my lips. It was a battle I lost. “No, you won’t. Hope’s told me all about you, Boss Lady.”
An amused expression graced her beautiful face. “She has, has she? Well, she ought to know. Heavens knows I threatened to take a switch to her and Ry’s little behinds more than once as kids. Not that I ever followed through with it.” She chuckled. “I swear, those two got away with murder. Heck, Hope still does. Just ask that son-in-law of mine. He’ll tell you.”
Happiness bloomed in my chest, snuffing out the residual pain.
So many things had changed over the past three years.
One of the biggest was Evan finally pulling his head out of his rear end and marrying Hope. Together they shared ten-month-old son, Ryker, who was named after his late uncle. Cute as a button, he’d captured my heart the moment I first held him in my arms.
To make things more exciting, Hope was set to give birth again in six months.
This time to twins.
Everyone was over the moon, Charlotte especially.
Also, as planned Hendrix and Maddie had gotten married a month after Maddie’s bachelorette party. On their wedding day, Maddie had given birth to their daughter, Melody. Sixteen months later, Maci followed her big sister into the world. They were two of the most beautiful little girls I’d ever seen. Melody was the spitting image of Hendrix while Maci was Maddie’s carbon copy.
Both were perfect.
Hope and Maddie weren’t the only two whose lives had done a one-eighty over the last couple of years. Two years back, Shelby and Anthony had gotten married. Shortly after they exchanged vows, Shelby took the necessary steps to make Anthony, Lucca’s legal father. In her mind, Lucca was Anthony’s son. The fact that they shared no DNA was a moot point.
Anthony, along with the court system, agreed.
In the months that followed, they expanded their family by adopting two more children, both of whom desperately needed a stable home and as much love as possible.
The first was Ashley, a seventeen-year-old runaway who’d fallen into the clutches of the wrong man. Seeking solace from a local pimp, she’d shown up at the shelter’s gate, abused, scared half to death, and thirty pounds underweight.
Shelby fell in love with her in an instant.
Anthony did as well.
The second little miracle who’d stolen the Moretti’s hearts was precious little Gracie. Born with big blue eyes, pale blonde hair and the chubbiest cheeks I’d ever seen, she was so dang cute it should’ve been criminal.
At only nine-months-old, she had Anthony wrapped around her pinky finger. Watching him turn to mush each time he held her in his arms was one of the sweetest and most heartwarming things I’d ever witnessed.
I’d never tired of such a sight.
The Moretti family had certainly grown, but Ashley and Gracie weren’t the only new additions. Though Anthony and Shelby hadn’t adopted him per se, Felix, or Uncle Fe-Fe as the kids called him, was a Vietnam Vet with a heart of gold. Once homeless, he’d lived in the woods next to the shoddy duplex Shelby lived in before meeting Anthony.
Back then, Shelby was a scarred woman on the run from her abusive ex, while Felix was a wounded man who’d been beaten down by life. Despite their many differences, they found comfort in one another, forming an unbreakable bond that would last forever.
Felix now occupied the small apartment above the Moretti’s garage.
For the first time in forty years, he had a home.
And for the first time in his entire life, he had a family.
“Charlotte, have you seen—”
I pulled myself the rest of the way from Charlotte’s hold and turned at the sound of a familiar voice.
Clara stood just inside the office door, her hands on each side of the frame. Wearing a huge smile and a coral-colored bohemian style dress that cascaded over her body, showcasing her baby bump perfectly, she’d never looked more beautiful.
Like the others, Clara’s world had changed drastically.
After meeting and falling in love with Brantley and Isabella, Evan’s twin brother and four-year-old niece, everything in her life changed for the better. In the space of a heartbeat, she’d gone from being a struggling single mom of two boys, to a thriving mother of two sons plus one bonus daughter.
In a few months she and Brantley’s first baby together—a little girl—was due.
After that, they were getting married.
I couldn’t wait.
“I was looking for you,” Clara said, her eyes locked on mine. “Your man is outside. Evan saw him on one of the security cameras waiting by your car.”
My heart rate sped up.
Though many things around me had changed, three remained constant. The first was my love and dedication to my family, the second was Grandmama’s never-ending craziness, and the third was him…
Kyle Tucker.
Since bursting into my life, he was always around.
When he wasn’t on shift at the station, he was never far from my side. Whether he was waiting outside the shelter for me to get off work or sitting on his favorite
bench next to the building where I took classes, he was always near, his watchful gaze searching for me.
Some people, Daddy in particular, thought he was nuts.
I didn’t.
Was he a tad bit overprotective of me, a girl he’d sworn would one day be his? Sure, but that didn’t make him crazy. Kyle’s past was the only explanation I needed for his over the top behavior. I didn’t understand why, but he liked me. A lot. And because he liked me so much, he wanted to keep me safe, something Hendrix said he felt he’d failed to do with his sister.
Just thinking about Lily made my chest feel as though it was cracking wide open.
Seeing the agony that lingered in Kyle’s eyes was enough to break my heart into a million jagged little pieces. More than once, I’d wanted to pull him into my arms and soothe away the pain that held him captive.
Unfortunately, I’d never done so.
Kyle swore I wasn’t ready for him.
Deep down I knew it was him who wasn’t ready for me.
The night of Maddie’s bachelorette party I told him I didn’t want to date until after graduation.
At the time, it had been the truth.
But that truth no longer existed.
It hadn’t been for a long time.
Spending time with him—even if our shared moments were platonic—had sanded down my resolve, transforming it to a pile of dust.
Now, with graduation mere hours away, I wanted him.
Badly.
It didn’t matter that he was a bit broken and a whole lot damaged either. If there was one thing Mama taught Heidi and me as kids, it was that even the most beautiful people came adorned with scars. And no matter how many blemishes they carried on their souls, a heaping pile of patience and an unending supply of good old-fashioned love would make them shine again.
It was a lesson I believed with my entire heart.
It’s why I worked so hard to become a social worker.
I wanted to help those who needed it the most.
The brokenhearted.
The damaged.
The forgotten.
People like Kyle.
People like me.
Watching the people around me find happiness after someone decided to fight for them was the only proof I needed that love healed. I may not have been the strongest woman in the world, especially when compared to the ones surrounding me, but I was as stubborn as any mule, and it was past time I fought for the man I wanted.
The man I needed.
Over three years had passed since Kyle swept into my life like a hurricane, tilting my world on its axis. With one kiss he wormed his way into my head, and after dozens of near touches and enough chemistry to ignite a fire deep in my soul, he was close to stealing my heart without even trying.
I wanted to steal his in return.
The only problem was, before I could steal his, I had to put it back together again.
That was okay.
I had the patience of a saint, enough love to last a lifetime and a figurative sewing kit capable of mending the most tattered things, stitch by stitch.
The only thing I’d failed to fix was my own heart.
Losing Mama had broken it and witnessing part of Daddy and Heidi die the day we laid her in the ground shattered the pieces that remained. Since then, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reconstruct the most vital part of me.
I’d tried, Lord knows I had, but my efforts were in vain.
Agony, pain, soul-crushing loss…
They were my constant companions.
But for the first time since I heard Mama’s heart beat for the final time, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Like a beacon in the dark of the night, it called to me.
And that light was Kyle.
Grandmama had once told me he needed someone to love him more than he needed his next breath. At the time I’d wondered if I could be that person, the one he needed more than anything.
I had faith I could.
Kyle may have needed someone to fight for him, but so did I.
Where he was broken, I was damaged, and though agony consumed him, pain devoured me.
He was drowning in sorrow while I fought to keep from falling apart.
For him, I’d be the life preserver he needed to stay afloat.
And for me, he’d be the glue I needed to hold myself together.
“Earth to Carissa.” Clara’s voice pulled me out of my inner thoughts. I blinked to clear the fog that covered my eyes, and looked at her, meeting her gaze head on. Her green eyes twinkled, and a smirk overtook her face. “Whatcha thinking about so hard, C?” she teased, moving further into the office. Behind Charlotte’s desk, she sat in a rolling chair. “A certain broody fireman, perhaps?”
Was I that obvious?
After glancing at Charlotte’s smiling face, I had my answer.
“It’s impossible not to think about him.” There was no point in denying it.
Charlotte chuckled. “This is always how it starts.”
“That’s the truth if I ever heard it,” Clara agreed. “Before Brantley and me—”
She snapped her mouth shut when a scowling Evan stepped inside the small office. When his eyes found me, he crossed his huge arms over his chest. “C, get your ass outside. Tucker is out there pacing back and forth like a caged animal. He’s checked his watch twenty times in the last five minutes. Swear to Christ, he looks ready to break down the front door.”
I glanced at the clock that hung on the far wall.
It read 9:15.
I should’ve been out the door ten minutes ago.
“Crap.” I turned on my heel and pulled my purse off the coat rack next to where Evan stood. “Sorry, Ev.”
He stepped to the side, giving me room to get out the door. “Don’t say sorry. Just get outside.” He looked from me to the other ladies, then back to me again. “Never thought I’d meet a man more possessive than Hendrix’s dumbass, but Kyle’s got him beat by a country mile.”
Clara laughed before covering her mouth.
“What?” Evan asked, looking at her. “It’s the truth, and you know it.”
His gaze moved to Charlotte. “Hendrix would try to tear me apart if I got between him and Maddie.” Wide-eyed, he shook his head back and forth. “But Kyle? He’s a special kind of crazy. That son of a bitch would kill me.”
There was that c-word again.
I hated it!
“He is not crazy,” I snapped, causing his eyes to bulge.
I was never short with anyone but hearing him call Kyle crazy chapped my behind. Never in my life had I laid my hands on another person, but at that moment my fingers twitched with the need to slap his face. Everyone in my circle called Kyle possessive and overprotective… well, he wasn’t the only dang one. He wasn’t even mine yet, but I was more than willing to claw someone’s eyeballs out over him if the situation called for it.
Evan’s eyes dropped to my shaking hand before finding my face again. A lopsided smile tipped his lips up at one corner. “You want to hit me, C?”
Madder than a hornet trapped in an old Coke can, I gripped my purse straps with both hands and squeezed. Hard. “Don’t call Kyle crazy again, because he is not.”
Evan opened his mouth to speak, but Charlotte stepped forward, positioning her petite body between his and mine. “You,” she said, pointing at Evan, “get back to the security office before I call my daughter and tell her you’re giving Carissa a hard time.”
Evan scowled. “Threatening me with my wife. That’s just cold, Mama C.”
Charlotte shrugged. “If it works, then it works.” Clara snorted as Charlotte turned and faced me. “And you…” She placed her hands on my shoulders. “You get your butt out of here. We don’t need Kyle to beat down the front door and scare the residents to death.” She dropped her arms to her sides. “And make sure you get a good night’s sleep. The last thing I want is for you to be exhausted come morning.”
I nodded in understandin
g. “I will.”
She pulled me in for a hug and squeezed me tight. “I’m so proud of you, Carissa,” she said, repeating her words from earlier. “So, so proud.”
I hugged her in return, taking every bit of comfort she gave. “Thanks, Boss Lady.”
Charlotte dropped her arms and took a step back, putting space between us.
I didn’t have time to take a single breath before Clara pulled me into her arms. I’d been so focused on Evan that I hadn’t seen her stand from Charlotte’s chair and cross the room. “I’m proud of you too.” She squeezed me so tight I could hardly breathe. “Everyone is.”
“Thanks, Red,” I whispered, well, more like wheezed. “I’m a whole lot proud of you as well.”
Arms still wrapped around me, Clara leaned back, looking me in the eyes. “For what?”
I tilted my head to the side and shrugged. “For being one of the strongest women I’ve ever met.” Every word was the truth. All the ladies in my life were mighty, but Clara and Shelby were two of the strongest. They’d conquered so many demons, overcome such trauma. I was tough, but I doubted I’d be able to come back from everything they’d endured. “And for choosing to be such a good mama to Bella, even when you didn’t have to be.”
Bella was such a beautiful little girl.
I loved her so dang much.
Kyle did too. Part of me wondered if it was because she reminded him of Lily in some way. It was a question I doubted I’d ever have the answer too.
“You’re wrong, Carissa.” Clara’s eyes filled with unshed tears. “I never had a choice. Bella may not have come from my womb, but she was always mine.” A single tear slipped free. “It just took me a while to find her. That’s all.”
“I know—”
“I don’t mean to break up the love fest y’all have going on,” Evan interrupted. “But seriously, C, you need to go.”
With a roll of my eyes, I dropped my arms from around Clara and took a step back. “I’m going, Ev, don’t have a stroke.”
Relief flashed across his features before he masked it and nodded toward the door beside him. “Good. Now get out of here.”
